Maybe she just wants to distance herself from the image that menopausal women conjures up - in her head it isn’t someone like her. In her head they wear double gusset big pants not Myla thongs, they wear beige polyester not fawn buttery suede. You get the picture. Menopausal women come in all shapes and sizes, colours and creeds. They are not one amorphous mass. Some will be like her (a shallow nightmare) and others will be at a stage of life being comfortable with the ageing process rather than trying to fight it.
Liz Jones #2 Nobody puts the Myla Thong in a corner!
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Yeah I think you’re hitting nail on head. She’s doing all sorts of comparisons now against how she looks ( for her age) and even women ten years younger? She stays in her mind fortyish kinda like Carrie as SATC ended. She’s post menopausal though and any analysis of her bone density will tell her that. Don’t get thrown off a horse again, it will be your hip next time.
She claims to have had one period when she was eighteen? It’s probably a lie because why attempt to steal sperm from Nirpal if you were periodless. Surely she consulted a doctor, maybe not.. it’s possibly exaggerated like the deafness.
It seems incredible to me that even with a modicum of intelligence she would have facelifts, filler and Botox before she got her hormones checked and buy 200 quid moisturiser?No oestrogen Liz… go figure!
She also has serious beef with Mariella Frostrup who is advocating HRT access at moment on talk shows/ news. It could be that.
She comes across that way and you’re fortunate to have worked with her. Her obvious competence/ humanity alone would annoy LJ never mind Mariella highlighting HRT shortages as an issue of late.
I was also pondering how Jonesie gets out of painting herself into the corner with the ‘Rock Star’ again. Is his cancellation on the cards, and when she find herself alone in the ‘Deer Park’ room of that Country house hotel
( Cliffhanger!) will she phone David?
Either way,I truly hope and pray we don’t get a description of the fake,fantasy but always grotesque sex.
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They always remind me of that scene in 'The Young Ones', in which Rik wakes up next to Jennifer Saunders and tries to convince his housemates they've been at it: "it was amazing, we did everything... at one stage she even took her bra off!". But with less credibility.
Just thinking how she moans constantly about ‘Being in the public eye’, how she’s so famous that Debbie Harry greets her wherever she goes… Well, if she’s so famous then where are the paparazzi? She’s just announced in a national paper repeatedly that she’s seeing a World renowned Rock Star who filled stadiums throughout the world. She’s practically given the location for their hook up!
So will the press turn up to snatch a pic of the ‘A’ list duo? Will they heck as like…
So will the press turn up to snatch a pic of the ‘A’ list duo? Will they heck as like…
By the way, I forgot to say I think you are 100% on the money with the "being stood up and ringing David" premonition. The bet's on!
well I think she may try to claim that she has phoned David, but I think he is truly done with her now, ok doesn't stop her lying about it though, but no way is that actually going to happen. also she will have had to have booked and paid for the room herself, as the FRS doesn't exist, so am looking forward to seeing what utter crap she comes out with to backtrack on the whole festival
ETA if she does try and claim she got stood up, it's the easiest thing to just check if any artists pulled out of a planned event that weekend. Yes, that is a rhetorical question, because none of it is true at all. It might actually be quite funny reading her efforts to muddy the waters and make up bs
ETA if she does try and claim she got stood up, it's the easiest thing to just check if any artists pulled out of a planned event that weekend. Yes, that is a rhetorical question, because none of it is true at all. It might actually be quite funny reading her efforts to muddy the waters and make up bs
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She’s also got the BS about the huge movie star ( who loves animals)that’s offering to give her money for the shortfall in her house…
There’s a lot of twisting in the wind for her over next few weeks. The bulk of comments last week were calling her out on the whole FRS fiasco. There’s something up with the comments though, less and less getting through again.
There’s a lot of twisting in the wind for her over next few weeks. The bulk of comments last week were calling her out on the whole FRS fiasco. There’s something up with the comments though, less and less getting through again.
yeah that's another load of rubbish, no one is giving her money to buy her house. The DM are probably just doing damage limitation, there are probably people commenting who know more about her than we do, and it just makes the DM look stupid for paying for a load of crap that has no bearing in reality
She has a thing about "movie stars." There was Russell the "film star" who did some bit parts in the 80s-90s. There's the "movie star" who offered to buy her house, another one who was supposedly helping her sell her screenplay (she hinted it was Glenn Close or Rebel Wilson, who were both starring on the West End at the time) and another one she once alluded to cheating on David with
Rock Stargate, Nigelgate, Russellgate, probably Cambridgemangate, who the hell can guess what’s next. All researched and effectively stalked for years and years. Inappropriate messages/pics sent to married/ attached men. Men who have ignored her and didn’t give her a second thought.?It’s quite scary really. David Scrace was also stalked on the web for decades but he succumbed, the guy was broke and living in a hostel though!
Oh how I wish I was ‘Catnip to men’ like Jonesie!
Oh how I wish I was ‘Catnip to men’ like Jonesie!
Oh just throwing this out there for your wise opinions… what was that bit about her agent at the end of her last diary. ‘They’ve said No.. but it’s not a No No’!? Do you think it was about the book.. forever known as ‘The Turtles Head’(christened so aptly by @Mediastar) or was it.. and I feel the bile rising… about another appearance on a Reality Show? By the veritable shroud of St Teresa of Aquila, she’s not trying to get on Celebrities Go Dating is she? There isn’t a re- animated corpse out there that they could match with her…
or just more bs to make her seem interesting and that she's potentially got other things lined up...doubt it, her ship has sailed, quite some time ago, and someone who is bitter, jealous, rude, obnoxious and lacking in any real talent, is unlikely to get many offers. She has become quite a liability, with her naming people in print etc and her endless lies, even the DM won't let readers comment, and there's a limit on repressing reader opinion, til they just lose all interest, which, I believe many have already.
The Mad Old Bag Files aka The Podcast
Liz blares "God Save the Queen" by the Sex Pistols. She tells a totally plausible story about how, when the song was released, she was 17 and a handsome man who wore Burberry "before it was trendy" came over to her house and played it. At the time Nic was a child and met Norman Wisdom at a street party where she dressed up as "a gypsy." Liz says that this costume is "not very PC" and Nic says "I was Gypsy Rose Lee!" For the uninitiated, this is Gypsy Rose Lee. Let's just move on, shall we?
Liz raves about Meghan who she is JUST LIKE, and was trying to spot Meghan in the footage of the Platinum Jubilee. Nic complains about Prince Louis being dressed in a sailor suit like "in them dodgy old paintings." Continuing the theme of inappropriate children's wear, Liz says he should have been dressed as a punk "with bondage trousers and a squiggle T-shirt" then says Louis and George have partings to cover ears inherited from their grandfather. Say what you will about the monarchy, it's typical of Liz to make fun of an 8-year-old and 4-year-old for the way they look (remember how she called Sarah Jessica Parker's baby daughter "hideous?") Liz complains no one invited her to any street parties, Nic invites her to one and Liz whines "noooooooooo" and "I don't do buffets."
Liz read the novel Something Might Happen by Julie Myerson, she tells Nic to "tweet (Myerson) into this" meaning tag her on Twitter. Myerson has written about her son's addiction, JUST LIKE Liz who had alcoholism in her family! May I remind you that she gave graphic, embarrassing details of her sister and sister-in-law's addiction, as well as lambasting a friend's daughter who was a heroin addict. Then wrote about how her sister's death from alcohol abuse was actually somehow caused by feminism and / or being single; and was subsequently banned from the funeral. Liz says that Myerson received "backlash" but "that's what writers do!" and if you're paid to be a writer you should "spill your guts."
She witches about Monica Ali who stated she is embarrassed to write sex scenes. Liz finds Brick Lane "trash." She and Nic aren't embarrassed about sex, as they spend the act thinking about grocery shopping or walking their dogs. Monica Ali doesn't spill her guts, she just "takes the money and runs." Liz sneers "grow up!" and insults Monica Ali's children. If I were Monica I'd thump her. Liz gets in more jibes about Nic not having sex and "what are you reading, do you want to work for the author?" Nic is reading This Time Tomorrow by Emma Straub, about a woman who uses time travel to fix her various problems including her father being terminally ill. Nic says she admires the protagonist's relationship with her best friend, who willingly accepts the protagonist is time travelling and doesn't think she's nuts. Yeah, I can see why Nic feels wistful at the prospect of a friend with respect for her.
They're trying something new this week: Nic will read out Liz's column. Liz calls David "a narcissist" because he got in touch with her yet didn't say he was sorry about her losing her house, or her hair, or buying her a dress that was "size fat." After a typical bitching session about men, we get into the column proper. Liz's friend Andrea flew over from Belfast to visit, Andrea was briefly mentioned in her column once before.. Andrea asked what champagne to bring and Liz replied she would accept anything because "I got engaged to a man who didn't own a teaspoon." Andrea is beautiful, well-travelled, and has a pleasing Irish accent. Nic says something about "she walked around in her little wellies, bless her." Patronising some?
Unlike the useless men in Liz's life, Andrea walked Liz's dogs and paid for dinner. Hang on - you guessed it - she's recycling this column! The estate agent selling the cottage Liz rents complained over Liz "writing about online." Liz snarls "ONLINE?! I'm not a blogger!" and "who is an estate agent to tell me what I can and cannot write?" Well the legal owner, i.e. not you, has put them in charge of selling the property so they indeed have authority to comment about something that could affect that sale. I don't doubt for a moment Liz thinks she can somehow hold on to the cottage by making sure no one else will buy it. Sure, that'll work (not)
Liz is still receiving emails from David even though he is BLOCKED! BLOCKED! BLOCKED! Remember how, a few weeks ago, she wrote about choosing a dress to wear to an event at Claridge's and mentioned the "size fat" Dries van Noten dress David bought her? His email kindly offered to pay for her to take it to be altered. Liz "hates being told what to do" and basically says he doesn't bother to see things from someone else's perspective. The N Peal cardigan and Dunhill lighter are dragged up again. Liz says she forgot to mention the iPhone until after she'd filed the column. Anyway, Liz contacted the hotel where she'll be staying with the FRS and told them about her horde of incontinent collies, and ends with "Reader, I hope he's booked a room." Next week's column is about what actually happened at the festival ... allegedly.
Archive column was written for the Evening Standard: Liz "became a mum for a weekend" aka babysat for Lucy Cavendish, who was then her co-worker. Liz opens by talking about how she never wanted children, maternity leave is evil, mums complain all the time and don't have any fun or sex or sleep, etc. But she'd recently married Nirpal and they were now thinking about kids. Liz says she had "left it too late by about a decade" for children, yes it is harder to have kids in your 40s but not necessarily impossible (Lucy, incidentally, was 40 when she had her youngest child.) Then again this is the woman who thinks your "eggs have shrivelled" by 30. She says she and Nirpal were interviewed by social services as potential candidates for adoption - enough said. At the time Lucy had four young children and they came up with an idea of a "life swap" article where Liz would take care of the kids for a day.
Liz thought this would be a piece of cake, as her mum brought up seven children and didn't even have a washing machine! She hilariously gave one of the children ice cream for lunch because he wanted sausages and she refused to touch meat. The rest of the time, the children ran wild and Liz relied on the oldest (eight years old) to help her with everything as Lucy hadn't left her proper instructions. She ultimately concluded that she was not cut out for motherhood, as she is "selfish" and "hates chaos" and children make your sofa smell - unlike pissing collies. Liz smugly concludes that Lucy must have been jealous of her. Liz being Liz frequently mentions Lucy's beautiful house in Oxfordshire. Lucy wrote last year that she'd had to sell it after getting divorced, at least she actually owned the house unlike Liz.
Fan mail: Arse-kisser (probably Nic again) writes that she loves the podcast and Liz has "a contagious laugh." Another person wrote to complain that the NHS won't help her with her eating disorder but "if I were morbidly obese they'd sort me out." Liz says "well they haven't sorted you out, have they?" to Nic and we finish with a final blast of the Sex Pistols.
Liz raves about Meghan who she is JUST LIKE, and was trying to spot Meghan in the footage of the Platinum Jubilee. Nic complains about Prince Louis being dressed in a sailor suit like "in them dodgy old paintings." Continuing the theme of inappropriate children's wear, Liz says he should have been dressed as a punk "with bondage trousers and a squiggle T-shirt" then says Louis and George have partings to cover ears inherited from their grandfather. Say what you will about the monarchy, it's typical of Liz to make fun of an 8-year-old and 4-year-old for the way they look (remember how she called Sarah Jessica Parker's baby daughter "hideous?") Liz complains no one invited her to any street parties, Nic invites her to one and Liz whines "noooooooooo" and "I don't do buffets."
Liz read the novel Something Might Happen by Julie Myerson, she tells Nic to "tweet (Myerson) into this" meaning tag her on Twitter. Myerson has written about her son's addiction, JUST LIKE Liz who had alcoholism in her family! May I remind you that she gave graphic, embarrassing details of her sister and sister-in-law's addiction, as well as lambasting a friend's daughter who was a heroin addict. Then wrote about how her sister's death from alcohol abuse was actually somehow caused by feminism and / or being single; and was subsequently banned from the funeral. Liz says that Myerson received "backlash" but "that's what writers do!" and if you're paid to be a writer you should "spill your guts."
She witches about Monica Ali who stated she is embarrassed to write sex scenes. Liz finds Brick Lane "trash." She and Nic aren't embarrassed about sex, as they spend the act thinking about grocery shopping or walking their dogs. Monica Ali doesn't spill her guts, she just "takes the money and runs." Liz sneers "grow up!" and insults Monica Ali's children. If I were Monica I'd thump her. Liz gets in more jibes about Nic not having sex and "what are you reading, do you want to work for the author?" Nic is reading This Time Tomorrow by Emma Straub, about a woman who uses time travel to fix her various problems including her father being terminally ill. Nic says she admires the protagonist's relationship with her best friend, who willingly accepts the protagonist is time travelling and doesn't think she's nuts. Yeah, I can see why Nic feels wistful at the prospect of a friend with respect for her.
They're trying something new this week: Nic will read out Liz's column. Liz calls David "a narcissist" because he got in touch with her yet didn't say he was sorry about her losing her house, or her hair, or buying her a dress that was "size fat." After a typical bitching session about men, we get into the column proper. Liz's friend Andrea flew over from Belfast to visit, Andrea was briefly mentioned in her column once before.. Andrea asked what champagne to bring and Liz replied she would accept anything because "I got engaged to a man who didn't own a teaspoon." Andrea is beautiful, well-travelled, and has a pleasing Irish accent. Nic says something about "she walked around in her little wellies, bless her." Patronising some?
Unlike the useless men in Liz's life, Andrea walked Liz's dogs and paid for dinner. Hang on - you guessed it - she's recycling this column! The estate agent selling the cottage Liz rents complained over Liz "writing about online." Liz snarls "ONLINE?! I'm not a blogger!" and "who is an estate agent to tell me what I can and cannot write?" Well the legal owner, i.e. not you, has put them in charge of selling the property so they indeed have authority to comment about something that could affect that sale. I don't doubt for a moment Liz thinks she can somehow hold on to the cottage by making sure no one else will buy it. Sure, that'll work (not)
Liz is still receiving emails from David even though he is BLOCKED! BLOCKED! BLOCKED! Remember how, a few weeks ago, she wrote about choosing a dress to wear to an event at Claridge's and mentioned the "size fat" Dries van Noten dress David bought her? His email kindly offered to pay for her to take it to be altered. Liz "hates being told what to do" and basically says he doesn't bother to see things from someone else's perspective. The N Peal cardigan and Dunhill lighter are dragged up again. Liz says she forgot to mention the iPhone until after she'd filed the column. Anyway, Liz contacted the hotel where she'll be staying with the FRS and told them about her horde of incontinent collies, and ends with "Reader, I hope he's booked a room." Next week's column is about what actually happened at the festival ... allegedly.
Archive column was written for the Evening Standard: Liz "became a mum for a weekend" aka babysat for Lucy Cavendish, who was then her co-worker. Liz opens by talking about how she never wanted children, maternity leave is evil, mums complain all the time and don't have any fun or sex or sleep, etc. But she'd recently married Nirpal and they were now thinking about kids. Liz says she had "left it too late by about a decade" for children, yes it is harder to have kids in your 40s but not necessarily impossible (Lucy, incidentally, was 40 when she had her youngest child.) Then again this is the woman who thinks your "eggs have shrivelled" by 30. She says she and Nirpal were interviewed by social services as potential candidates for adoption - enough said. At the time Lucy had four young children and they came up with an idea of a "life swap" article where Liz would take care of the kids for a day.
Liz thought this would be a piece of cake, as her mum brought up seven children and didn't even have a washing machine! She hilariously gave one of the children ice cream for lunch because he wanted sausages and she refused to touch meat. The rest of the time, the children ran wild and Liz relied on the oldest (eight years old) to help her with everything as Lucy hadn't left her proper instructions. She ultimately concluded that she was not cut out for motherhood, as she is "selfish" and "hates chaos" and children make your sofa smell - unlike pissing collies. Liz smugly concludes that Lucy must have been jealous of her. Liz being Liz frequently mentions Lucy's beautiful house in Oxfordshire. Lucy wrote last year that she'd had to sell it after getting divorced, at least she actually owned the house unlike Liz.
Fan mail: Arse-kisser (probably Nic again) writes that she loves the podcast and Liz has "a contagious laugh." Another person wrote to complain that the NHS won't help her with her eating disorder but "if I were morbidly obese they'd sort me out." Liz says "well they haven't sorted you out, have they?" to Nic and we finish with a final blast of the Sex Pistols.
Are there listening figures for this podcast or are you the only listener?
I have seen this woman in RL. I very much doubt a Q of men wants any attention from her, let alone those in film or rock who have access to a lot of good looking women. Liz is a pensioner now even if mentally she is stuck in her teenage years.
Thanks for your endurance @witchofwestbyfleet … didn’t we discuss on the thread not long ago that slagging off her house owner/ estate agent would not be best idea! So predictable.
So room in country hotel isn’t booked yet? It’s down to the FRS? There’s the get out clause for the fake getaway.. sigh.
I abhor that she calls a size 12 dress a ‘fat sized’ dress, what a flat faced loon she really is.
So room in country hotel isn’t booked yet? It’s down to the FRS? There’s the get out clause for the fake getaway.. sigh.
I abhor that she calls a size 12 dress a ‘fat sized’ dress, what a flat faced loon she really is.
I don’t think that Liz should be mocking anyone’s ears to be honest.
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