Jack Monroe #541 First do no honk

[SouthendRealEstate]

*clutches sweat-sodden sheets*
Chewits
Sherbet DibDabs
JAM ROLY POLY

A large jar of decanted butterscotch Angel Delight. Nope, I have no bleeping clue why, either

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

A large jar of decanted butterscotch Angel Delight. Nope, I have no bleeping clue why, either

Pointless busywork, tenderstem.

 

[Captainmouse]

View attachment 2436574

Poor Jack. The dating profile “her friends” wrote to find her some rich cock a new “Mr Jack” must not have been very successful. I can’t for the life of me think why
View attachment 2436577View attachment 2436578
Literally, whaddacunt.
View attachment 2436579Although to be fair to her for demonstrating some self awareness, because this does sound suitably bleeping horrendous
View attachment 2436580

Scummy Single Mummy Does Dating: Echo & Gazette Column, 15th Jan 2013

The trouble with being professionally single is, well, it leaves you professionally single. When the greatest achievement on your CV is a double page spread in the national press for spending £10 a...

web.archive.org

Spoiler: Mither

Six wedding invitations <Sure, Jan>, taking my best friend who’s a TALL LADY. View attachment 2436581View attachment 2436582
Five months later: Boo hoo I am OPPRESSED and UpStAgE BrIdEs!!! View attachment 2436583View attachment 2436584Fantasist attention seeking twit.

Miranda hart is not funny, your body is nothing like gwyneth, your heart is made of stone, not an ounce of compassion

 

[Lumpyspaceprincess]

I’d also say at best Gwyneth was scrawny, I don’t think it was a particularly enviable figure.

 

[MurielSnark]

For @Nonah and everyone who's got Covid at the moment (which sounds like it's a lot of us!)


I met them thru a site on my Lenovo
Where we laughed at slops with suspicious ova

N-o-n-a-h

They popped up on screen and made me chuckle
Never knew their name but we would duck-le
With Jack Monroe-la

N-n-n-n-o-n-a-h

Well, I'm not the world's most funniest Frau
But this canal really broke my frown

Ohhhhhh Nonahhhhh
Nonah has the 'Ronaaaaaahhhh

Well, I'm not dumb but I can't understand
Why Jack walks like a lezzer but still likes a man

Oh NONAH
Na-na-na-na-Nonah

Well, I'm not the world's most forensic Frau
But it's fun to lampoon the Jack grift show

Na-na-na-na-Nonah
S'gots the 'Rona
Na-na-na-na-Nonah

Girls will be boys and boys will be girls
It's a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world, including Monroe-nah

(with extremely humble apologies to The Kinks; I'm losing my mind in this heat)

 

[griftalo]

View attachment 2437334
The post about those two (fictional fantasist) OU degrees she “signed up for” was in May 2012, when she had already supposedly done all this fictional fantasist bullshit and was in these absolutely dire Dickensian povvo straits she wrote about in July 2012View attachment 2437321
View attachment 2437318
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ETA if you type the word fantasist into your search bar you get this
View attachment 2437350View attachment 2437351

Thanks for your kindly explanation!
---

All of them. Then I want the piano plonking followed by the Dangerous Poetry with the duck OFF I REALLY AM SHY AND RETIRING I REALLY REALLY AM excruciating intro played on a loop as I go off to my eternal rest.


You’re all invited* to this horror smorgasbord.
Not you Jack. You can’t sit with us even when we are DEAD.

*If you are a laydee, please be considerate and make like Jack-at-a-wedding by bringing a MAN as your +1 so you don’t upstage me. Thank(space)You

Amazing

 

[HotesTilaire]

BIRD’S TRIFLE

Spoiler

View attachment 2437452Or SPITE trifle in the MonroeverseView attachment 2437448View attachment 2437449View attachment 2437450but I still make rank trifles and in dirty old light fittings that look like the dregs of ashtrays soaked in Guinness and beer runoff from the drip trays on the bar of a 1970s workingman’s club.View attachment 2437451 “The family trifle” why does she make everything sound so utterly bleeping rank.
View attachment 2437455View attachment 2437456

Oh! and
Butterscotch Angel Delight
Instant mash
And
Pale green breadcrumbs
View attachment 2437462
Double
View attachment 2437467

Triiiifle? On a bird?

 

[StewPots]

You're thinking of iced gems ! View attachment 2437496

Haha, love them! Also bought a multipack of these for my youngest and his mate for their sleepover but I’m actually going to sneak a packet of them myself…the tops of Ice Gems are

 

[ahkrin]

Tops of ice gems are the only edible part! The bottom is a sorry excuse for a biscuit. Merely a vessel for the sugar.

 

[MurielSnark]

Tops of ice gems are the only edible part! The bottom is a sorry excuse for a biscuit. Merely a vessel for the sugar.

Agree. I once hosted a kidlets' teaparty that involved iced gems. Had to go round the garden borders forensically collecting all the soggy biscuits that had been chucked in there, the icing licked off. Fun times.

 

[Florid Language]

That’s it Nonah, stay with us, break the fever by making a ”who remembers wagon wheels?” stream of consciousness list. Spangles, Vesta chow mien, you can do it!

Has guest ever done a "who remembers Spangles?"
She won't remember these flavours. Spangles were discontinued in 1984 and reintroduced for a very short time in 1995 according to Wikipedia (1968 truther).
I saw the Viennetta one and Geetbo's feet when I was a lurker.

Spoiler: retro Spangles flavours

 

[Nonah]

For @Nonah and everyone who's got Covid at the moment (which sounds like it's a lot of us!)


I met them thru a site on my Lenovo
Where we laughed at slops with suspicious ova

N-o-n-a-h

They popped up on screen and made me chuckle
Never knew their name but we would duck-le
With Jack Monroe-la

N-n-n-n-o-n-a-h

Well, I'm not the world's most funniest Frau
But this canal really broke my frown

Ohhhhhh Nonahhhhh
Nonah has the 'Ronaaaaaahhhh

Well, I'm not dumb but I can't understand
Why Jack walks like a lezzer but still likes a man

Oh NONAH
Na-na-na-na-Nonah

Well, I'm not the world's most forensic Frau
But it's fun to lampoon the Jack grift show

Na-na-na-na-Nonah
S'gots the 'Rona
Na-na-na-na-Nonah

Girls will be boys and boys will be girls
It's a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world, including Monroe-nah

(with extremely humble apologies to The Kinks; I'm losing my mind in this heat)

View attachment 2437605

I am ing as much as my cough will allow

 

[I'm not actually here]

That sounds amazing! Can you post the recipe please? I would love to give it a go.

Look up louisiana gumbo. Every family has its own recipe! How you make the roux is dependent on your ingredients so my first was for a Superbowl semifinals Party and was Andouille sausage and shrimp, hence a very dark, slow-cooked roux. You serve it with rice and potato salad. Definitely worth experimenting, depending on taste and the ingredients you can get.

Guset could never. Ever.

 

[hollywood]

Look up louisiana gumbo. Every family has its own recipe! How you make the roux is dependent on your ingredients so my first was for a Superbowl semifinals Party and was Andouille sausage and shrimp, hence a very dark, slow-cooked roux. You serve it with rice and potato salad. Definitely worth experimenting, depending on taste and the ingredients you can get.

Guset could never. Ever.

Thank you it sounds amazing
I’ll definitely give it a go

 

[MurielSnark]

Has guest ever done a "who remembers Spangles?"
She won't remember these flavours. Spangles were discontinued in 1984 and reintroduced for a very short time in 1995 according to Wikipedia (1968 truther).
I saw the Viennetta one and Geetbo's feet when I was a lurker.

Spoiler: retro Spangles flavours

View attachment 2437610

Spangles? You mean that girl group from the '80s? They asked Jack to join them after seeing her demo tape but her joints were too ouchy to walk like an Egyptian. #CompletedItMate
---

I am ing as much as my cough will allow

Feel better soon.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

Please remember dear tenderstem that poor people do not possess thumbs

When I were a lad (not really, I'm a laydee and I wear bright red lippy to make it obvious) I had to get my thumbs from a muddy puddle. Then I would attach them using carabinas and glue made of horse spunk. With these thumbs I could pull on my track suit bottoms, eat burgers all day and twiddle the knobs on my black and white telly until Jezza Kyle appeared. It was bliss.

 

[I'm not actually here]

Don’t forget the SHORT HAIR and SLEEVE TATTOOSView attachment 2436482
View attachment 2436473
“Not exactly a stereotype” Well quite, you “edgy” bleeping dullard.
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ETA here’s the entire bullshit article for those who haven’t read it.

Where’s the straight Pride? It’s not fair.

“Where’s the straight Pride? Why do the gays get a special day to themselves? It’s not fair.” If I had a pound for every time I was asked that question, well, I’d have…

cookingonabootstrap.com

Shant

 

[ForgettyBetty]

Look up louisiana gumbo. Every family has its own recipe! How you make the roux is dependent on your ingredients so my first was for a Superbowl semifinals Party and was Andouille sausage and shrimp, hence a very dark, slow-cooked roux. You serve it with rice and potato salad. Definitely worth experimenting, depending on taste and the ingredients you can get.

Guset could never. Ever.

Had a creole shrimp&fish thing in Baltimore years ago- it was amazing. I managed to recreate it when I got home, because I know what flavours are, and chose not to substitute key ingredients with cheap stuffing mix and random herbs to insult the dish and pretend it cost 46p for 2 burly fishermen.

 

[Funsizes]

Teacher dither sozzles... did she ever specify what she wanted to teach (other than once wanting to go to a PRU, LMFAO) because its bonkers to me to just want to be "a teacher". Her threat to do a social policy and criminology suggests sociology and criminology in which case she can duck OFF because thats what I teach... also criminology hasnt even existed for that long as a secondary subject anyway!

 

[Valiofthedolls]

@HotesTilaire if I remember correctly you (or definitely some other early fraus) have seen the pics of her at Big D and Ev’s renewal. Did she actually have a self-shaved head in that bridesmaid pic?

Spoiler: Eva Green Mither/Penny Dreadful Spoiler

and if so, could Gillette Mach3 Turbo Jack have been the inspiration for the time when her doppelgänger (playing the wonderful Miss Vanessa Ives) got committed to the asylum and had her head shaved by THE PATRIARCHY?

Cos thinking about it now, I can suddenly see the resemblance.

Spoiler: Also, off topic memory (hormonal) GRRRRRRR