Hi Tattlers
duck off. I mean good morning. I bet you're all just so excited for vlogmas with the MG's to commence. I'm dreaming of a White Christmas, but if the white runs out, I'll drink red. This Christmas I've decided to put my mistletoe in my back pocket however, so that all the people I don't like can kiss my ass. I just hate being vulnerable online as people just stick the knife in. For example, that delusional douche canoe saying my outfit resembles Guy Fawkes. I'm sorry, giving a duck doesn't really go with my outfit. But, are @mulberryengland changing their designs because of you? That would be a NO! Speaking of Guy Fawkes though, it is one of those days where I want to light someone's face with a fire then put it out with a fork. I'll start with you.
And for your information, I'm not jealous of Josie. I don't compete. I dominate. Ali is of Charlie's roast dinner, however. I tried to cook something from scratch once...and ended up summoning the devil. Can you believe the audacity of that follower commenting on my husband's vlog about never seeing a sticky muff before? I just find it extremely ironic Ali, that 'strap on' spells 'no parts' backwards. For the record, I'm brilliant in bed. When my blanket wants to feel my body and my pillow wants some head, I indulge them for hours and hours. For all the women who brag about how much men want them. Just remember, the cheapest prices attract the most customers. This is obviously where I went wrong when founding Glóby. I am aware that the gram wants a baby though and we'll have to consummate the marriage for that tit. Or beg for a turkey baster. I've got it all figured out though, don't you worry your poor and ugly little heads. When I get one of my headaches, I'll just pop two aspirin and keep away from children, just like the bottle says.
FROW can also duck off hashtagging support your friends. If I wanted to listen to an asshole I'd fart. But, where was my support? I almost let what she posted upset me. Then I remembered she's a spoilt self-centred witch who's hella jealous she doesn't have a Chupi ring, and I was good. She doesn't have to die to be dead to me. I have mentally visualised funerals on a daily basis. I'm not always this fangy. Sometimes I'm asleep. I've taken the day off to catch up on naps and buying bots. I'm going to have to sell my snagged cashmere tights to fund them now. As new. I bet you think you're all hilarious reporting them. I wrote all your opinions on toilet paper, so I can wipe my ass with it. But, I just hope you're not allergic to nuts, like I am to gluten. Because I'm going to kick yours up into your throat. Anyway, I hope you all have a nice day. And when I say have a nice day. Remember that the 'fucker' is silent.
Love Lydia xx