A few years ago I think I must have going through the standard mental break down thing. I was quite slim but started bulking up as I had to keep changing medications etc (& probably because I was sat at home being alone eating and trolling lolz)
Anyway I couldn’t go out much at that time and started editing my photos- wouldn’t take a photo without a filter. Started deleting people of my Instagram who I saw regularly just because I was embarrassed. I would spend hours obsessing and curating photos because my self esteem relied so much on a bunch of strangers pressing like.
it got so bad that I got actual anxiety when I started getting better & went out in case I bumped into someone and they saw the real me. In the end I had to delete SM (I’ve only got an account to do general lurking during lockdown a woops!)
I actually can’t imagine the stress she is going through- like I do believe the level of anxiety she sometimes claims she gets. Because I had anxiety because i created a lie and was going to get found out. The panic attacks are more likely caused by the feeling that she knows she won’t be able to keep all this bullshit up.
The hardest thing was realising it didn’t reallly matter and to get out of that SM world ASAP. Yeah when I deleted it, I went through a few lonely months- all these people who I thought were mates were only my mates through convenience and to holster my ego. luckily I found someone who met the real me and actually thought I was kinda ok
I don’t know if she is ever going to reach the stage of coming away from that world (I really hope she does when the baby arrives) only when I deleted it all, I realised I didn’t need it and what it did to my mental health. But she has people supporting her- surely an agent should advise that there are people have a better and more relevant SM than her- and can edit their lives better than her so move on.
Surely her boyfriend flicks between her SM and then looks up at her stuck to her bedsheets and thinks “jeeeezzz I don’t know how I will introduce her to my mates without getting terrorised?”
the relationship worked In lockdown because she was in a bubble she could hide it- how’s it going to work when she has to enter the real world?
xx
I remember the time 
xx
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Quick recap, she waited six months for a mag deal to reveal it was a boy and nearly a year to reveal his chavvy made up name, also a mag deal 
. His doo dah 
. 
I’m definitely not a spy nor a supporter but this is a public forum so I’d be shocked if he’s not reading the posts
xx
