to you @Pocahontas as always for your recaps - although I donāt forgive you for dumping me for someone on here!!! 
Youāre forgetting she talks absolute drivel dear heart
She sure thinks she is
. Worth noting that arnica really only helps with the actual appearance of bruising if you get that tit on there immediately after the bump. Since she didn't mention it and most certainly would have considering we were given the details of the cold compress right down to it being a Magnum, I'm gonna reach and say she didn't have it on there.I'm surprised she didn't blend it and drink it.... I have made myself feel nauseous at the thought.
tbh I would just share them as I canāt think of any rules it breaches? Also imagine the mods float in / out of this thread as itās one of the most active so will delete anyway?I got some screenshots of the MN thread before it got zapped (probably not all of it though) Am I allowed to post them here?
I think that's fine, people have posted shots from there before.I got some screenshots of the MN thread before it got zapped (probably not all of it though) Am I allowed to post them here?
Please could one of the coven point me in the direction of who the housing speech is with tomorrow? Im interested to know if this is being screened live and can be watched by jo public??? Need to see that makeup...in fact I will pay!
Also
I think the threads are usually all connected see the blue near the title of this one āJ M threadsā
Never fear, dear Dogmuck you are always the original OfPocahontas. Sadly, my heart couldnāt resist the subtle but undeniable charms of my new pirate bridePlease could one of the coven point me in the direction of who the housing speech is with tomorrow? Im interested to know if this is being screened live and can be watched by jo public??? Need to see that makeup...in fact I will pay!
Also
We are not worthy, Pocahontas.Congratulations to @Petelgeuse on your first thread title! 52 reactions
Special mention to @Alansbigplate for Diagnosis: Collection 2000. This had a lot of reactions, but I wasnāt sure if it was a thread title suggestion.
Recap of thread #67
Oh dear, what can the matter be?She proved us all wrong with photos from A & E
- Well, she went to the hospital. And was given a
lollipopCAT scan and eye patch for her woes. Sheās not going to post any more selfies until it heals (or she pushes the boat out for some next day delivery yellow and green snazaroo).- She posted a collage of photos to prove that she was in triage, with the tender caption of āHere you go. Now get fucked.ā Must have been the gas and air talking, sheās usually so mild mannered.
- She couldnāt really see out of her right eye but still took a pile of work books (Twitter and Tattle), because Jack Monroe is ALWAYS working.
- Hallelujah, she got a version of āOh, no. Whatās up, hun? Iāll DM you?ā from her āmomā. So, it was all worth it.
- In addition to cabal and coven, we can possibly also add āconspiracy wankersā and āobsessive group of completely unhinged bulliesā to the loving terms of endearment bestowed on us by Jack.
- Praise beans, her eye socket was not fractured, just ābashedā. Itās still very sore though, ok? And purple and red and yellow - basically all the colours of the rainbow.
- Despite having to cut her sandwiches into twenty tiny squares earlier in the day, she āhoofedā a packet of cheap sliced white when she got home from the hospital.
- She went to the park today with her son and posted a completely candid and natural shot of their backs. Real question is, who took the photo?
- Sheās watching Supermarket Sweep. What about the book, Jack? What about the conference?
- Too late, sheās BUSY criticising the appearance of food bank donation boxes and calling them āpropsā. Once again, she is failing to see the bigger picture, but at least Rylan is attempting to explain this to the sulky toddler in her yellow macintosh. #teamrylan
- Sheās 5ā 1.7ā.
- She back-pedalled faster than a swan on ice and contradicted everything sheād said earlier about food bank donation boxes used as props. You know what, she loves Rylan and she loves Supermarket Sweep, so absolutely get fucked.
For new joiners to the thread, here is @Passive_Aggressive_Lemon ās āJack for Dummiesā post (edited to include updated info):
Thought it might be useful for new followers to have a post at the start of each thread with some info.
Limegoss article about Jack v Jamie Oliver : https://limegoss.com/jack-monroe-jamie-oliver/
Thread no 31 is the infamous thread on which Jack turns up to talk to us directly. She makes her appearance on page 17.
For anyone wanting to re-live the glory days of her 2 week stint on Daily Kitchen Live (DKL): Threads 2-9
*** JACKISMS ***
Jackās most oft-used reply to questions on recipe substitutions:
Yes, absolutely x
Some other favourite Jack quotes:
āBabe, sameā
āI did a chaosā
āMy maverick brainā
āMy sad little faceā
āIām BUSYā
āI HOOTED / I am FIZZINGā
āI laughed up a lungā
One of Jackās followers once referred to Tattlers as sad hausfraus and Jack herself has likened us to a cabal. Therefore we have become the Cabal of Hausfrausā¢ļø. *She also recently referred to us as āgossip mavensā (so, we are gossip trusted experts)*
To āGrunkaLunkaā your way through a thread means to catch up on posts. Named after a member who rather epically caught up on many threads in a short period of time.
Jack once threatened to use her Liam Neeson skills to TRIANGULATE our whereabouts to intimidate us, so thatās what we mean by that.
Jack once sideboard modelled a Vivienne Westwood dress, seeming to infer that itās what Viv would have wanted (as if she were dead), and then got snippy when corrected otherwise. There may be some āRIP Vivā jokes (she is, of course, NOT dead)
We sometimes joke about being on Vladimir Putinās bitcoin payroll list for being evil trolls.
During her stint on Daily Kitchen Live, Jack produced a godawful looking lasagne, with a thin white sauce that never thickened up, just disappeared. It was widely likened to āhorse spunkā - there may be some horse āspiritā lasagne jokes.
Her last-uttered line to Matt Tebutt on DKL was: āThank you so Matt much, Mattā, which made us all HOOT.
Jack ended a tweet that listed her (not unimpressive) four-and-a-half GCSE results (A*, A, B, B, C) with: āNow duck offā. We sometimes like to use this in our own posts for comedic effect. We are NOT telling other fraus to duck off, simply paying homage to Jackās own genteel humour.
Also:
- She grew up in a 5 bed (mortgaged/owned) house
- She got a Ā£4.5k Omega watch for her 21st
- Her dad's a bleeping LANDLORD (an oldy, but a goody)
- Jack and Louisa are no longer in a relationship - in Jackās words: āShe [Louisa] leftā.
- Her record for staying off Twitter since the start of these threads is 114 hours and 47 minutes.
- She is 90% vegan. The other 10% likes to nom nom on Five Guys burger and discounted chicken slices.
- During her appearance on DKL, she was asked why some mince has a higher fat content. āIt just does.ā
Here is a link to Jackās Tattle Wiki page, which also includes clips of Matt Tebutt muttering āTerrible!ā on Daily Kitchen Live, courtesy of @Yel) and @Bookweevil ās hilarious Glossary of Jack.
We are terrible for going off on tangents and using too many gifs, so there is another thread where we donāt discuss JM but instead talk about biscuits and stuff. For good light relief when JM is doing too much chaos, come to the Food & Drink threads in Off Topic.
Itās my lifeās work. I can now be proud of all that I have achieved
Got three lever arch files worth of my printed recaps.Events
www.cih.org
< back peddling here myself>...did I say Iād pay to see that makeup? I would have THEN but not NOW! 
She is such a child, I am surprised it wasn't like twenty zillion pieces!
A rainbow and not black eye, aye!the eye IS red and yellow and pink and green TODAY but it will be all arnicaād TOMORROW capiche? Now duck off!
Red and yellow and pink and blue,it's not a bruise now it's a bloody rainbow
