Jack Monroe #61 Complete, made up, fanciful nuclear-level bollocks

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So sheā€™s really going to town with this whole ā€˜look at me, Iā€™m a mummy, and look at what a fab relationship I have with my son. Such larks.ā€˜

And, sheā€™s using his real name now. No SB.

And, she pushed his ā€˜buttā€™ <adds to the American transition pile>

Starting to agree with the posters who have said sheā€™s up to something or something is going on. Why the caring loving mum routine all of a sudden? LOOK AT MY LIST OF ALL THE THINGS WEā€™VE DONE TOGETHER.

I donā€™t do most SM, so I really donā€™t understand all the instamama chat stuff but between her recent love in on there, and joining Nigella site, perhaps she is trying to break into new markets. Maybe sheā€™s tryna make it internationally, America, yā€™all.

Holy duck theyā€™re going to wish they could go back to just bitching about Trump.
 
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It's only Monday and she's exhausted me already.
40 tweets in 2 hours. So she went to the docs where she lied through her teeth about staying off SM, came home and manically tweeted. The running gear! The SB stories! Where to start. Honestly I hate how much her manipulative bullshit winds me up. I wish I could quit her.
 
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My area must be tit because ive been in with the kids with split heads and broken limbs and theyve never seperately questioned any one!
 
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Sheā€™s just nicking clickbait stories that the DM nick off Bored Panda.

Meryl ā€˜groundbreakingā€™ gif.
 
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Sheā€™s just nicking clickbait stories that the DM nick off Bored Panda.

Meryl ā€˜groundbreakingā€™ gif.
But itā€™s soooo obviously the first bullshit thing she could cone up with off the top of her head. No fuckin way people at her kidā€™s school were giving her sideway glances whilst under the impression she was some sort of mysterious ā€˜knife collectorā€™ (whatever the duck that even is getting at..)

Sheā€™s a 10 year old child with an overactive imagination.
 
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Allegra's kitchen makes me twitch omg. It looks so cluttered... it needs a good Marie Kondo!
 
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Hellsite or support network? Knob.

That person who innocently said less carbs has deleted their account, so thatā€™s 2 people sheā€™s chased off twitter. Thing is, if she actually constantly ate butter and complex carbs like she claims she would be lethargic. And that horrendous weekend with the ā€˜shopped photo where people reported genuinely triggering tweets and the woman begged her to delete them and think about how she talks about weight and she did sweet duck all. So how dare she talk about discussing EDs.
 
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Allegra's kitchen makes me twitch omg. It looks so cluttered... it needs a good Marie Kondo!
Iā€™d throw a massive ā€œI canā€™t work in these conditionsā€ tantrum making beans on toast in that kitchen, let alone a full scale meal from scratch.
 
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Can you imagine, sheā€™d never be out the diary room threatening to leave
-DAY 1 IN THE BIG BROTHER HOUSE

ā€œHello Jack welcome to the diary room. What seems to be he problem?ā€

ā€œItā€™s Malcolm, he started to make a curry but doesnā€™t he know that I make a great curry? With peaches..ā€

ā€œSo sorry, Jack, weā€™re sure Malcolm will let you cook now..ā€

ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”5 minutes laterā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”ā€”

ā€œHello again Jack, everything okayā€

ā€œNo itā€™s Malcolm, again. I was showing him how to open the tin of peaches and he said Iā€™m quite the ā€˜chefā€™. Doesnā€™t he know, Iā€™m not a CHEF..ā€

....
 
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Can you imagine, sheā€™d never be out the diary room threatening to leave
Jack - ā€œSo and so is bullying me!ā€

BB - ā€œYou do realise we can actually see what is happening.ā€

I canā€™t decide whether sheā€™d be wide eyed ā€˜cor blimey, love a duck, give me your shrapnel, darlinā€™, look at all these shiny celebs, Jackā€™ or ā€˜I have smegs, cotswold company sideboards, 50 billion devices and am a bestselling author thank you very Matt much Matt, Jack.ā€™
 
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