Late Diagnosis ADHD/ADD (Women) #2

[ThePowderMonkey]

For me, the knowing for sure, the validation that came with the diagnoses was more than worth it. It's brought me peace

Yes this! Even a 14 months post diagnosis I am still having lightbulb moments and understanding why things didn’t work out or why they felt so incredibly difficult. I’ve also just learnt I am a gestalt processor and it explains. A LOT

 

[imtakingabath]

I've suspected for quite a while now that I have ADHD - I struggle with time blindness, if I don't add a reminder to my phone or write something down immediately then I will completely forget, I can never remember where I've put things...but I just started reading a book about adult ADHD (Dirty Laundry), and it's making me question whether I really do have it, because my symptoms are nowhere near as extreme as the lady in the book. I've never lost my iPhone or purse permanently, only around the house (she permanently lost three wallets and four sets of headphones in a short period of time for example). Instead of being late for everything, I'm usually super early cos I'm so paranoid about being late (the lady in the book has missed multiple trains and even flights). Is it possible to have ADHD to different degrees?! Could I be "high functioning" ADHD, or maybe I've just developed fairly good coping mechanisms? Would be interested to hear other people's experiences! I guess some of it is probably down to personality type?

 

[unidentified]

Really learned to identity burnout since my diagnosis to the point I’ve done lots today before work so I can do very little tomorrow and put myself on charge.
Also inspired a friend who’s seeking a referral albeit with the NHS, she’s ok with the long wait and knows if it would help her to save some money to go private. We get along so well and a lot of it is similar personalities. I was inspired by a friend so it’s nice to carry that on

I now feel absolutely no shame in doing nothing. I love going back to bed after the school run and staying there until lunch time sometimes. It’s what I need at times so I have my appointment for ADHD in June I’m on a long NHS waiting list for ASD, I’ve heard this is currently at 2 years 🫠

 

[Lollylaylow]

I have a lot of those feelings, why did nobody help me? I didn't walk until I was 2 and didn't speak until I could do a complete sentence, why did this not flag something? All those same comments on my school reports. Even now, I paid for private ADHD diagnostic tests (and got unexpected autism as a bonus) because I was told I'd be fast-tracked by the NHS for a medication appointment with a consultant. A year later, I've been told I was accidentally referred for diagnosis, but if they put me on the right referral pathway now it'll take longer than the year I've already waited, and I'll be at the back of the queue. It's frustrating and very unfair.

Because many walk and talk very early. My sister's children all walked and talked late, mine all walked and talked early. some are always early for appointments, others always late, some are very tidy others untidy, some minimalist some hoarders. Some of us a chalk and cheese and yet we are the same and are drawn to each other.

 

[Mermer89]

Hi all,

I’m diagnosed and medicated for ADHD

really suffering with RSD atm (rejection sensitivity). Was left out of a non-work event with people at work where loads went and only a few of us were not invited. I feel like I’ve been punched and like a proper loser. I don’t know what to do 🥲

 

[testingonetwothreefoiur]

Hi everyone. My daughter was diagnosed ASD last year after a long battle in the system. Weirdly I never considered ADHD until I (like many others) came across it on social media and thought oh yeah, this is also her. Even weirder still, I didn’t recognise either in myself until the last year and my whole life seems to make sense (I’m mid 30’s). I spoke to the GP about something else which I now know happens on the back of a meltdown. They didn’t question anything, just put a referral in. Now all these questionnaires have come through and I feel completely overwhelmed. When I talk to my best friend and dad about it all I can say all my struggles but I can’t seem to put it into their questionnaires. I am also conscious that because I think I am ASD and ADHD I don’t scream either one. I am also a professional woman in a very responsible job and I am worried all of that will go against me. I don’t know how to give examples. A lot of this is because I don’t know what is me and what is my masking or forcing myself to cope. Where do I start? I can’t help but feel that the whole assessment process is not designed for neurodivergent people.

Start with where you are struggling.

A good realisation for me was that I struggle with the "easy" things and get energy / dopamine from the things that others would find objectively "hard". E.G other people write a To Do list and get things done in a given week, including blocking off time after work to clean the house, go to the gym, run some errands etc. Me - nope. If I'm to perform at work, I'm hyperfocusing all day, not eating lunch or taking bathroom breaks, and then I'm too burned out in the evening to transition into anything else.

If you looked at my life and my CV - you'd think, wow, this person is highly capable and quite impressive. The "hard" things - Moved countries and set up shop on my own several times, have had two successful career paths in two very competitive spaces by my mid 30s. Quite smart, ambitious, thrive in chaos etc. However - give me a quiet day with no fires or sirens going off and I will sit in ADHD paralysis, thinking about the million things I need to get done and doing absolutely nothing about it. Ask me about my 5-year plan and I'll freeze on the spot, I don't understand time the way a neurotypical person does and if it's not now, it's meaningless to me. I can't plan and that comes with loads of examples - struggled to settle in any country, struggled to buy a house despite lots of financial success, have been talking about doing a Masters for at least a decade now. Have been talking to my partner about renovating the house for at least three years now.

Another example is relationships and friendships. It's out of sight, out of mind for me. I will literally not think to text people or make plans if they're not in my immediate orbit. I've lost dozens of friendships that way. At the end of a work day, i can think of nothing worse than making weekend / whatever social plans, because the burnout from doing that "one thing" i.e career well, has come at the cost of everything else. I need no plans to recharge and regulate myself.

Hope some of this helps. ADHD in women expresses differently, and I think i've made it to almost 40 before getting diagnosed because I've masked and made one thing that's highly valued by society look good on paper.

 

[unidentified]

Hi everyone. My daughter was diagnosed ASD last year after a long battle in the system. Weirdly I never considered ADHD until I (like many others) came across it on social media and thought oh yeah, this is also her. Even weirder still, I didn’t recognise either in myself until the last year and my whole life seems to make sense (I’m mid 30’s). I spoke to the GP about something else which I now know happens on the back of a meltdown. They didn’t question anything, just put a referral in. Now all these questionnaires have come through and I feel completely overwhelmed. When I talk to my best friend and dad about it all I can say all my struggles but I can’t seem to put it into their questionnaires. I am also conscious that because I think I am ASD and ADHD I don’t scream either one. I am also a professional woman in a very responsible job and I am worried all of that will go against me. I don’t know how to give examples. A lot of this is because I don’t know what is me and what is my masking or forcing myself to cope. Where do I start? I can’t help but feel that the whole assessment process is not designed for neurodivergent people.

 

[Hollaaa]

I have a lot of those feelings, why did nobody help me? I didn't walk until I was 2 and didn't speak until I could do a complete sentence, why did this not flag something? All those same comments on my school reports. Even now, I paid for private ADHD diagnostic tests (and got unexpected autism as a bonus) because I was told I'd be fast-tracked by the NHS for a medication appointment with a consultant. A year later, I've been told I was accidentally referred for diagnosis, but if they put me on the right referral pathway now it'll take longer than the year I've already waited, and I'll be at the back of the queue. It's frustrating and very unfair.

 

[soupmodel]

How do you measure supportiveness in your partners when it comes to your late ADHD diagnosis?

Putting this in a spoiler so if anyone's struggling right now with their relationship they can scroll past it:

Spoiler

My partner and I have had a falling out. It was triggered by us sleeping in today (it's been an extremely busy week and an exhausting weekend). It's always on me to wake us up (my alarms & Alexa's) but we were able to sleep through them today. I asked him to get up and help get the kids ready and he refused. I expressed that I hadn't even taken my meds yet and I needed the help this morning.

I was in a state of overwhelm and paralysis because it was so late and I was panicking. He called me lazy which really set me off and I fully shut down. I asked him for space today because he would be working from home and I felt uncomfortable. He's called me about an hour ago and was telling me that I'm using my ADHD as an excuse... This really hurt me (I know we have big feelings). He said it isn't hard for someone with ADHD to get out of bed and that there's no such thing as paralysis or demand avoidance or time blindness.

I have already expressed to him in this past week that I have been feeling that he is harbouring some kind of resentment towards me (showing signs of contempt like eye rolling, sighing/huffing when I speak and just generally making me feel like an inconvenience).

Obviously we are in the midst of a disagreement right now but I was wondering how other people's partner's compare? It's a lot for them to process but I'm feeling truly worthless right now. He's never paid attention to any materials my O/T has given me to bring home to work through together, just says he will "never understand" because our brains are different.

I don't know how to be in this current moment so sorry for the massive woe is me post

 

[whyhellothere83]

I've suspected for quite a while now that I have ADHD - I struggle with time blindness, if I don't add a reminder to my phone or write something down immediately then I will completely forget, I can never remember where I've put things...but I just started reading a book about adult ADHD (Dirty Laundry), and it's making me question whether I really do have it, because my symptoms are nowhere near as extreme as the lady in the book. I've never lost my iPhone or purse permanently, only around the house (she permanently lost three wallets and four sets of headphones in a short period of time for example). Instead of being late for everything, I'm usually super early cos I'm so paranoid about being late (the lady in the book has missed multiple trains and even flights). Is it possible to have ADHD to different degrees?! Could I be "high functioning" ADHD, or maybe I've just developed fairly good coping mechanisms? Would be interested to hear other people's experiences! I guess some of it is probably down to personality type?

It’s the same with anything, some people will be worse than others. Since I’ve been diagnosed, I’ve definitely started to unmask, which has been scary but also I finally feel myself.

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

Just musing on the multiplication of clutter when it comes to Christmas. I limit my Christmas decs to one surface only as otherwise I find it all overwhelming. I'm a premier clutter queen as a general rule and what with having to dry clothes indoors & my general piles of stuff it's the best I can do.
By the way, I managed to lose a brand new phone recently which has had me kicking myself as been trying to be extra careful to keep it all together!

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

@WeHadFunRight I identify with all of this. Chaotic house .. yes. Put things in strange places ..yes. Instantly forget where ..yes. I have currently forgotten where 3 sets of tweezers are (all the good ones naturally) and left with the rubbish pair. I lose my purse (in the house) on average three times a week & go cold frequently having no idea where my bank card is!

 

[Pjta]

Have you ever had a friend who also is, or suspected to be adhd? The few I’ve met are an instant click and I never feel like I’m on eggshells in the same way

I don't think so I find it so difficult even with my own family. I've learnt when not to talk, feel like I've been biting my tongue my whole life to be honest until I met my husband. He is the only person who completely gets me. Also I like to keep people at arms length it just works so much better until I feel lonely or realise I'm lacking certain friendships.

 

[Meg78]

Hi I really need some advice! It's stupid really because I know what I need to do but basically my daughter's school called me in to say they wanted to send her for a adhd/asd check. We have had our first phone call and the doctor has accepted her now waiting for the meeting date. When looking into autism / adhd I realised I think this is what I have. I've got major OCD, been on sertraline for anxiety for 8 years and always struggled with day to day life I just feel like I'm drowning constantly and don't stop doing things yet get nothing done. So I was productive and booked myself a doctors appt, my doctors have a system where unless it's an emergency and you need an appt that day they book you in for like 4 weeks time for a telephone appt. Well by the time they called I missed the call even though it was on my calendar so I rang back really embarrassed and booked another appt waited a month and same thing happened it was now the summer holidays and I missed the call. I'm too embarrassed to ring back again and say I've missed it again it's been months. Really can't afford a private appt I know I need to sort this but I'm just so rubbish with appointments.

The receptionists speak to hundreds of people per day, they won’t remember you had other appointments, and it may not be the same doctor each time calling. If it’s brought up it’s great evidence for why you’re struggling and need an assessment. If you can’t face the cringe factor check if they have ePatient facility on their website, you can request appointments or admin online with an eConsult
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Hi all,

I’m diagnosed and medicated for ADHD

really suffering with RSD atm (rejection sensitivity). Was left out of a non-work event with people at work where loads went and only a few of us were not invited. I feel like I’ve been punched and like a proper loser. I don’t know what to do 🥲

Oof that’s rough, I’m so sorry, had similar at the weekend where my neighbours all arranged a night out and mine was the only house not invited 🫠

My choice would be to take the high road, don’t make a scene but don’t ignore it either, if they’re talking about it in front of you that means it wasn’t personal and they don’t see anything wrong, they just have a social circle you weren’t aware of, if they painstakingly avoid mentioning it then they knowingly excluded, in which case they’re massive bellends and do you really want to be one of them?

 

[peekachu]

I think it's more because there weren't the same diagnostic criteria 40 years ago, which I know I can't do much about, but it still upsets me that I've struggled fairly needlessly.

I understand the feeling of struggling unnecessarily and wondering “what if” - I know it’s not much, but I hope it brings you some comfort to you know you’re not alone

Sadly it seems girls/women and people with inattentive type ADHD have been under diagnosed for some time as they often present differently. In the UK, ADHD was only formally recognised by NICE in 2000 and 2008 for adults, which explains why so many people were missed and now seeking an assessment.

I first spoke with my GP to ask for a referral 2 years ago, the NHS waiting list in my area is 5 years and unfortunately they will not accept a private diagnosis for ongoing treatment (plus it’s not something I can really afford).

Until I have an assessment I’m not sure if I do have ADHD.. and I feel wary about self-diagnosing, so until I know for certain I am just trying to cope by struggling through life haphazardly. I also think my dad has many symptoms (if not more than I do) and I’ve read that it can run in families but it’s difficult to know how to have that conversation with him.

 

[Meg78]

Hi all, sorry to derail slightly - it's obviously the time of year to think about it but does anyone have any tips for improving their fitness/losing weight? I lost a load of weight when I was on Elvanse but now I'm unmedicated I always eat crap for the dopamine I also don't have anyone who could be a gym buddy to help motivate me, so I feel a bit stuck!! Ant advice much appreciated

The way I look at it is that the prep work is a large part of it, at the end of the day training with 3 square meals of biscuits won’t see results, fail to prepare, prepare to fail and all that!

Meal prep -cook once, eat twice mentality, make sure you’re multi tasking with meals and making multiple portions each time, write a shopping list and better yet have online deliveries or click and collect so you can’t stray

Snack prep - easy to reach for snacks with little to no prep that aren’t too healthy, so yoghurts as an example, protein ones come in lots of flavours, cherry bakewell, banoffee etc

Meal replacement shakes in the fridge for days you’re not feeling it, Huel is the one I use

Make sure everything you eat, every meal and snack has these three things: protein, fat, fibre. Switches off the dopamine need from food, it’s weird.

Gameify it, use a macro counting app like myfitnesspal to track anything you’re comfortable with, food, measurements etc and use the novelty to keep yourself motivated, ideal if you can connect with others on there too

 

[Trauma Frotters]

I've suspected for quite a while now that I have ADHD - I struggle with time blindness, if I don't add a reminder to my phone or write something down immediately then I will completely forget, I can never remember where I've put things...but I just started reading a book about adult ADHD (Dirty Laundry), and it's making me question whether I really do have it, because my symptoms are nowhere near as extreme as the lady in the book. I've never lost my iPhone or purse permanently, only around the house (she permanently lost three wallets and four sets of headphones in a short period of time for example). Instead of being late for everything, I'm usually super early cos I'm so paranoid about being late (the lady in the book has missed multiple trains and even flights). Is it possible to have ADHD to different degrees?! Could I be "high functioning" ADHD, or maybe I've just developed fairly good coping mechanisms? Would be interested to hear other people's experiences! I guess some of it is probably down to personality type?

I feel like this. I don't necessarily experience the things I read are "typical" signs but I feel like that is because I put so much time and energy into preventing these things happening because people get so angry with me when they do happen.

And then I feel there is no support or understanding for me because I can ( with enormous effort) meet certain key standards that I have somehow prioritised as the most important. The ones that relate only to me I just can't even try, let alone succeed, and I am seen as wilful or lazy for that.

 

[Mooncalf]

I'm currently in the process of being diagnosed with ADHD - I've had an appointment where a clinician has said that all the evidence they've gathered strongly suggests that I have ADHD (combined type) and the psychiatrist will do the formal diagnosis in my appointment with him next week.

I was just reading your experiences with friends and I just wanted to say I relate so hard - I'm going through it with a work friend at the moment who was all over me when I first came, really friendly, would check on me all the time, invite me over to her house etc, and she seems to have just completely lost interest in me lately where she now brushes me off and seems very cold and distant. I've been taking it so badly and have been leaving work crying etc, but this is sort of a pattern where I feel like people just get sick of me after a while, a few months to a year, year and a half or so and I've never understood why. I think it's because I'm always 'too much' emotionally, or too intense, or whatever.

 

[Pjta]

Are you me? I feel EXACTLY the same! I get so anxious that I’m going to mess up and be too weird

Same and I feel like I'm constantly texting afterwards to clear up things I've said. Like I even find myself annoying I don't know how anyone puts up with me! Eg last week saying goodbye at the school dropping kids off she said "bye have a great day" I reply "Hi" or she says "enjoy swimming" I reply "you too" when she's not going I am just weird stuff. I've tried meditating so I slow down and actually think about what people are saying and how to answer but it just doesn't help.

 

[conrea37]

Almost had a meltdown because my meds were out of stock. I changed to pharmacy 2u so they’d be through the door. Luckily my local boots has them and they’re on order. Genuinely felt a huge weight come off