Late Diagnosis ADHD/ADD (Women) #2

[Meg78]

I'm currently in the process of being diagnosed with ADHD - I've had an appointment where a clinician has said that all the evidence they've gathered strongly suggests that I have ADHD (combined type) and the psychiatrist will do the formal diagnosis in my appointment with him next week.

I was just reading your experiences with friends and I just wanted to say I relate so hard - I'm going through it with a work friend at the moment who was all over me when I first came, really friendly, would check on me all the time, invite me over to her house etc, and she seems to have just completely lost interest in me lately where she now brushes me off and seems very cold and distant. I've been taking it so badly and have been leaving work crying etc, but this is sort of a pattern where I feel like people just get sick of me after a while, a few months to a year, year and a half or so and I've never understood why. I think it's because I'm always 'too much' emotionally, or too intense, or whatever.

Honestly it could just be that she’s following the dopamine and you’re no longer the shiny new toy….. it’s still really shitty behaviour, but if she was drawn to you in the first place there’s a higher chance she’s also ND, in which case dopamine seeking through social interaction would make sense, I unfortunately had a friend just like it

 

[kingseven]

Thank you I'm going to be productive and call Monday morning. The annoying thing was I'd practically done a countdown to the appointments and still ended up missing the calls. Thanks so much for your reply really appreciate it x

The fact that this meant so much to you and you still managed to miss it screams ADHD to me.

Try not to beat yourself up about it, we don’t mean to do it.

 

[adviseplz]

6 months from now?

No but it’s been on the list for 4 months, just took someone coming to stay over to get it done

 

[Kthxbye]

Does anyone have any career ideas? My daughter is wanting to come off her college course and feels a bit lost. Career ideas for an asd/adhd brain is hard (she doesn’t want to do my job and I don’t think she’d be quite ready for it). She needs something around people even though it’s exhausting so she needs it away from people too, she needs routine and structure but also change and a challenge. Oh the joys of a ND brain
Edited to add, we live in a city but we’re rural

I'm waiting for my ADHD assessment. I'm a Project Manager.
It took me a lot of years to find something that I was good at, and more importantly didn't get bored of after 6 months. I've been doing this job for 4 years now and every day is different, plus I can manage my own workload and when i do the work. I'm also partially responsible for setting deadlines, so I know I can work to them

 

[veevee04]

Does anyone have any career ideas? My daughter is wanting to come off her college course and feels a bit lost. Career ideas for an asd/adhd brain is hard (she doesn’t want to do my job and I don’t think she’d be quite ready for it). She needs something around people even though it’s exhausting so she needs it away from people too, she needs routine and structure but also change and a challenge. Oh the joys of a ND brain
Edited to add, we live in a city but we’re rural

I'm a audhder , I work in mental health and/or learning disability my job is assessing and helping neurodiverse people, advocating etc . My first job was working in supported living , there's a lot less pressure on your social skills there's a lot of routine and structure as well as different activities. I didn't even know I was an audhder at the time but it was the first job I stuck at hahaha so it made sense.

 

[Niknak]

Sorry to impose on this thread, it may not be the best place for this post - but I'd be really grateful for a little advice from those of you with ADHD.

My (male) partner of over two years is in the middle of a really low spell mentally and hasn't replied/read my texts or answered my telephone calls for five days now. He has worries about two of his children at the moment, amongst various other things, and I think he's very overwhelmed.

He currently lives with his elderly parents, who aren't in the best of health themselves, since his marriage break-up a few years ago. I could knock on their door but I know the last thing he'd want is to worry them, which would only add to his load.

So my question is to those of you who have ADHD - do I keep sending him the odd text to tell him I'm here whenever he needs me? Do I keep trying to call him once a day? Or am I only adding to his burden and should I stop?

Thank you.

 

[Hollaaa]

I had a full zone out at the table in a restaurant last night, went in before 7 and it just got louder and louder by the time we got the bill just after 8. The waiter had to ask me if I was alright. So embarrassed.

 

[knivesnflowers]

insomnia has brought me here to ramble so hi all! i've been telling my dad for years he's got adhd and after a few health and work issues he's finally seeking a diagnosis through occ health. really talking it through with him has made me realise we're wired very similarly (tbh i suggested he had it because i was looking up symptoms for myself) and i think i need to try and get diagnosed?

but then a friend has recently been dx with autism and we're very alike too, looking back on 'weird' childhood behaviours it seems glaringly obvious. i think i was put off seeking answers because i couldn't plan for the process, and i have quite a few other health issues for my age which can explain away coping strategies and symptoms.

i guess i'm scared anyone i see now will think i'm hunting for a diagnosis, especially if i ask about both at the same time. i can go through uni which would probably be preferred, but again i can't mentally prep for that process being vastly different which keeps putting me off. i know it'll benefit me long term to have answers but i just can't seem to get the ball rolling!

 

[WeHadFunRight]

https://adhduk.co.uk/right-to-choose/

Here is a list of right to choose adhd diagnosis service providers and a note on their wait times.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Does anyone else struggle with decision paralysis until they’re on the edge of burnout, and then suddenly they have to do all of the things, or are you less self destructive than me

I get the same

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Oh wow, that’s extremely quick! I’ve been waiting since August 2023 for an ADHD appointment with Psychiatry UK (I was originally referred May 2022 via the NHS route, which now has a 5-7 year waiting list in my area).

How quickly you are seen seems to depend on your personal circumstances, health history, age, dependents, location, etc.

I hope this doesn’t sound negative at all, I just want to highlight that the waiting time can vary from person to person, so it’s best to manage your expectations as for many people it can be a very long process.

I noticed on psychiatry UK it has a specific notice on there about referrals from Kent - obviously I don’t know where you are!

mad that people can have a 5-7 year wait.

to be totally honest as my major issue is inattentiveness (over hyperactivity - so I don’t need medication…) I guess I need to work on structures I can put in place to help - I used to have good ones but they’re not available to me at the moment.
I have checked some books out of the library to understand it more - that social media guy who does the instagram posts I thought would help but it’s just raising awareness really isn’t it, which has its place but once you think you identify with the symptoms you need help with how to manage them… like I lose my keys a million times a day and it’s absolutely maddening - what structure can I put around that to help me remember where I put them or create a reflex of returning them to where they should go?

oh, I also asked about the whole self-diagnosis thing and asked if it was a result of the bottle neck for diagnosis? He said he thinks that self diagnosis will eventually fall away if (and he expects this to happen) they allow GPs to diagnose people rather than having to refer them etc etc. not sure if that is helpful to anyone. So for now I suppose I am self-diagnosed?

 

[WeHadFunRight]

My mum’s recollections don’t really align to my version of what happened in my childhood so I’m very interested in this element…

 

[unidentified]

That’s really sad that people have long waits with psychiatry uk. I was shocked at how quick it was. I could have had an appointment the following week if I’d picked that practitioner. I’m on the NHS waiting list for ASD but the doctor I seen has said I should ask for a referral to them again.

 

[unidentified]

Does anyone have any career ideas? My daughter is wanting to come off her college course and feels a bit lost. Career ideas for an asd/adhd brain is hard (she doesn’t want to do my job and I don’t think she’d be quite ready for it). She needs something around people even though it’s exhausting so she needs it away from people too, she needs routine and structure but also change and a challenge. Oh the joys of a ND brain
Edited to add, we live in a city but we’re rural

 

[adviseplz]

Any tips on managing meltdowns at work? It's usually when I'm 'on the spot' and under pressure. Or when someone is changing something I've worked on, or a perceived criticism. I tend to be able to mask up to a certain point but then 'BAM' full on meltdown which shocks everyone. I also suffer with pmt and it is 10 x worse then which is a separate issue im trying to work on.

Also my meltdowns are embarrassing - shaking, crying, rocking, storming off. Really childish behaviour which inevitably leads to embarrassment and shame.

I think I wrongly assume I'm being criticised a lot when I'm not.

If it helps with the embarrassment and shame you feel, I was like this a lot in my old job as a project manager. When things changed direction, or my clients didn’t stick to the timeline (which was all the time!). My boss said that I was very good at my job, but that he was sometimes scared of me

It was a very fast paced role and what has helped me is moving into a slower-paced job where I can have a bit of perspective and breathing space. I’m not 100% perfect by any means but my number of meltdowns are significantly less. However, as it is slower paced, my attention wanders a lot… so swings and roundabouts

Obviously it’s not as simple as changing jobs, but I find what helps me is everything going ok for me to be able to cope with my previous triggers. If I’ve had a bad night sleep, not exercising , eating badly… all the boring stuff… I find it harder to create distance and control my emotions. you’ll never be able to tick all those boxes perfectly, but it does help to keep things in check

 

[buttonbean1614]

Folks I have a gp appointment this week and finally going to ask about suspected adhd/asd is there any tests anyone recommends for me taking along to help with evidence etc? I feel like I've heard about a form that is useful to complete amd.take along but cannot remember the name. THanks in advance

 

[Pjta]

I think you have 3 options with this one, either help from technology (reminders/alarms/calendars), help from a friend/relative to remind you, or take you (if that's what it takes), or help from the practice - explain what the situation is, apologise and see if they do anything for people with memory issues to help them remember and get to appointments?

Thank you I'm going to be productive and call Monday morning. The annoying thing was I'd practically done a countdown to the appointments and still ended up missing the calls. Thanks so much for your reply really appreciate it x

 

[adviseplz]

I told my psych that I had a very superficial relationship with my parents and their view of me as a child was going to paint a very different picture to the reality and he was OK with that. I also have limited memories of my childhood and a definitely undiagnosed mother who doesn't "believe" in ADHD. A very common scenario. That didn't impede a diagnosis as he had a lot to work with going on present-day difficulties alone.

I’m filling in my forms at the moment and really struggling with my lack of childhood memories to give proper examples

 

[Sideboard Bob]

I don't know if this is your era, but I loved The Chart Show for this. Entertainment AND facts. Perfect.

Omg yes! That and the music pages from Teletext!

 

[adviseplz]

I think you have 3 options with this one, either help from technology (reminders/alarms/calendars), help from a friend/relative to remind you, or take you (if that's what it takes), or help from the practice - explain what the situation is, apologise and see if they do anything for people with memory issues to help them remember and get to appointments?

Would recommend reminders… I tell Siri to remind me about everything (I literally say ‘hey siri’ when it pops into my head), it’s the only way I get something important done. Even if I snooze the reminder a few times, I’ll eventually get it done but means it doesn’t fall off the radar