Jack Monroe #72 It’s not a government briefing, you don’t need to announce locking down

[FlowerOfTheEast]

If she ruins the masterpiece that is Celery, Edinburgh with that stupid cartoon filter, I'll... well, I'll HOOT!

 

[NellieBoo]

If anyone likes Jack's Christmas bird garland, Lidl has these boxes of bird clips in around four different colours for £2.99 a box.

View attachment 241982

Spend £20 and you could have a very nice Christmas tree for an awful lot less than Mack the Knife-Killer.

Is that a box of dead birds? In the middle aisle at Lidl? I've taken my contact lenses out and can't see.

Ah no. I see they are pretty bejeweled pretend birdies. I'm so sorry . Don't sue me.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

I need to confess something here. I’ve been holding off commenting much because I’m genuinely anxious that if I get too involved then I’ll get summonsed to court. And then my cover will be blown and you’ll all see that it’s not Regina at all, it’s me, Phoebe. DAMMIT I just gave myself away

For how terrible her clothing choice was, her hair did look so nice on DKL. Very healthy and thick, I bet she has had massive huge regret from about 50 seconds after she shaved her head.

Late night Grunka so sorry if someone else has said this to you - but honestly, that’s precisely what she wants she is a massive bleeping bully and whilst I’m here, I truly pity her nearest and dearest as she’s clearly a highly manipulative and spiteful witch.

I won’t go into the numerous reasons why nothing we’re doing is actually wrong, but isn’t it funny for someone that pretends to be top pov urchin she’s SO quick to threaten others with financial insecurity? Her constant threats about lawyering up are her using her social & financial capital as a weapon to silence others under the assumption that they don’t also have the disposable income to seek legal advice, much less a whole court case worth of it, is peak Tory bleep.

If she needs another £25k or whatever payout it was because she spunked the first one she’d be better off getting a bleeping job rather than trying to rummage in everyone else’s pockets The greedy little goblin!

 

[Dogmuck]

peak Tory bleep.

Early thread contender

 

[spirals]

Her smile is weird and creepy. It's not really. Filter makes it worse.

I showed that new profile picture to my Small Boy (9) just to get his reaction.
All he said was "Creepy".

 

[Nottonightbabe]

Late night Grunka so sorry if someone else has said this to you - but honestly, that’s precisely what she wants she is a massive bleeping bully and whilst I’m here, I truly pity her nearest and dearest as she’s clearly a highly manipulative and spiteful witch.

I won’t go into the numerous reasons why nothing we’re doing is actually wrong, but isn’t it funny for someone that pretends to be top pov urchin she’s SO quick to threaten others with financial insecurity? Her constant threats about lawyering up are her using her social & financial capital as a weapon to silence others under the assumption that they don’t also have the disposable income to seek legal advice, much less a whole court case worth of it, is peak Tory bleep.

If she needs another £25k or whatever payout it was because she spunked the first one she’d be better off getting a bleeping job rather than trying to rummage in everyone else’s pockets The greedy little goblin!

Spiteful is absolutely the right word for her. She is spiteful and nasty and doesn't give a flying duck about the mental health of others when she throws around her veiled attempts at intimidation.

I know it's a running joke with us now (like a lot of things she throws at us, cheers Jack for the lols ) but look at the whole triangulation threats she was making, suggesting she could essentially track us to our doors! I've never seen anyone suggest doing similar to her, other than to point out the stupidity in her decision to share photos and information with the public that could easily reveal her home location.

To suggest that she would track people to their homes for daring to critique her on a gossip forum is down right nasty and frankly, bat tit. Likewise with her threats of police, courts and lawyers. Nasty, vindictive piece of work she is.

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

Cutting her hair makes her less ‘televisual’ ( if that’s a word).

I can’t believe she suggested she would have died if not for food banks. She could have asked for help at any point.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Spiteful is absolutely the right word for her. She is spiteful and nasty and doesn't give a flying duck about the mental health of others when she throws around her veiled attempts at intimidation.

I know it's a running joke with us now (like a lot of things she throws at us, cheers Jack for the lols ) but look at the whole triangulation threats she was making, suggesting she could essentially track us to our doors! I've never seen anyone suggest doing similar to her, other than to point out the stupidity in her decision to share photos and information with the public that could easily reveal her home location.

To suggest that she would track people to their homes for daring to critique her on a gossip forum is down right nasty and frankly, bat tit. Likewise with her threats of police, courts and lawyers. Nasty, vindictive piece of work she is.

Yep! I’ve seen so many tattle threads where influencers pull this tit threatening to doxx them to their huge audiences to get eaten alive by actual trolls via an IP address (this lie that influencers spread explained here) , or they’ve got a contact at insta who will give them personal details. It’s such a huge bleeping lie undeniably told to cause distress, because nothing else will come of it, they’re not bleeping Turing cracking the enigma that apparently yields addresses from IPs. No one who has access to PII would risk their job & career to give it out, tbh not just that but you can now receive a fuckoff massive huge fine for non compliance with GDPR? But why is that okay? Why is #bekind one way?? It’s almost as if it’s a meaningless movement to keep influencers / SM z listers beyond reproach as has been the case for years and years now!

I personally cannot wait to see what innovative policing Southend police force utilise to crack this case. Starting with what crime has actually been committed, if anyone has a hunch please let me know? Are fish finger lasagnes a protected category? Then tracking down 100+ active contributors across 70+ threads, and then involving every police force in the country to charge, interview, etc us? Sure jan.gif.

Tbh lockdown 2 has fucked all outside contact for us so I welcome any visitors to the house I’ll get some biscuits in for em, send ur funniest officers they’re gonna LOVE the fraus x

 

[kgaff3]

I follow this person on IG who makes the most magical looking smoothie bowls
My daughter was inspired after seeing them to create her own. Sorry I don't have a picture of the ones she made because I'm not that kind of parent and frankly they were tit - just like Jack's. Basically her food looks like something a child has made that you don't want to eat but have to - no wonder 'SHE LEFT' !!

 

[Veronicaaa]

Are fish finger lasagnes a protected category?

Hahaha, not even had my first cup of tea yet and already I'm HOOTING.

 

[emmer_moans]

Most of the comments on facebook are saying "I'm struggling with the cartoon filter". It looks like a 12 year old's facebook when they've discovered editing filters for the first time. I actually prefer the magnifying glass over peas photos.

 

[Montrachet]

I think her usage of 'hoofed' is quite apt since she permanently has her foot in her mouth.

Friends, it is time to give you my review for the final two episodes of DKL. The first thing I noticed in episode nine (putting on my fashion maven hat) is how dreadful and unflattering that denim shirt with puffball sleeves and sparkly embroidery is. At around five minutes in, when they cut to one of the guests on the screen, you can hear Jack stage-whispering 'I don't have my cards'. A consummate professional at work. To put to bed the whole question of chain restaurants, when Jack is talking about how long you could cook her dal recipe for, she herself says 'there is a chain of restaurants in London - Dishoom - that do theirs for twenty four hours'. During a question segment, Jack is asked why beef mince can have different percentages of fat. She helpfully responds 'well it just does, doesn't it?’ I give this episode five gabbled adjectives for dal out of five.

Most of episode ten is completely uneventful. I find myself getting distracted, contemplating whether Jack's heavy breathing and nasal voice quality have anything to do with her adenoids. Perhaps she should add that to her list of ailments. Matt dares to compare Jack to THAT MAN while she is shaking up a salad dressing in a jar. She is quick to tell us that many chefs have used this technique, lest we think that she has any respect for Jamie Oliver in particular. At about thirty minutes in we get a shot of one of her cards, on which she has scrawled the words 'today Matt I'm making a lentil bean + kale salad'. In my weird little maverick brain it makes me think of someone appearing on Stars in Their Eyes in a kale salad ensemble. Add that to the list of potential court outfits. As the series draws to a close, Jack's final words are 'thank you so Matt much, Matt'. The RSPCA turned up on my doorstep looking for an owl in distress. I rate it one wheelbarrow chicken out of five.

I would like to wrap up by saying that for a bunch of horrid harpies and harridans you have been very lovely and welcoming.

Now duck off.

Thank you for your wonderful reviews. Very witty reminders of some classic TV moments. I hope you can continue with some of her other body of work.

Yes absolutely x

Great work with the photoshopping. Would yourself or @Marmalade Atkins be able to give others a very basic guide on how to do this if inspired to try?

Her constant threats about lawyering up are her using her social & financial capital as a weapon to silence others under the assumption that they don’t also have the disposable income to seek legal advice, much less a whole court case worth of it .....

We all know that Jack can be tricky with her use of language, but surely she is smart enough to know that she can't provide a lawyer with her own constructed spin about the commentary of others on her publicly expressed views. She isn't stupid, but she would be doing a very stupid thing if she chose to continue with a twisted narrative all the way to a courtroom. The exposure of any case she had formulated to her lawyer would be rapid, and she would be the one who ended up incurring heavy costs this time. The best thing she could do is ignore this place, and just try to resurrect her career.

 

[MrsOgre]

Great work with the photoshopping. Would yourself or @Marmalade Atkins be able to give others a very basic guide on how to do this if inspired to try?

Yes absolutely x
Sorry couldn't help it. It's an app on iphone and is very basic but easy to use, compared to trying to use photoshop many years ago

 

[LennyBriscoe]

That sounds amazing, maybe she will want to borrow my 9 yr olds PowerPoint she made for school on being a food waste hero?

All this talk of PowerPoint and Comic Sans etc made me think of this guy, remember him??

 

[Nottonightbabe]

All this talk of PowerPoint and Comic Sans etc made me think of this guy, remember him??
View attachment 242062

Oh yes. Annoying little fucker wasn't he?

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

We all know that Jack can be tricky with her use of language, but surely she is smart enough to know that she can't provide a lawyer with her own constructed spin about the commentary of others on her publicly expressed views. She isn't stupid, but she would be doing a very stupid thing if she chose to continue with a twisted narrative all the way to a courtroom. The exposure of any case she had formulated to her lawyer would be rapid, and she would be the one who ended up incurring heavy costs this time. The best thing she could do is ignore this place, and just try to resurrect her career.

Massively agreed.

Not sure why she acts like a bad witch about her 100% success rate (sample size = 1) with a no win no fee solicitor - what in the daytime TV ad break sort of tit is this? Mark Lewis isn’t going to take this case because there isn’t one. The last one made good business sense for him to take a punt on because of the visibility it had, however no one gives a duck about tattle (love u tattle sorry sweetie x).

Which brings her to the same position all of us would be in if we wanted to start spiteful beef through the courts, having to pay someone to do our dirty work for us. I’m sorry but I’ve got better things to spend my money on, like bras with elastics that aren’t begging to be put out their misery, or bags that aren’t the colour of stomach bile. I’d suggest she should look at keeping it for the house she doesn’t shut the duck up about.

Also laughably pathetic that she came here to idk what for - to endear us to her? To beef? But was so woefully inadequate at it she has to threaten court action She’s like a school girl snake running to the teachers

 

[LennyBriscoe]

Oh yes. Annoying little fucker wasn't he?

Too right he was. Kept popping up even after he’d been told to get himself fucked! “Do you want me to save this for you?” “Well what do you think? I’ve spent 7 minutes adding a comic filter to all my recipes in my back catalogue, why wouldn’t I want you to save it? Daft bendy paper clip twit!!”

 

[MancBee]

I can’t believe she suggested she would have died if not for food banks. She could have asked for help at any point.

It makes no sense that she would prefer to take charity off strangers, but refused to ask her own family and in particular the father of her child. She was ashamed to ask for help from those that care for her, but accept charity? Everyone I know would see it the other way around, charity is seen as a last resort and that is when shame kicks in.

The father of her son, by her own admission, played a full and active roll in the upbringing of their child right from the start. She has stated that he is an excellent father and has always supported her. He was there at the birth, so would without doubt done everything to ensure his child was fed and warm.

She said that she hid it from her family, but that sort of poverty cannot be hidden for years, especially from the father of the child. And didn't they notice the sale of possessions, advertised on Facebook?

I don't know why I am typing all this, everyone here knows the truth. It just helps me to get it off my chest......again.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Mark Lewis isn’t going to take this case because there isn’t one.

Can you imagine being her lawyer? Every couple of days Jack emailing going 'they're being MEAN about me on the internet again! One of them said my cartoon filtered dip looked like a bowlful of VOMIT! It got 18 reaction scores! Mark, please help, they're messing with my CAREER!'

 

[lilamay]

All this talk of PowerPoint and Comic Sans etc made me think of this guy, remember him??
View attachment 242062

It's made me remember WordArt!

Make WordArt - Online word art generator

Create your own nostalgic Microsoft WordArt and party like it's 1995. Make your own custom word art easily.

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