Jack Monroe #541 First do no honk

[MurielSnark]

Just like Father Ralph DeBricassart being confronted by Meggie (wearing a dress the same color as a plate of pink jamborees)
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#I’mOLDER

Oh my god. The Thornbirds!!! That takes me back a few.
---

In her original blatherings, there's some tit about it being spicy. I suspect that means 'there was a bit of salt in it'.


She'd have conniptions about the standard level of heat in foods round here. Every time a new takeaway opens up, they last about ten minutes of asking why is everybody complaining their food is bland before shrugging, saying 'duck it' in their home language and upending all of the chillis into things.


ETA: to give you an idea, the Co-op round the corner sells 4 types of fresh chilli, an entire rack of chilli and hot sauces, hot mango chutney, chilli ketchup, chilli mayonnaise and when they had a special delivery of 1l bottles of chilli oil, they sold out within an hour.

And that's with three independents with their own walls of chilli, pickled garlic, lumps of ginger the size of your arm and more spicy stuff within 20 yards and then entire supermarkets floor to ceiling with spices another quarter of a mile away.

That's my kind of town

 

[Nonah]

This just popped on my Insta if anyone’s in the market for a new profile pic

 

[StewPots]

She did her rebelling softly, gently, behind the scenes

Jack’s so far behind the scenes, she’s getting coffee for the Director’s Assistant.

 

[stimpyueejit]

I was just idly googling Jack Monroe food and I found this. Look at the state of it. Looks like washing up water with some bits from a pan you hadn’t rinsed and the finished dish looks worse than those pissed student cooking segments on late night channel 4 (when they’d do things like putting smashed wotsits on crackers with ketchup).

You have just reminded me of the truly wonderful “Get Stuffed” - a lot of it was dire but goodness me there were some bangers every now and again

 

[MurielSnark]

It is immensely amusing to me that Liz Truss will be publishing her account of those 49 days in office before Jack's me-moir sees the light of day.

Monroe bested by Truss who was bested by a lettuce.

Wot times we are alivin' in....!

 

[StewPots]

View attachment 2438127This just popped on my Insta if anyone’s in the market for a new profile pic

Soooo tempted

Why the duck do these things exist? Where would you store them? And also, in my house, I’d give it one bowl of cereal useage before one of necks gets snapped off

Bloody ridiculous. Just like Jack really. HONK!!

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Either that or

Spoiler: Old tweets. Seriously grim.

lying naked on the sofa dipping cheese slices in melted butter

View attachment 2438047Just realised that this was the first time she compared herself to a Ruben painting AND she yet again called herself butch. Not an original thought in her head. She's such an attention-seeking tedious twit.

Spoiler: Old tweets. Seriously grim.

WAKE UP HAROLD! Je ne regrette rien de Marmite lube!

Spoiler: “ETA Phone Sex/Sex Worker Jack

“Why, what you wearin’?”

 

[RinsingHoops]

Have a little lie down. Maybe take a nice “bae caught me” selfie where “bae” catches you getting nekkid and cosy with someone else’s pet.

Who he?

Spoiler

 

[kitldn_]

The butch thing is making me grind my teeth to dust.

I know I’m digging back a few pages but to be honest, I only find myself thinking about Jack when my life hits a rough patch. I think it’s my subconscious reminding me that, “yeah, things are tit, you’re a bit tit but love, you’re not Jack-tit”.

Jack is butch in the most family-friendly, male gazey way I’ve ever seen. It’s just another label she can proudly apply to herself so she feels special. I will be applying for a cease and desist notice via the Gay As duck Council as an immediate priority.

 

[Bugger13]

You have just reminded me of the truly wonderful “Get Stuffed” - a lot of it was dire but goodness me there were some bangers every now and again

Yes, that’s it! I forgot the name. Swear that was the inspiration for Jack’s entire career (but with worse food, less charisma & far more honking)

 

[Jelly Bean]

All of them. Then I want the piano plonking followed by the Dangerous Poetry with the duck OFF I REALLY AM SHY AND RETIRING I REALLY REALLY AM excruciating intro played on a loop as I go off to my eternal rest.


You’re all invited* to this horror smorgasbord.
Not you Jack. You can’t sit with us even when we are DEAD.

*If you are a laydee, please be considerate and make like Jack-at-a-wedding by bringing a MAN as your +1 so you don’t upstage me. Thank(space)You

Vali!!! How could you That 'oh duck off I really am shy and retiring' in response to the mildest of titters from about one member of the audience is guaranteed to make my innards shrivel every single time.
And then the pretending she wrote her ghastly doggerel just minutes before while she was waiting.

 

[WoolyMammoth]

Memoir title idea:

Tall tales from a smol pixie

 

[rage naan]

Either that or

Spoiler: Old tweets. Seriously grim.

lying naked on the sofa dipping cheese slices in melted butter

View attachment 2438047View attachment 2438048

SS originally by @Nottonightbabe and @People-huv-tae-know

Just realised that this was the first time she compared herself to a Ruben painting AND she yet again called herself butch. Not an original thought in her head. She's such an attention-seeking tedious twit.

Plus I remember Nigella doing marmite butter on her TV show aaaaages ago.

 

[WoolyMammoth]

I thought exactly this too and I don’t know why but it’s really wound me up.

Jack: I invest in expensive items as a safety net
Also Jack: I completely trash (and render worthless) expensive items I invest in as a safety net

She’s really boiling my bleeping onions tonight and she’s doing it from the past.

"instead of having £500, which is 6 months worth of food shopping for me and whoever lives with me this week in savings in account I never use, perhaps with a passbook to make it more complex to access to prevent me wasting it, I've bought a bag that I've ruined".

Did anyone order a slow hand clap? Hello? One smol, slow hand clap?

 

[CabalofBolorneaise]

Soooo tempted

Why the duck do these things exist? Where would you store them? And also, in my house, I’d give it one bowl of cereal useage before one of necks gets snapped off

Bloody ridiculous. Just like Jack really. HONK!!

I think they’re actually measuring cups rather than bowls hence them all being different sizes. I suppose “… and you are a horrible set of measuring cups” doesn’t really sound as similar to the original quote as bowls

 

[HotesTilaire]

The butch thing is making me grind my teeth to dust.

I know I’m digging back a few pages but to be honest, I only find myself thinking about Jack when my life hits a rough patch. I think it’s my subconscious reminding me that, “yeah, things are tit, you’re a bit tit but love, you’re not Jack-tit”.

Jack is butch in the most family-friendly, male gazey way I’ve ever seen. It’s just another label she can proudly apply to herself so she feels special. I will be applying for a cease and desist notice via the Gay As duck Council as an immediate priority.

Oh when did Big Lin start a Gay Council?

 

[freya]

In her original blatherings, there's some tit about it being spicy. I suspect that means 'there was a bit of salt in it'.


She'd have conniptions about the standard level of heat in foods round here. Every time a new takeaway opens up, they last about ten minutes of asking why is everybody complaining their food is bland before shrugging, saying 'duck it' in their home language and upending all of the chillis into things.


ETA: to give you an idea, the Co-op round the corner sells 4 types of fresh chilli, an entire rack of chilli and hot sauces, hot mango chutney, chilli ketchup, chilli mayonnaise and when they had a special delivery of 1l bottles of chilli oil, they sold out within an hour.

And that's with three independents with their own walls of chilli, pickled garlic, lumps of ginger the size of your arm and more spicy stuff within 20 yards and then entire supermarkets floor to ceiling with spices another quarter of a mile away.

I don’t know what the co-op context is but our local one is always out of cheese because we live in a dodgy area and have people that sell it to you at the park on the cheap (they steal it, much like guest is a thief). I don’t buy it, I can’t afford cheese atm, but I have a lot of spices.

If I need cheese I get it from Aldi.

 

[Nonah]

I think they’re actually measuring cups rather than bowls hence them all being different sizes. I suppose “… and you are a horrible set of measuring cups” doesn’t really sound as similar to the original quote as bowls

They are! https://www.etsy.com/uk/listing/1053148457/

 

[MaineCoonMama]

Memoir title idea:

Tall tales from a smol pixie

The Vegan for 5 minutes chapter will be called 'Fairy Tale of No Pork.'

 

[Captainmouse]

I’d also say at best Gwyneth was scrawny, I don’t think it was a particularly enviable figure.

You said what I was thinking