Jack Monroe #78 All of your food is brown

[Bookweevil]

The bizarre thing is I think this lie has been generated purely to describe her... speaking down to a sales assistant?! Which is a mega weird flex. There aren’t rails of jackets out in all different sizes, she’d have had to ask for help to see a jacket in her size, and they don’t even have tills it’s all handheld PoS like the Apple store. Both THEN and NOW!

She is such an oddity, how is she producing wilder content in every thread and we’re in the seventies now

Exactly. It’s a load of rubbish. In my, admittedly far less experience than JM, of visiting high-end places, customer service is a huge part of their offering and a key part of that is not making anyone who doesn’t rock up in top and tails feel shite. What would be the answer to, ‘Do you know how much this costs, Madam?’ ‘Yep, elitist motherfucker, £2,980 - now parcel it up and tuck it behind my ridiculous mouse ears....I bid you Good Day!’

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

Wonder what the dear hearts who propose crowd funding her a property think when they see her in undeniably expensive items of clothing?

If one day she does manage it she will just say “the house, oh I tripped over it, just been left lying around”

 

[Lanie]

I wonder how the book is coming on? At the risk of..., part of my job involves dealing with academics who .....write books. They can take years to finish one properly researched title. But... Jackie can churn out more guff whilst twatting around on twitter all day.

My bloody dissertation took longer to research and it's only 10,000 words

 

[DinosaurSenior]

Ooo! This advert just popped up in the Tattle ads. How I wish it was our Pluto.....

 

[Dogmuck]

Her followers are bloody insane. She honestly just got called a culinary genius and is basking in their nonsense compliments. She must have a second of hesitation, surely. She must know she’s taking the mick? View attachment 255456View attachment 255457

Seriously she’s bleeping trolling me today! whoohooo Jack, for the record is “cheesy mustardy” the “very” florid and wordy you or the “very” childishly literal you? Can we talk about your over use of the word very? That’s considered quite childish in literary circles...it’s unnecessary so can we drop that, especially when you’re using big girl words like oscillate? Thanks mate

 

[Malacandra]

CABAL I HAVE SOMETHING TO SHARE!

So today I went to Jack’s (the supermarket) and picked up this leaflet - “5 family lunches for under £15”. Thought it might have some good meal ideas for me in it, and honestly I did think I’d be showing you all how their budget-friendly ideas were so much better than Mackies.

Then I looked inside.

You will not believe it fraus. Every single meal contains sausages.

The shopping list for this budget-friendly week of meals calls for you to buy FIVE PACKS of sausages and cook EIGHT SAUSAGES PER NIGHT. Granted, they suggest proper Lincolnshire pork sausages, not the bollock variety, but still. The name Jacks, the budget ideas, and the excess of sausages - too many coincidences not to share with you all.

It would never work: they don't rinse the peas or beans.

 

[Alansbigplate]

Seriously she’s bleeping trolling me today! whoohooo Jack, for the record is “cheesy mustardy” the “very” florid and wordy you or the “very” childishly literal you? Can we talk about your over use of the word very? That’s considered quite childish in literary circles...it’s unnecessary so can we drop that, especially when you’re using big girl words like oscillate? Thanks mate

What does peripatetic mean? How is tutelage racist?

 

[Scarletfever]

Haha, she's tweeting madly about leeks because she's hungry - not a surprise when she's been eating crap like a less than 300 cal tuna bake for dinner. Not enough basic nutrition. No wonder she has needed to fill up on crunchies and biscuits! Tonight's dinner was essentially soup and a bit of toast. That's not going to fill anyone up.

 

[Pocahontas]

duck Sake I need to keep Grunking before posting looooooool

Hahaaaa
As soon as I read Marmite’s screenshots, I said to myself, ‘Big mistake. HUGE.’ and grunking through all the posts and saying it again over and over has done me in

 

[Lanie]

Seriously she’s bleeping trolling me today! whoohooo Jack, for the record is “cheesy mustardy” the “very” florid and wordy you or the “very” childishly literal you? Can we talk about your over use of the word very? That’s considered quite childish in literary circles...it’s unnecessary so can we drop that, especially when you’re using big girl words like oscillate? Thanks mate

Pendulums oscillate perhaps shes looking for a new clock? Yes? No? Maybe?

 

[carolinefg]

Tbf those leeks look exactly as I would have expected a fingerblasted leek to look.

Actually just spat out my wine at “fingerblasted leek.” GENUINELY HILARIOUS

 

[Alansbigplate]

Hahaaaa
As soon as I read Marmite’s screenshots, I said to myself, ‘Big mistake. HUGE.’ and grunking through all the posts and saying it again over and over has done me in

We are all truly becoming one

 

[Silver Linings]

As expected she is so puffed up and full of her importance that she’s speaking on behalf of ‘Marcus’, who she had retweeted.

head.

 

[Blurp]

Further to my comment about Southend charity shops... I'd love to know what parks she's going to and finding discarded Burberry scarfs. All you get in mine is NOS cannisters, empty cans of aldi dark fruits and fag butts.

Honestly HOOOTED out loud at her explanation for finding her scarf burried in a park.

Having said that, I did acquire a Moschino scarf that was never claimed when we were clearing out an office....

 

[Mel Donte]

Burberry leather jackets are £2500ish, right? Imagine spending that much just to show off in front of a stranger!

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

She's not claiming she invented bunny chow, surely?

 

[Dogmuck]

As expected she is so puffed up and full of her importance that she’s speaking on behalf of ‘Marcus’, who she had retweeted. View attachment 255474View attachment 255476
head.View attachment 255477View attachment 255480

Is is is this ANOTHER job? Is this on the list?
Also thanks Jack for dropping the very but I can decipher your code...v that means very right?

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Exactly. It’s a load of rubbish. In my, admittedly far less experience than JM, of visiting high-end places, customer service is a huge part of their offering and a key part of that is not making anyone who doesn’t rock up in top and tails feel shite. What would be the answer to, ‘Do you know how much this costs, Madam?’ ‘Yep, elitist motherfucker, £2,980 - now parcel it up and tuck it behind my ridiculous mouse ears....I bid you Good Day!’

Yes! Also those prices points are considered purchases (maybe not for JM...) so they understand their retail presence is as much a show room for people to come & check items out, to then buy online or in sale, as it is an immediate point of sale? Whenever I’ve gone in anywhere and asked to see something I’ve explained I’m not looking to buy today just wanted to see xyz as conscious of wasting their time, and they’re always happy for you to try on they don’t just shoo you out like vermin under a blackberry bush! Tbh maybe if she gets spoken to like a bleep it’s because of how she speaks to people herself

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

As expected she is so puffed up and full of her importance that she’s speaking on behalf of ‘Marcus’, who she had retweeted. View attachment 255474View attachment 255476
head.View attachment 255477View attachment 255480

everything is all about....

Me Me GIF - The Simpsons Homer Simpson Dan Castellaneta - Discover & Share GIFs

Click to view the GIF

tenor.com

 

[TurnedUpInTipp]

As expected she is so puffed up and full of her importance that she’s speaking on behalf of ‘Marcus’, who she had retweeted. View attachment 255474View attachment 255476
head.View attachment 255477View attachment 255480

And she does all this recipe development for free? She does in my hole!