Jack Monroe #97 Get in the skip

[SweetTransvestite]

@colouredlines

Whilst we are vaguely still in the vicinity of The Day Today discussion- one of my absolute favourite Steve Coogan sketches was the pool supervisor. I still quote it to this day and my eyes light up like a thousand wool suns whenever anyone gets the reference

Well, I would say this - I've been working here for 18 years. In 1975, no one died. In 1976, no one died. In 1977, no one died. In 1978, no one died. In 1979, no one died. In 1980, someone died. In 1981, no one died. In 1982, there was the incident with a pigeon. In 1983, no one died. In 1984, no one died. In 1985, no one died. In 1986... I mean, I could go on.

 

[kachoochoo]

i too have been inspired to take a trip down memory lane on her insta.

amongst all the horrible swill, the holiday snaps, the selfies, the abandoned fads, the unedited pics of family, the cattoes and doggoes and piggioes and bunnoes and (as it's sounding a bit generation game here) literal cuddly toys.... here are some highlights

jack pretending to face the press pack at downing street

jack hard at work on the train, taking a picture of her homescreen with notifications that are making me feel ill

and, if anyone wants a new avatar, there's this freaky lookin virgin mary

 

[Anonymous One]

'Twas the night before Chaos, when all through the crappy house, not even a creature was stirring, not even a brambly mouse.
The 2 phones were charged and hung by the chimney with care,
In the hope that St Chaos would soon be there.'

Captain Killjoy (aka Jackie McMonroe) will probably refuse to do a chaos now. Maybe she’ll glue her hand sausages together with superglue so she can’t tweet.

 

[Clarends]

Planet is on its last legs and she made it about herself. She is nothing like Greta Thunberg . https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.th...e-autism-is-my-superpower-like-greta-thunberg

 

[Emmapism]

Well, I would say this - I've been working here for 18 years. In 1975, no one died. In 1976, no one died. In 1977, no one died. In 1978, no one died. In 1979, no one died. In 1980, someone died. In 1981, no one died. In 1982, there was the incident with a pigeon. In 1983, no one died. In 1984, no one died. In 1985, no one died. In 1986... I mean, I could go on.

His voice and the way he says SOMEone A little slice of genius right there.

This thread forever reminding me why it's the best

 

[GoLando]

Oh dear heart GC, yep, she’s constantly alluding to being there with a hose and helmet. Boots on the ground type talk. She also says that someone (the ‘government’?) got her to consult on Grenfell. Which is her worst ever lie, IMO. She says she was called down there the next day and was giving ‘them’ advice on fires. She’s a devious cow.

The Grenfell bullshittery is some of her most egregious work.

 

[FrumpyCat]

I bet she has a tote bag with that much-abused Shakespeare quote on it: “Though she be but little, she is fierce”

More like one of her shittier tattoos (some are ok but others...) That has bled so badly it is no longer legible .

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

Captain Killjoy (aka Jackie McMonroe) will probably refuse to do a chaos now. Maybe she’ll glue her hand sausages together with superglue so she can’t tweet.

Like the Preacher in 'Midnight, Texas' who is locked in the basement every full moon!

 

[Gildinwen-TKB]

When did this become a thing? I feel like it's an ever-more popular trope to have a teeny tiny woman who's so ickle and cutesy, but she's actually a secret ninja badass.

I dunno, it doesn't sit right with me...it's like women can be badasses, but only in secret, and we have to be oh so feminine and cute at the same time?

(It also has a dangerous element of suggesting that a small woman is capable of outfighting a large man, which leads to the vile territory of "well I would have just fought him off, why didn't you?")

I dunno for sure but I'm around the same age as Jack, and I have to say Joss Whedon was a big part of making this a *thing* for our generation. Buffy, (and Faith) in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and River in Serenity, and even Winifred "Fred" Burkle in Angel when she got possessed by an ancient God. (Don't ask).....he's always had a thing for the "teeny tiny woman who's actually a secret ninja badass"

(Hell just look at Natasha in the Avengers movies he directed- her introduction, in the first one is exactly that)

So I think it's hard for people of our age to shake it.

 

[FrumpyCat]

Yep, and she says she sold everything but one plate and a couple of knives and forks; but then says she had a curry night for friends every week. Dread to think what they ate from, and how they managed without lightbulbs.
Not sure at what point she moved out of her flat, and into the house share where she slept on the floor, or the twenty subsequent dwellings.

The ,'shared house' was almost definitely her living back on with her parents, or at a great push a friend with a family. She said she was sharing a house with five other people,but I don't think she said she was renting anything. Again, she just implied.

 

[MrsOgre]

i too have been inspired to take a trip down memory lane on her insta.

amongst all the horrible swill, the holiday snaps, the selfies, the abandoned fads, the unedited pics of family, the cattoes and doggoes and piggioes and bunnoes and (as it's sounding a bit generation game here) literal cuddly toys.... here are some highlights

jack pretending to face the press pack at downing street

View attachment 293578

Good grief what is she wearing? Maybe it's a good thing she only lives in double denim these days, going off this and the corduroy onesies

 

[DinosaurSenior]

When in the timeline was the "flatshare in Edinburgh" (mentioned in various posts)? Her website now mentions a "self catering apartment in Edinburgh". I believe this to be the same place... The hallowed fancy place right in the centre of the city. Not exactly Trainspotting...

 

[Flivver]

Captain Killjoy (aka Jackie McMonroe) will probably refuse to do a chaos now. Maybe she’ll glue her hand sausages together with superglue so she can’t tweet.

If she’s working for the Beeb, she’ll have to comply with the new SM rules.

No ‘virtue signalling’ - how will she cope?

 

[Montrachet]

The ,'shared house' was almost definitely her living back on with her parents, or at a great push a friend with a family. She said she was sharing a house with five other people,but I don't think she said she was renting anything. Again, she just implied.

You do start to wonder how close her relationship to truth is in anything that she writes or says. Trickery and slippery ambiguity seem such second nature.

 

[byropaw]

Good grief what is she wearing? Maybe it's a good thing she only lives in double denim these days, going off this and the corduroy onesies

That, my friend, is a £4 H&M teeny tiny playsuit! (There's a selfie and description just following on her IG). I think the juxtaposition is to dazzle us

 

[FrumpyCat]

''I'm on a mission to write to all of those teachers one by one...... to tell them how wrong they were about one of us.''

Doubtless many of my teachers thought I'd never amount to anything. They may even have told me, but either I wasn't listening or thought that's rich coming from someone who teaches geography on a 2nd rate comprehensive school, then forgot it.

when I got my degree I had no urge to send a copy of my certificate scrawled with '2.1 from a former poly, swivel on this!' to any of them.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Exactly this! Being a call handler is no joke, I know I couldn’t do it. I don’t know why she has to apply her super power of lying by omission to absolutely everything. Why can’t she stop pretending that she was a firefighter, and instead talk about the really quite intense and worthwhile job she actually did??

It’s a job to be proud of on its own merits, the responsibility of being the voice in the phone at possibly the worst time in the caller’s life, combined with the traumatic things they hear is great but it would be a worthwhile job. I think if I was her I’d try to remember that there’s a strong chance she wouldn’t have even got the job if it wasn’t for her dad so ...

Friday Fun Fact - I don’t think the FB will be the same but around 15 years ago I applied to be a call handler with the Police. Got an interview, felt it went well but was then told they couldn’t take me on because I had such poor credit! Didn’t matter that I might have been the best call handler they’d ever had, I was irresponsible with money so that was the end of that!

 

[ScamSandwich]

Doubtless many of my teachers thought I'd never amount to anything. They may even have told me, but either I wasn't listening or thought that's rich coming from someone who teaches geography on a 2nd rate comprehensive school, then forgot it.

when I got my degree I had no urge to send a copy of my certificate scrawled with '2.1 from a former poly, swivel on this!' to any of them.

exactly! Bc once you HAVE achieved something you don't care about those fuckers anymore. Nothing to prove.

BTW- I did a fire awareness course at work, even extinguishing fire in a controlled environment. Am I , too now a big strong fire fighter like Jack? Asking for a friend.

 

[maytoseptember]

Two things jump out at me here:

1. Howling

2. The roll call of experts she called. “Between US we have decades of service”. Nah, Jack. The scientist, the architect (the baker, the candlestick maker... do these people even bleeping exist?) the firefighters... THEY have experience. I’m not sure why you’re counting yourself among them?

Also, how unwelcome would those phone calls have been? This horrible tragedy unfolding on the news and Jack bloody Monroe blowing up your phone wanting to pontificate about what went wrong. Christ

 

[PunkyMonkey]

Spilllllllll the tea on everything they know, please

If they were my stories to tell I would share at great length, believe me!