Lying about cancer?!

[HelloStereo]

At this point, id just ask outright what he/they're playing at because its clearly bullshit!

It is clearly not true but I have accepted also even if I confront them on their lies and ask outright they'd probably just spin another tale. Like others said it is probably easier to let it go than find answers because I'm probably not going to know either way

 

[Jaceydooley]

Trust your gut feeling, 100%. It is never wrong x

 

[IGiveUp22]

Sorry to bring this thread back alive, I just caught the South Yorkshire bit - my narc ex was from S.Y with the initials J.M.
This sounds VERY much like his MO. Was more of a slow burn but he lied about having potential kidney cancer which resulted in him lying about having a kidney removed when I ended things. There was also a multitude of things he faked including messages/websites/bank statements/degree certificates/his wealth/used different phones/social media accounts etc. He would lie about family members etc. He’s also done it to other women I am aware of & he has been reported to the police but nothing has been done. He is a pathological liar, did things to get money out of women but on a smaller scale than the likes of the tinder swindler.

I too did not think I’d would ever ever get sucked in by someone like this. I never believed half of his lies & when I challenged him I was met with emotional abuse but it got to a point where I point blank accused him of lying about being ill - this was where the “removal” came in then
I didn’t think people like this really existed. But sadly they do.

Please run an absolute mile from this situation. The entire thing is an absolute lie none of what has happened here is “normal” for this situation. Additionally it sounds like he’s love bombed you, & realistically you don’t know this man - you went on a few dates. Please, don’t entertain this anymore.

Also, I’d recommend “sleeping with a psychopath” book. There are absolute creatures out there ladies - stay safe!

 

[HelloStereo]

Sorry to bring this thread back alive, I just caught the South Yorkshire bit - my narc ex was from S.Y with the initials J.M.
This sounds VERY much like his MO. Was more of a slow burn but he lied about having potential kidney cancer which resulted in him lying about having a kidney removed when I ended things. There was also a multitude of things he faked including messages/websites/bank statements/degree certificates/his wealth/used different phones/social media accounts etc. He would lie about family members etc. He’s also done it to other women I am aware of & he has been reported to the police but nothing has been done. He is a pathological liar, did things to get money out of women but on a smaller scale than the likes of the tinder swindler.

I too did not think I’d would ever ever get sucked in by someone like this. I never believed half of his lies & when I challenged him I was met with emotional abuse but it got to a point where I point blank accused him of lying about being ill - this was where the “removal” came in then
I didn’t think people like this really existed. But sadly they do.

Please run an absolute mile from this situation. The entire thing is an absolute lie none of what has happened here is “normal” for this situation. Additionally it sounds like he’s love bombed you, & realistically you don’t know this man - you went on a few dates. Please, don’t entertain this anymore.

Also, I’d recommend “sleeping with a psychopath” book. There are absolute creatures out there ladies - stay safe!

Oh that's awful, I'm sorry that happened to you. It's mad to what extent he went to to lie.

I'm not entertaining it any more but it's interesting to hear other people have had similar happen to them. It's so cruel to toy with someone's emotions and pretend you're seriously ill when you're not at all.

 

[gummy-bear]

Sorry to bring this thread back alive, I just caught the South Yorkshire bit - my narc ex was from S.Y with the initials J.M.
This sounds VERY much like his MO. Was more of a slow burn but he lied about having potential kidney cancer which resulted in him lying about having a kidney removed when I ended things. There was also a multitude of things he faked including messages/websites/bank statements/degree certificates/his wealth/used different phones/social media accounts etc. He would lie about family members etc. He’s also done it to other women I am aware of & he has been reported to the police but nothing has been done. He is a pathological liar, did things to get money out of women but on a smaller scale than the likes of the tinder swindler.

I too did not think I’d would ever ever get sucked in by someone like this. I never believed half of his lies & when I challenged him I was met with emotional abuse but it got to a point where I point blank accused him of lying about being ill - this was where the “removal” came in then
I didn’t think people like this really existed. But sadly they do.

Please run an absolute mile from this situation. The entire thing is an absolute lie none of what has happened here is “normal” for this situation. Additionally it sounds like he’s love bombed you, & realistically you don’t know this man - you went on a few dates. Please, don’t entertain this anymore.

Also, I’d recommend “sleeping with a psychopath” book. There are absolute creatures out there ladies - stay safe!

Jesus this is mental. What did he lie about re family members?! I’m invested now. Sorry you went through this x

 

[IGiveUp22]

It’s crazy what some people are capable of & the reasons are often unknown. Like someone else said, they don’t even think that far ahead & looking what you’re like “what was their end game” it’s just bizarre that people like this exist & are free to do it to someone else. Until you encounter someone like this, you don’t get how awful it is…absolute mind duck.
I hope you’re okay anyway! You’ve had a lucky escape xx

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Oh that's awful, I'm sorry that happened to you. It's mad to what extent he went to to lie.

I'm not entertaining it any more but it's interesting to hear other people have had similar happen to them. It's so cruel to toy with someone's emotions and pretend you're seriously ill when you're not at all.

Have you heard from him recently??

 

[HelloStereo]

Have you heard from him recently??

I don't know if they have tried to message as I blocked them.

 

[WhatABore]

It's surprising how many people think it's okay to lie about cancer!
I dated a guy (who had a girlfriend I didn't know about) once I found out, I blocked him on everything.
He kept making fake profiles telling me he needed to talk to me because he had cancer and they didn't think he'd make it to his birthday a couple of months away.
I ignored them all
I'm now friends with his girlfriend, well, now ex girlfriend.
And we've talked about him quite a bit and she's confirmed all the things I thought were lies basically everything he told me about himself.

Awkward thing is now though, my Cousins MIL is now this guys Step Mum and he lives with her
It's not even like they live in the same area either.
My Cousin lives where I grew up and my family is, over an hour away, and this guy lives where I live now

 

[IGiveUp22]

Jesus this is mental. What did he lie about re family members?! I’m invested now. Sorry you went through this x

Honestly I’m actually thinking of writing a book! So he lied about where they lived, their numbers & I think even pretended to be his brother at one point as in he told me it was his brothers number but I actually think it was him. He’d send me screenshots of messages that were faked. He’d have a weird app on his phone that scheduled phone cals & he’d have a full blown conversation often “backing up” something I’d just questioned so even when I still didn’t believe him I felt I couldn’t continue to say it was lies.
on one occasion, he asked me to drive him to his ex-partners house so he could drop off child maintenance money (yes I feel extremely sorry for his kids) & I felt a bit uncomfortable so I didn’t drive into the actual street (it was like a dead end off another street) so I let him out & turned the car around. He came from a house & said “oh I posted it as she wasn’t in”…I found out 6 months after we split she never even lived in that house/near it & he doesn’t pay her anything literally his entire life was one big lie. It’s crazy.
Im thankful for covid as it allowed me to escape but it was hell went I ended things, my mum was convinced he was going to try hurt me. I’ve been contacted since2020 by 4 other women. There was also 1 before me too. Did the same to them - lied/got money out of them & he’d clearly watched tinder swindler as he used 1 girls money to pay for a hotel with another girl!!
Sadly,I know he’s on dating sites now, likely doing the same to someone else & as I said, he police weren’t interested despite him stealing from 3 of us, controlling & coercive behaviour & harassment, etc & I reckon this won’t be the last I ever hear about him.
You learn don’t you, but believe me, I beat myself up (still do sometimes) for allowing it or not questioning things sooner. you just don’t think these people are actually out there!

 

[HelloStereo]

It's surprising how many people think it's okay to lie about cancer!
I dated a guy (who had a girlfriend I didn't know about) once I found out, I blocked him on everything.
He kept making fake profiles telling me he needed to talk to me because he had cancer and they didn't think he'd make it to his birthday a couple of months away.
I ignored them all
I'm now friends with his girlfriend, well, now ex girlfriend.
And we've talked about him quite a bit and she's confirmed all the things I thought were lies basically everything he told me about himself.

Awkward thing is now though, my Cousins MIL is now this guys Step Mum and he lives with her
It's not even like they live in the same area either.
My Cousin lives where I grew up and my family is, over an hour away, and this guy lives where I live now

Like if you did end up talking to him how would he get out of it? Miraculously get better?!

Honestly I’m actually thinking of writing a book! So he lied about where they lived, their numbers & I think even pretended to be his brother at one point as in he told me it was his brothers number but I actually think it was him. He’d send me screenshots of messages that were faked. He’d have a weird app on his phone that scheduled phone cals & he’d have a full blown conversation often “backing up” something I’d just questioned so even when I still didn’t believe him I felt I couldn’t continue to say it was lies.
on one occasion, he asked me to drive him to his ex-partners house so he could drop off child maintenance money (yes I feel extremely sorry for his kids) & I felt a bit uncomfortable so I didn’t drive into the actual street (it was like a dead end off another street) so I let him out & turned the car around. He came from a house & said “oh I posted it as she wasn’t in”…I found out 6 months after we split she never even lived in that house/near it & he doesn’t pay her anything literally his entire life was one big lie. It’s crazy.
Im thankful for covid as it allowed me to escape but it was hell went I ended things, my mum was convinced he was going to try hurt me. I’ve been contacted since2020 by 4 other women. There was also 1 before me too. Did the same to them - lied/got money out of them & he’d clearly watched tinder swindler as he used 1 girls money to pay for a hotel with another girl!!
Sadly,I know he’s on dating sites now, likely doing the same to someone else & as I said, he police weren’t interested despite him stealing from 3 of us, controlling & coercive behaviour & harassment, etc & I reckon this won’t be the last I ever hear about him.
You learn don’t you, but believe me, I beat myself up (still do sometimes) for allowing it or not questioning things sooner. you just don’t think these people are actually out there!

That's it. You don't question it so much at first because you don't think they'd lie about something like that and also if they don't want to think about it you don't want to bring it up and be like "so what about your cancer then?"

It was only after some fishy details such as not being allowed to send a card/ see him etc I thought that something wasn't right.

 

[WhatABore]

Like if you did end up talking to him how would he get out of it? Miraculously get better?!



That's it. You don't question it so much at first because you don't think they'd lie about something like that and also if they don't want to think about it you don't want to bring it up and be like "so what about your cancer then?"

It was only after some fishy details such as not being allowed to send a card/ see him etc I thought that something wasn't right.

I guess so not sure what his plans were altogether with him having a girlfriend. We dated on and off for a year

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I don't know if they have tried to message as I blocked them.

Amazing!!! I’m glad. Well done xx

 

[Shutterbug99]

I'm glad to hear you blocked this person @HelloStereo. I've only just seen this thread and haven't read through all ten pages, but even from your first post, it's obvious to me that T and his brother are the same person and he's telling you a pack of lies! (Finding a lump and going to hospital for a scan that same night? Yeah right!)

This will be about money in the end - even if it doesn't seem that way now (T will need treatment that is only available in America etc) and I'm glad you walked away before things reached that point.

Have you ever heard of the podcast Sweet Bobby? That's what I thought of when I read your post. Scary how out of control these things can get when people keep believing the lies!

 

[D2them]

I'm glad to hear you blocked this person @HelloStereo. I've only just seen this thread and haven't read through all ten pages, but even from your first post, it's obvious to me that T and his brother are the same person and he's telling you a pack of lies! (Finding a lump and going to hospital for a scan that same night? Yeah right!)

This will be about money in the end - even if it doesn't seem that way now (T will need treatment that is only available in America etc) and I'm glad you walked away before things reached that point.

Have you ever heard of the podcast Sweet Bobby? That's what I thought of when I read your post. Scary how out of control these things can get when people keep believing the lies!

I'm listening to Sweet Bobby now. My mind is officially blown

 

[cee-bee]

It's surprising how many people think it's okay to lie about cancer!

i worked in a high street bank very briefly about 10 years ago. When I joined, a girl had just been fired/let go quietly.

she’d told her colleagues she had cancer - a brain tumour specifically. She took time off work for doctors, hospital appointments. She did fundraisers (I’m not sure if she got the money or it went to a cause… if memory serves it was the former). She even shaved her head.

im not sure how she got found out, but she did eventually. She’d made the whole thing up. It’s not common for people to lie about being sick but… it’s not all that uncommon either!

 

[Meg78]

Without going into detail, I know someone who did something virtually identical in his youth, to the point that I’m nervous he may be T and having a resurgence. The person you’re speaking to is either in a relationship, or keeping you on the back burner whilst they look for one. I recognise the behaviour. My friend isn’t evil, he has ADHD and addiction problems, he saw his stint on dating sites as like playing the sims, a game to keep his brain in dopamine stocks, compliments and care from other women, an intricate story to keep him on his toes. He had no interest in meeting in person as he had a fiancée at home, but he struggled with asserting himself and started to create dramatic lies to cancel or avoid meeting, cancer and broken bones, or funerals were frequent reasons.

Morally, it’s horrible to contemplate to the average person, but addiction rarely has morals. T needs a therapist, as whatever their reasoning for the drama it’s unfair for it to take a toll on you and your mental health.

If you’re looking for a way to find evidence to prove things are false so that you can leave with a clear conscience, forensically note down the bullet points you know, and try to disprove them, for example:

-which hospital is he staying at? Call the ward and ask to leave him a message

-you looked up T, but how about the brother? Or the wife?

-what do you know about his job? Any mention of a company you could call to offer to send flowers?

-any social media usernames or email addresses you’re aware of? People usually use repetition, chances are their usernames span across multiple sites

-do you still have their dating site link? Is it still active? Places like pof usually show if they’re online

-try to get the “brother” talking about happier times, recanting tales from their youth, get details on other siblings, parents names, where they grew up, which school etc, all useful for searching social media

I’ve unfortunately experienced life in your shoes and fully understand the need to check, as it’s horrible to think you could be that person who abandons a cancer patient. The only thing I can think of to say, is that if he wanted your support, you’d be by his bedside. If you feel too awful about cutting them off fully, try to distance yourself, take longer to answer or mute the conversation and archive so you don’t see notifications, if this is all for a dopamine hit and they spot that you’re pulling away you’ll soon be hit by another crisis, which is evidence in itself that it’s all made up. Ultimately, he’s choosing to keep you at a distance, no matter what the cause may be

 

[HelloStereo]

Without going into detail, I know someone who did something virtually identical in his youth, to the point that I’m nervous he may be T and having a resurgence. The person you’re speaking to is either in a relationship, or keeping you on the back burner whilst they look for one. I recognise the behaviour. My friend isn’t evil, he has ADHD and addiction problems, he saw his stint on dating sites as like playing the sims, a game to keep his brain in dopamine stocks, compliments and care from other women, an intricate story to keep him on his toes. He had no interest in meeting in person as he had a fiancée at home, but he struggled with asserting himself and started to create dramatic lies to cancel or avoid meeting, cancer and broken bones, or funerals were frequent reasons.

Morally, it’s horrible to contemplate to the average person, but addiction rarely has morals. T needs a therapist, as whatever their reasoning for the drama it’s unfair for it to take a toll on you and your mental health.

If you’re looking for a way to find evidence to prove things are false so that you can leave with a clear conscience, forensically note down the bullet points you know, and try to disprove them, for example:

-which hospital is he staying at? Call the ward and ask to leave him a message

-you looked up T, but how about the brother? Or the wife?

-what do you know about his job? Any mention of a company you could call to offer to send flowers?

-any social media usernames or email addresses you’re aware of? People usually use repetition, chances are their usernames span across multiple sites

-do you still have their dating site link? Is it still active? Places like pof usually show if they’re online

-try to get the “brother” talking about happier times, recanting tales from their youth, get details on other siblings, parents names, where they grew up, which school etc, all useful for searching social media

I’ve unfortunately experienced life in your shoes and fully understand the need to check, as it’s horrible to think you could be that person who abandons a cancer patient. The only thing I can think of to say, is that if he wanted your support, you’d be by his bedside. If you feel too awful about cutting them off fully, try to distance yourself, take longer to answer or mute the conversation and archive so you don’t see notifications, if this is all for a dopamine hit and they spot that you’re pulling away you’ll soon be hit by another crisis, which is evidence in itself that it’s all made up. Ultimately, he’s choosing to keep you at a distance, no matter what the cause may be

Thank you for this. I have blocked them out of my life so I'm not sure about questioning them, but I did do some of your suggestions already. When I met him he said he doesn't really use social media, and I couldn't find any accounts associated with his number, nor his brother's and I don't know his wife's name to check. I did ask about sending a gift / card but was told the hospital was strict about it, but they didn't say which hospital it was. We met in my city as he goes there for work every now and then, I don't think he has any dating profiles.

Like you said, if he wanted me there I guess I would be at hospital with him. I think cutting them out is easier for me than trying to distance myself though, I find I am often all or nothing

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Thank you for this. I have blocked them out of my life so I'm not sure about questioning them, but I did do some of your suggestions already. When I met him he said he doesn't really use social media, and I couldn't find any accounts associated with his number, nor his brother's and I don't know his wife's name to check. I did ask about sending a gift / card but was told the hospital was strict about it, but they didn't say which hospital it was. We met in my city as he goes there for work every now and then, I don't think he has any dating profiles.

Like you said, if he wanted me there I guess I would be at hospital with him. I think cutting them out is easier for me than trying to distance myself though, I find I am often all or nothing

This person isn’t worth the effort of a search

 

[HelloStereo]

This person isn’t worth the effort of a search

Not now no. This was stuff I did back last year when I didn't have many details at all and was really worrying