Jack Monroe #86 Precariously fine, not smelly

[Incywincy]

Who ever it is seems to be a mega fan..

(I actually did check the date JM camped in the garden but it was the beginning of May)

@Veronicaaa you are better than me at 🔺️

 

[Switchstreetz]

I cannot believe the thread is nearly over and literally nothing happened. Ive just had a quick run back through it over the last hour to list the gist of it (someone funnier than me can do the proper actual recap in the next thread)

Why do some of these feel like they happened two or three days ago rather than like 14 hours? I swear she manages to fit 5 days worth of chaos into 24 hours and yet still its tedious.

- Jack is secretly a songwriter! But she's too shy to release any songs. Unless...? unless maybe you really want them? Thankfully she didn't get enough attention she's too 'bruised' by life to motivate her into dropping her mixtape.

- We are still waiting on the onion chopping song we were promised, which a chorus of fraus will need to cover immediately if it ever sees the light of day.

- Jack's £20 shop for the week - bananas greener than the hulk's knob, and some sorry looking mushrooms, but thankfully no offal this time - cleaning/bathroom products/pet food were noticeably absent.

- Sadly the self service machine 'didn't give her a receipt' on her 2nd shop so we just had to trust her on her total for the 2 trips...sure jan.

- JM continued to lie about the most pointless & inane things by making out that her claimed £7.74 shop came to 36lbs/16kg, accidentally basically confirming that she bought more than she's admitting to (Unless she took the sentient mirror with her in her bag for companionship, or her rucksack is lined with lead)

- She plans to make more of her special
non-alcoholic (apart from the alcohol in it) kombucha. We saw the jars and they were horrifying.

- She's trying to incite panic buying with frequent references to food missing off shelves, no available delivery slots, and the looming brexit crisis. Thankfully no one actually reads her tweets so there are no armed raider gangs marauding round Asda to hoard toilet paper yet. But if you are shanked in a southend supermarket for the last yellow stickered pack of tortillas you know who to thank

- The anchoïade eggs made a reappearance (hopefully no one's dinner did after seeing the pictures)

- She put some foliage in her shower. Not a euphemism. Eagle eyed fraus recognised these uniformly cut stems as being from a flowers delivery, rather than the fallen branches of a secret eucalyptus tree Jack claims to have discovered while frolicking in her (sorry, her landlord's) apparently endless garden in the moonlight

That's all i could pick up from a quick once over of the lst 40ish pages. She's literally been so boring we should demand a refund, and we're not even paying for this.

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FFS

I would like to retract any defence of the squiggles i have made in the past. I want nothing to do with this bunch of sycophants.

 

[Incywincy]

bananas greener than the hulk's knob

Thread title please

 

[Themaninblack]

Thread title please

(Whispers) I like green bananas.

 

[Icing _on_ the_cake]

That was only in 2018 - I found this article from the time, it’s full of the same old shite we’ve heard a million times before.
This bit stuck out though:
“As for her numerous other projects – a YouTube “chop and chat” channel that’s about to launch, a partnership she’s developing with a major retailer – it takes her the best part of an hour to outline them all.”
Does anyone know what this is referring to? Cos I didn’t know she’d done anything on YouTube with a “major retailer”. Did I miss something or was this yet another of her pipe dreams that came to nothing?

OFM Awards 2018: Best Food Personality – Jack Monroe

Author, activist, scourge of trolls… the campaigner gets 3,000 messages and letters a day – and has been voted by OFM readers as personality of the year

www.theguardian.com

Two things on this article. I really dislike how she describes spending time with her partner like it's a chore. (who would it have been back then? Allegra?)

And second, this bit on people who voted brexit:

"I just wish everyone who voted Leave could spend a month living off apples, spuds and chlorinated chicken, and see how fun it is.”

Well what about all those people who didn't vote/spiled their ballot then?

 

[Incywincy]

(Whispers) I like green bananas.

Me too! But I will never view them the same way again

 

[Bugger13]

no, she called them apparently and was allowed to keep them both honest guv

yep, never happened.

Only way it would happen is she claimed she injured her arthritic hands accepting it, threatened to sue them & brandished the saw/penknife I reckon. Highly unlikely.

 

[Marwood]

Frauen und Herren I just can't keep up. I can only say that @TurnedUpInTipp is a depraved genius, and that after seeing the eucalyptus bunch in the shower (pardon?) I don't know if I have the wherewithal to Grunka too methodically into recent chaos - HOWEVER I have a suspicion that there were not one but TWO DELICIOUS VEGAN COOKBOOKS mentioned in this very thread. I caught Vegan Japaneasy (be still my heart), but I think there was another recommendation about the place that I can't seem to find now - if anyone has a notion what it was, I'd be much obliged!

 

[Incywincy]

bananas greener than the hulk's knob,

Quoting again because lols

In addition to the paint chart can we also have a remix of Cauliflowers Fluffy featuring this line

 

[Themaninblack]

Frauen und Herren I just can't keep up. I can only say that @TurnedUpInTipp is a depraved genius, and that after seeing the eucalyptus bunch in the shower (pardon?) I don't know if I have the wherewithal to Grunka too methodically into recent chaos - HOWEVER I have a suspicion that there were not one but TWO DELICIOUS VEGAN COOKBOOKS mentioned in this very thread. I caught Vegan Japaneasy (be still my heart), but I think there was another recommendation about the place that I can't seem to find now - if anyone has a notion what it was, I'd be much obliged!

It may have been Isa Chandra Moskowitz's "Appetite for Reduction". (Whether or not, I repeat my endorsement of it!)

 

[Satisfying Click]

In my hunt to find the wagon photo I have just seen this. Haven't squiggled because seems pretty anonymous anyway. My first thought was this has to be Jack, surely none one would make such a statement? But I read a few more posts from the user and while some of the writing/cooking style is similar, it appears to be someone else.

Would love to see their evidence...


View attachment 273056

It doesn't read self-righteous enough to be Jack, I initially thought it was someone close to her, but then why try and promote her Patreon to such a small forum. Either way all a bit odd.

 

[Bugger13]

But all these uniformly sized branches were blown off by the wind!

View attachment 273013

Bullshit. I have two eucalyptus trees, branches like that never ever blow off. They’re bendy-even in massive wind. The bark is a bastard though.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

View attachment 273014insta caption. Change the bleeping record.

whenever I post about my house on social media I’m going to steal this one

I have a huge eucalyptus tree in my (mortgage provider’s) garden

She’s been a very, very busy girl pov signalling hasn’t she! Shameless bleep Wonder if her Patreon pay pigs ever wonder why despite their £4pcm sponsor a loser donation she still can’t cobble together a decent meal?

Also why put the date on the slow cooker, surely she’s not planning on leaving the stock in there to fester?!

 

[Marwood]

It may have been Isa Chandra Moskowitz's "Appetite for Reduction". (Whether or not, I repeat my endorsement of it!)

YES this absolutely was it, thank you so much! I have vegans to buy for this Christmas and a deep greed for most food (I wrote "all", then remembered fish finger lasagne) myself, so it's very much appreciated!

 

[Tabitha D]

I'm posting as I grunk, thinking out loud. Re coins in sofa, we are moving towards a cashless society and that is a scenario which is disappearing fast.
Re the Hopkins Court Case win, she said she would donate it all to charity.

Re the Hopkins case, the court ordered £24,000 payment to Jack, costs (the solicitors’ costs - in the multiple £100,000’s) to be paid by Katie H. Jack may have contributed her portion to charity, although personally I doubt it. She would not have any say in what happened to her solicitor’s costs. In all likelihood, the fact that Katie H was made bankrupt as a result of this ruling would have meant that her solicitors were left significantly out of pocket as a result of the case. (The very fact that KH was made bankrupt reflects that she did not have the assets to pay what the court had ordered). We don’t know the details of the bankruptcy and so we don’t the level at which Jack’s solicitors were left out of pocket They may have recovered 80%, 50%, may have been a lot less.)
But my point is that, if they were left significantly out of pocket as a result of this case, they won’t have been delighted by the result, and (especially coupled with the judge’s comments criticising Jack for destroying evidence, including some very pointed comments towards her counsel for not controlling this - which potentially could have caused them some extremely embarrassing issues from a legal regulatory perspective) they would certainly not be beating the doors down for repeat business from Jack.

I am certain some deleted tweets (natch) showed her with loads of flowers thanking people for sending her them. Those were I assume her arena flowers subscription that she sends herself.

I am sure elton john nearly went broke a few years ago due to his lavish spending on fresh flowers.

There were rumours that “fresh flowers” were code for another kind of expenditure altogether. Only rumours though! I couldn’t possibly comment.

 

[Cariad]

what ... the ..... duck

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Is she auditioning for The Smiths now, or did Morrisey gift her these?
surely a bottle of eucalyptus essential oil would be easier to handle and she could use this in a diffuser in her ' office'...she doesn't half like the drama!

 

[bignose28]

That cupboard proves to me that she can't cook

I take it you're not aware of her body of work then?

 

[Captainmouse]

Where did the butternut squash appear from in the middle of last week?

Veg box delivery

 

[bignose28]

Did we ever find out what was the special ingredient for the cake that we all usually throw away?

Jack's body of work?

View attachment 272922

This is the slop trolley she finally decided on for the asda schlepp, is it? The found-in-a-skip vibe is very up in her niche

 

[Oofadoofa]

Nope. They came in this weeks arena flowers delivery. I get it too. What a weird lie.

It’s pathological, she can’t stop herself. It’s a wonder if she even knows where the truth line is anymore.