Lying about cancer?!

[laughing]

Would guess he was just after sex.

He thought you would run a mile when you heard he was ill.

Defo already married/partner and just wanted fun

 

[I'm not a robot]

Oh my darling girl, what a horrible experience for you.
I am a medic in the Southwest, and agree with what @Miss Lulupops said. The 2 week wait is the standard method of diagnosing most cancers. Occasionally it can be diagnosed as a result of an A and E visit, but only if the original presenting condition (lump in groin) warranted immediate scans/ultrasound. The rest of the description re sedation, treatment etc, sounds highly unlikely too.
As part of my role I have visited nearly every hospital in the Southwest and they all now allow gifts and cards. Flowers, as you say, vary from ward to ward.
The part that absolutely tells me that this story is highly suspicious (although elements may be true) is the bit about the phone charger having to be sneaked in. Complete and utter bullshit! Nearly every patient I see (including lots in their 90's) has some form of mobile, even if it is an old brick type phone. I have never known of a single ward who wouldn't allow a charger. Applying a logical thought process, why would his phone be openly by his side, but not allow a charger.
I have no advice re how to deal with this, but hope that you are able to move on and see that this has nothing to do with you as a person, and is completely the result of someone else being deceitful and probably deranged.

 

[HelloStereo]

Oh my darling girl, what a horrible experience for you.
I am a medic in the Southwest, and agree with what @Miss Lulupops said. The 2 week wait is the standard method of diagnosing most cancers. Occasionally it can be diagnosed as a result of an A and E visit, but only if the original presenting condition (lump in groin) warranted immediate scans/ultrasound. The rest of the description re sedation, treatment etc, sounds highly unlikely too.
As part of my role I have visited nearly every hospital in the Southwest and they all now allow gifts and cards. Flowers, as you say, vary from ward to ward.
The part that absolutely tells me that this story is highly suspicious (although elements may be true) is the bit about the phone charger having to be sneaked in. Complete and utter bullshit! Nearly every patient I see (including lots in their 90's) has some form of mobile, even if it is an old brick type phone. I have never known of a single ward who wouldn't allow a charger. Applying a logical thought process, why would his phone be openly by his side, but not allow a charger.
I have no advice re how to deal with this, but hope that you are able to move on and see that this has nothing to do with you as a person, and is completely the result of someone else being deceitful and probably deranged.

Thank you, it's all such a mindf*ck! I was really sad at first and then I got more and more details and started to doubt the story more and more, especially the no card / gift thing and him not wanting to see me in hospital. He said he had to sneak in a charger when I asked about sending a card. It just seemed so utterly farfetched as you say, surely people would want to stay in touch with loved ones when they're feeling up to it. There seemed to be so many surgeries and urgent scans it got a bit ridiculous!

Definitely I hope it is nothing to do with me. Having a strapline such as "my ex faked cancer to get away from me" in my dating profile probably won't go down the best

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Thank you, it's all such a mindf*ck! I was really sad at first and then I got more and more details and started to doubt the story more and more, especially the no card / gift thing and him not wanting to see me in hospital. He said he had to sneak in a charger when I asked about sending a card. It just seemed so utterly farfetched as you say, surely people would want to stay in touch with loved ones when they're feeling up to it. There seemed to be so many surgeries and urgent scans it got a bit ridiculous!

Definitely I hope it is nothing to do with me. Having a strapline such as "my ex faked cancer to get away from me" in my dating profile probably won't go down the best

Pls don’t think it’s anything you’ve done. This person sounds like they get kicks out of this sort of thing. I can bet it won’t be the first or last time they will do it. Pls block him. I wouldn’t even bother with a farewell msg. Please listen to the medical professionals that have commented saying no one gets all that chemo/ surgery / sedation. New year means new man. Leave the old behind. He isn’t worth it.

 

[HelloStereo]

Pls don’t think it’s anything you’ve done. This person sounds like they get kicks out of this sort of thing. I can bet it won’t be the first or last time they will do it. Pls block him. I wouldn’t even bother with a farewell msg. Please listen to the medical professionals that have commented saying no one gets all that chemo/ surgery / sedation. New year means new man. Leave the old behind. He isn’t worth it.

I think they've probably done it before. It's probably just something they do to try and get attention or they're after something. I will block them both, I haven't contacted them in a few days anyway and it's been exhausting overall.

 

[candyland_]

I think they've probably done it before. It's probably just something they do to try and get attention or they're after something. I will block them both, I haven't contacted them in a few days anyway and it's been exhausting overall.

Glad to hear you are blocking them. Be wary of any other numbers popping up with a bad update from them. It could escalate once you stop playing.

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Thank you, it's all such a mindf*ck! I was really sad at first and then I got more and more details and started to doubt the story more and more, especially the no card / gift thing and him not wanting to see me in hospital. He said he had to sneak in a charger when I asked about sending a card. It just seemed so utterly farfetched as you say, surely people would want to stay in touch with loved ones when they're feeling up to it. There seemed to be so many surgeries and urgent scans it got a bit ridiculous!

Definitely I hope it is nothing to do with me. Having a strapline such as "my ex faked cancer to get away from me" in my dating profile probably won't go down the best

The charger bit was the only bit that seemed feasible to me . Only because when one of my children was in hospital (about 10 years ago mind) we were not allowed to bring a phone charger in due to health and safety. The ward had a supply of them that had been tested that you could use if they had the right one. I'll admit I did sneak my own in though!

It's absolutely definitely nothing to do with you!!!!! He's just a twerp. One day you'll look back and laugh. It just sucks at the moment. The friend I mentioned earlier did meet someone not long after her weirdo encounter.

 

[HelloStereo]

Glad to hear you are blocking them. Be wary of any other numbers popping up with a bad update from them. It could escalate once you stop playing.

Yeah it's so easy to get a burner phone and if he wants to get in touch I guess he will find a way. But at least I'm more equipped to see through everything now, which for me was the most harmful bit, causing angst etc.

The charger bit was the only bit that seemed feasible to me . Only because when one of my children was in hospital (about 10 years ago mind) we were not allowed to bring a phone charger in due to health and safety. The ward had a supply of them that had been tested that you could use if they had the right one. I'll admit I did sneak my own in though!

It's absolutely definitely nothing to do with you!!!!! He's just a twerp. One day you'll look back and laugh. It just sucks at the moment. The friend I mentioned earlier did meet someone not long after her weirdo encounter.

I'm glad your friend met someone else soon after . I hope I do too, maybe in the new year.

Haha I have no idea about the charger thing. Are they not allowed in in case they're not compatible with the sockets at the hospital? Or did they think someone would hurt themselves with it? If it is infection control you'd think the mobile phone would be the most germy thing.

 

[candyland_]

Phone chargers are allowed in hospital. I followed a girl with cancer who had presents sent to the ward from complete strangers and they found their way to her.

 

[HelloStereo]

Phone chargers are allowed in hospital. I followed a girl with cancer who had presents sent to the ward from complete strangers and they found their way to her.

I can't believe he didn't even try and get presents out of this massive lie!

 

[candyland_]

I can't believe he didn't even try and get presents out of this massive lie!

He’s not in hospital to get them

 

[LaBlonde]

I can't believe he didn't even try and get presents out of this massive lie!

i mean, he knew there was no way he could realistically get them

unless he would have been like leave the presents in this safety deposit box in the trunk of an old oak tree at midnight don’t wait around my brother i will pick them up later.

 

[HelloStereo]

i mean, he knew there was no way he could realistically get them

unless he would have been like leave the presents in this safety deposit box in the trunk of an old oak tree at midnight don’t wait around my brother i will pick them up later.

This is about as plausible as the rest of the story though. "Hospital only accepts gifts from X location, you can't post them to the hospital directly as they have to be scanned for germs. Presents of a value exceeding 100GBP only".

He’s not in hospital to get them

Probably the smallest flaw in the entire plan.

 

[LaBlonde]

This is about as plausible as the rest of the story though. "Hospital only accepts gifts from X location, you can't post them to the hospital directly as they have to be scanned for germs. Presents of a value exceeding 100GBP only".

i’m almost disappointed that he didn’t have the nerve to try it! he was brazen enough about everything else

 

[HelloStereo]

i’m almost disappointed that he didn’t have the nerve to try it! he was brazen enough about everything else

At least he'd actually be getting something out of it right? You hear of loads of people setting up fake GoFundMe pages etc. Maybe he just wanted to be different, he's "not like other men" afterall...

 

[Our Cilla]

I hate to post this and I'm sorry if anyone finds the topic triggering. I am going to change some details in this because I know it is an awful thing to accuse someone of but some things just don't make sense to me.

I started dating someone, let's call them T, in June. Things were going well. He works in my city on occasion so that's how I met him. We'd go on dates whenever he was working my way but I have never been to his house and I don't know where he lives beyond "a small village x miles from x city". I also don't know his last name or the company he works at so I can't peek on social media. Must sound bad I don't know these details but they never came up in a discussion when we were out for dinner or drinks. .

One evening we were just chatting over text and all of a sudden I didn't receive a reply until the next morning... He said he found a lump in his groin and went to have scans in the hospital overnight?! He didn't mention it for a little while and I didn't push because I didn't want to add stress. Eventually I did and he said it was definitely a hernia.

Things happened so quickly but he went in for a scan before his hernia operation and then was texting me saying they wanted to take biopsies. At the end of the week he went in for the results and disappeared over the weekend. Apparently he had to have an emergency operation and left his phone on charge at home so he couldn't tell me. Yet I had seen him pop up a few times on WhatsApp over the weekend. I asked him about this in a way that was just "oh right, I saw you on WhatsApp a few times" and he said "Why would I lie? Maybe the app was running in the background..."

After this he was quickly referred for radiotherapy and his first appointment was at the weekend. He then text me on a Monday to say his diagnosis became more complicated. I then didn't hear from him for weeks until his brother messages from his phone, to say he had lots of surgery but wasn't expected to make it out of hospital because the tumours were really aggressive and in an area that couldn't be removed with surgery. He asked if I wanted his number to talk as T wasn't really able to use his phone and I said yes. Note: my messages were on unread before this and he doesn't have a last seen. I knew I'd drive myself nuts just constantly looking on WhatsApp to see if he ever came online so I didn't.

I didn't hear for weeks and it was horrible. Eventually his brother messaged again from T's phone saying he had to call the carrier to unlock it as T had forgotten the passcode. I then finally got the brother's number and we have been talking. T is undergoing treatment etc, yet is often sedated due to pain. it's weird because he says his phone is always by his bedside, yet he contacted me from it at 11pm...

I asked if I could see T and was told only four nominated visitors could see him, I then asked if I could just wait outside and not go in and was told he doesn't want to see me until he is better. I asked if I could send a card or present for Christmas and was told the hospital is very strict and doesn't accept gifts or cards. Yet over Christmas apparently the staff brought in presents for the patients?

I ask the brother more about the prognosis but am just told he is very poorly, in a lot of pain, has a low probability of pulling through etc. Yet other times he is talking about us hopefully seeing each other soon and talking about T's house and the nice walks there are that we can go on together (I have never been to T's house as he always came to my city for work and then got sick). It has all happened so quickly and I haven't seen him since he became poorly in October so it's not like I have seen the lumps etc myself.

It's such a mindf*ck and I have no idea whether it's all true or not. The vagueness of what's going on, the absences, suddenly disappearing overnight to have scans, being in hospital without a phone and yet being online, not being able to see him or send anything. I want to be there but I want to know what I'm going into, and whether I will see him again. Yet it has been months and I don't know what someone would gain from lying for so long.

What does everyone think? Also, are there any questions I can ask which don't seem like I'm accusing them of lying but just so I can get a better idea of what's going on? If true I want to be there but I would very much like to know if there is a chance I would be able to see him again. I feel awful for doubting them as it's an awful thing to accuse someone of but some things are just so odd and I'm wondering if there is a way I can get a more concrete answer. I don't know if it's me struggling to process it and looking for excuses but there are so many little things that don't add up, that I didn't want to question before because I didn't want to accuse anyone of lying or cause bad feeling during a difficult time.

Sorry it's so emotive.

I have a large hernia and its not getting treated as hernias are usually just left.

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Yeah it's so easy to get a burner phone and if he wants to get in touch I guess he will find a way. But at least I'm more equipped to see through everything now, which for me was the most harmful bit, causing angst etc.



I'm glad your friend met someone else soon after . I hope I do too, maybe in the new year.

Haha I have no idea about the charger thing. Are they not allowed in in case they're not compatible with the sockets at the hospital? Or did they think someone would hurt themselves with it? If it is infection control you'd think the mobile phone would be the most germy thing.

It was something to do with them potentially being faulty, that's why you could only use ones that they'd tested. They actually caught me using my own and told me quite sternly to unplug it. I've been on other wards in the same hospital and it wasn't an issue though so who knows. Maybe that ward was on a different circuit or something. It clearly isn't something that happens in lots of hospitals .

 

[Imjusta_Teenage_Dirtbag]

Sorry, haven’t read the whole thread through yet but just wanted to say it doesn’t sound like he is 100% telling the truth, and I’d be very surprised if the brother is who he says he is.

Out of interest - do you have the brothers phone number saved in your phone? I know you said about his WhatsApp pic but you could try checking you socials to connect with ‘contacts’ and see if any profiles come up….might at least clear up if the number is a brother or him? Could even lead to T’s socials aswell?

 

[HelloStereo]

Sorry, haven’t read the whole thread through yet but just wanted to say it doesn’t sound like he is 100% telling the truth, and I’d be very surprised if the brother is who he says he is.

Out of interest - do you have the brothers phone number saved in your phone? I know you said about his WhatsApp pic but you could try checking you socials to connect with ‘contacts’ and see if any profiles come up….might at least clear up if the number is a brother or him? Could even lead to T’s socials aswell?

I definitely don't think they are who they say they are, or that the situation is how they are portraying it. I guess we'll never know the reasons why they've chosen to make up this lie though :/

I tried to connect my Facebook and see if it could find new friend suggestions through numbers, but nothing came up. I think they're probably using a fake / burner phone or are covering their tracks by not associating any number with social media. It's all very odd!

 

[TheGlossy]

I think you need to let go instead of investigating further. You’re honestly wasting your time trying to get to the bottom of this. You won’t.