The last bit of your post really facinates me when you say 'she loves her children'. I don't disagee but it's KPs notion of love not a normal persons.
She thinks letting them do what they want, run feral, eat and sleep when they want, don't have to go to school, swear, are rude with no idea how to behave in a public place (Google the Kris Boyson holiday video with Iron Lung there cackling as well) etc... Bombards them with pets and toys yet doesn't teach them the value and responsibility to look after either.
That IMHO is Skankys idea of being a loving mum.
Children need boundaries, be taught right from wrong, good from bad, manners in order to become an all round decent adult.
You're so right Blue, and that needs to happen young like learning No obviously if they're going grab harmful just a change in tone, "no" shouting no good, it's hard work but they get there in the end. My DIL is sowing what she reaped, laughing when they did something naughty, never implementing something, like get off the worktop then totally ignoring it. They're 4 and 5, and are rampagers, really aggressive to each other she now just shouts continually, they laugh at her there's no respect. Even the health visitor sent s.s round as she tried to do a preschool check on the eldest, and both of them were out of control. They live in Wales, I try to visit every 6 weeks they try it on but I'm firm but loving, I do crafts, take them on train rides just normal things, my Son tries to tell her she won't listen, he is great he started a chart where they earn points and eventually get a little treat. He takes them to the park mini football etc. She won't take advice yet it's got to the point she can't take them to the park on her own as they run off no road sense.
I guess it's worse for B and J with the family dynamics luckily at their age P and J had P's guidence and influence, hopefully it will get sorted soon, but what a future could lay ahead, they could either end up in care, or stay with her and end up getting into all sorts by the time they're teens.