Lauren Goodger #81 Still selling crap at the jumble sale of doom, the great big catfish with face like a moon

[Clickbait]

Right, so in my limited understanding, a Lifestyle Guru shares tips about their lifestyle........

So Day 1 in the journal, blog, yewtewbe vid example I'm assuming the commentary would be on these lines.

Monday 16ft Jarnary
Right, like (lip smack), so I got up about 11.30 has my Bub wanted new batterwies in the remote so she made me get out ov bed <<eyeroll lip smack, pout, hair flick>>.
I just put my hair in a scrunchie cos I aint got time to wash it today like as i am sew busy.

<<fast forward 2 hrs of pouting, gurning, lip smacking, tongue sticking out and WINKING>>

1.36pm So like I decided to make a elfy meal for LaGurusBub and I will show you. If that Brooklin Bentham can do it, so can I.
so like lip smack I like got like a Xtra large tin ov sweatcorn and lip smack, pout, hair flick, did my daily work out as I used my tin opener like lip smack.
I can show you how I peel 2kg of potatoeees wiv a meat clever, lip smack like.

Ven I got like some sorsorges and like put them in the pan wiv like the goose fat, and the potatoes. lip smack, pout, hair flick.

<<video turns to a laughing LaGurusBub who has picked up 2 sausages and has put them at her mouth and cries out 'Me is Momma'>>

Gerrov them Bub, I need them to make it even more Elfy. She's so cheeky.

Ven get some like salt and swizz it in like, lip smack, pout, hair flick wiv the elfy sweatcorn an eiver put it in a microwave like i got 10 of or that oven fing.

<< Put pan in oven and picks up lap top and spends 1 hr photoshopping photos, intermittently showing LaBiblessBub who points at photoshopped pics saying 'OOo Dat?'>>

2.29pm lip smack, pout, hair flick. It's time for leunch. It's so himportant to have elfy potions. <<Dishes out half a pan full into LaGurusBub's casserole dish, and half for Loz>> Yum, it tastes like grate. And so ELFY.

<<Takes large casserole dish over to Bub to eat whilst watching TV, Bub looks back and says 'Bib for Bub, Mova?' Loz looks confused so does a stick out tongue eye wink at the camera>> Food gets eaten very quickly LaBiblessBub wipes her hands and face on the white sofa, all the while keeping her eyes on the TV.

2.32pm Now it's ME time, lip smack, pout, hair flick.
I need to tell all you out there, it's SO important to get ME time. I is the mum and dad to this baby. I get no time at all for me. lip smack, pout, hair flick. I can't even member when I last did summat for myselv. So as the first and fores t most lifestyle Guru for all mum's like me, YOU ARE IMPORTNT TWO. You need to look avfta youself.
So now i is nipping owt to get my hair, nails, lips and message done. lip smack, pout, hair flick. I has not had anyfink like this done for ages, not since yesterday.

6.38pm <<returns>> Hiya Bubba -Mova's Ear! <<LaGurusBub is in same position watching Cocomelon still>>

What shall we beg for dinnah? <<Does an ip dip with 35 different takeaway menus but gets confused so just picks out the top one>>

Let me show you how to beg for free. It's so important to a busy single mum like me who has so many fings to fink about lip smack, pout, hair flick, to do people a faver and advertise their food for free. I surprise myselv sumetimes wiv how kind I is.

<<Looks through mobile and finds Murat's Takeaway on speed dial>>

<<Talking on phone>> 'Right so I is the Bafta award winning CELEBRITY who one a bafta lip smack, pout, hair flick, and like me an my Bubba are running like a lip smack elfy lifestyle guru like fing. So we need ELFY foods.
So can we order No. 327, 34, 67, 123, 2 lots of 78 and 3 bags ov chips' lip smack, pout, hair flick.

'Fanks' <<takes 56 selfies seeing as she has her mobile in her hand.>> So now we's wait and get the food for free........ Easy Peasy, thats how you do it eye wink, tongue stuck out. People just give people like me stuff for free cos I is speshul. I deserve it. lip smack, pout, hair flick.

<<42 mins later doorbell rings. LaBiblessBub answers the door as BYG is too busy looking in the brand new never been used mirror practising pouty faces.

High pitched 'Fanks' can be heard from the doorway. Bub returns with 9 bags of takeaway food....>>

NEED SOMEONE ELSE TO CONTINUE THE COMMENTARY. DON'T THINK I CAN MANAGE TO COMMENT ON HER BEEF FLAPS FOR OF.

This is a masterpiece! Bravo

 

[Notredamn]

I find that Scrunchies are really keen on rhyming title threads so maybe you could recraft this?

Imagine if she’s done some kind of Face/Off manoeuvre

Stick a Tah-dah! On the end to make it rhyme
She’ll sure need to work some magic to come up with a better face

I don't know how accurate this is but I've just seen this website on another thread. 25% of her followers are fake and her engagement rate is 1.15% - how sad.

Free Instagram Fake Follower Checker Tool By Modash

Analyze Instagram influencers: follower count, engagement rate, fake followers, popular content and more.

www.modash.io

So pathetic! However that still leave a worryingly high amount of actual followers. Who are these sad acts? No offence to anyone here, of course. We know it’s the wildlife docu aspect which keeps us hooked. Seriously, though. Don’t flatter her- her account is public anyway

 

[amianinfluenceryet]

Fuck me! The gorilla actually looks better than BYG here!

That’s because the Gorilla is #softpretty

 

[Crowbag]

Thank you clicky, perfect Scrunchie fun!

 

[Chi4]

Two more weeks I reckon of no pics then back with a bang after loosing 5lbs and some lip

Convinced Lozza is in recovery from lipo and her 4 implants being removed/ replaced.. she’ll be back with a whole new bod and face no.69 and claim it’s all down to working out and eating elfy

i think they too. Had some of her fat sucked out and will make out it’s all diet and exercise . Lump o lard

Two more weeks I reckon of no pics then back with a bang after loosing 5lbs and some lip

i think they too. Had some of her fat sucked out and will make out it’s all diet and exercise . Lump o lard

I am writing like BYG now

Sheer tiredness !

 

[chattypatty]

While we wait for the reconstruction, another deluded post in 2015, Big Fat Loz reckons a guy went to her skin doctor(?????) and asked for her face

Oh ouch his comments lol

 

[CrazyBaldhead]

reminds me of those gold bar biscuits here in colour and shape..

Like a Twix wrapper!!

 

[Kitty-Kat]

Morning Scrunchies - it’s Day 5 of the BYG Awards 2022. I’m sure you know the drill by now but just in case you don’t, I have selected some categories for you to pick your favourite from.

To vote you simply click on the corresponding reaction emoji to that shown in the image depicting the nominated item/event.

This has been a difficult one to collate because today you are voting on your Favourite @Pom Bear Artwork of 2022

View attachment 1852903

Legendary Scrunchie Pom has been delighting us with their artwork for a long time and is always on hand for a cheeky request or to surprise us with their own creations. It has been hard to choose 4 to pick from so I’ve used a combination of most liked and personal favourites to whittle it down.

- Guess Who using the many faces of our BYG.
- Not featuring our BYG but my personal fave showing Chunky Chaz.5 on a skateboard. This was created from a comment I made on a photo from an OK shoot which was discussed in thread #58 (https://tattle.life/threads/lauren-...horse-freezing-in-the-pool.29521/post-9610126). You might need to look back for the context if you don’t remember it.
- Pom’s more accurate depiction of the advert that should have gone with her randomly selling a wedding dress.
- BYG had yet another beauty treatment (Loz they’re still not working!) posing with what looked like a toilet seat behind her head. Pom magicked this up for us.

Big thank you to @Pom Bear for all the time you put in to making us laugh over the year. I know you are in demand from a number of other threads but I secretly hope this is your favourite

Brilliant has to be the Guess Who for me. The many faces of BYG

Thank you as always @Clickbait and @Pombear22

 

[Dont swipe up!]

i think you might be thinking of drop dead fred ha ha

My god thank you!!!!!!
It’s been killing me the past few days!!!
I knew you beautiful gels would help this soft gel out!
I can sleep better now tonight

 

[Notredamn]

Is she having a laugh?


View attachment 1887014
View attachment 1887015

she sees herself as younger, thinner, face completely different. Maybe she will manifest it and show us all on her new improved grid when she finally posts

 

[Rubez2812]

Her camera roll at the bottom!

Well well well, so that explains her absense it shes had her chins reduced, and shes back with the sink botherer and his man bag

 

[Piff paff puff]

The size of her legs!

Lymphodema legs

 

[Notredamn]

It’s from back when she made some sort of business pact with Lotan he’s already long gone
I see the set isn’t curtesy of backgrid, wonder if that’s something or nothing

 

[smellyfootballboots]

I reckon she’s had the bum implant removed/BBL reversed, but why not take out the boobs?! Thinks she’s lost some weight and it’s actually refreshing that she’s wearing something fairly covered up. If she didn’t keep kidding herself with all the filters and showed what she really looks like then her ‘wild’ pics wouldn’t be such a contrast. She actually looks fairly nice! I like her hair. But why oh why does she post those stupid over-filtered photos on her Insta that look nothing like her in reality?!

She's done something with the arse, I hope she has had the implants out, if she'd had the boobs out too then she'd actually look quite slim. I like the top but not the skirt but do agree her hair is nice here too - If only she'd drop the filters on her own page then she'd actually look decent for once.

 

[A-Soul]

BYG inspo.

 

[bignellie]

She must be so jealous of all her ex colleagues and friends who have made successful lives and all she does is go backwards every year.

shes such a lazy entitled lump, it will all be everyone/things elses fault...no insight at all

 

[ThumpingFloor]

I'm but a mere 'babe in the woods' when it comes to these canny BYG strategies. She clever.

 

[Crowbag]

Chilli jam!
Is it chilli jam?
With sourdough, mustard, an omelette and bagged salad?
God I hate myself for having this in my head.

 

[Jaymar139]

Don't insult Yorkshire puddings!!

I bow my head in shame ..the last thing I want to do is put the scrunchies off their yorkies ..let's say then she looks like a Yorkshire pudding when it goes wrong ..you know when you open the oven door too early and it sinks and goes all crappy ..a deflated wrong yorkshire pudding ..with no centre and no meaning ..just a soggy mess ..

Spot the difference

This is brilliant..its uncanny !

The diet's going well then Big Gel?

View attachment 1857418

Is that her missing arse implant ..!

Where is this? It’s not showing on his insta?

It was a dark year because he was eclipsed by big loz ..the shadow of doom and all that is fake..hes still a twat tho..!

BIG Loz only fans leak….

Omg that's brilliant ..

 

[jellybelly48]

So you have a pic?
I still can’t figure it out or find the vision I have in my head

i think you might be thinking of drop dead fred ha ha