Wait hold on, are we looking at day two of her Kruger wotsit photo shoot outfit? Like,
<unspecified length of time, but enough for the curls to fall out and the makeup to sort of... spread>
Jack Monroe #553 Fairytale of No Pork
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<unspecified length of time, but enough for the curls to fall out and the makeup to sort of... spread>
You forget (according to Guest History Timeline #424523) she doesn't know about makeup so was so delighted with what the photoshoot artists did and decided not to to wash it off for days.
Also
Hahahahaha @FunnyFuneral... When you are free.....
Personally, I'm of the opinion that guest was steadying herself on 30th November ready for the big "Christmas Comeback". A trio of slow cookers bubbling with malicious intent and the smell of impending failure rising over the stench of desperation, as per previous years.
However, 1st December arrived and guest ouchily, but bravely limped from her simple bednest towards an advent calendar and grappled it with hands that have long stopped functioning and now barely able to grasp. Jack prayed silently and privately to her God, that this year, this year would be the one. Unfortunately only to find 2 burly bailiffs behind the first door rather than the Malteser Reindeer that Mr Asda had promised.
Have you no hearts? Lol.
My mind is permanently blown that she was such an insufferably pompous fusty old fuddy duddy at 25. I mean, you look at this.
And it gives full on
She’d have us believe she went from full-on lyrics-doodling OBSESSED fan of Hole (Courtney Love’s band), in fishnet tops and LASHINGS of black eyeliner and being the COOOOOL rebel described below, to spouting that tit up top
like a Labour party Barclay Beg-Chetwynde…
… while looking like this
and dressing in her Nan’s front room Austrian blinds from Freeman’s Catalogue, and a sensible cardi.
She’d have us believe she went from full-on lyrics-doodling OBSESSED fan of Hole (Courtney Love’s band), in fishnet tops and LASHINGS of black eyeliner and being the COOOOOL rebel described below, to spouting that tit up top
like a Labour party Barclay Beg-Chetwynde…
… while looking like this
and dressing in her Nan’s front room Austrian blinds from Freeman’s Catalogue, and a sensible cardi.
TOO POOR TO AFFORD NICE HAIR
One month before that pic.
I'm sure that she mocked up the rent increase message from her landlady/letting agent, but when is another rent increase due based on the date of the message?
Everyone we know who rents has had an increase this year because of the COL crisis no matter how understanding their landlord/ landlady is.
I'm an over 2K rent truther looking at similar (and smaller) rental properties in Shoeburyness.
I can't believe that the landlady is that naive and if she's using a letting agency there's no way they'd be recommending that level of rent on a property that size.
Everyone we know who rents has had an increase this year because of the COL crisis no matter how understanding their landlord/ landlady is.
I'm an over 2K rent truther looking at similar (and smaller) rental properties in Shoeburyness.
I can't believe that the landlady is that naive and if she's using a letting agency there's no way they'd be recommending that level of rent on a property that size.
And door 2 revealed an HMRC investigator....
---
Ah, landlady's husband/brother/son/son-in-law doesn't perchance stand in a bowl of porridge with one trouser leg rolled up with Chocco, does he??
Absolutely. Even if you have a "good" landlord or one that has paid off their mortgage the agents will be recommend putting up the rents to match market rates. Especially if their fees are tied to the rent amount.
FFS, YEEEESSSS!!!!!
You nailed it! It’s day two post-bender after the stunt hair Grifty Kitchen photoshoot! Lol she must have been snorting off the counter cos she’s not even moved 
Found that ss from @Kebab girl
Anyone got a better pic? Preferably one with the big wonky camel hoof cropped out of it, please and thank
🪐
you. "Hilda, come here a tick and look at this... Do you remember that bloody awful B&B we stayed in on that trip to Southend?"My mind is permanently blown that she was such an insufferably pompous fusty old fuddy duddy at 25. I mean, you look at this. View attachment 2619847And it gives full onView attachment 2619864
She’d have us believe she went from full-on lyrics-doodling OBSESSED fan of Hole (Courtney Love’s band), in fishnet tops and LASHINGS of black eyeliner and being the COOOOOL rebel described below, to spouting that tit up top
View attachment 2619854
… while looking like thisTOO POOR TO AFFORD NICE HAIR
View attachment 2619877View attachment 2619878One month before that pic.
"Oh lord, how could I ever forget? That.... man, and his family. What am I looking at? Oh good god, those are the curtains from that lounge, aren't they? And is that... Is that... The granddaughter wearing them???"
Right. Unlike Guest, I actually remember when I promised to do something and have come back to leave my thoughts.
I don't think she's getting £10-15K for a straight corporate speaking gig on the regular. Possibly for something like the disastrous Curry's collab, which we know must have been arranged through Kruger Cowne as Agent Adrian was there, or for a big Google-type thing. Small literary festivals like Clitfest, Hay etc pay crap (maybe a couple of grand if you're *really* lucky).
However, I actually agree with pretty much everything she says about how to negotiate your fee - far too much of the public speaking world relies on the fact that people want a platform, so will do stuff for nothing or just travel expenses. But if you're self employed, then this stuff is your job, and it needs to be worth your while - either monetarily or in terms of genuine exposure/opportunity or an incredible fun experience (fun, fame or fortune).
For example, I was approached to speak at an event in a European country. I would have had to spend at least half a day preparing for the event (plus also packing, sorting out logistics etc etc), most of a day travelling, the full day at the event, then most of the day travelling back - two nights away from home in bed that I might not sleep well in, and I have a genuine chronic health condition that means stuff like that does wipe me out. If I get in really late from an event where I've had to be on my feet all day, I am under par for at least a day after that. So I have no problem with factoring in half a day of recovery time.
And, of course, I wouldn't be able to get on with as much of my other regular work, as it's hard to work properly when you're travelling (i've tried - it's tiring and stressful, it's hard to do client calls on the go, and I hate being beholden to my laptop battery and finding wifi). So, let's call it 4 days of working time that I need to get covered.
Now, I'm a highly experienced Frau and an expert in my field, and when I was a freelance in a usual year my income was around £60K. According to this day rate calculator, if I want to make the equivalent of a £60,000 salary, I need to charge a *minimum* of £350 a day: https://www.maxwellstephens.com/day-rate-calculator (these things usually assume you're working full time, with about 4 weeks holiday a year and a couple of sick days).
So, I would need to ask for AT LEAST £1400, plus travel and accommodation. And that's not including any other expenses that I might incur while I'm away for three days, like meals, snacks, or a couple of glasses of overpriced red wine that I'll have to drink on my own in the hotel bar. Oh, and if it's arranged through an agent, then they will take a percentage of the fee (10-20% depending on your deal, although it's usually worth it as they'll negotiate a higher fee than you would ever manage to yourself). Now I run a company, and they bill me out at £1200 a day, so that would be a minimum of £5K, as that's how much we would lose due to me not being able to get on with other billable work or any of the other jobs I do. So no, I won't do it for £200, or for free
If your experience and expertise is valuable, then people should pay you for it. It drives me nuts when organisers of events aren't willing to pay for the time of the people who are the reason the event exists in the first place! I think guest's advice and rationale is fine, and more people should take it to heart. Where I differ is that I'm genuinely an expert and an authority on what I do, whereas she's a honking chancer who keeps trotting out her self-centred poverty fiction.
You know when you’re so used to something you stop seeing it and then all of a sudden, something new clicks.
I just can’t any more with her. Even her lies are completely bleeping moronic.
Why on earth would you even be “wondering”?! How about taking the guitar you don’t even know how to actually play, you thick (fantasist) duck?
In the sage words of @DisgruntledGoat
I just can’t any more with her.
Even her lies are completely bleeping moronic.
Why on earth would you even be “wondering”?! How about taking the guitar you don’t even know how to actually play, you thick (fantasist) duck?
Just as was about to hit post I remembered from this ss provided by @DisgruntledGoat that she DID in fact “pawn the guitar”.
She then didn’t have a guitar until either Leggy (Feb 2014-May 2015) or LJC (April 2017-May 2020) bought her TWO guitars.
So she most definitely in December 2013 did not have that guitar that had moved with her twelve times (or that she told the Guardian, also in December 2013, she’d had for ten years) and that it was her New Year’s resolution to play in 2014. No sireeeeee (Sideboard) Bob. No guitars to see here.
FFS she can’t even tell the truth about how long she was with the “ex-partner over the TWO YEARS we were together” who imaginary-replaced her PAWNED GUITAR. She was with LJC for three years and Leggy for 15 months! 
ETA: LOL no bleeping way!
She then didn’t have a guitar until either Leggy (Feb 2014-May 2015) or LJC (April 2017-May 2020) bought her TWO guitars.
ETA: LOL no bleeping way!
Well said. Just a thought though … if it’s publicising something you’re selling in order to increase sales (eg Hay had Susie Dent publicising her new book and it was flying off the shelves in the Festival shop, as were her preceding books) what’s the deal?Right. Unlike Guest, I actually remember when I promised to do something and have come back to leave my thoughts.
I don't think she's getting £10-15K for a straight corporate speaking gig on the regular. Possibly for something like the disastrous Curry's collab, which we know must have been arranged through Kruger Cowne as Agent Adrian was there, or for a big Google-type thing. Small literary festivals like Clitfest, Hay etc pay crap (maybe a couple of grand if you're *really* lucky).
However, I actually agree with pretty much everything she says about how to negotiate your fee - far too much of the public speaking world relies on the fact that people want a platform, so will do stuff for nothing or just travel expenses. But if you're self employed, then this stuff is your job, and it needs to be worth your while - either monetarily or in terms of genuine exposure/opportunity or an incredible fun experience (fun, fame or fortune).
For example, I was approached to speak at an event in a European country. I would have had to spend at least half a day preparing for the event (plus also packing, sorting out logistics etc etc), most of a day travelling, the full day at the event, then most of the day travelling back - two nights away from home in bed that I might not sleep well in, and I have a genuine chronic health condition that means stuff like that does wipe me out. If I get in really late from an event where I've had to be on my feet all day, I am under par for at least a day after that. So I have no problem with factoring in half a day of recovery time.
And, of course, I wouldn't be able to get on with as much of my other regular work, as it's hard to work properly when you're travelling (i've tried - it's tiring and stressful, it's hard to do client calls on the go, and I hate being beholden to my laptop battery and finding wifi). So, let's call it 4 days of working time that I need to get covered.
Now, I'm a highly experienced Frau and an expert in my field, and when I was a freelance in a usual year my income was around £60K. According to this day rate calculator, if I want to make the equivalent of a £60,000 salary, I need to charge a *minimum* of £350 a day: https://www.maxwellstephens.com/day-rate-calculator (these things usually assume you're working full time, with about 4 weeks holiday a year and a couple of sick days).
So, I would need to ask for AT LEAST £1400, plus travel and accommodation. And that's not including any other expenses that I might incur while I'm away for three days, like meals, snacks, or a couple of glasses of overpriced red wine that I'll have to drink on my own in the hotel bar. Oh, and if it's arranged through an agent, then they will take a percentage of the fee (10-20% depending on your deal, although it's usually worth it as they'll negotiate a higher fee than you would ever manage to yourself). Now I run a company, and they bill me out at £1200 a day, so that would be a minimum of £5K, as that's how much we would lose due to me not being able to get on with other billable work or any of the other jobs I do. So no, I won't do it for £200, or for free
If your experience and expertise is valuable, then people should pay you for it. It drives me nuts when organisers of events aren't willing to pay for the time of the people who are the reason the event exists in the first place! I think guest's advice and rationale is fine, and more people should take it to heart. Where I differ is that I'm genuinely an expert and an authority on what I do, whereas she's a honking chancer who keeps trotting out her self-centred poverty fiction.
Ahh excellent, another Ghosts fan.My mind is permanently blown that she was such an insufferably pompous fusty old fuddy duddy at 25. I mean, you look at this. View attachment 2619847And it gives full onView attachment 2619864
She’d have us believe she went from full-on lyrics-doodling OBSESSED fan of Hole (Courtney Love’s band), in fishnet tops and LASHINGS of black eyeliner and being the COOOOOL rebel described below, to spouting that tit up top
View attachment 2619854
… while looking like thisTOO POOR TO AFFORD NICE HAIR
View attachment 2619877View attachment 2619878One month before that pic.
How surprising. I am surprised
Of course people should be compensated fairly for their time and expertise, and I apologise if my post implied otherwise. However, we know guest does the absolute bare minimum, doesn't prepare, frequently turns up late (if she deigns to show her face at all), spends (at most) an hour banging on about herself, thinks it appropriate to tell her audience that she's doing her engagements on 3 hours' sleep because she's been "sober raving" the night before, and is generally an unprofessional pain in the arse for event organisers. I'll never not find it objectionable that she's stealing a living from people who actually put the effort in.Right. Unlike Guest, I actually remember when I promised to do something and have come back to leave my thoughts.
I don't think she's getting £10-15K for a straight corporate speaking gig on the regular. Possibly for something like the disastrous Curry's collab, which we know must have been arranged through Kruger Cowne as Agent Adrian was there, or for a big Google-type thing. Small literary festivals like Clitfest, Hay etc pay crap (maybe a couple of grand if you're *really* lucky).
However, I actually agree with pretty much everything she says about how to negotiate your fee - far too much of the public speaking world relies on the fact that people want a platform, so will do stuff for nothing or just travel expenses. But if you're self employed, then this stuff is your job, and it needs to be worth your while - either monetarily or in terms of genuine exposure/opportunity or an incredible fun experience (fun, fame or fortune).
For example, I was approached to speak at an event in a European country. I would have had to spend at least half a day preparing for the event (plus also packing, sorting out logistics etc etc), most of a day travelling, the full day at the event, then most of the day travelling back - two nights away from home in bed that I might not sleep well in, and I have a genuine chronic health condition that means stuff like that does wipe me out. If I get in really late from an event where I've had to be on my feet all day, I am under par for at least a day after that. So I have no problem with factoring in half a day of recovery time.
And, of course, I wouldn't be able to get on with as much of my other regular work, as it's hard to work properly when you're travelling (i've tried - it's tiring and stressful, it's hard to do client calls on the go, and I hate being beholden to my laptop battery and finding wifi). So, let's call it 4 days of working time that I need to get covered.
Now, I'm a highly experienced Frau and an expert in my field, and when I was a freelance in a usual year my income was around £60K. According to this day rate calculator, if I want to make the equivalent of a £60,000 salary, I need to charge a *minimum* of £350 a day: https://www.maxwellstephens.com/day-rate-calculator (these things usually assume you're working full time, with about 4 weeks holiday a year and a couple of sick days).
So, I would need to ask for AT LEAST £1400, plus travel and accommodation. And that's not including any other expenses that I might incur while I'm away for three days, like meals, snacks, or a couple of glasses of overpriced red wine that I'll have to drink on my own in the hotel bar. Oh, and if it's arranged through an agent, then they will take a percentage of the fee (10-20% depending on your deal, although it's usually worth it as they'll negotiate a higher fee than you would ever manage to yourself). Now I run a company, and they bill me out at £1200 a day, so that would be a minimum of £5K, as that's how much we would lose due to me not being able to get on with other billable work or any of the other jobs I do. So no, I won't do it for £200, or for free
If your experience and expertise is valuable, then people should pay you for it. It drives me nuts when organisers of events aren't willing to pay for the time of the people who are the reason the event exists in the first place! I think guest's advice and rationale is fine, and more people should take it to heart. Where I differ is that I'm genuinely an expert and an authority on what I do, whereas she's a honking chancer who keeps trotting out her self-centred poverty fiction.
The main point I was trying to make was her slippery disingenuity - acting like she's a poor naive urchin who has no idea what her fees are and just gratefully accepts whatever meagre sum she's offered, when just a few months previously she'd done that huge Billy-big-bollocks thread about her hardline negotiating skills.
(Sorry if I'm not making sense, I'm EXHAUSTED from putting up my tree and am now around 3 drinks in)
I wonder if the tummy/stomach thing could also be to do with spelling. If someone sho doesn't have English as their first language, sees stomach written down, the may not pronounce it with a "k" ending and may read it as something like staw-match,whereas tummy is phonetic.
I’m belaboring this point now, I know. But Teen Jack models her lewk on “psephologist” Courtney Love and continues to be a REBEL at 23 when she “discards her birth name”, via a brief foray into the “s*x industry” (why the * in SEX?), other errr… “artistic pursuits”, and minimum wage labour
Yet by age 24 models herself on Anne Diamond.
And by 25, pride of the WI Jack instead models her lewk on “vision of elegance, fragrance and radiance” Mary Archer.
And at 26 is terrified of YOUNGSTERS in states of undress.
Thanks to @Marmalade Atkins for the ss, including the one of Teen Courtney Love Tammy Girl Baby Spice right there.
ETA: Yeah, you’re really rocking that androgynous lewk skinhead and trousers there, Teen Tammy Girl Courtney Love Baby Spice Jack!
Yet by age 24 models herself on Anne Diamond.
And by 25, pride of the WI Jack instead models her lewk on “vision of elegance, fragrance and radiance” Mary Archer.
ETA: Yeah, you’re really rocking that androgynous lewk skinhead and trousers there, Teen Tammy Girl Courtney Love Baby Spice Jack!
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Well I didn’t think there were many soft furnishing choices more unhygienic than a rag rug glued to a kitchen floor, but Vlad has proved me wrong. Just the thing to stay comfy during a long sesh on the squatty potty after a dinner of prune and pilchard curry.
And yer Da sells Avon.
Completely off-topic for Ghosts and Blackadder fans
While looking for a pic of Barclay Beg-Chetwyne to add to that post
I learned that Barclay Beg-Chetwyne is also this fella from series 3 of Blackadder!
I learned that Barclay Beg-Chetwyne is also this fella from series 3 of Blackadder!
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