Jack Monroe #61 Complete, made up, fanciful nuclear-level bollocks

[NellieBoo]

She doesn't do 25k steps a day . What a load of old bollocks .

 

[Lanie]

She
Is
Lying

I have never seen a whole chicken reduced to 81p anywhere, even when I worked in a bleeping supermarket 20 years ago. Even when I’ve been perusing the 10p yellow sticker bargains 30 minutes before closing time on a Sunday. Nope. Didn’t happen.

Free range, organic AND corn fed? They’re expensive. I wouldn’t expect to see one reduced to below a fiver quite frankly. And I’d never buy one reduced to 81p because it would be about five minutes away from its Best Before date to be sold off that cheap. Mmm, salmonella...

It didn’t happen. Jack bought a full price chicken but had to pretend it was heavily reduced and high welfare, so it would, like, be a CRIME not to have bought it. Don’t come for me, vegans!

She probably got it with vouchers, I got my Tesco ones the other day so she probably bought a reduced chicken that and spend 81p. So 81p chicken.

Why would you destroy it though.

I feel like she should carry an ad, like

Do you have alot of food in your cupboards and no clue
Call ms monroe, she doesn't have a clue either but she will have it in edible in minutes.
Don't enjoy food, destroy food.

 

[Blurp]

She says she's glad the photos were pre-social media, whilst posting one to social media.

She wore the shoes for eight hour shifts, but wasn't insufferable enough to wear them every day.

She wore knickers to work in the nightclub every night, but this photo was just a one-off theme night.

The shoes were ludicrously comfortable but she couldn't wear them for twelve minutes

My head's spinning

Were those the three pairs of knickers she had to wear to control her unruly labia?

 

[RocketPops]

25k steps a day without leaving her crappy bungalow

Either her Fitbit is grossly over-counting steps, or she's lying.

 

[colouredlines]

Hmm...maybe if she has it on her wrist while she's in a tweeting frenzy...

 

[Blurp]

25k steps a day without leaving her crappy bungalow

Either her Fitbit is grossly over-counting steps, or she's lying.

[insert Novak Nail]

 

[HarderFaster]

For the sake of comparison: I'm about 5cm taller than Jack I think, though god knows if she lies about her height. Today I walked a mere 19.950 steps (our heroine would scoff at me).

That's 15km.

That was over 3 hours of walking during the day.

I sure as tit didn't get there doing laps of my (rented) flat...

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Ooh totally off topic but how lovely to see a cheeky bit of Catalan on the thread.

Makes me long for a yomp around Formentera rather than being stuck in rainy *insert anonymous British city here*.

 

[Silver Linings]

Jesus Christ, Fraus. Here I am, on my one man campaign to spread covid19 through Europe and you keep calling me back!

P.S, @colouredlines I love that calories burnt is calories cremade. It makes sense, but it’s so much more expressive.

 

[Blurp]

View attachment 215079
Jesus Christ, Fraus. Here I am, on my one man campaign to spread covid19 through Europe and you keep calling me back!

P.S, @colouredlines I love that calories burnt is calories cremade. It makes sense, but it’s so much more expressive.

Crikey, that's a long, um, neck!

 

[Starsanddaggers]

Guys I hate to sound like I'm defending Jack BUT
We once bought 8 packs of organic, holier than thou, extra roaming space, Latin speaking chicken breasts for 90p a pack in tesco on reduced.
I guess people were not willing to pay the original mark up which I think was about £12 (!!!)

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Has anyone checked to see if Jack has actually broken any world records because I'm thinking of giving the Guinness Book a call with all these wild claims flying around

 

[Walkdengirl]

I’m terrible at my job because I can’t cook

Next thread title?

 

[Starsanddaggers]

One thing that pisses me off about jack is how narcisstic she is with her lies.
In her words :
She SAVED an organic chicken from landfilll by sticking it in her slow cooker and eating it.

No, Jack you cba it be a vegan anymore.
You saw a cheap fancy chicken and swiped it up before anyone else could.....

We've all seen her eating all the animals live on TV without a care in the world.

 

[Walkdengirl]

As I said, I didn't ever meet her. I wouldn't call the others my friends (not exactly), but they did have direct contact with her. She wasn't a major topic of conversation, but I did ask what she was like, because I was vaguely fascinated by her. (Even then, I had my own theories.) The gist is that she was/is a manipulative, entitled nutter. Unstable. Mad. Deeply unpleasant unless she wanted something. No one had a good word to say about her. In other words, precisely what we've all surmised for ourselves.

I also think there's another thing here. I can't substantiate this, but I think it may well be true. Someone on another thread asked what her partners found attractive about her. I think I can sum up the process. I've known people like this and I can suss them out pretty easily.

Initially very flirtatious, rapidly turning hotly (and adventurously) sexual. Love-bombing, which is hard to resist. 'Never felt like this before' etc. It's ALL about the Other Party. Life is bliss, for just long enough to have the Other Party fall in love, hard. Cohabitation happens far too quickly, followed by plans for 'Together Forever'. Then there's a slight vulnerability (probably one of her physical issues), making her a little unwell. The Other Party lavishes her with love and care. She bounces back. Then a small meltdown, probably about internet bullying ('It's not fair, you KNOW I only try to help people'). The Other Party leaps to her defence. This pattern continues, slowly at first, then the physical and mental meltdowns pile on thick and fast. The Other Party finds their friends unwilling to hang out with them as a couple and they start making excuses for her, eventually changing their lives to accommodate hers. In time they realise that she is an attention vortex and there is nothing whatsoever in it for them.

She's quite simply a vampire, draining the energy and life out of everyone she encounters. Even us.

I think that's spot on

PLENTY OF BLACK PEPPER KLAXON

She stirred his into mac and cheese to suit his kiddy palate?? Boak

It looks disgusting.

BTW, the lemon sponge looked rank, she's many things is Jackie, but a Baker ain't one of them

 

[Cookiecookie]

Yes, she said she would be collecting a medal from the fire service if she hadn’t of got pregnant. They don’t give medals for 10 years service and they don’t give service medals to the call handlers.

Didn't she include that little tidbit in that awful post she did about her him for his 10th birthday?

I'll admit to happily wanting to swap my kid for a bar of chocolate some days, but that birthday post wasn't the loving tribute she was trying to make out it was. She really sounded so bitter about him

 

[Incywincy]

I think I'm on the slow Grunka train. 27 threads in 7 weeks and I still have more than 27 threads to go just to get up to today!!

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

I'm just very, very embarrassed for her looking at that photo. Everything about it is so mortifyingly early noughties. And who even has photos taken of them like that?! Is is a boudoir shoot? Is it for some weird portfolio when she fancied herself a dancer? I mean I know the actual answer is just that she's a narc but it's still mad to me.

The wicker garden furniture chair is making me cringe the most. At least get a proper cabaret style chair - there must have been one knocking about the "massive nightclub" you worked in in your pants, Jack..

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looool agreed, it’s like one of those early 00s boudoir shots sold to women going through a rough break up, by sleazy men on stalls in shopping centres.

there’s probably a few awful corset shots with a feather boa too, some with a horrific over application of eye shadow, and some of her sat on a chair backwards like a member of westlife.

 

[I Heard a Rumour]

One thing that pisses me off about jack is how narcisstic she is with her lies.
In her words :
She SAVED an organic chicken from landfilll by sticking it in her slow cooker and eating it.

No, Jack you cba it be a vegan anymore.
You saw a cheap fancy chicken and swiped it up before anyone else could.....

We've all seen her eating all the animals live on TV without a care in the world.

Tesco, Sainsburys, Adsa, Morrisons.... All donate excess food to Fareshare. An amazing charity that collects and distributes food that would otherwise go to waste. So if you don't need to buy an 80p chicken, don't. Leave it to to someone who really needs it. Landfill isn't a thing. Fareshare is.

 

[Oofadoofa]

She does it without leaving her crappy bungalow, that's how. TWENTY FIVE THOUSAND STEPS. Indoors. No, really.

View attachment 215034

Screenshot from @Silver Linings on June 19th.

What a absolute tool. The lies she tells aren’t even credible, it makes you wonder where her family is to tell her how much of twit she makes herself look.

 

[AmberSpyglass]

20,000 steps without leaving the bungalow , just imagine.