Jack Monroe #95 The only poverty she works to eradicate is her own

Pocahontas · Oct 26, 2020

Another group frauen effort for the thread title! @Scarletfever for the words and @LeftToMyOwnDevices for nominating them! 98 reactions

Summer in Vlad’s palace for you two.

Recap of thread #94

She uploaded a photo of ‘herself’. Oh, Jack, you look so young! Good skincare, big window, 3 litres of water a day, innit. Oh, Jack, what big eyes you have! All the better to fleece you with, my dear.
She is cross at all the ‘sentient hams’ thinking they can ‘do her job’ at ‘costing an omelette’. The goons left out all the peripheral costs of an omelette (rent, gas, oil, a cooker, a pan, oil, salt ... you get the picture). Say, how are those £20 shops going, Jack? At least you’ve got a lot of ‘bleeping knives and forks’ - no need to cost them.
She works in many areas, every day, ‘mostly behind the scenes’.
She tweeted Potatoes AGAIN. Yeah, yeah, Marcus Rashford has been the catalyst of a positive movement, inspiring thousands - but don’t you forget about her!
Ah, while she’s at it, here’s something she wrote a while ago about judgement of ready meals. I mean go ahead and retweet it if you wanna ...
Never mind those pesky kids and their hunger, Jack’s going to tweet and tweet and tweet about her past ‘trauma’, the ‘early onset arthritis’, ‘lungs of a smoker’ and ‘fear and loathing that multiple therapies can’t assuage’. Her, her, HER.
The bleeping AUDACITY.
While she’s at it, here’s a picture of her stack of bills. Yup.
‘Jack do you have a patreon or Paypal where we can support you personally?’
‘I for one would like to help you a little (sorry low pension). Do you have PayPal?’
She’s experiencing ‘basically like an autopsy while [she’s] still alive right now’. Jack, that’s what we call jealousy.
Oh no, she’s dispensing with the £20 shopping sagas. Because of the ‘dickheads’ who need to ‘pipe down’.
Also, she’s done her back in lifting a ‘very heavy cast iron and mango wood table on her own’. She’s ok! She’s got loads of those meals in the freezer, hasn’t she? Hasn’t. She.
She has turned off her Patreon numbers.
She reminded people to donate to the Trussel Trust, and because she has a large platform, people have. Got there in the end, Jack.
For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):

Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/

Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.

For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.

*** JACKISMS ***

Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:

Yes, absolutely x

Some other favourite Jack quotes:

‘Babe, same’

‘I did a chaos’

‘My maverick brain’

‘My sad little face’

‘I’m BUSY’

‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’

‘I laughed up a lung’

One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **

To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).

Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *

Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)

We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.

During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.

Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.

Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now duck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.

*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*

Also:

She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house

She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday

Her dad's a bleeping LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)

Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.

Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.

She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.

During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’

The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.

[*]
Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.

We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
[*]

instacharlie · Oct 26, 2020

I got stuck on a can't reply to thread.....I was mid ranting

heretoreaditall2019 said:
Wherein her dad admits to having enough money to cover quite substantial expenses (over £130k's worth)

The great foster care divide - Community Care

In Bromley the weekly fostering allowance for looking after a teenager is nearly double the figure awarded in Southend. Such discrepancies are duplicated all over the UK, a situation the government wants to rectify. But will the new rate be enough, asks Katie Leason

www.communitycare.co.uk

The family lives in a five-bedroom house, after investing £30,000 to build extra rooms when they made the decision to foster. Living in a larger property means that they now pay almost double the rate of counciltax they would have done otherwise, as well as more for heating and lighting. The family has also had to buy a seven-seater car so that they can all fit in – but of course having a bigger car costs more to insure and fill up with fuel.

“It comes out of my pocket as the foster allowance doesn’t cover it,” he says. David has done a rough calculation of how much he thinks he has spent on fostering.

“I’ve probably paid out £100,000 over the 14 years. Fostering is an expensive business and if we didn’t foster our circumstances would be very different – I would have to find a lot less money every month. I make no complaint because I volunteered for the task and have had many happy times, but I thought the cost of fostering would be met by the local authority and have found out to my cost that’s not the case. It’s like going to work and me taking the fire engine down to the petrol station and paying on my card.”

It's too early to go down that rabbit hole! However, I had a quick read and I get the impression the apple really hasn't fallen far from the tree where Jack and her dad are concerned. They do love to talk about themselves and how short-changed they are.
As for the extension costs, that's a huge investment to make to your house BEFORE you start fostering, so they must have had the means to pay for it in the first place. They would have also known there would be an increase in outgoings, so they wouldn't have committed to that without being confident they could afford it.
He seems to focus on how much extra he's paid out of pocket and how expensive it is. So why didn't they stop? If it was an extra financial burden they could have stopped fostering at any time, surely? It's not like the income from fostering was their only income either, he still had a good salary coming in. Plenty of people manage with 2, 3, 4 kids on one good salary so I can't believe they ever struggled financially.
That's as far as I'm going on that one.......if I keep looking it will probably only annoy me more

emmer_moans · Oct 26, 2020

Just noticed on my notifications a few likes on posts made on threads 25 etc .. I think we have new Frauen on the GrunkaIncy journey.

Veronicaaa · Oct 26, 2020

emmer_moans said:
Just noticed on my notifications a few likes on posts made on threads 25 etc .. I think we have new Frauen on the GrunkaIncy journey.

We should crowdfund to make the threads into a book and have it come out at the same time as Jack's 'poverty memoir'.

instacharlie said:
As for the extension costs, that's a huge investment to make to your house BEFORE you start fostering, so they must have had the means to pay for it in the first place. They would have also known there would be an increase in outgoings, so they wouldn't have committed to that without being confident they could afford it.

I mean, building an extension also adds massive value to the house so it's not like spunking it all on 12 sideboards and 20 sentient apple products is it?

JJusa69 · Oct 26, 2020

Pocahontas said:
Another group frauen effort for the thread title! @Scarletfever for the words and @LeftToMyOwnDevices for nominating them! 98 reactions Summer in Vlad’s palace for you two.

Recap of thread #94

She uploaded a photo of ‘herself’. Oh, Jack, you look so young! Good skincare, big window, 3 litres of water a day, innit. Oh, Jack, what big eyes you have! All the better to fleece you with, my dear.

She is cross at all the ‘sentient hams’ thinking they can ‘do her job’ at ‘costing an omelette’. The goons left out all the peripheral costs of an omelette (rent, gas, oil, a cooker, a pan, oil, salt ... you get the picture). Say, how are those £20 shops going, Jack? At least you’ve got a lot of ‘bleeping knives and forks’ - no need to cost them.

She works in many areas, every day, ‘mostly behind the scenes’.

She tweeted Potatoes AGAIN. Yeah, yeah, Marcus Rashford has been the catalyst of a positive movement, inspiring thousands - but don’t you forget about her!

Ah, while she’s at it, here’s something she wrote a while ago about judgement of ready meals. I mean go ahead and retweet it if you wanna ...

Never mind those pesky kids and their hunger, Jack’s going to tweet and tweet and tweet about her past ‘trauma’, the ‘early onset arthritis’, ‘lungs of a smoker’ and ‘fear and loathing that multiple therapies can’t assuage’. Her, her, HER.

The bleeping AUDACITY.

While she’s at it, here’s a picture of her stack of bills. Yup.

‘Jack do you have a patreon or Paypal where we can support you personally?’

‘I for one would like to help you a little (sorry low pension). Do you have PayPal?’

She’s experiencing ‘basically like an autopsy while [she’s] still alive right now’. Jack, that’s what we call jealousy.

Oh no, she’s dispensing with the £20 shopping sagas. Because of the ‘dickheads’ who need to ‘pipe down’.

Also, she’s done her back in lifting a ‘very heavy cast iron and mango wood table on her own’. She’s ok! She’s got loads of those meals in the freezer, hasn’t she? Hasn’t. She.

She has turned off her Patreon numbers.

She reminded people to donate to the Trussel Trust, and because she has a large platform, people have. Got there in the end, Jack.

For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):

Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/

Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.

For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.

*** JACKISMS ***

Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:

Yes, absolutely x

Some other favourite Jack quotes:

‘Babe, same’

‘I did a chaos’

‘My maverick brain’

‘My sad little face’

‘I’m BUSY’

‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’

‘I laughed up a lung’

One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **

To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).

Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *

Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)

We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.

During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.

Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.

Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now duck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.

*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*

Also:

She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house

She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday

Her dad's a bleeping LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)

Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.

Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.

She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.

During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’

The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.

[*]
Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.

We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
[*]

My favourite part of every day. Because it sure seems like we get through a thread every damn day. The AUDACITY of us.
Now, duck off.

MarmiteExtract · Oct 26, 2020

emmer_moans said:
Just noticed on my notifications a few likes on posts made on threads 25 etc .. I think we have new Frauen on the GrunkaIncy journey.

It’s nice when that happens. Always like clicking through to see what’s making them laugh.

JJusa69 · Oct 26, 2020

instacharlie said:
I got stuck on a can't reply to thread.....I was mid ranting

It's too early to go down that rabbit hole! However, I had a quick read and I get the impression the apple really hasn't fallen far from the tree where Jack and her dad are concerned. They do love to talk about themselves and how short-changed they are.
As for the extension costs, that's a huge investment to make to your house BEFORE you start fostering, so they must have had the means to pay for it in the first place. They would have also known there would be an increase in outgoings, so they wouldn't have committed to that without being confident they could afford it.
He seems to focus on how much extra he's paid out of pocket and how expensive it is. So why didn't they stop? If it was an extra financial burden they could have stopped fostering at any time, surely? It's not like the income from fostering was their only income either, he still had a good salary coming in. Plenty of people manage with 2, 3, 4 kids on one good salary so I can't believe they ever struggled financially.
That's as far as I'm going on that one.......if I keep looking it will probably only annoy me more

I'm so glad he did it for the children.
Much like Jack's retweeting of her articles is for the starving children.
Oh. Wait.

Raker · Oct 26, 2020

Veronicaaa said:
We should crowdfund to make the threads into a book and have it come out at the same time as Jack's 'poverty memoir'.

I suggested way back in Thread #34 that we should set up a Cabal publishing company! Imagine the riches! We could share the (estimated royalties c/o Jackie) 8p per copy of JMPovMem (a working title!) sold amongst the 200+ of us! *rubs hands together and plans early retirement*

Captainmouse · Oct 26, 2020

Going in early with thread suggestions
#willy waving recipes from the woe is me tree

Veronicaaa · Oct 26, 2020

Raker said:
I suggested way back in Thread #34 that we should set up a Cabal publishing company! Imagine the riches! We could share the 8p per copy of JMPovMem (a working title!) sold amongst the 200+ of us! *rubs hands together and plans early retirement*

Ah but unlike Jack, we'd be doing it for the common good, not for personal profit.

MarmiteExtract · Oct 26, 2020

Veronicaaa said:
We should crowdfund to make the threads into a book and have it come out at the same time as Jack's 'poverty memoir'.

TheDragonWithAFlagon · Oct 26, 2020

instacharlie said:
I got stuck on a can't reply to thread.....I was mid ranting

It's too early to go down that rabbit hole! However, I had a quick read and I get the impression the apple really hasn't fallen far from the tree where Jack and her dad are concerned. They do love to talk about themselves and how short-changed they are.
As for the extension costs, that's a huge investment to make to your house BEFORE you start fostering, so they must have had the means to pay for it in the first place. They would have also known there would be an increase in outgoings, so they wouldn't have committed to that without being confident they could afford it.
He seems to focus on how much extra he's paid out of pocket and how expensive it is. So why didn't they stop? If it was an extra financial burden they could have stopped fostering at any time, surely? It's not like the income from fostering was their only income either, he still had a good salary coming in. Plenty of people manage with 2, 3, 4 kids on one good salary so I can't believe they ever struggled financially.
That's as far as I'm going on that one.......if I keep looking it will probably only annoy me more

There's a good reason why carers in Bromley are paid more than those in Southend. The house prices, for a start (the bungalow was listed at just over £100k a few years ago - at a time where an unmodernised, tiny two bed ex council flat in a crappy area with poor transport links, the likelihood of being done for £22,000 'contribution' towards block improvements in the next two years was 100%, in the catchment area for one of the worst schools, the highest crime rate, deprivation and lack of facilities was - because I looked into buying it - the cheapest property in the area at £262,000. It sold). What's more, at least when they started fostering, the sheer complexity of the cases Bromley had to deal with meant the children were particularly difficult to place and only those necessary to keep well, well away from their birth parents or others finding them were sent out of borough.

Mitzymooface · Oct 26, 2020

Veronicaaa said:
We should crowdfund to make the threads into a book and have it come out at the same time as Jack's 'poverty memoir'.

I mean, building an extension also adds massive value to the house so it's not like spunking it all on 12 sideboards and 20 sentient apple products is it?

They would make a great basis for a “Bridget Jones Diary” style spoof memoir!

StudleyRoger · Oct 26, 2020

Can't quote across threads, but FAO @hydeist and @nightfeedz re previous occupants' post...

Babe(s), same. Here's a tip, you can write 'Not at this address, please return to sender' on the envelopes and stick them back in the post box. That way the companies can update their database and in theory you won't get any more. Also it gets them out of your house.

heretoreaditall2019 · Oct 26, 2020

Aren’t her parents mortified she carries on like this? She’s actually embarrassing it’s like she’s not developed beyond her teenage years and she’s still livid that Katie gets more pocket money than her

and Louise’s mum drives a cool BMW

and Tara’s mum let her dye her hair blonde

It’s embarrassing cos you can imagine her being really beggy with the popular girls, getting rejected for being too keen and annoying, then deciding to take on this naff not at all genuine alternative persona as a ~duck you didn’t want to be like you anyway~. And here we are today!

Saint_clemmie · Oct 26, 2020

heretoreaditall2019 said:
Aren’t her parents mortified she carries on like this? She’s actually embarrassing it’s like she’s not developed beyond her teenage years and she’s still livid that Katie gets more pocket money than her and Louise’s mum drives a cool BMW and Tara’s mum let her dye her hair blonde

It’s embarrassing cos you can imagine her being really beggy with the popular girls, getting rejected for being too keen and annoying, then deciding to take on this naff not at all genuine alternative persona as a ~duck you didn’t want to be like you anyway~. And here we are today!

No, because from what we’ve seen they’re scarily similar! Also I expect they can’t be shocked by her behaviour, they’ve had 32 years of this tit.

chocolate choux · Oct 26, 2020

tippingpoint said:
I was saying this recently. Why does anyone need a bleeping story?! It’s total X Factor syndrome. I hate it! What’s wrong with an average, normal upbringing? What’s wrong with things just being fine? I grew up not rich, not poor. Normal house. Nice birthday and Christmas but never spoiled. An abroad holiday maybe every second year. Nice day trips during summer holidays. Sometimes nice meals out. Very lucky, very happy.

Now I know for a lot of people their reality was far removed from that and there are generations of people who have grown up in poverty, particularly where I am in Glasgow. However why does every “celebrity” insist on going down the “I HAD NUFFINK. I WORE LEFT SHOE SAMPLES FROM OUTSIDE SHOEZONE TO SCHOOL. I ATE OXO CUBES FOR BREAKFAST. I HAVE NEVER SEEN SAND” route?

I agree. The problem here is the dishonesty. Some people do grow up dirt poor and should be able to speak about it, but there’s no shame in admitting you’re MC

I do think the media is partially to blame. Dramatic life experiences are normalised when you see them happen all day everyday, in the news, the soaps, TV dramas, films. How do those poor soap characters keep going? It also discounts how difficult to overcome these things can be when X goes through all this horrible tit but is still laughing down the pub every weekend. Feels like the trauma is only wheeled out when sympathy is required (much like with JM) which is not realistic

Also it’s a slap in the face when people with MC childhoods claim to have grown up in poverty because they are choosing for it to define them iykwim? Whereas growing up genuinely WC, that identity - with its negative connotations - is not a choice. And yeah I think being WC is more of a prominent identity than being MC because being the former limits your ability to be anything else, or at least makes it more difficult. Jack got the opportunity to go to dance classes in the Land Rover. A WC child might not have the same opportunity - do their parents have enough money for the classes? The clothing? The travel to get to different events? Equipment to practice at home? A car to ferry them about in, or even spare money for the bus? The time to do so or are they working too much? Childcare costs for any siblings? And it’s hard to make much money out of dancing as a career so why bother?

This is why growing up ‘poor’ or WC is such an identity, because you often have no money to develop other aspects of your personality

Sorry, bit of a rant there

I just hate these lies

Chocolate girl · Oct 26, 2020

Saint_clemmie said:
No, because from what we’ve seen they’re scarily similar! Also I expect they can’t be shocked by her behaviour, they’ve had 32 years of this tit.

They probably like a quiet life!
They know it's easier to just nod along with Jack and her rants and rages rather than pull her up on them and deal with the fall out of her throwing herself on the floor and howling about the fact her parents dont support her. Can you even imagine the scenes!

thatstupidcat · Oct 26, 2020

Just wanted to get in early for a special message to a lady who reads here:

“Jack Monroe: duck Off! And take your bleeping begging bowl with you.”.

Ellabella · Oct 26, 2020

"Oh, Jack, what big eyes you have! All the better to fleece you with, my dear"

Brilliant

She really is showing what a vile, self-centred twit she is at the moment. Everything she talks about is turned around to be about her. I'm still not over her sleepless night re-reading her own poverty fairytale.