Jack Monroe #541 First do no honk

[HootieMcBoob]

I'm one who'd never seen it. OMG. View attachment 2436708

Yeah. You tell us just how well your plan to have your "Ridiculous Things* hold their value is going. You toxic prune-addled simpleton.

*One, or, maybe, say, 27 things bought with each advance eh?

I thought exactly this too and I don’t know why but it’s really wound me up.

Jack: I invest in expensive items as a safety net
Also Jack: I completely trash (and render worthless) expensive items I invest in as a safety net

She’s really boiling my bleeping onions tonight and she’s doing it from the past.

 

[griftalo]

Found it. Dearer now, but still not hugely so, considering how much things have gone up in the years since I was last wielding a pricetag gun

View attachment 2437859


Just looked up the ASDA one. The only chilli is in the chutney, it's the last thing in the ingredients for that - unlike salt - and even combining all the salt in the entire tub, that means there's significantly less than 1.95g of chilli. Like 'we made the BSL sign for the word chilli from inside a clothes recycling bin at the far end of the car park at it' levels of 'spicy heat'.

Did you mean curry powder? It’s not usually a dish with heat so much as spices for flavour.

I do love the description of the signing in the car park I’ve joked before to my partner that food has only been told garlic exists.
---

Just like Father Ralph DeBricassart being confronted by Meggie (wearing a dress the same color as a plate of pink jamborees)
View attachment 2437909View attachment 2437919
#I’mOLDER

Erm who stole the strips of jam down the middle?? Own up now!

 

[HootieMcBoob]

'I rebelled as a teenager, but in a quiet bookish way'. Didn't she say on another more recent occasion she kept bunking off school to smoke in the park with boyz?
And surely in this essay about school, where she blames her quiet rebelling as the reason she got 4 and a half gcses, it would be the perfect opportunity to raise the topic of the evil trio of teachers including Borbora who kept putting her down
Sounds like she was just a lazy unremarkable student. But of course this has since been changed to rebellious Jack endlessly singled out and bullied by teachers as she was so special and unusual.

She did her rebelling softly, gently, behind the scenes

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

Did you mean curry powder? It’s not usually a dish with heat so much as spices for flavour.

I do love the description of the signing in the car park I’ve joked before to my partner that food has only been told garlic exists.
---

Erm who stole the strips of jam down the middle?? Own up now!

In her original blatherings, there's some tit about it being spicy. I suspect that means 'there was a bit of salt in it'.


She'd have conniptions about the standard level of heat in foods round here. Every time a new takeaway opens up, they last about ten minutes of asking why is everybody complaining their food is bland before shrugging, saying 'duck it' in their home language and upending all of the chillis into things.


ETA: to give you an idea, the Co-op round the corner sells 4 types of fresh chilli, an entire rack of chilli and hot sauces, hot mango chutney, chilli ketchup, chilli mayonnaise and when they had a special delivery of 1l bottles of chilli oil, they sold out within an hour.

And that's with three independents with their own walls of chilli, pickled garlic, lumps of ginger the size of your arm and more spicy stuff within 20 yards and then entire supermarkets floor to ceiling with spices another quarter of a mile away.

 

[HootieMcBoob]

Probably for the best. View attachment 2436901Poor bastards.

This isn’t a starter, it’s a bushtucker trial

 

[griftalo]

View attachment 2436574

Poor Jack. The dating profile “her friends” wrote to find her some rich cock a new “Mr Jack” must not have been very successful. I can’t for the life of me think why
View attachment 2436577View attachment 2436578
Literally, whaddacunt.
View attachment 2436579Although to be fair to her for demonstrating some self awareness, because this does sound suitably bleeping horrendous
View attachment 2436580

Scummy Single Mummy Does Dating: Echo & Gazette Column, 15th Jan 2013

The trouble with being professionally single is, well, it leaves you professionally single. When the greatest achievement on your CV is a double page spread in the national press for spending £10 a...

web.archive.org

Spoiler: Mither

Six wedding invitations <Sure, Jan>, taking my best friend who’s a TALL LADY. View attachment 2436581View attachment 2436582
Five months later: Boo hoo I am OPPRESSED and UpStAgE BrIdEs!!! View attachment 2436583View attachment 2436584Fantasist attention seeking twit.

Sizing myself up against any other woman in a bar…

what? Is this normal? Do other people do this?? Where does that come from?

 

[Florid Language]

I thought exactly this too and I don’t know why but it’s really wound me up.

Jack: I invest in expensive items as a safety net
Also Jack: I completely trash (and render worthless) expensive items I invest in as a safety net

She’s really boiling my bleeping onions tonight and she’s doing it from the past.

You see it on those posh pawn shop programmes all the time. The slightest hint of damage to the goods wipes hundreds of pounds off the value.
As Gene Wilder said in Blazing Saddles "....... you know, morons".

 

[Naboo The Enigma]

So how povvo was she claiming to be at this point because one OU degree seemed expensive to me when I looked the other day, never mind two at once. Most ordinary people likely aren’t going to easily afford it.

I started an OU degree in 2004, as a single parent. At the time, and now as well I think, course fees were paid if you were on benefits. Jack was not on benefits at the time, so would have had to pay the course fees. The OU is cheaper than bricks and mortar unis, but still in the thousands per course.

The OU don't discriminate against people who have been failed by the system, so you don't need A-Levels or even GCSE's to take a degree with them, but if you've been out of education for a while, or if you need to touch up your studying skills, or if you've only got 4 and a half GCSEs, it is very much recommended that you start with the courses that are equivalent to access level. There's absolutely no way she would have been able to take 2 consecutive degrees without paying the course fees for both of them. Also, OU degrees work on a points system - you earn 30, 60, 90, or 120 points per course towards your degree. You can take a break and "save" your points if you need to, but after a few years they drop off, and you would have to start again.

Anyway - she's never mentioned it again, so we know she's chatting tit.

 

[phoebuscartel]

BIRD’S TRIFLE

Spoiler

View attachment 2437452Or SPITE trifle in the MonroeverseView attachment 2437448View attachment 2437449View attachment 2437450but I still make rank trifles and in dirty old light fittings that look like the dregs of ashtrays soaked in Guinness and beer runoff from the drip trays on the bar of a 1970s workingman’s club.View attachment 2437451 “The family trifle” why does she make everything sound so utterly bleeping rank.
View attachment 2437455View attachment 2437456

Oh! and
Butterscotch Angel Delight
Instant mash
And
Pale green breadcrumbs
View attachment 2437462
Double
View attachment 2437467

My eyes 🫣

the sichuan peppercorn and mushroom trifle has ended me

 

[griftalo]

I started an OU degree in 2004, as a single parent. At the time, and now as well I think, course fees were paid if you were on benefits. Jack was not on benefits at the time, so would have had to pay the course fees. The OU is cheaper than bricks and mortar unis, but still in the thousands per course.

The OU don't discriminate against people who have been failed by the system, so you don't need A-Levels or even GCSE's to take a degree with them, but if you've been out of education for a while, or if you need to touch up your studying skills, or if you've only got 4 and a half GCSEs, it is very much recommended that you start with the courses that are equivalent to access level. There's absolutely no way she would have been able to take 2 consecutive degrees without paying the course fees for both of them. Also, OU degrees work on a points system - you earn 30, 60, 90, or 120 points per course towards your degree. You can take a break and "save" your points if you need to, but after a few years they drop off, and you would have to start again.

Anyway - she's never mentioned it again, so we know she's chatting tit.

I’ll check but it didn’t seem to mention anyone getting it free now, you get a loan if I understood it correctly.

 

[HootieMcBoob]

Apologies if already noted but she says “go fill your little worlds up with love and kindness”. How condescending! She really does think she is above everyone.

It’s so cringey isn’t it. I did wonder if she was trying to quote Fill My Little World by The Feeling (not Courtney Love’s band) but I googled and it came out nine years before this interview so it wasn’t exactly a contemporary reference.

Which I guess is kind of on brand for her

 

[HotesTilaire]

@Valiofthedolls dear tenderleek, I feel I saw a renewal vow pic and she looked a bit like Ma Ev, but I might be having a fever dream. It was “in the background” of a picture once I think.
Meanwhile, I’m heading to Dec 20 to find Jacks’ “working class food” fever dream for all you jung frauen.

 

[Copacapybara]

I thought exactly this too and I don’t know why but it’s really wound me up.

Jack: I invest in expensive items as a safety net
Also Jack: I completely trash (and render worthless) expensive items I invest in as a safety net

She’s really boiling my bleeping onions tonight and she’s doing it from the past.

I think it’s the boasting about wrecking something so massively expensive while claiming poverty is so frustrating to me
---

In her original blatherings, there's some tit about it being spicy. I suspect that means 'there was a bit of salt in it'.


She'd have conniptions about the standard level of heat in foods round here. Every time a new takeaway opens up, they last about ten minutes of asking why is everybody complaining their food is bland before shrugging, saying 'duck it' in their home language and upending all of the chillis into things.


ETA: to give you an idea, the Co-op round the corner sells 4 types of fresh chilli, an entire rack of chilli and hot sauces, hot mango chutney, chilli ketchup, chilli mayonnaise and when they had a special delivery of 1l bottles of chilli oil, they sold out within an hour.

And that's with three independents with their own walls of chilli, pickled garlic, lumps of ginger the size of your arm and more spicy stuff within 20 yards and then entire supermarkets floor to ceiling with spices another quarter of a mile away.

I missed a lot of interesting abominations it seems, I was in today but just wombling around in distress as unable to find ready-salted Hula Hoops (there was a scandal with a policeman putting glass in them in the 80s when I was a kiddo, and I’m just feeling ready to recommit to them again

(At this distance the glass just adds a bit of a thrilling frisson to the whole experience.)

 

[schitts]

I thought exactly this too and I don’t know why but it’s really wound me up.

Jack: I invest in expensive items as a safety net
Also Jack: I completely trash (and render worthless) expensive items I invest in as a safety net

She’s really boiling my bleeping onions tonight and she’s doing it from the past.

Mulberry straps do not ware out to the point of near snapping!!!!!

 

[Copacapybara]

Mulberry straps do not ware out to the point of near snapping!!!!!

She must have been confused about crocodile skin handbags and kept a live one in it- those teeth are pretty abrasive when they’re riled up.

 

[HotesTilaire]

So, if you weren’t around in Classic Jack times, this is a great thread to grunk. TurnedUpInTpip makes the godawful lard gravy just a page or two earlier, Jack has a temperature of 107f allegedly, and is having a pyrexia-fuelled tweetathon about foods she wants to eat. Who remembers Raleigh Choppers? Jumpers for goalposts.

Jack Monroe #119 She says lots of things, many of which are false

Well, if she genuinely is ill, I hope she feels better soon, and her family are all ok. And @TurnedUpInTipp , I hope YOU feel better soon! Pie Jesu just being in the kitchen with that gravy(?) must be bad enough! Truly above and beyond! 👏🏻 As for The Sloppies, I’ll be tuning in to the live...

tattle.life

 

[HootieMcBoob]

Mulberry straps do not ware out to the point of near snapping!!!!!

That’s a really good point. Mine did, but in fairness it did come from the side of a beach somewhere near Malaga so the quality may have been compromised

 

[Copacapybara]

Frauen might be cautiously intrigued by DIY Jamboree Abomination ice cream (not by guest, it’s a retro biscuit ice-cream project by some dude who probably now spends most of his time at Endocrinology attending interminable diabetes clinics.)

Retro Biscuit Ice Cream #2 - Jamboree (Jam Mallow)

This post started life as Jammy Dodger ice cream, but while vanilla ice cream with bits of biscuit and jam sounded OK in theory, in practise...

fishfingersarnie.blogspot.com

 

[BlendedSlop]

It's so hot Jack will be down to her sorts bra rubbing frozen spinach over her face

Either that or

Spoiler: Old tweets. Seriously grim.

lying naked on the sofa dipping cheese slices in melted butter

SS originally by @Nottonightbabe and @People-huv-tae-know

Just realised that this was the first time she compared herself to a Ruben painting AND she yet again called herself butch. Not an original thought in her head. She's such an attention-seeking tedious twit.

 

[HootieMcBoob]

That’s the dude! I thought it didn’t sound quite right…

Were you mixing them up with 80s staple Iced Gems perhaps?

ETA @rage naan beat me to it!