Jack Monroe #58 Schrödinger’s Jack: simultaneously working and sleeping all hours

[Frumpy]

I'm sorry this has made me laugh, why couldn't she go to a library FFS.

Because she's better than the plebs who use free services. She's simply too delicate and special to mingle with us non-blue-tickers.

 

[Montrachet]

There is one thing she could do if she gets really stuck for cash:

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Such excellent work, Marmalade. Can't resist requesting if you could arrange for Ed Miliband to join Matt and his Taco at the DKL table? Jack, languidly rolling her eyes whilst thickening up her Bechamel in the background would just be a bonus. You are Tattle's very own 'Cold War Steve'.

 

[Saint_clemmie]

The Ed Miliband clip --- It's the usual story she's told hundreds of times, and continues to tell to this day. There is no deviation. Same dead eyes, monotone voice. Nobody ever questions her - because the MC journalists and audience see it as a class issue, with Jack masquerading as a poor, working-class person. So she's gotten away with her lies and embellishments for nearly 10 years now.

Yep and if she doesn’t pivot soon and actually have something relevant to say or do she’s going to find that her Son will be too old for her to keep going on about being a single mother who used to be on benefits. That’s still her thing and it’s tired now.

 

[Lanie]

She’s just retweeted Nigella/potatoes AGAIN. How many more bloody times?

Heynigella,have you ever heard of anyone write about potatoes apart from me. Pet me on the head and tell me ( in a baby voice) I am a good girl.

I think the person doesn't believe for a minute that she wrote a book on a mobile. She keeps tripping herself up, but it really needs people with power and influence to see through her.

I must admit I struggle with this too. The phones to me weren't advance enough then to do it, I don't think. Fair enough if she used email but even then it would have been a right frustrating pain.

If she said that today I would fully get it, but I must confess I( meaning only me, my opinion and it's not legally binding) find it hard to believe.

Also to add my husband had a fancy blackberry then and I don't even think he could have managed it and weren't they the office phone at the time?

 

[Colin]

She sounded so posh in 2014. Has clearly had a bit of time to work on that mockney accent..

Well, it's not exactly plummy but it's nowhere near the weird nasal twang she has now! I'm grunkaing so back off to my timeline I go

 

[Uberrima fides]

apologies if anyone has posted this already, but earlier this evening JM put this on Twitter:

(friends/colleagues with either of my phone numbers, please check in over coming days + weeks. I know we all have our own tit going on but christ I need you all right now if I'm gonna pull through this in any sort of shape. I don't often ask for help but I'm asking now. Cheers.)

do you notice she says 'we all have our own tit going on', but then proceeds to make it all about herself. She then has the cheek to say she doesn't often ask for help - she doesn't in fact ever do much else (patreon, tip jar).

 

[Don't @ admin]

Well, it's not exactly plummy but it's nowhere near the weird nasal twang she has now! I'm grunkaing so back off to my timeline I go

I'm surprised she's not self diagnosed SEVERE chronic sinusitis.

 

[J4n0Z]

@antisocialmedia you are most welcome. Sometimes us fraus just need to kick back and hoot, hack, and laugh up a lung.

 

[Tabitha D]

Just a thread reminder to mention she is the >>only<< person who hasn’t been invited back to saturday kitchen with some being back on more than one occasion.

Must sting but I’m not sure she realises...it was scripted.

I bet Matt occasionally dreams that Jack is booked as a guest on Saturday Kitchen, and wakes up in a cold sweat.

 

[J4n0Z]

I'm surprised she's not self diagnosed SEVERE chronic sinusitis.

SEVERE and EXTREME sinusitis.

 

[Hellybelly]

Is there an illness she hasn't had? Is there a horrible life experience that she hasn't suffered? She has got to be the world's most unfortunate individual. The way she goes on and on, if she was in the Sahara Desert, she would say it rained all day. If she won the National Lottery, it wouldn't be enough. I feel fortunate that I am never likely to meet her - what a downer it would be.

I personally feel like there's some kind of competition going on between her and Jameela Jamil for just how many things are on their lists...

 

[Oxford_Girl]

The Ed Miliband clip --- It's the usual story she's told hundreds of times, and continues to tell to this day. There is no deviation. Same dead eyes, monotone voice. Nobody ever questions her - because the MC journalists and audience see it as a class issue, with Jack masquerading as a poor, working-class person. So she's gotten away with her lies and embellishments for nearly 10 years now.

Hopefully one day someone will ask why she didn’t ask her parents or SB’s father for help

she can’t have it both ways he is by her own words a good parent to SB yet she hid this from him ? What does that say about her statement of she will do anything for SB ? Except ask people that love him ( and her ) for help ?

 

[Don't @ admin]

I shouldn't joke really, I'm waiting for an operation on my sinuses and it's actually a really unpleasant condition. The headaches are awful but a haven't got the nasal voice thankfully.

I bet Matt occasionally dreams that Jack is booked as a guest on Saturday Kitchen, and wakes up in a cold sweat.

that's definitely a night terror, not a dream.

 

[MrsOgre]

Thanks for that. It could go some way to explaining how she is able to afford to rent a three bedroom bungalow. She is not likely to let on to her followers, or patreon donators, that she is receiving something.

Sorry if this has already been done but pip is extremely hard to apply for and get. Mr ogre is blind and had to jump through many hoops, he's now getting left alone for quite a while but for someone who fears the post so much, the dwp sends out a lot of mail (which is left up to me to read as they don't make any exceptions for visually impaired). I would dread the seemingly countless requests for reviews and appointments. So it would be hard for her to prove she has these conditions if she's only ever seen a gp. We have realms of hospital reports as evidence and they demand more and face to face assessments.
Sorry for the long rant if you've got this far!

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Heynigella,have you ever heard of anyone write about potatoes apart from me. Pet me on the head and tell me ( in a baby voice) I am a good girl.


I must admit I struggle with this too. The phones to me weren't advance enough then to do it, I don't think. Fair enough if she used email but even then it would have been a right frustrating pain.

If she said that today I would fully get it, but I must confess I( meaning only me, my opinion and it's not legally binding) find it hard to believe.

Also to add my husband had a fancy blackberry then and I don't even think he could have managed it and weren't they the office phone at the time?

I loved my blackberry so much & would happily have one now if it wasn’t for Apple Home, the keyboards were

The storage on early feature phones was SO limited there’s no way she managed it as one cohesive file. Also their limited processing power would have made one large file super bleeping laggy & it would have just kept crashing? My BB used to crash when I was typing too quickly into large email threads, especially with pictures, and that was 2014/5?

I don’t even think it was viable on the early iPhones tbh, very possibly iPhone 4 onwards? The only viable way I can imagine she did it was email herself each individual recipe with photos attached....? There weren’t really text editors or notes apps in early smart phones either.

Dunno why I’m bothering to think about it, yet another lie. She probably wrote it on a laptop her parents bought her after she told them she got a book deal

 

[Tabitha D]

Sorry if this has already been covered.

Went for nosy at this Patreon thing and blimey. There are a lot of people being paid for their services, it's like a big fat begging pot.

Her's has 282 saps paying her, the saps also have to pay a fee for processing their money - how nice is that. She has to pay a fee for the 'money' she receives (and I think a minimum $300 monthly fee but that might be the % fee)

So at the lowest, she charges say $4 x 282 = $1128 a month - lowest 5% fee = $1082.88 per month. (£829.40)

For the highest $44 x 282 = $12,408 per month - 12% = $10,919.04 per month (£8,363.17)

and many more combinations in between.

Nice little earner for no big outlay.

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Does anyone really want 120 “art postcards” a year? Is Jack really able to produce 120 different designs? (And can she actually post them?).

 

[colouredlines]

Maybe she’s just tit at job applications

Nobody could get through her 3000-word cover letter.

 

[Not Now Bernard]

Does anyone really want 120 “art postcards” a year? Is Jack really able to produce 120 different designs? (And can she actually post them?).

Is it going to be 120 postcards with her hands cradling a bowl filled with a variety of slops

 

[NP]

Does anyone really want 120 “art postcards” a year? Is Jack really able to produce 120 different designs? (And can she actually post them?).

I’m sure someone in the earlier threads likened it to the scene with all the Hogwarts letters in Harry Potter and it makes me HOOT every time I picture it. Nobody wants endless bleeping postcards Jack.

 

[Tabitha D]

Maybe she’s just tit at job applications

If she’s really had as many jobs as she’s claimed (a tattler has a list somewhere), and puts them all on her CV, then it will make her look like she can’t stick at anything for longer than a few weeks, i.e. unemployable.