Jack Monroe #75 Peekaboo

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

I’m beginning to think the sneaky wee mink is hoping to secure a similar deal with Asda as she had with Sainsbury’s (before they dropped her like a cold bag of sick). I wonder if the Frau who shared Asda’s Tin Can promo (all up in her niche) inspired her???

Do you work with me? This is one of the delightful perks of my job. It's a perk, because if I have one of those presented, it means there isn't a slightly hysterical teacher in a classroom somewhere across the site and I can simply mask and glove up and then get on with making the phone call home.



Well, apart from today. After all my nagging children for not eating breakfast and then complaining of feeling ill, I got caught at lunchtime today. Mr D made my packed lunch, I grabbed it at 6.15am without checking it, only to find that he'd carefully chopped up celery and cucumber sticks, added some wild rocket - and forgotten to put in anything else. On my 18th trip across the site to check a register was done, my legs buckled under me and it took at least ten minutes for anybody to notice. I got practically force fed a school sandwich and a flapjack and felt fine about half an hour later.


I went straight to the Coop when I got off the bus this evening. I now have eggs, reduced steak, prawns, salmon, vegetables, mayonnaise, sriracha and chocolate soya milk cartons. I am making my own lunch from now on. There's rice, potatoes, noodles, seasonings, sauces, herbs and pasta in the cupboard. Between you and me, he's bloody tit at making a balanced meal because of his bleeping eating disorder that he won't admit he has, hence his insistence upon doing the cooking and my lunches. And I've had enough of it. Nobody wants to be the fat bird collapsing from lack of food in public. Especially when you then get the caring, supportive lectures from slim people telling me how to diet without doing myself a mischief. It's bleeping embarrassing.


Which is why any old tit like that ASDA crap really pisses me off - I spent twenty quid and there is enough to feed me well for about a fortnight with help from the Miele freezer.



Anyhow. Off I grunk. Bisy. Bak son.

 

[MooBelle]

Couldn't help myself with the ss! I just want Marmite or Alan to photoshop Jackie with some hen legs in traaaazers

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It was already tit. Adding chard makes it really tit.

 

[blurstoftimes]

Couldn't help myself with the ss! I just want Marmite or Alan to photoshop Jackie with some hen legs in traaaazers

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why is she sprinkling tiny bits of chard on there like it’s a herb . Please don’t stop, I love it when jack posts crap recipes.

 

[Jay-cloth Cow]

Tell that Victorian ghost to get to absolute duck

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Marmite you are a genius!!!

I hooted so much I made a weird kind of bark/pah/snort noise that I could never hope to recreate!

This is one of the best thread days ever!

 

[Oofadoofa]

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Why does she hate food so much?

The funny is that she has had to go back to ‘cooking on a bootstrap’, essentially throwing random ingredients into a pot and cooking it until it’s all the same colour, because anything more complicated is just beyond her.

 

[PoorPatrol]

It was already tit. Adding chard makes it really tit.

Apart from that, there’s about half a stalk of chard cut up in that, between two. How is she using her measurements of the five a day? Is she measuring in the same way she measured space and time? Living with Jack must be like that film Inception

 

[Harrybosch]

Couldn't help myself with the ss! I just want Marmite or Alan to photoshop Jackie with some hen legs in traaaazers

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She doesn't understand five a day. It's five portions of fruit and veg a day. A portion is 80-100 gram. So 400 - 500 grams. Should be somewhat varied, but doesn't mean you need five different fruits or vegetables every day. So unless her SB eats about 700 - 800 grams of this dish (allowing for weight of stock, bacon and sausages), he won't be getting his five a day.
Why do we need to spell the most basic crap out to her?

 

[MooBelle]

The funny is that she has had to go back to ‘cooking on a bootstrap’, essentially throwing random ingredients into a pot and cooking it until it’s all the same colour, because anything more complicated is just beyond her.

Ah yes, another IG flurry of 20 recipes that all look exactly the same.
Except one will have peaches in it

 

[crystaleyesd]

She's suggesting she's going to start a 'frugal cookalong' (or as she calls it 'a frugalong' ). PLEASE JACK, WE BEG OF YOU, WE NEED NEW VIDEO CONTENT.

I think the only thing for this horrible canal of mavens is to one up her with a FRAUGALONG. Our food would be a million times better, and our viewing figures would be too

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

Wow, that is one FANCY 'modern essential'!

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duck me, I need one of those. 10x isn't enough for my eyesight, but it's better than the crappy x5 handmirror I still can't see in.

Shame I need an oven that works, a new mattress, a sofa that isn't falling apart and some orthopaedic shoes beforehand.

 

[HarderFaster]

Couldn't help myself with the ss! I just want Marmite or Alan to photoshop Jackie with some hen legs in traaaazers

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I cannot stop laughing at soaked hens

Sorry it's really bad form to suggest a thread title so early on but...

Jack Monroe #76 - Madder than a wet hen.

 

[MooBelle]

She's suggesting she's going to start a 'frugal cookalong' (or as she calls it 'a frugalong' ). PLEASE JACK, WE BEG OF YOU, WE NEED NEW VIDEO CONTENT.

I think the only thing for this horrible canal of mavens is to one up her with a FRAUGALONG. Our food would be a million times better, and our viewing figures would be too

Be grateful it wasn't 'frigalong'

Actually, scrap that, I WILL NOW ALWAYS REFER TO IT AS FRIGALONG

all together now Fraus...'Frigging in the rigging coz there's duck all else to doooooo'

 

[Captainmouse]

Both!
I used to have 2 tabs open. One for the current threadand one for Grunkaling along x
If you do decide to skip ahead you must at least read Tread #31 where St Jackie graced us with her presence x

Babe same currently here, #33 and food and drink

 

[Oxford_Girl]

Still with the "living wage" tit. bleeping half-arsed grifter.

This is a lie she isn’t LIVING on the living wage it’s not her only source of income

 

[MooBelle]

Thread suggestion

#76 Jack Monroe Frigalong coz there's duck all else to do

 

[MrsOgre]

Jack's depress pipe as follows.

Rinse beans, chop carrot and try not to chop fingers off. Throw in pan, add diced onion and grated mushrooms. Add a fancy gel stock, tomato (puree?) and gravy granules.
Cook sausages and bacon separate for sb even though they will infuse the casserole with flavour. Simmer for 2 minutes and done!

 

[Tabitha D]

How many companies do you know that can afford letting customers keep an accidental second sofa? A cushion, perhaps, a second copy of a DVD, sure, but an entire sofa?!

Yep, pretty sure she’s lying. It’s her usual one-upmanship. “That’s nothing, I was allowed to keep an extra SOFA”, etc. She can’t help herself.

 

[FrumpyCat]

Just subtly steering the narrative to explain away her many, many high-end possessions. - They were *all* purchased in the small amount of time that she was sharing outgoings, of course!

She has her begging bowl out on March, before L left, and it was all tears and clawing the carpet and tales of her frugality.

Now it's yeah, I spunked a load of money on expensive tit because I could afford it what with two incomes Even the densest of her Jackolytes will be putting things together

 

[Oxford_Girl]

why is she sprinkling tiny bits of chard on there like it’s a herb . Please don’t stop, I love it when jack posts crap recipes.

I don’t see how that small amount counts as one of your five a day ?

 

[Captainmouse]

Still GK’ling

@Veronicaaa

I’m flabbergasted honestly

And disgusted that she thinks its ok to feed her son crap food when she’s got a house full of expensive furniture and an Emin hung up in the bog. I get there is a place for cheap food/clothes but sometimes it’s about choices. You can’t justify feeding your kid crap when you have made the choice to spend your money on a Smeg, John Lewis hammock etc.

Don’t forget the Ocado delivery and the fruit/veg box