Miscarriage/Baby Loss

[Lulu Goss]

Knew you’d all probably relate - I went back to work and I’m already sick of it. I keep having to deal with pregnant women, but there are loads with the same due date/ month as me. Each month that passes I feel like I hurt even more rather than get better

I get it, it’s so hard isn’t it. My SIL is pregnant and is due the same month as I would have been. Two of my team members have announced pregnancies privately to me and then today one of my friends sent me scan pictures out of the blue. I’m so happy for them but so sad for me

 

[strawberrypineapple]

I get it, it’s so hard isn’t it. My SIL is pregnant and is due the same month as I would have been. Two of my team members have announced pregnancies privately to me and then today one of my friends sent me scan pictures out of the blue. I’m so happy for them but so sad for me

It’s such a very hard thing to go through and I didn’t ever truly feel healed from this and unaffected, until my rainbow baby arrived almost 2 years later. Happy for them but sad for you is a good place to be, and you’re doing amazing. I honestly was never happy for anybody but just bitter, I didn’t speak to my best friend for 9 months because my brain just couldn’t deal with what I had lost.

 

[fedup2019]

Knew you’d all probably relate - I went back to work and I’m already sick of it. I keep having to deal with pregnant women, but there are loads with the same due date/ month as me. Each month that passes I feel like I hurt even more rather than get better

I feel exactly the same. I won’t go into details but I have constant exact reminders all around me of what I would have had and I feel so upset, and so bitter.
I feel way worse than I did immediately during and after the miscarriages as now time has elapsed you realise exactly how far away from it you are.
I’m contemplating having grief counselling. Have you considered it? Xx

 

[Phil I Buster]

I feel exactly the same. I won’t go into details but I have constant exact reminders all around me of what I would have had and I feel so upset, and so bitter.
I feel way worse than I did immediately during and after the miscarriages as now time has elapsed you realise exactly how far away from it you are.
I’m contemplating having grief counselling. Have you considered it? Xx

Sorry to jump on here; I’m really interested in the grief counselling. A friend said to me recently that my grief is ever present and just not diminishing whereas grief she experienced in her family situation gets slightly easier every day. It really made me think. I would be interested if anyone has had it and found it helpful. If nothing else, I think I just need someone to tell me it’s valid.

 

[fedup2019]

Sorry to jump on here; I’m really interested in the grief counselling. A friend said to me recently that my grief is ever present and just not diminishing whereas grief she experienced in her family situation gets slightly easier every day. It really made me think. I would be interested if anyone has had it and found it helpful. If nothing else, I think I just need someone to tell me it’s valid.

I think that’s the issue. It’s like a snowball rolling down a hill. I’m not getting better, it’s bigger and bigger.
I was recommended it by a miscarriage specialist consultant I’m seeing on the NHS. Locally to me there are charitably funded grief counselling services. Try and give it a Google if you can. Nothing much to lose for us.
Sorry it’s tit for you too x

 

[Phil I Buster]

I think that’s the issue. It’s like a snowball rolling down a hill. I’m not getting better, it’s bigger and bigger.
I was recommended it by a miscarriage specialist consultant I’m seeing on the NHS. Locally to me there are charitably funded grief counselling services. Try and give it a Google if you can. Nothing much to lose for us.
Sorry it’s tit for you too x

Thank you. Our recurrent loss clinic is pretty useless so haven’t ever received much support for anything and I think that’s why it didn’t cross my mind. Definitely going to have a look today. Sending a hug to you x

 

[ciaoadiosimdone]

Petals is NHS funded by some Trusts - and they’re meant to be good for counselling but it depends where you are. They don’t accept referrals if your Trust doesn’t have a contract with them.

I’m also surrounded by new babies, but seem to be in a better place now the pregnancies are over. I feel like I’m getting my best friend back after all these months and I’m so grateful for that. There are other friends that I probably won’t be as close with again - of my boyfriends friends wives / gfs will have had a new baby by Summer of this year apart from us. I think I will be avoiding them for a while. But my best friend I’m so glad this hasn’t broken us for good and I love her new baby daughter.
---
I’m also a team leader in the NHS and having to manage a colleague through her pregnancy, then one of my colleagues has just come back from mat leave 12 weeks pregnant! So there is really no escape. I’ve got an appointment at Tommys Cov, although not for a while yet and I’m starting accupuncture this cycle to help.

 

[Elisha97]

It really is so hard when you are surrounded by pregnancy and babies. Some days I can’t even look at someone walking with a pram or pushchair. Sending so much love to you.

thank you it’s hitting extra hard today. I feel like I’m trapped.. I break my own heart if I try and be healthy and do things when I leave the house but then I isolate at home and feel even worse being a recluse
---

I get it, it’s so hard isn’t it. My SIL is pregnant and is due the same month as I would have been. Two of my team members have announced pregnancies privately to me and then today one of my friends sent me scan pictures out of the blue. I’m so happy for them but so sad for me

It really is. I’ve had to delete all my social media and mute most of my group chats
---

I feel exactly the same. I won’t go into details but I have constant exact reminders all around me of what I would have had and I feel so upset, and so bitter.
I feel way worse than I did immediately during and after the miscarriages as now time has elapsed you realise exactly how far away from it you are.
I’m contemplating having grief counselling. Have you considered it? Xx

I agree, I honestly feel just as bad no matter how much time passes. I have and the place I went to wasn’t very good it’s almost made it worse because before I could think well maybe I will get pregnant again and be helped and supported by counselling.. now I’ve no more treatment booked in, I’m not pregnant and my fertility issues still remain (the nurses at hospital were sooo dismissive and told me I’d be highly fertile and get pregnant within a few months anyway.. which didn’t happen)

 

[Elltee]

Hey everyone, coming over here from the pregnancy thread. I had some really light spotting yesterday morning so I was sent to the EPU and I sat there in the waiting room for 3 hours cramping like crazy. Was told I had to have an internal scan and when I took off my bottoms I was absolutely pouring with blood and clotting. I had to be examined like that too. It was traumatising. I've never experienced anything like that in my life. I'm absolutely devastated. I feel numb today. They did my hcg and it was 107 at 4w5d which is low. Ive got to get more tomorrow to see if they've doubled but im not feeling hopeful. They can't rule out a ectopic yet because they couldn't see anything on my scan because it's so early. Weve been trying for 2 years and finally got pregnant. I feel angry at the world today. I can't believe it. Life is so unfair. xx

 

[Elisha97]

Hey everyone, coming over here from the pregnancy thread. I had some really light spotting yesterday morning so I was sent to the EPU and I sat there in the waiting room for 3 hours cramping like crazy. Was told I had to have an internal scan and when I took off my bottoms I was absolutely pouring with blood and clotting. I had to be examined like that too. It was traumatising. I've never experienced anything like that in my life. I'm absolutely devastated. I feel numb today. They did my hcg and it was 107 at 4w5d which is low. Ive got to get more tomorrow to see if they've doubled but im not feeling hopeful. They can't rule out a ectopic yet because they couldn't see anything on my scan because it's so early. Weve been trying for 2 years and finally got pregnant. I feel angry at the world today. I can't believe it. Life is so unfair. xx

I am so sorry

I experienced something very similar to you, we experienced fertility problems too and it was just the cruelest thing.

make sure both you and your partner reach out for any support you need. I’m sure there’s someone/ somewhere local to you (but I don’t want to ask your area), if you search your location and baby loss / miscarriage support it should bring things up. There were some in the area for me too.

there is also Tommy’s - obviously there are the groups and the websites but there’s also the helpline and you can email midwives for advice and help too. Miscarriage association might be good for you too. There is a helpline and zoom support groups (I think this would depend on the type of person and how you grieve though cos I personally found the groups triggering in the early stages)

I also found it helpful contacting my local infertility group. Miscarriage is so awful anyway but I think it adds an extra level of pain when you’ve been trying so long and the only thing that slightly helps is speaking to people that actually get it and have been through it 🩷

 

[fedup2019]

Hey everyone, coming over here from the pregnancy thread. I had some really light spotting yesterday morning so I was sent to the EPU and I sat there in the waiting room for 3 hours cramping like crazy. Was told I had to have an internal scan and when I took off my bottoms I was absolutely pouring with blood and clotting. I had to be examined like that too. It was traumatising. I've never experienced anything like that in my life. I'm absolutely devastated. I feel numb today. They did my hcg and it was 107 at 4w5d which is low. Ive got to get more tomorrow to see if they've doubled but im not feeling hopeful. They can't rule out a ectopic yet because they couldn't see anything on my scan because it's so early. Weve been trying for 2 years and finally got pregnant. I feel angry at the world today. I can't believe it. Life is so unfair. xx

I’m so sorry this has happened to you. It is cruel and unfair. As someone else said, I have found counselling helpful as it feels so lonely to miscarry, or have fertility issues xx

 

[Elltee]

Hey everyone, coming over here from the pregnancy thread. I had some really light spotting yesterday morning so I was sent to the EPU and I sat there in the waiting room for 3 hours cramping like crazy. Was told I had to have an internal scan and when I took off my bottoms I was absolutely pouring with blood and clotting. I had to be examined like that too. It was traumatising. I've never experienced anything like that in my life. I'm absolutely devastated. I feel numb today. They did my hcg and it was 107 at 4w5d which is low. Ive got to get more tomorrow to see if they've doubled but im not feeling hopeful. They can't rule out a ectopic yet because they couldn't see anything on my scan because it's so early. Weve been trying for 2 years and finally got pregnant. I feel angry at the world today. I can't believe it. Life is so unfair. xx

had my second lot of bloods done today, hcg went from 107 to 24 in 48 hours. I'm heartbroken. X

 

[Keera]

had my second lot of bloods done today, hcg went from 107 to 24 in 48 hours. I'm heartbroken. X

I’m sorry, it’s a pain I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy xx

 

[Loopyloz]

Just wondering if anyone else’s period had taken ages to return. I lost my little girl in Feb at 17 weeks so far my cycle hasn’t come back I’m getting worried now it’s over 10 weeks

 

[Keera]

Just wondering if anyone else’s period had taken ages to return. I lost my little girl in Feb at 17 weeks so far my cycle hasn’t come back I’m getting worried now it’s over 10 weeks

I’m so sorry for your loss I had an earlier term loss but in doing my research saw that if you miscarry in the second trimester it will take a bit longer for your cycles to resume as your body needs the HCG to be almost back to zero before this, some saying 3-6months. I would assume you have had a negative pregnancy test since the loss?
I don’t think it would be harmful to speak to your GP or EPU (if they allow self referrals where you are) if you are concerned at all.
I hope your doing okay

 

[sushimama]

Ugh I'm so sorry, 17 weeks is so late already.

I miscarried on Friday at 6 weeks and today I had a checkup that was supposed to be my first pregnancy checkup. It really killed me when she gave me an ultrasound picture to show me how all the tissue is gone and uterus is empty again (which is good in this case I guess, sigh) when it should be a first picture of the baby.

It was so early and I never expected it was gonna hit me so hard.

 

[OVO]

Just wondering if anyone else’s period had taken ages to return. I lost my little girl in Feb at 17 weeks so far my cycle hasn’t come back I’m getting worried now it’s over 10 weeks

I’m so sorry for your loss
I lost my little girl at 18 weeks in march and mine come back exactly a month after, which shocked me as I have irregular periods. I’d definitely speak to your GP as I’m sure they should be back by now xx

 

[Loopyloz]

Thanks everyone and sorry to hear of your losses, its such a sad lonely time. My GP or Midwife aren't really interested they just said wait until 12 weeks post loss and unfortunately no positive test.

 

[Keera]

Ugh I'm so sorry, 17 weeks is so late already.

I miscarried on Friday at 6 weeks and today I had a checkup that was supposed to be my first pregnancy checkup. It really killed me when she gave me an ultrasound picture to show me how all the tissue is gone and uterus is empty again (which is good in this case I guess, sigh) when it should be a first picture of the baby.

It was so early and I never expected it was gonna hit me so hard.

Oh how difficult to see the picture - at my last ultrasound where they diagnosed miscarriage they didn’t turn the screen or attempt show me and I’m glad - also the pictures were not uploaded to my online chart as they had been in previous scans.
But as you say at least there are no more procedures you will have to go through and you can slowly start to heal from now
I also didn’t expect it to hit me hard - I was feeling this way too, knew I was pregnant for 6 weeks and it’s like my whole life and world as I knew it had changed all to be suddenly taken away it’s a horrible feeling and perhaps a bit meaningless for me to say right now but it really does get easier with time

 

[Elisha97]

I’m so sorry for everyone’s sad news and that we’re all here. The NHS really needs to do more for those who experience this, even if it’s just a dedicated helpline or more clear advice