Jack Monroe #541 First do no honk

[I'm not actually here]

I’m hoping I can just lure in enough amazon drivers to reduce my petfood bills atm…we don’t have pets but keep getting hopeful random scrawny wildlife critterlings turning up opportunistically.

Cheese prices seem to have gone absolutely crazy recently. I think I’m going to have to go to the park and wait for a dealer to pop up.

Salmon is a bit pricey really, but a) I have an autoimmune thing and b) am really gullible and overoptimistic, so as soon as I read about the Next Amazing Thing that’ll magically cure it, I leap on the bandwagon for a few weeks until I get disillusioned and move onto trying Epsom Salts or Mammoth Collagen instead…

Wait, wut? Our @WoolyMammoth has a skincare range?

 

[griftalo]

LJC why would anyone buy a rower made of walnut wood. You can easily work up a good sweat on one of those machines, and it's a lot simpler to clean and sanitize metal than it is to clean and sanitize expensive wood. If she's ever actually used it, I bet it's as filthy as that horrible shag rug in the bungakitchen.

I’m not defending her ridiculous choice but wood is generally unfairly thought of as dirtier than metal or plastic.

one website about it said “To summarise, there is some evidence that micro-organisms have a lower survival rate on wooden surfaces compared to plastic or stainless steel but this does depend on several factors including the type of the micro-organism, the environment and the species of wood.”


She’s a dickhead, regardless!

 

[Copacapybara]

There's basically nothing they can do about water. They're not allowed to cut off a property that people live in and while they can take legal action, it's very rare that they bother because in most cases it would cost them more than the standard rates to do so (so they'd only do it if you were spunking thousands of litres per day, not for normal domestic use). Please note this is not advice just anecdotally based on my experience.

Our house is pretty damp anyway and this sounds intriguing… makes me think there’s a gap in the local market for a new low-cost swimming pool if I put the taps on full, and go around the windowframes with Duck Tape.

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

And got a big telling off from Big D?

And/or set something on fire.

 

[I'm not actually here]

What is this actually doing?

(AM NO A NARC OR A GRASS OR A CRIM JUST A BIT THICK SORRY FOR SHOUTING)

Bypassing the meter. ( @mchops got there first!)

 

[Copacapybara]

View attachment 2438895

It’s absolutely the type of person who goes about with a loud comedy honker in a heart ward and that image Very Suits.

 

[griftalo]

What it looks like on a cursory glance is that the cheapest stuff is far more expensive now, plus a lot of the cheapest discount ranges seem to have been removed in favour of the next-cheapest version (think text-only packets swapped with the slightly fancier labelled-ones with actual pictures and all).

Yes. Our local spendy co op removed the cheap tinned beans and sausage - both the cheapest picture one and the text only a while ago.

 

[griftalo]

She has this unnecessarily expensive one from (of course) John Lewis, but only because Cotswold Co don’t do them.
View attachment 2441212View attachment 2441213
SS from @Captainmouse and @Silver Linings
@Marmalade Atkins might have the pic of it in the bungamansion

Apologies again Valio.
is it just me or is tattle very hard to use atm? I keep finding posts I’ve completely missed.

 

[Lazarus]

Did a double, triple take then.

Then realised I was thinking of Morgan Freeman, not Bilbo Baggins

Oh no, I think he’s very hot. That look
Perfectly tailored suits, nice sunglasses, lovely shirts, oh yes. I’m all over that 60s/Ivy League style. Never dates.

 

[I'm not actually here]

I thought the song came out in 2006 and she got the doctorate in 2015? But happy to be corrected if wrong, I’m not guest

I sort of meant if she was only 9 years behind, that didn't seem like her normal 30+ years behind the times

 

[HootieMcBoob]

I sort of meant if she was only 9 years behind, that didn't seem like her normal 30+ years behind the times

oh I am so dense

>>>>>>> The joke >>>>>>>

Me
“O”
/ | \
_| |_

 

[griftalo]

It takes a special kind of arsehole to shave your own head knowing that your parents vow renewal shindig is coming up and there will be photos.

Why didn’t she wear a wig?

 

[Copacapybara]

BiB???

Where has she said she loves babies? Cos (apart from that one probable lie where she claimed to hold some stranger's babby on a train), she only ever talks about her own kid and that's in less-than-loving terms. To me, she seems to find her kid a massive inconvenience, a drain on her finances and, very occasionally, a foil for her deluded parenting tips. As so many others have said, he's just a prop for her dramas and her pov single mother grift.

I hope to everlasting fuck that she never brings another child into this world and that any kids she has contact with are buffered by safe and loving adults who see Monroe for what she is.

I can see why someone would want IVF to be a private thing so it’s an interesting thought. That would be very understandable.

Having said that she doesn’t seem averse to sharing very personal stuff and I can’t imagine most people being such arseholes as to attack someone for publically pursuing fertility treatment (I may be being very naiive here!).

 

[Dr.CM]

I don’t disagree with you at all and it’s appalling she was given them in the first place, but I think it would be nigh on impossible to persuade Essex and Coventry rescind those degrees. Even Cosby’s kept hold of ten of his.

View attachment 2439745 And there’s this
View attachment 2439750
I don’t think those institutions would even want to engage in a discussion about it; she’d need to do something very public and very criminal before they’d distance themselves- stripping honorary degrees (like giving them in the first place) is all about PR and how the institution “looks”.

Wow, thanks for this info, that's astounding. What does it take?

 

[Captainmouse]

Not just the purchasing of items either. I can see her spending a lot in other ways, taxis, takeaways, meals out etc. All for her of course. She'd be the type to be dropping £35 a month on a 'self care' subscription box and the like. Could even be a gambler, who knows.

Flower subscription, stickers, milkman, veg box, Ocado

 

[freya]

Moo

Who buys the stolen cheese? Personally I have never been tempted by anything that may have stuck in the sweaty underpants of a person with questionable hygiene

Our local co-op recently closed, in part due to the level of shoplifting. But crack on Jack, and don't say a fucking word.

As the canal so often asks itself, who fucking knows?

I wonder if guest is a cheese smuggler.

 

[Cat Face]

I've seen the Potato Head pic many times and never understood the references to him having been Facetuned. Enough has been said today to Google the chap.
Oh my word.
That pic she posted now looks like it's a portrait of his half-brother. Done in pastels. Possibly underwater.
I'm going to be charitable and say she was doing a bang-up job of protecting his identity. His nearest & dearest would have to look twice.

I just had to google him on the strength of your post and good lord.

"Portrait Mode"



EDIT: and then @MurielSnark posted the pics I saw.

 

[MurielSnark]

Kevin McCloud used my dads property as a filming location one summer and I met him and he was so charming. I turned it a stupid, simpering pile of jelly while my husband looked on cringing

I'm green with envy!

He IS the thinking woman's crumpet.

 

[mchops]

Mmmmmmm, stolen sweaty underpants cheese, yummmmm

Called nob cheese round my way, the girls are only busy here near pancake day with the fanny batter. Although some do battered fish .

 

[Mr Jim]

@TheMiceInTheShed it’s This Is Just To Say by William Carlos Williams (artistic licence may have been taken)