Well done, Jackie, you manipulative arse. Way to get traffic for your “body of work”.
I've just horrified myself with the thought that the Bedroom Pussy Jar is where "Monsieur Jacques" resides...
My favourite moment had to be you @Pocahontas asking her if she could finally clear up what a Kumquat wasSome of my favourite bits were when @blurstoftimes said something like ‘Aw, Yel - can’t we ban her?’and @Begborrowsteal telling her that she was making a show of herself. And I know I always bring it up but when she told @Harrybosch that she was entitled and demanding!
But honestly - there were too many perfect moments, so if you did print out thread #31, Jack - sling us a copy this way will you? Ta.
Oh no I like that just a bit too much
Oh my godI wonder what is Jackie's muse on those lonely nights between fiancées?
https://giphy.com/xbgwMAYvi7PtC
That's horrifying.I wonder what is Jackie's muse on those lonely nights between fiancées?
https://giphy.com/xbgwMAYvi7PtC
Now that’s a user name....Come now. Bollock Sausages impart a wonderful flavour.
£300 on a completely unnecessary wifi-enabled (why???) mirror, while she feeds her kid 5p sausages.Its so funny this has just come up because I literally ordered a mirror for my new bathroom this morning and was feeling guilty for spending 100! And thats for my actual main bathroom mirror. Not a £300 wifi vanity mirror to balance precariously on the piles of other hoarded, expensive crap. OH how the other half live!
She is already here. I am sure of it.I would so love it if she came back
She has her reasons for budgeting. Fails to mention the reason is spunking £300 on a sentient mirror.£300 on a completely unnecessary wifi-enabled (why???) mirror, while she feeds her kid 5p sausages.
I wonder if in the years to come he will write a best selling biography. He could call it Non Binary Parent Dearest.The very fact that SB put his shoes on and went to the shop to buy his sausages shows what he thinks of his mother. That kid isn’t daft. Fuck you, mother dear, I’m going to eat dead pig whether you like it or not. Kudos to SB.
I think you must be right. Her whole pre-deactivation cartoon performance was all for us.She is already here. I am sure of it.
As I said, I am no longer following this thread, but this recap is the best yet! "the real Jack" and Oh, great (or, should I say ‘grate’)Congratulations to @Silver Linings for the thread title! A hearty 67 reactions!I couldn’t be more proud of my pirate wife. Expect a moonlight sonata on the lake tonight, dearest heart.
Ahem! Here is the recap. It’s hhhhnnnnggggg long. Today has been off the charts.
Recap of thread #74
As always, please add any recap points that I have missed!
- Praise beans, Jack Monroe is alive and well! It’s possible that she’s been living quite happily in the fire swamp / Upside Down for some time now, indulging her propensity for tweeting with her sausage hands.
- Or, are they ... mink paws? Who can say, but this Peeky Mink certainly likes Ocado, M&S, has a writing deadline to meet, but still time to dig out their trusty copy of one of the bootstrap recipe books and procrastinate while baking a POTATO.
- Or, perhaps we’re being too suspicious and Mink is not who we think she is? As was quickly stated in her new bio. Oh, ok then, whatever you say, Mink. What’s your hometown of Edinburgh like? I hear there’s a phenomenal Five Guys (not a chain).
- Minky then seemingly suffered with tweet remorse as she went on a deleting spree, locked their account (sound familiar?) and unliked complimentary posts about Jack Monroe. Poor Jack. When’s she ever gonna catch a break?
- Peeky Mink follows Sali Hughes, That Man and Thrifty Lesley. And is followed by Louisa and a family member. All together now: lol.
- Massive deposit of Vlad-funded bitcoin to today’s detective @Veronicaaa. See her initial discovery here.
- And tech extraordinaire @heretoreaditall2019 who caught Peeky Mink’s Twitter feed run (?) here. All-expenses paid trip to the palace for you.
- I wonder if Peeky Mink is good at writing books and keeping to imminent deadlines? Someone sure needs to be.
- Cartoon capture of Peeky Mink (for safety attached. Screenshot credit @Chip1984).
- But then Jack (the real Jack) came back to warn of a user on Twitter who is ‘obsessively hounding and bullying’ her under a fake profile (which mocks her name and phraseology). The white sauce thickens.
- Real Jack decided to put their feet under the table and broadcast a panic tweet about empty toilet roll and pasta shelves in Asda (not M&S). Talk about putting out fires with gasoline (she was accused of making things worse). It’s not HER mess, talking-sense person, now get to absolute fuck.
- She then claimed she was back on a very strict grocery budget ‘for various reasons’, complete with pics of her Asda haul. She’s going to be recipe blogging again. Oh, great (or, should I say ‘grate’).
- Apparently this gives her purpose, and she does it well, and it helps others. Okay? Now fuck off.
- She ‘solemnly swears’ to be on call for a daily lockdown larder. She’ll have her ‘fastest fingers and finking cap’. ‘Jack, Jack - I have a raw egg, a tin of marrow fat peas and a chicken’s foot (singular). HALP.’
- Is today Sunday? Not sure, but at least I finally got dressed.
For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ‘s ‘Jack for Dummies’ post (edited to include updated info):
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack versus Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread #31 is the infamous one in which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on p. 17.
For anyone wanting to relive the glory days of her two-week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL), have a grunk a through threads 2-9.
*** JACKISMS ***
Jack’s most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
‘Babe, same’
‘I did a chaos’
‘My maverick brain’
‘My sad little face’
‘I’m BUSY’
‘I HOOTED / I am FIZZING’
‘I laughed up a lung’
One of Jack’s followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfraus™️. She also recently referred to us as ‘gossip mavens’ (so, we are gossip trusted experts). ** Recent additions to her terms of endearment for Tattle: conspiracy wankers, obsessive groups of completely unhinged bullies, bullying ninnies, and malign, vicious bullies **
To ‘GrunkaLunka’ your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time (and is also a fearless pioneer of the space-time continuum. She really was here both Now and Then).
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts in order to intimidate us, so that’s what we mean by that. * She may also threaten to take us to court - do not be afraid, this is not the first time and it won’t be the last. *
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that it’s what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some ‘RIP Viv’ jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putin’s bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to ‘horse spunk’ - there may be some horse ‘spirit’ lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: ‘Thank you so Matt much, Matt’, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: ‘Now fuck off’. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to fuck off, simply paying homage to Jack’s own genteel humour.
*Back in the mists of time, one funny frau used a Jimmy Nail ‘She’s Lying’ picture to illustrate their thoughts on one of Jack’s latest tales. @Alpha Beta thought it was Novak Djokovic, the cabal hooted and Novak Nail was born. You may see reference to Jimmy Nail, Novak Djokovic, or the combination of both: Novak Nail. All demonstrate that she’s lying.*
Also:
- She grew up in a 5-bed (mortgaged/owned) house
- She got a £4.5k Omega watch for her 21st birthday
- Her dad's a fucking LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
- Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jack’s words: ‘She [Louisa] left’.
- Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
- She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
- During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. ‘It just does.’
- The information held on her by Companies House has her year of birth WRONG. She was born in 1988, not 1978.
Here is a link to Jack’s Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering ‘Terrible!’ on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ‘s hilarious Glossary of Jack.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we don’t discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
https://giphy.com/l3q2PZSVUUEsajBIYShe is already here. I am sure of it.
It makes you wonder what she needs 3 freezers for, or that huge Smeg. And she has loads of little magnetic tins of spices, there have been loads of pics of them. So she’s lying, of course.For a foodie, who hasn't been on her uppers financially I am fascinated by the fact she is claiming to not have much food in the house. I understand when she was broke she would live from tin to tin but why is she suggesting on twitter now that she is doing the same? Surely when Louisa was there they would have stocked cupboards that had various staples such as herbs and spices. I dont understand how she is now back to budgeting, buy the basic ranges and implying they dont have much else in the cupboards.
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