Jack Monroe #79 Big mistake. Big. HUGE.

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This is the recipe in plain English. Still sounds wrong.

Put your lentils in a liter of water and bring to the boil. With a spoon, carefully skim off the foam that builds up on the surface. Simmer for 20 minutes until the lentils are soft.

While the lentils are cooking, chop or slice the onions, slice the garlic and mince the ginger. Heat the oil to a medium in a large non-stick pan, add your chopped onion, garlic and ginger and fry for two minutes.

Add the garam masala, curry powder, chilli and salt, stir and fry for another minute.

Check your lentils and turn them down a little if needed.

Add 500ml of the 800ml water, the tomatoes and the tamarind. Bring to the boil briefly, and then reduce to a simmer for about 10 minutes. By then your lentils should be cooked.

Drain the lentils and add them to the curry. Add the remaining water as needed, cooking for a further 20 minutes to really soften the lentils and reduce and thicken the base.

When the curry is almost cooked to perfection, tip in the bag of veg and stir into the hot sauce. Cook for a further 5-7 minutes until the veg is softened, and serve piping hot.
 
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THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO COOK A BECHAMEL!
I love how if you google 'Jack Monroe béchamel' the third result is 'Jack Monroe #7 - The Judge can send us down to hell, but we won't eat that béchamel' 🤣
 
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My eyes! My eyes! What the actual duck is that?!

If I’ve learned anything over the last week, it’s that I am definitely NOT the worst cook in the world
I’m thinking of getting my husband a book deal on the basis of her cooking. (He’s banned from the kitchen).
 
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GL-ing while flicking through the guardian/observer which had a 29 greatest autumnal meals — loads of lovely stuff in there, foraged, vegan, meaty, seasonal and cheap amongst the more expensive flights if fancy, but I’m sure all delicioso.

A feature on Seasonal and Reasonable would probably be helpful Jack. If you want to play “Ready Steady Cook” with some maverick yellow stickered ingredient in addition to this as a properly planned family budget shop, e.g. “oh here’s a piece of random fish I also picked up massively reduced from the fish counter. What you could do with this, or any other piece of white fish, fresh or frozen you might come across or have stashed in your freezer is ....” and refer to a sensible budget recipe you might have in your arsenal —that would be much better than a piss poor I’ll thought out random shitbag of reduced nonsense that no one would use for inspiration.

But, of course you can’t do this, can you, because you know duck all about food — “anyone can open a can”, isn’t that what you said about not doing another lockdown larder? You’re a thwarted political writer shoehorned into the frugal food space. And unfortunately that’s where your deluded fans and Patreon tip jar fillers live, so here you are again, playing at surviving on a £20 food budget and renting a cold drafty/sun trap of a crappy bungalow, aligning yourself with people actually in great need, who foolishly think you know what you’re doing on the basis of a nates article 8 years ago, and also people actually making a difference, like Marcus Rashford, busy getting things donewith his authentic background, and lovely way of engaging with people. Your bitterness and phoniness radiate from every tweet. Your terror of being found out is over everything you present, like a poorly used Insta filter.

just stop.

anyway, back in the guardian I clicked on the “perfect roast chicken link” and was presented with this, which I found apt

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I actually think a bit of horse jism would improve that Aussie squiggle’s lasagna hugely.
 
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OK, but a bag of stir-fry veg costs 1,50. So that would be 1,40 extra, or 35p extra per portion.

Or in Jack land, you would apparently buy fresh carrot, green cabbage, red cabbage, white onion and sweetcorn for 44p.

She is a lying twit, and this - yet again - goes DIRECTLY against her "you only have £3, no storecupboard" nonsense from...last month?
She needs to move near Lidl and Aldi as their bags of stir fry vegetables are less than a pound.
 
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I love a yellow sticker bargain but there are certain things I draw the line at. 1. bagged salad 2. bagged stir fry veg 3. most bread / bakery items (honourable exceptions are things like ciabatta and, yes, bagels, which can be immediately frozen). The first 2 go slimy and disgusting and are basically not fit for use when they've reached their due date, and I can't bear stale bread / donuts, for all the saving you're making it's better just to buy full price if you're able to.

ETA completely off-topic but this made me laugh a lot this morning -
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