Jack Monroe #541 First do no honk

[traumatised sideboard]

Thread title is @griftalo's words slightly modified and nominated by @Five hundred dogs you both win a full colour portrait tattoo of guest, redeemable at Stevie Wonder's Tat Shack.

In the previous thread: guest is still AWOL, the canal continues to mither in her absence.

When nominating thread titles please use the words 'thread title' and no swearing. For newbies the wiki is the pink button up top.

 

[griftalo]

Wooop!! Booking my tatt right now! It will be my first one! What shall I get?!

 

[MaineCoonMama]

Wooop!! Booking my tatt right now! It will be my first one! What shall I get?!

An onion, just like your avatar. Or you could get a Slopbot? Make sure it's somewhere like your neck or forehead so everyone knows you're a bad gal.

 

[griftalo]

An onion, just like your avatar. Or you could get a Slopbot? Make sure it's somewhere like your neck or forehead so everyone knows you're a bad gal.

Well and onion would be cute but it said portrait of guest lol, I’m thinking full thigh beggie grifter?!
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Wow Google search is really honest atm

I fear we may run out of mither and we feed off it so, so please chaos soon, sweetmeat!

 

[ChocolateMuffin]

What's the revelations about a past poster?!.. I've been chopping up my home grown plums for the radiators to make curry with this Christmas.

 

[MaineCoonMama]

Well and onion would be cute but it said portrait of guest lol, I’m thinking full thigh beggie grifter?!

Word to the wise, don't get the ballet unitard photo.

 

[griftalo]

Word to the wise, don't get the ballet unitard photo.

I could never! That photo is horrible.
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What's the revelations about a past poster?!.. I've been chopping up my home grown plums for the radiators to make curry with this Christmas.

I hope they weren’t attached

 

[MurielSnark]

Jack is still keeping a vow of silence on the socials but her alter ego, Aunty Pat, threw a pumble pie at Michael O'Leary in Brussels today. She's very angry about the rising costs of budget flights to Marbella.

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In other news, the Guardian News and Media group is doing very well, financially. There was speculation on the last thread about this so I went looking for evidence that they were about to fold or being bought up by a large conglomerate.

Um, no

Revenues are up and have been for several years in a row. See below.

Also, to discount two other bits of fake news:

They did move offices in London over a decade ago, from Farringdon to Kings Cross. But this was a step up into a much, much larger premises which forms part of the Kings Cross regeneration. Very smart offices, fit for purpose for the digital age and accommodating more staff, but also with venues for events, training and concerts.

Also, they are not owned by a proprietor, unlike the Telegraph, Evening Standard, Independent or Daily Mail. Their sole shareholder is the Scott Trust which issues no dividends but reinvests profits back into the operation. So they are not up for sale at this moment, also unlike The Spectator and The Telegraph.

OT: it's completely fair to take a pop at the Graun for the way they boosted Jack's grift without so much as an investigative whisper. They fucked up on that. badly. But let's keep our criticisms based in evidence.

Guardian Media Group makes record revenues for news business

Total revenues rise to £264.4m but Guardian parent company records cash outflow of £21m

www.theguardian.com

.
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On her way to Brussels, Aunty Pat stopped for a loo break in Lincolnshire and witnessed the most terrible crime. Always on the look out for ne'er-do-wells, she felt it was her civic duty to peer in the windows of the cafe, even though it was closed, and she was horrified by what she saw.

No amount of comfort from the nice, burly PC who responded to her 999 call made up for the belly laughs that followed her down the road and out of town. Luckily, no-one she knows witnessed her embarassment and she soon hopped onto the Eurostar to confront the RyanAir boss geezer with her defrosted mackerel, pickled onion and whipped cream pie.

'Ritual mass murder' report in Chapel St Leonards was yoga class

Police say the call was made with "good intentions" after students were mistaken for bodies.

www.bbc.co.uk

 

[CabalofBolorneaise]

Whenever I see Michael O’leary now all I can think of is the tiktok of the woman waiting to board a flight turning to her partner and asking “Who’s Ryan?”

The Guardian have backed themselves into a royal corner with Jack. If they did want to expose her, she’s just going to turn round and say “Well you published all of this in the first place?” They can’t expose her without making themselves look totally shite, a realisation that I suspect was unwelcome for Shattenstone as he wrote his article. For someone who’s managed to duck up every opportunity she’s had, she’s been bloody clever at getting herself wedged so she’s somewhat untouchable - until she fucked that up with Roasties and Sue Lee gate.

That said all the main outlets seem to be making what vary from questionable decisions to outright mistakes at the moment so I suppose you have to pick your poison and I’d take platforming Jack Guardian over the likes of the Scum and the daily Mail any day.

 

[HotesTilaire]

I’m watching the film “Spike Island” and someone said “mither” and pronounced it the way I do (because they were a Manc and I say it the Manc way)

 

[MavisBeacon]

@flightofthealligator babe, same. Don't let guest steal our sparkle

 

[The carlin]

An onion, just like your avatar. Or you could get a Slopbot? Make sure it's somewhere like your neck or forehead so everyone knows you're a bad gal.

Just pondering the tit tattoos on Jacksie and was thinking, most of us know loads of people with tattoos. I've never met another person who has that many tattoos on her arms but none others elsewhere on her body? I could be totally wrong but most heavily tattooed people (women) I know have something elsewhere. Back, butt, thigh, ankle, leg, chest, etc. Is it as weird as I think?

As I say, I may just be a mithering ninny but it like most things she does it doesn't seem quite genuine and just discomforts me a bit.

 

[Dr.CM]

Just pondering the tit tattoos on Jacksie and was thinking, most of us know loads of people with tattoos. I've never met another person who has that many tattoos on her arms but none others elsewhere on her body? I could be totally wrong but most heavily tattooed people (women) I know have something elsewhere. Back, butt, thigh, ankle, leg, chest, etc. Is it as weird as I think?

As I say, I may just be a mithering ninny but it like most things she does it doesn't seem quite genuine and just discomforts me a bit.

Uh let's put it this way... if she has them *elsewhere* we DO NOT wish to see them please thankspaceyou.

 

[ChocolateMuffin]

Just pondering the tit tattoos on Jacksie and was thinking, most of us know loads of people with tattoos. I've never met another person who has that many tattoos on her arms but none others elsewhere on her body? I could be totally wrong but most heavily tattooed people (women) I know have something elsewhere. Back, butt, thigh, ankle, leg, chest, etc. Is it as weird as I think?

As I say, I may just be a mithering ninny but it like most things she does it doesn't seem quite genuine and just discomforts me a bit.

A lot of men just have sleeves. And in some cases it's just showboating.

She's seen an 'identity' and gone for it. Can't come back from tats though can you! Unless the new relaunch is amputee with bionic arms....that's been in the news recently hasn't it?

 

[Cookiecookie]

Just pondering the tit tattoos on Jacksie and was thinking, most of us know loads of people with tattoos. I've never met another person who has that many tattoos on her arms but none others elsewhere on her body? I could be totally wrong but most heavily tattooed people (women) I know have something elsewhere. Back, butt, thigh, ankle, leg, chest, etc. Is it as weird as I think?

As I say, I may just be a mithering ninny but it like most things she does it doesn't seem quite genuine and just discomforts me a bit.

We've seen enough of her backside in last year's thot shots on the banana lounge to know she probably doesn't have a massive arse tattoo like Cheryl Cole anyway.

Jack's are definitely just for show. She wants people to see them and be 'outraged' by a tattooed laydee. Of course, no one is outraged, because tattoos are so mainstream now. They just think hers are tit!

 

[Dr.CM]

A lot of men just have sleeves. And in some cases it's just showboating.

She's seen an 'identity' and gone for it. Can't come back from tats though can you! Unless the new relaunch is amputee with bionic arms....that's been in the news recently hasn't it?

Oh don't give her ideas, she'll be one of those people who want an amputation next...

 

[The carlin]

Uh let's put it this way... if she has them *elsewhere* we DO NOT wish to see them please thankspaceyou.

G'wan, you know you want to see her tattooed pumble sorry I'll have a word with myself for that.

A lot of men just have sleeves. And in some cases it's just showboating.

She's seen an 'identity' and gone for it. Can't come back from tats though can you! Unless the new relaunch is amputee with bionic arms....that's been in the news recently hasn't it?

Its like she's learned how to do anything human by reading the instructions from a book and not quite understood them and please don't give her an idea of another identity to latch on to.

We've seen enough of her backside in last year's thot shots on the banana lounge to know she probably doesn't have a massive arse tattoo like Cheryl Cole anyway.

Jack's are definitely just for show. She wants people to see them and be 'outraged' by a tattooed laydee. Of course, no one is outraged, because tattoos are so mainstream now. They just think hers are tit!

boak. And you're totally right.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Just pondering the tit tattoos on Jacksie and was thinking, most of us know loads of people with tattoos. I've never met another person who has that many tattoos on her arms but none others elsewhere on her body? I could be totally wrong but most heavily tattooed people (women) I know have something elsewhere. Back, butt, thigh, ankle, leg, chest, etc. Is it as weird as I think?

As I say, I may just be a mithering ninny but it like most things she does it doesn't seem quite genuine and just discomforts me a bit.

Well if nobody could see them, what would be the point? I mean in Jack Logic, not for normal people. It’d be like owning a Viv dress and never wearing it and posting pics on socials with text outlining that it’s a Viv dress!

 

[rage naan]

I have work to do, so I made this instead. I was going for a rainbow - slopbow? but orange prevails on the Jackstagram

 

[Livia Fantasy]

Oh don't give her ideas, she'll be one of those people who want an amputation next...

May I suggest doing it French-style?