Late Diagnosis ADHD/ADD (Women) #2

[Hollaaa]

Anything with clear and structured expectations but freedom to act and variation in the situations or people you deal with. Service industry, retail, emergency services, teaching, project management, inbound sales/customer service, business support/VA/PA, research, entertainment.

I've thrived in situations like retail where you're only as good as yesterday's figures and every day is a fresh start, things where you get immediate feedback on performance like organising events or cleaning, or long term projects where there are clear deliverables and milestones but regular check ins to get them over the line. I've also found it really helpful to have documented customer feedback to counteract line manager criticism.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Any tips on managing meltdowns at work? It's usually when I'm 'on the spot' and under pressure. Or when someone is changing something I've worked on, or a perceived criticism. I tend to be able to mask up to a certain point but then 'BAM' full on meltdown which shocks everyone. I also suffer with pmt and it is 10 x worse then which is a separate issue im trying to work on.

Also my meltdowns are embarrassing - shaking, crying, rocking, storming off. Really childish behaviour which inevitably leads to embarrassment and shame.

I think I wrongly assume I'm being criticised a lot when I'm not.

Can you neutralise the issue a bit by trying to reframe what you’re hearing as “feedback” and that it’s important you hear it as feedback helps you understand other people’s perspective on your work and suggestions on how it could improve or be better? See feedback as an opportunity to improve or at least just for someone to share their opinion on your work with you? De personalise it would be my advice xx

 

[LifeOfMog]

Hi lovelies, not sure what my plan is being on this thread but potentially just looking for advice I guess?
I'm 25, and have always felt theres 'something' different about me and I worry about everything lol but today made me want to question it more after reading online - as you do x

In certain situations - for example, meetings - if I am not engaged in the situation by speaking to others I find myself getting really warm, and struggling to keep my eyes open, and I can almost feel my heart / body drop (sounds so stupid I know) and I wake myself back up again. This continues the entire meeting / situation - even if I am writing things / eating / drawing, and when I read online it was linked to ADHD.

Has anyone had anything similar at all? I am currently undergoing investigations as I suffer from short burst migraines which again have been mentioned to link to ADHD, but I want to hear from people who are officially diagnosed before I go to professionals x

 

[adviseplz]

I noticed on psychiatry UK it has a specific notice on there about referrals from Kent - obviously I don’t know where you are!

mad that people can have a 5-7 year wait.

to be totally honest as my major issue is inattentiveness (over hyperactivity - so I don’t need medication…) I guess I need to work on structures I can put in place to help - I used to have good ones but they’re not available to me at the moment.
I have checked some books out of the library to understand it more - that social media guy who does the instagram posts I thought would help but it’s just raising awareness really isn’t it, which has its place but once you think you identify with the symptoms you need help with how to manage them… like I lose my keys a million times a day and it’s absolutely maddening - what structure can I put around that to help me remember where I put them or create a reflex of returning them to where they should go?

oh, I also asked about the whole self-diagnosis thing and asked if it was a result of the bottle neck for diagnosis? He said he thinks that self diagnosis will eventually fall away if (and he expects this to happen) they allow GPs to diagnose people rather than having to refer them etc etc. not sure if that is helpful to anyone. So for now I suppose I am self-diagnosed?

r/ADHD has lots of good tips!

 

[PunkyMonkey]

Almost had a meltdown because my meds were out of stock. I changed to pharmacy 2u so they’d be through the door. Luckily my local boots has them and they’re on order. Genuinely felt a huge weight come off

Apparently the shortage is on its way to being sorted out so as long as you're good for December the stock issues should be resolved.

 

[Celeste90]

Hi all, sorry to derail slightly - it's obviously the time of year to think about it but does anyone have any tips for improving their fitness/losing weight? I lost a load of weight when I was on Elvanse but now I'm unmedicated I always eat crap for the dopamine I also don't have anyone who could be a gym buddy to help motivate me, so I feel a bit stuck!! Ant advice much appreciated

 

[Rodneytrotter]

If it helps with the embarrassment and shame you feel, I was like this a lot in my old job as a project manager. When things changed direction, or my clients didn’t stick to the timeline (which was all the time!). My boss said that I was very good at my job, but that he was sometimes scared of me

It was a very fast paced role and what has helped me is moving into a slower-paced job where I can have a bit of perspective and breathing space. I’m not 100% perfect by any means but my number of meltdowns are significantly less. However, as it is slower paced, my attention wanders a lot… so swings and roundabouts

Obviously it’s not as simple as changing jobs, but I find what helps me is everything going ok for me to be able to cope with my previous triggers. If I’ve had a bad night sleep, not exercising , eating badly… all the boring stuff… I find it harder to create distance and control my emotions. you’ll never be able to tick all those boxes perfectly, but it does help to keep things in check

Thank you, yes I've been told I'm scary too! And that I can be aggressive (another thing to work on). That's very true about making sure all basic needs are met such as sleep etc.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Hi everyone. I've just started the process of seeing if I have ADHD. I'm going privately via the medical insurance I get through work so it's taking days rather than years, but I'm going to have to speak to my parents about it soon as the psychiatrist wants correlation from someone who has known me since childhood.

I'm going to try very hard to frame it as looking for help for the future rather than blame for the past, but does anyone have any tips for that conversation, please?

I don’t have much to say aside from definitely don’t talk about “blame” as it’s no one’s “fault” if someone has a ND condition - but yes I think framing it as helping you with structure and systems for the future is really useful I think.
I have a GP appointment next week to talk about an assessment via ADHD Think I did last week.

Good luck with your process!

 

[unidentified]

Start with where you are struggling.

A good realisation for me was that I struggle with the "easy" things and get energy / dopamine from the things that others would find objectively "hard". E.G other people write a To Do list and get things done in a given week, including blocking off time after work to clean the house, go to the gym, run some errands etc. Me - nope. If I'm to perform at work, I'm hyperfocusing all day, not eating lunch or taking bathroom breaks, and then I'm too burned out in the evening to transition into anything else.

If you looked at my life and my CV - you'd think, wow, this person is highly capable and quite impressive. The "hard" things - Moved countries and set up shop on my own several times, have had two successful career paths in two very competitive spaces by my mid 30s. Quite smart, ambitious, thrive in chaos etc. However - give me a quiet day with no fires or sirens going off and I will sit in ADHD paralysis, thinking about the million things I need to get done and doing absolutely nothing about it. Ask me about my 5-year plan and I'll freeze on the spot, I don't understand time the way a neurotypical person does and if it's not now, it's meaningless to me. I can't plan and that comes with loads of examples - struggled to settle in any country, struggled to buy a house despite lots of financial success, have been talking about doing a Masters for at least a decade now. Have been talking to my partner about renovating the house for at least three years now.

Another example is relationships and friendships. It's out of sight, out of mind for me. I will literally not think to text people or make plans if they're not in my immediate orbit. I've lost dozens of friendships that way. At the end of a work day, i can think of nothing worse than making weekend / whatever social plans, because the burnout from doing that "one thing" i.e career well, has come at the cost of everything else. I need no plans to recharge and regulate myself.

Hope some of this helps. ADHD in women expresses differently, and I think i've made it to almost 40 before getting diagnosed because I've masked and made one thing that's highly valued by society look good on paper.

Thank you so much for your detailed reply. I can relate to so much of what you’re saying but then I have this other side which is the autistic side. It feels like my head battles itself constantly. If I don’t write lists I don’t get stuff done but it’s lists for then and not a week, I absolutely cannot plan like that. I have one friend who I see maybe once a month (we live an hour apart) and she is my bestie. We know everything about each other. We chat every day on the phone and have a very intense friendship (hello both clearly being undiagnosed neurospicy). I do have two other friends both a married couple. I chat to the husband more via Instagram, barely chat to his wife even though I know him through her. It isn’t I don’t want to. It’s that out of sight out of mind. I can really relate to that. I’ve no desire for any other friends. Couldn’t think of much worse than ‘going out for bottomless brunch with the girls’ that is everything I hate. I’ve also been a bit of a social recluse but when at work I’m so extroverted but it’s all an act. Washing, yep! The amount of times I’ve had to rewash is a joke and it’s that paralysis. I sit knowing it’s in but I can’t physically move to take it out. Putting it on is hard enough. But then I have those moments of madness where I’m in that zone and get everything done in a couple of hours. I am so organised at work, always thinking ahead because I have to be 5 steps ahead but I’ve to set a million reminders and get my best friend to tell me about my flu jab appointment because I forgot two. It’s those little things isn’t it. Things that others find easy but feel impossible to me. Even sitting down to do this feels impossible bur yet I’m saying things here. Make it make sense

 

[Hollaaa]

I don't know if this is your era, but I loved The Chart Show for this. Entertainment AND facts. Perfect.

 

[knivesnflowers]

saw this earlier and wheeeew

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Bit belated but i thought that was an excellent post PunkyMonkey, thank you

Agreed! So much to think about and learn from, thank you @PunkyMonkey

 

[Niknak]

@Niknak I personally get over things much quicker if people leave me to work myself out if that makes sense. As long as you've let him know a couple of times you're there for him, what else can you do? Also you need to concentrate on yourself too. You can't sort him out especially if he's caving it and trying to relieve your own anxiety over what's happening currently. All the best. Hope it improves soon.
---
So no don't keep calling every day. IMO.

@Fledgling Psycho Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. I've taken your advice and haven't tried to contact him yesterday and today - it's been difficult but you are right, I've already tried to let him know I'm here for him if he needs me and under the circumstances that's all I can do x

 

[Hollaaa]

Spoiler: Weight management spoiler

I tend to do meal replacements and have a couple of proper dinners every week on nights when I have free time to enjoy planning, shopping, cooking etc. It gets me out of that forgetting to eat/being suddenly ravenous/eating too much/blood sugar crash/eat more quick cycle.

 

[kingseven]

Does anyone have any career ideas? My daughter is wanting to come off her college course and feels a bit lost. Career ideas for an asd/adhd brain is hard (she doesn’t want to do my job and I don’t think she’d be quite ready for it). She needs something around people even though it’s exhausting so she needs it away from people too, she needs routine and structure but also change and a challenge. Oh the joys of a ND brain
Edited to add, we live in a city but we’re rural

Does she have a special interests or aptitudes for a particular subject?

 

[conrea37]

Hi all, sorry to derail slightly - it's obviously the time of year to think about it but does anyone have any tips for improving their fitness/losing weight? I lost a load of weight when I was on Elvanse but now I'm unmedicated I always eat crap for the dopamine I also don't have anyone who could be a gym buddy to help motivate me, so I feel a bit stuck!! Ant advice much appreciated

It’s a bit expensive but wegovy has changed my life food wise

 

[WeHadFunRight]

I have a doctors appointment tomorrow to talk about an ADHD diagnosis. I did the ADHD Think self assessment- has anyone else done this prior to approaching their GP? I don’t know the GP I’m seeing so I can’t think how it’s going to go. I think he’s young and the younger GPs at the practice tend to be really proactive.

 

[peekachu]

I noticed on psychiatry UK it has a specific notice on there about referrals from Kent - obviously I don’t know where you are!

mad that people can have a 5-7 year wait.

to be totally honest as my major issue is inattentiveness (over hyperactivity - so I don’t need medication…) I guess I need to work on structures I can put in place to help - I used to have good ones but they’re not available to me at the moment.
I have checked some books out of the library to understand it more - that social media guy who does the instagram posts I thought would help but it’s just raising awareness really isn’t it, which has its place but once you think you identify with the symptoms you need help with how to manage them… like I lose my keys a million times a day and it’s absolutely maddening - what structure can I put around that to help me remember where I put them or create a reflex of returning them to where they should go?

oh, I also asked about the whole self-diagnosis thing and asked if it was a result of the bottle neck for diagnosis? He said he thinks that self diagnosis will eventually fall away if (and he expects this to happen) they allow GPs to diagnose people rather than having to refer them etc etc. not sure if that is helpful to anyone. So for now I suppose I am self-diagnosed?

I am in Kent, unfortunately It’s awful how access to healthcare is a postcode lottery. There’s no other option other than to go private, which most of us cannot afford, especially when ADHD can affect your ability to work and hold down a job.

I have seen lots of people across England on the ADHDUK Reddit and the Right to Choose FB group who’ve also been waiting 12 months+ with PUK, so it seems it’s not only Kent with longer waiting times. They used to say referrals were processed in date order, but that doesn’t seem to be the case anymore.

I also present mostly inattentive symptoms, so I can empathise completely with you! I wish I could offer some advice but I’m just bumbling my way through life (hence trying to seek help). I always thought my forgetfulness, time blindness, procrastination, etc would sort itself out by the time I was an adult but I’m 30 now and feel no different to when I was 12.

I think the current bottlenecks are a combination of increased awareness and knowledge about ADHD, which has highlighted how many people were not diagnosed when we were younger (particularly for females and males with inattentive ADHD).

Unfortunately the NHS is stretched to its limit in all areas, so it’s interesting that your GP mentioned allowing GPs to diagnose patients, rather than referring to a psychiatrist. Would that not increase their workload, require funding for specialist training and therefore place more pressure on services? I really feel for NHS staff and the pressure they’re under!

I don’t know what can be done to improve things in the short-term, other than offering the Right to Choose with more providers to reduce waiting times. The reliance on private services is very worrying though

 

[Fifah1907]

@Alfie1234

 

[Underthetabletop]

@soupmodel
I hear you and I hope things are feeling better (I’ve taken a few days to ignore anything that needs a response whilst I’ve took leave to fully switch off!).
Despite me saying this xmas I’m a bit overwhelmed with work and still settling back on happy pills, it seems all household and Xmas present buying and remembering partners life bits is down to me! Good job I have the type of brain that remembers stupid crap isn’t it…. Coz my other half doesn’t have the brain that remembers stuff (he doesn’t see the reminders and crap I have about!)
I am buying my partner a book on adhd and he can get it read! It’s like nothing changed with us, I have a name to it, but if I do stuff then rather than it being a ‘ahh that’s it moment’ it’s still why do you do it issue. So I get the challenges of it all.