Jack Monroe #61 Complete, made up, fanciful nuclear-level bollocks

[Blurp]

No-one called her Melissa - she was "Mel" to everyone, and she was an out lesbian long, long before she got pregnant!

How did she explain getting pregnant then and how did SB's dad get (IMHO) suckered into baby daddy?

 

[moldwarp]

The middle class x

so she’s had thirteen years of dance classes, was good at tennis, walks 20k steps a day, has a rower, is good at crunches, loved lifting and trained as a firefighter but she’s still asking for exercise advice?

 

[Imainlylurk]

I actually love Allegra’s kitchen

I don't mind it - it doesn't look filthy to me either? Just cluttered. I like the cosiness of it but might find it hard to actually cook in...

 

[PoorPatrol]

How many sofas has she got? Sprawled out on a grey one today With the new trainers, sweaty Betty leggings and £3k fridge all in shot. Phew! Thank goodness for Patreon

 

[Scotty1976]

Can you imagine, she’d never be out the diary room threatening to leave

A hour later still threatening to leave after a sandwich and a piss "Can I go now ?"

 

[Silver Linings]

She’s deleted 2 tweets. Cba to investigate!

 

[Tabitha D]

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ETA - soz for what he’s saying but she is literally so like that character. What a head.
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I really dislike her sanctimonius sarcasm when she says #notanad #notspon when she bites companies hands off to shill stuff for them. Plus she’s always happy enough to seek out their @.

They would be Sweaty Betty of course - £95 a pop for leggings, none of that cheap shite for our Jackie.

 

[Bookweevil]

Exercise: How bleeping Unlucky Am I?
A think-piece by Mack Jonroe

I can’t swim because if I don’t move my limbs, I sink like a stone.

I can’t run for toffee because as soon as I stop putting one foot in front of the other I don’t go anywhere.

I’m a rotten tennis player because if I don’t stick the racquet out, I miss every single ball.

I’m a piss poor cyclist because as soon as I stop turning the pedals with my feet, the bike mysteriously grinds to a halt.

I’m crap at archery because as soon as I stop releasing the bowstring, the arrow won’t budge.
Etc etc....

 

[Saint_clemmie]

I've read on here in Jack's own words that she felt her son hindered her career.

Wow, her son is the reason she’s in this career!

 

[Candytuft]

They would be Sweaty Betty of course - £95 a pop for leggings, none of that cheap shite for our Jackie.

Free leggings alert

 

[Lanie]

Oh ffs, can’t she just put up the pic and recipe (not a recipe, looks absolutely tit) without the COMPLETE BURNOUT mention? How does this endless pity fishing make her feel? What does she want? People to ooh & ahh over her? Really makes me cringe, and it clearly doesn’t make her feel any better either or she wouldn’t have to keep on doing it.
That veg looks rank. There are so many lovely, talented cooks out there wiping the floor with her when it comes to food. Embarrassing.

I don't think she's burnt out I think she's having a midlife crisis. Isn't that when you do tit like buy a posh car, spend all your money and don't give a duck about consequences to later?

I think shes hit a certain age and realised she's not accomplished much apart from writing a few books and being a bit lucky in that they have given her a bit of a fame boost, however she still has to crowd fund for rent, still rents( even though that is ok in my book) and still isnt an a list sleb and now we add single into the pot. Yup not burnt out, but feeling old and un furfilled

 

[Pocahontas]

So if she practised karate for 10 years, surely she shouldn’t go round kicking men in the shins with those weapons-grade martial arts skills. bleeping liability, she’ll kill a man one day.

 

[Mokie]

She is so gleeful about her son's broken arm I've read on here in Jack's own words that she felt her son hindered her career. Either on here or mumsnet there was a post about how she wanted a baby and got one. Earlier today in this thread a post stating she was an out lesbian when she got pregnant. But again in Jack's own cloying words she had a relationship with the boy's father. All these inconsistencies are mind boggling. I wonder if there is a nasty secret we don't know about Jack, the real reason why SB's dad has majority custody. Just speculating though. As a mother I have never been gleeful about any accidents my children have had so I find her attitude extremely odd.

Yes, she said she would be collecting a medal from the fire service if she hadn’t of got pregnant. They don’t give medals for 10 years service and they don’t give service medals to the call handlers.

 

[Silver Linings]

So if she practised karate for 10 years, surely she shouldn’t go round kicking men in the shins with those weapons-grade martial arts skills. bleeping liability, she’ll kill a man one day.

‘I’d fight you, mate, but i’m literally a lethal weapon, i’m not allowed.’ Like bloody Con Air.

 

[AmberSpyglass]

I’ll leave this here.......

It’s not me , it’s r’Jackie doing what she loves the most.

 

[JoyceDivision]

To be honest I found it sinister.

It’s extremely abnormal to be joking about that time you accidentally gave your toddler a horrifically painful injury.

Spoiler: Speculation

I can’t help but think she may have done it accidentally on purpose. She seems resentful of him. More worryingly, it’s possible that her Munchausen’s sometimes extends to her son, aka Munchausen’s by proxy. She would have got loads of attention as the mother of an injured toddler.

Although I don’t agree with the speculation part, I think you are bang on with the sinister aspect. I’d never laugh about my son being hurt - her joking about it is unbelievably distasteful.

 

[ShowMeYourFeline]

She isn't going to 'get well'. This is her MO, her way of life.

I don't know her but I know a few who did, a good few years back. (The one who knew her best has never spoken about her, to me at least, but the others certainly did.) She is not 'well' and my guess is that she never will be. All the medicinal rollercoasters in the world won't help and, tbh, I'm not even sure if any of that is true. Her manipulative, psychotic and massively entitled behaviour is hard-wired; it's her true nature and, sooner or later, the gruesomeness will inevitably surface.

The reason she craves public approbation is that when people actually get to know her the scales will, invariably, fall (cf every relationship she's been in and being ditched by people and organisations who have given her opportunities that others could only dream of). Her Twitter following doesn't have to put up with her 24/7 (although it sometimes feels like that!), so they aren't going to experience her Full behavioural Monty.

Now, you can’t just come in here and tell us she’s a friend of your friends, and not give us any stories

 

[LavaFlake]

I’ll leave this here.......

It’s not me , it’s r’Jackie doing what she loves the most.

Reeling in that next SugaMumma. Sorry that's two GIFs in one day... I will limit myself henceforth x

 

[Tabitha D]

I don't think she's burnt out I think she's having a midlife crisis. Isn't that when you do tit like buy a posh car, spend all your money and don't give a duck about consequences to later?

I think shes hit a certain age and realised she's not accomplished much apart from writing a few books and being a bit lucky in that they have given her a bit of a fame boost, however she still has to crowd fund for rent, still rents( even though that is ok in my book) and still isnt an a list sleb and now we add single into the pot. Yup not burnt out, but feeling old and un furfilled

I wouldn’t be surprised if the “burnout” thing is a cover for the fact she’s not in fact been inundated with work offers, as she led us to believe she was following DKL and the Hellmann’s shitshow.

 

[Bugger13]

On thick cold crunchy toast with balsamic drizzled on top is lovely too. And for non vegans a layer of soft cheese (philly type) underneath first is lush.

Nush almond cream cheese is a great vegan option