Ahhh I had a letter come today from my local NHS adhd service saying they have received my referral and they’ve accepted it as from my questionnaire they believe assessment is the correct route to go down. Weirdly it feels a bit more real now, like my concerns seems more valid and that somebody may actually listen to me
I had a little cry at the GP after a difficult morning. He was good, the questionnaire that I did on the THINK ADHD website was enough for them to do a referral for me and then go down the Right to Choose path… he said there’s obviously a big waitlist but I didn’t ask how long.
it’s emotional saying it out loud to others isn’t it.
if you go down the route of psychiatry uk it’s quick! I was referred end of Feb and diagnosed last week and that was only that long because I couldn’t decide on a practitioner then waited for a particular one.
Lack of structure is really ruining my life at the weekends. Husband is really anti structure and I think I’m just going to have to tell him certain things are happening at certain times of days because I cannot live like this anymore I feel almost suicidal tbh.
really suffering with RSD atm (rejection sensitivity). Was left out of a non-work event with people at work where loads went and only a few of us were not invited. I feel like I’ve been punched and like a proper loser. I don’t know what to do 🥲
It’s hard isn’t it, I had a similar thing in the workplace a few years ago. It turned out they weren’t people I’d have really wanted to hang out with anyway, but it still stung.
You’re absolutely not a loser though, its not a reflection on you, it’s just a crap situation.
So life has been really weird atm, as the kids are off of school lots of family/ MIL, sister/ cousins have wanted to meet up but my 3 children have really been playing nicely at home atm. My eldest is waiting for his appointment but hates people coming to the house / hates play dates and just doesn't do well with socialising at all. So I've decided to put them first, not tying us down to anything and just letting them recharge before school starts back up (which is a daily struggle and really exhausting to get him there everyday anyway)
Well the problem is this seems to have upset family members and they've been vocal about it now I feel like the children aren't going to have had a nice break. I've spoke to my husband he thinks I'm doing the right thing and I've spoke to the kids individually and they are all happy. I can't believe people are so open with their opinions on other peoples lives I can't get my head around it.
I lose things constantly. Recently lost a brand new phone and then dropped a spare one I was using down the toilet. However, I'm always super early for appointments (allow ages for any possible setbacks) and the thought of not letting someone know I'll be late fills me with horror. I can lose something within minutes and often wander around looking for my glasses (panicking) and they'll be on my head
I understand the feeling of struggling unnecessarily and wondering “what if” - I know it’s not much, but I hope it brings you some comfort to you know you’re not alone
Sadly it seems girls/women and people with inattentive type ADHD have been under diagnosed for some time as they often present differently. In the UK, ADHD was only formally recognised by NICE in 2000 and 2008 for adults, which explains why so many people were missed and now seeking an assessment.
I first spoke with my GP to ask for a referral 2 years ago, the NHS waiting list in my area is 5 years and unfortunately they will not accept a private diagnosis for ongoing treatment (plus it’s not something I can really afford).
Until I have an assessment I’m not sure if I do have ADHD.. and I feel wary about self-diagnosing, so until I know for certain I am just trying to cope by struggling through life haphazardly. I also think my dad has many symptoms (if not more than I do) and I’ve read that it can run in families but it’s difficult to know how to have that conversation with him.
My mum could be the poster child for ADHD tbh. I’ve mentioned it to my dad, with my mum I think there’s almost no point mentioning it, she constantly says “would you change me though?” In a very I am what I am way.
When I was younger and would reflect on my childhood I always thought my mum had close to a nervous breakdown at one point, but I’m not sure now, however, I do think at one point she was definitely depressed. But being more aware of what ADHD symptoms are and how they display in women I can see how my mum could be diagnosed in a heartbeat.
it was always a running joke in my house that we’d never had a dinner made by my mum that wasn’t burnt, which is pretty true - but now I think well yeah, she gets so distracted she could never remember that our dinner was on and the next thing you know: burnt fish fingers.
Any tips on managing meltdowns at work? It's usually when I'm 'on the spot' and under pressure. Or when someone is changing something I've worked on, or a perceived criticism. I tend to be able to mask up to a certain point but then 'BAM' full on meltdown which shocks everyone. I also suffer with pmt and it is 10 x worse then which is a separate issue im trying to work on.
Also my meltdowns are embarrassing - shaking, crying, rocking, storming off. Really childish behaviour which inevitably leads to embarrassment and shame.
I think I wrongly assume I'm being criticised a lot when I'm not.
@Niknak I personally get over things much quicker if people leave me to work myself out if that makes sense. As long as you've let him know a couple of times you're there for him, what else can you do? Also you need to concentrate on yourself too. You can't sort him out especially if he's caving it and trying to relieve your own anxiety over what's happening currently. All the best. Hope it improves soon.
---
So no don't keep calling every day. IMO.
Folks I have a gp appointment this week and finally going to ask about suspected adhd/asd is there any tests anyone recommends for me taking along to help with evidence etc? I feel like I've heard about a form that is useful to complete amd.take along but cannot remember the name. THanks in advance
ASRS-1! I think, if you mean the checklist ?
---
I would also have a list of why you think you may have it, reasons that you’ve noticed but also someone else is always good. My big sister gave me examples for my autism assessment
Apologies for my epic post at the end of the last thread, I'm in the zone!
Couldn't see any rules/regs/recaps so I assume just continue the conversation, but for existing and new Tattlers I'd really recommend checking out Russell Barkley on YouTube.
Two things he said, that people with ADHD don't have an internal clock and that there's a developmental lag in childhood in terms of "caretaking" such as being left in charge of dinner, or children, or learning to ride a bike, really stood out to me.
And finally, ADHD isn't really about not paying attention, it's about not being able to control your attention, so you can't always focus and prioritise properly.
You're not stupid, or lazy, or crazy, or any of those things and you're not alone <3
---
Here is my novel from the last thread because it got locked, some people might find it useful, and @Sideboard Bob you are NOT being a princess, please don't think like that, do you believe you should be able to work with so many things literally tugging your concentration in other directions?!
Sideboard Bob said:
Just thinking out loud about overlaps between adhd and autism. I‘ve looked into the definition and diagnostic criteria for autism, and I’m pretty sure it doesn’t apply to me.
But, I’m really starting to realise how sensitive I am with sensory issues. I’ve been doing some work in a different place recently and honestly feel like I’m going crazy because the lights are too bright, its too warm, and there’s no fresh air, and it’s impossible to change any of these things. Oh and there‘s too much noise.
It makes it so hard for me to focus on anything, and it just leaves me feeling exhausted and overwhelmed.
ETA. And I hate being like this, it makes me feel like I’m being a princess, or can’t just pull myself together, but it really does affect me in such a debilitating way.
My personal hunch with this, as someone with ASD and ADHD, is that anyone's brain gets overstimulated eventually and it happens far faster for autistic people because there are processing issues, but with ADHD it's more about the executive functioning and our wildly out of calibration attention (it's not attention deficit is it really, it's more inappropriate, locked on attention?!) soooo if you are attempting to focus on doing the thing whilst there are other things screaming for your attention like bright lights, feeling physically uncomfortable, intermittent noise then you're basically wrangling a puppy in street food market.
Not sure if you're really after advice but I've found ear defenders, tinted glasses and layering clothes helpful for open plan office situations. The ear defenders keep people away, the yellow/orange specs look a little strange over my regular glasses but with all the kerfuffle over blue light you can just blame that and no one is looking at your clothes closely enough to read anything into your body temperature!
--- Shawads said:
Secondly I know he’s quite private but is usually pretty open with me, or seems to be.
a family member of his has told me some quite serious stuff that’s been happening and he hasn’t told me at all.
I don’t know if it’s an oversight as he’s busy and maybe stressed or he just wants to be private but I think with the stupid fb rsd and then this , it’s really triggered me today.
Single most useful piece of relationship advice I've ever been given is a reworking of Hanlon's razor:
"Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity."
EXCEPT: Replace stupidity with "their own stuff" or even, in close relationships, "their desire to keep you safe, unstressed and unworried"
Maybe he doesn't want to think about it in his happy place with you, perhaps he doesn't want you to deal with negativity (especially true if you're going through anything yourself!) and it could be that he's just waiting for the right time to discuss it.
It's easier said than done but try to train your brain to be kind in its conclusion jumping; if someone is rude to you or pushes you out the way on the tube, they're having a bad day, it's not about you.
If you get a dirty look from a coworker it's more likely they were staring into space and thinking about having to eat sprouts at Christmas than they intentionally gave you fleeting stinkeye for no reason.
As I said, not easy, takes time and practice, but so worth it for your peace of mind if you can manage to block even ten percent of the "oh it's my fault xyz" RSD reactions that pop up from what turns out to be utterly inconsequential.
It's almost never about you <3
--- Meg78 said:
I am massively struggling to control my spending atm, alternating between designer purchases and discounters, and the house is a hoarders paradise I don’t know how to switch it off, I can’t tolerate stimulants so can’t medicate, but my husband is miserable, this can’t go on
Try removing all of your autofill, PayPal, Google and Apple wallets etc so that you have to find your card and input the whole number/expiry date etc every single time you buy something online.
Depending on your relationship with your husband you could make an accountability agreement of some kind maybe? I went through a phase where I had to show my purchases spreadsheet to my sister, that really killed the frivolous spending because having to fill in the why I needed it section for a pink ResQme when I already had a work and home one in orange and yellow respectively was... Challenging.
Some people swear by the "keep it in your basket for 24 hours" rule for online but that didn't work for me because, well, impulsive is impulsive! If I could stop myself then I just would, though adding various versions of something to my online basket/wishlist so I could deep dive on which is best later on did prevent some unnecessary purchases.
Finally, if the hoarding is an issue, draft in some mates and have a multistage clear out. Thanks to our total lack of object permanence it's essentially the same as going shopping because you'll have forgotten most of what you've bought, and the right friends can tough love you out of unnecessary items to then maybe sell online?
@WeHadFunRight I identify with all of this. Chaotic house .. yes. Put things in strange places ..yes. Instantly forget where ..yes. I have currently forgotten where 3 sets of tweezers are (all the good ones naturally) and left with the rubbish pair. I lose my purse (in the house) on average three times a week & go cold frequently having no idea where my bank card is!
Thank you so much for this, I definitely feel less alone knowing someone else has these challenges, but feel sorry for both of us!
This morning I went out to run some errands, my husband made me a tea for when I was out, so I was carrying some bags (one with some balloons in) and as I left the shop and crossed the road I was like hmmm… now I don’t know if I put my phone away or left it on the counter in the shop…. So I tried searching in my bag, and forgot I was carrying the cup of tea with a little tea in still and tipped it down myself and the other bags, it’s maddening that the simplest information leaves my brain so quickly. Like I’m not an idiot, I have a well paid job in a professional field but I am really struggling right now. Having my second baby has made everything that can be connected to ADHD symptoms so much worse.
Have you ever had a friend who also is, or suspected to be adhd? The few I’ve met are an instant click and I never feel like I’m on eggshells in the same way
I've found this too. I've got a neighbour who is so much on my level with the ADHD although I've not asked him if he has a diagnosis, and we get on so well. His (adult) kid says its impossible to follow our conversations though.
Honestly it could just be that she’s following the dopamine and you’re no longer the shiny new toy….. it’s still really shitty behaviour, but if she was drawn to you in the first place there’s a higher chance she’s also ND, in which case dopamine seeking through social interaction would make sense, I unfortunately had a friend just like it
That actually helps, if I think of it from the perspective that she is possibly ND as well and just following her own dopamine seeking behaviour, makes it a bit less personal and hurtful.
I sware I'm undiagnosed ADHD. Felt this for YEARS. Like I'll be in a conversation and my mind just drifts off. I can't read instructions or follow verbal instructions. I can't read big chunks of writing like I can physically read it but the information doesn't sink in. Even as a kid I couldn't watch many films as I can't concentrate for that long. But then if I become interested in something I'll learn everything about it. Loads of people have asked me over the years if I'm ADHD but never been assessed or anything for it.
I feel exactly the same! My son has an ADHD assessment next month and the more research I do the more I realise I have so many ADHD traits! I struggle to watch films and I can’t watch a series without googling what happens at the end because my body can’t handle the suspense.
My therapist said she thinks I should talk to a psychiatrist via my GP about ADHD (I had not and had never brought ADHD up with her but it wasn’t out of the blue - I was talking about executive dysfunction basically, which I have struggled with my entire life. It’s evident in school reports and such)
Anyway, it would be really nice to hear people’s experiences of treatments and especially medication? I worry it will inhibit my ability to get in the “zone” where I hyperfocus, which is a part of myself I really like. I’ve also heard people say it can cause hair loss and I have a full on phobia of hair loss :-/ Thank you
Anyone of meds? I was diagnosed at 44 after 3 my 3 kids diagnosed ADHD, 2 are also autistic!
I started meds 2 weeks ago, low dose the first week and onto a higher dose this week. I haven’t noticed any difference at all….
I read all these posts about people taking meds and immediately feeling calm. I’ve felt none of this, no increase in clarity or decrease in impulsivity. For example today I took keys of car to go to shop I noticed one of the kids spilt something in back seat came back in to give it a quick hoover, 2 hours later the car is spotless inside and out! I didn’t make it to shop
Thank you so much for your detailed reply. I can relate to so much of what you’re saying but then I have this other side which is the autistic side. It feels like my head battles itself constantly. If I don’t write lists I don’t get stuff done but it’s lists for then and not a week, I absolutely cannot plan like that. I have one friend who I see maybe once a month (we live an hour apart) and she is my bestie. We know everything about each other. We chat every day on the phone and have a very intense friendship (hello both clearly being undiagnosed neurospicy). I do have two other friends both a married couple. I chat to the husband more via Instagram, barely chat to his wife even though I know him through her. It isn’t I don’t want to. It’s that out of sight out of mind. I can really relate to that. I’ve no desire for any other friends. Couldn’t think of much worse than ‘going out for bottomless brunch with the girls’ that is everything I hate. I’ve also been a bit of a social recluse but when at work I’m so extroverted but it’s all an act. Washing, yep! The amount of times I’ve had to rewash is a joke and it’s that paralysis. I sit knowing it’s in but I can’t physically move to take it out. Putting it on is hard enough. But then I have those moments of madness where I’m in that zone and get everything done in a couple of hours. I am so organised at work, always thinking ahead because I have to be 5 steps ahead but I’ve to set a million reminders and get my best friend to tell me about my flu jab appointment because I forgot two. It’s those little things isn’t it. Things that others find easy but feel impossible to me. Even sitting down to do this feels impossible bur yet I’m saying things here. Make it make sense
This sounds super super familiar. I've been formally diagnosed and these are all the things I struggle with. The hyperfocusing to get things done, but never being able to rely on having that focus in a predictable way, the extroversion / confidence at work despite being quite introverted or even a bit reclusive in your personal life, the one intense friendship with someone who is most similar to you and avoidance of other friendships not through reasons you can control. I speak to a very close friend weekly, she's also going through assessments for ADHD now so we're likely both ND. I can't even remember when I spoke to other friends from other circles, probably months. It just doesn't occur to me and then I deal with so much guilt for being such a flaky friend. The over-compensating to be good in one area of your life to the detriment of literally everything else. This is me to a tee.
What complicated things for me is the childhood trauma I've had to work through in recent years, since therapy brought some big things to the surface for me including a large degree of emotional neglect as a kid. I was the "stable, independent kid" in a quite dysfunctional household. In reality I was quite bright and learned to mask hard as a kid as there was a huge amount of expectation on me; while I wasn't your hyperactive kid with behavioural issues, I did really well in school but I did that by doing things at the last minute, including all-nighters studying before big exams. I was also a hardcore daydreamer, but no alarms were raised about these things because on paper I was an A student, quiet and diligent.
As an adult I've been professionally successful, I present with a high degree of confidence, I'm very articulate, well groomed etc etc. My psychiatrist read through that really quickly though, one of the first things he said was "you're quite smiley and confident, are you like that all the time? Do you wake up like that? What about friends, do you have many? When's the last time you spoke to them?"
In about 30 seconds he unravelled years of masking and struggle that I'd been dealing with since I was a child.
The ADHD tax is so real Just had a notification that I’ve been charged tor a veg box…. I was supposed to cancel the subscription in 2020. Every four weeks I log in and skip the deliveries, because you can’t cancel online you have to call and I would rather peel my skin off than make a phone call, so here we are four years later awaiting yet another silly overpriced box of vegetables I will forget are in the fridge. I’ve basically ordered a £16 box of compost. Happens every month and I will learn nothing from this experience
However, I'm always super early for appointments (allow ages for any possible setbacks) and the thought of not letting someone know I'll be late fills me with horror. I can lose something within minutes and often wander around looking for my glasses (panicking) and they'll be on my head
I don’t know how to switch it off, I can’t tolerate stimulants so can’t medicate, but my husband is miserable, this can’t go on
