Jack Monroe #540 Meet the new Jack, same as the old Jack.

[rage naan]

Yep, the very (very) lengthy list of jobs she’s claimed to have had along with the honorary self-appointments and NOT her actual jobs is on page 5 of the Wiki.

Spoiler: LONG

A list of jobs that Jack has allegedly had, over the years (in her own words / tweets):

Jack’s Jobs
Activist (non-specific)
Accountant
Ambassador for Oxfam (note: separate from ‘Involved with Oxfam’, and ‘Guest Blogger for Oxfam’ which predated Ambassadorship).
Author (non-specific)
Author: bestselling
Baker
Bar tender
Bar worker
Barista
Blogger (non-specific)
Blogger (breadline-specific)
Blogger (Guest: for Oxfam)
Blogger (humble food blogger-specific)
Blogger (political: in public gallery of local council meetings before ever scrawled a recipe)
Body Shop rep
Book reviewer
Brothel worker (may or may not be separate from sex worker (x2))
Burger flipper
Business woman
Call handler- Essex Fire and Rescue Service
Campaigner (food and nutrition-specific)
Campaigner (fronting a petition with Unite, The Trussell Trust and The Mirror-specific).
Campaigner (non-specific)
Campaigner (outspoken brand of visceral-specific)
Campaigner (poverty-specific)
Campaigner (transparency-specific)
Checkout operator
Chef
Chip shop worker (weekday-specific, first job)
Cleaner
Clothing warehouse worker
Cocktail waitress
Coffee, local art, folk music and cake shop worker (part time).
Columnist (non-specific)
Columnist (newspaper: non specific)
Commentator on food, politics and current affairs (TV and BBC radio: regular).
Control operator- Essex Fire and Rescue Service
Control room worker- Essex Fire and Rescue Service
Cook in a department store (Debenhams hotplate)
Craft business owner (Bread and Jam)
Creative director
Creator/Author of Twelve-week course for single mums at children’s centres.
Diarist
Educator
Errand Girl
Featurer in Sainsbury’s television campaign
Firefighter
Food blogger
Food consultant
Food stylist
Food writer
Full-time minimum wage worker (April 4, 2013)
Girls Brigade leader (Christian organisation similar to Girl Guides)
Guest house chambermaid
Guest house sheet-folder and tea-maker (job beforefirst job)
Harvester worker (Griddle-specific: part of job, chicken)
Involved with Oxfam (non-specific)
Journalist (non-specific)
Journalist: local newspaper
Journalist: Political (contributor to Mirror, Independent and Guardian: regular).
Machinist
Marketing woman
Media manager
Nutritionist
“Odd job” worker
Patron of 9 charities
Pharmacy assistant
Photographer
Poet
Political activist
Political commentator
Political writer (non-specific, after The Poverty)
Political writer (in public gallery of local council meetings, before ever scrawled a recipe)
Potwasher
Publicist
PR (own)
PR (volunteer)
Public speaker
Radio show personality
Recipe developer
Reporter
Retail worker (Multiple entry level customer facing retail jobs).
Sales manager
Self-employed
Server on a supermarket cheese and ham counter (NOT a deli counter!)
Sex worker: pre-poverty
Sex worker: 2013
Shot girl at nightclub
Singer
Stand-in for Ruby Rose in the music video for "Lock Down" by Stooshe
Sunday school teacher
TV presenter (non-specific)
TV presenter (occasional hustles on the side-specific)
Waitress
Waitress (fast food industry-specific)
Waitress (Guest house breakfasts-specific)
Waitress (local restaurant owned by family friend-specific, first job-specific)
Wimpy table cleaner (Saturday-specific, also first job-specific)
Wimpy KP(?)
Writer (non-specific)
Writer (budget recipes-specific)
Writer (freelance-specific)
Writer (silly little blog that nobody read-specific)
Writer (some soup recipes-specific)

.....and Mom

Jack’s Very First Job
Waitress (local restaurant owned by family friend-specific) (see jobs: above)
Wimpy table cleaner (Saturday-specific) and at same time Chip shop worker (weekday-specific) (dittoi, above)

Jack’s Jobs Before First Jobs
Guest house sheet-folder and tea-maker (pay: £10) (dittoi dittoi above)

Jack’s Honorary Self-Appointments
Accidental economist
Accidental inflation analyst
Angry Bird
Evidence Giver: Invited. (Parliamentary inquiries, APGs, consultations, reports, investigatons, select committees and debates).
Face of Sainsbury’s (Paid)
In a Publicly Elected Post: Often Describes Self As. (because only here (wherever ‘here’ is) because of readers, commenters, retweeters, sharers).
Kitchen Goddess
Knower of the prices of everyday groceries (“Literally my job”).
Lender of name to causes and campaigns that chime with beliefs.
Lone person it’s down to “to go on national tv and tell a desperate nation I’m sorry, there’s not much else you can do”.
Offerer of band-aid temporary solutions to help people claw through a week here and there with no strings or conditions attached.
Person at the frontline of trying to help tackle food poverty in practical ways for the last ten years.
Sharer of Other People’s Stories (with permission).
THE (capitalized: WARNED) literal expert on budget cooking
The Nation’s Home Economics Teacher (Sort of)
The Nation’s Home Economics Teacher (Actual)
Worker of 80 hours a week
Worker of 100 hours a week
Worker of 100+ hours a week
Worker of 120 hours a week

Jack’s Accidental Jobs
Accidental activist
Accidental economist (see ‘Honorary Self-Appointments’ above)
Accidental: Entire career trajectory (see all jobs since The Poverty)
Accidental inflation analyst (dittoi ‘Honorary Self-Appointments’ above)
Accidental food writer (dredged from desperation, paucity and despair)

Not Jack’s Jobs
Not actually a member of Parliament (although workload similar in places).
Not running for Parliament: though often asked (happy thrusting out petitions, rabble rousing, going on marches etc).
Not a television presenter (too coarse and unusual)
Not a charity, not an organization, no team, no staff (just one person on a freelance writer’s income)
Not a real Guardian columnist (Too Pretty to be one: told this because am woman in the public eye)

This reminds me of one of the jackisms that boils my jimmies - the repetitions. It's a close ally of the exaggerations. Nothings ever chilly, or cold, it's always freezing. And she's not just a writer, she's "blogger, writer, author, journalist, letter composer, person who writes things, columnist, recipe writer, food blogger, poverty journalist " etc etc etc. Shut up and put writer if you really have to. In fact, put "adjective abuser" and "verb misunderstander" while you're at it

 

[Lobster Johnson]

Spoiler: Woke mither

Not directed at you really MiceIntheShed but I bloody hate people using the term 'woke' to insinuate that something isn't good these days. Like when films don't perform as well 'well they were too woke you see'.

It always seems like you're ignoring the myriad other reasons why a film or TV show hasn't done well in order to support the idea that (for example) people don't like movies featuring people of colour or LGBTQ folks. Because that's what you're saying really when you use this phrase.

Audiences want engaging, original stories, well told. That's it.

preach.

nobody who uses ‘woke’ as a pejorative can ever explain what they mean by it, either

 

[rage naan]

Where Jack got her understanding of kids these days:

 

[Livia Fantasy]

Sorry, I don't know how to shrink Kylie's head

Those were the original lyrics, as it happens

 

[MurielSnark]

Just bloody look at her there, with her muscles and military edges.

View attachment 2426609

Aunty Pat telling Lorraine that the price of a plate of fish and chips on the Costa Brava has gone berserk since Brexit
---

 

[HotesTilaire]

How many jobs? She must have been in each one of them for only days to fit the timeline. Also I don't believe for an instant she was allowed to give medical advice.

Yeah the Pharmacist had to do a 4 year degree, but Jack the “trainee” dispenser working under had to come up with solutions to problems, using what she had. Presumably the problem was “we’ve got no tramadol” and Jacks solution was to donate some of her own massive collection?
The thing with dispensing prescription medication is you kind of have to dispense what’s prescribed by the Dr. You might give a different brand name, I don’t think you can go “methadone, hmmm we’re all out, can I suggest a bottle of Oramorph and a few cocodamol instead?“

 

[traumatised sideboard]

I've done the new thread, I can't bear the unruly nature of this thread. Make sure to leave something in the tip jar, I've got six simultaneous concussions and someone called my cat fat.

Jack Monroe #541 First do no honk

Thread title is @griftalo's words slightly modified and nominated by @Five hundred dogs you both win a full colour portrait tattoo of guest, redeemable at Stevie Wonder's Tat Shack. In the previous thread: guest is still AWOL, the canal continues to mither in her absence. When nominating...

tattle.life

 

[MurielSnark]

When I was 13 or 14, I had an ambition to become a vet. Mostly because I love animals and was very into the books of James Herriot. Unfortunately, I had absolutely no ability to master science and had to drop the subject. I would never have got the subjects or the marks to get into vet school.

Which is just as well because my teenage romantic fantasies didn't allow the realities of calving at three in the morning in a freezing barn in the Yorkshire Dales -- I was so swept up in the characters of Herriot's books that it never occured to me that it was a very physical and hard job.

What eventually happened was that I was gently steered away from this and focused my energies on subjects I enjoyed and was good at. And my love of reading stories eventually resulted in a literature degree.

I carry some resentments about some aspects of my schooling that were bad but I've also had a lot of years to deal with that, put the graft into a career and find a fit that suits my skills, aptitudes and passions.

Jack's had all the opportunities of a good, free education, in addition to a stable, warm, well fed home, and multiple chances to pursue any form of education or training she could possibly want. She doesn't lack resources.

When I see bright, ambitious kids in African countries crowdfunding to pay college fees or selling goods on the side of the road so their siblings can go to school, I want to shake lazy, entitled people like Jack into next week.

ETA: I have also written for and been interviewed by the media on occasions throughout my adult life but not once have I used those platforms to complain that I wasn't afforded opportunities because of my own crap grades. Nobody cares about your stupid GCSEs or your primary school book token or your teenage poetry Jack. Nobody.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

“So, earlier” did your accidental long coach journey befriended neighbor’s girlfriend also give you the second-hand TOP SECRET tea on who shot JFK, the address of the secret villa where Elvis and Princess Diana spend all day ignoring Lord Lucan and riding around on Shergar, and on which Carry On Film set they secretly filmed the moon landings?

Spoiler: ETA

FFS! I missed this bit

 

[Livia Fantasy]

She stimulates me into thinking she’s a total cunt

 

[Hunsgraveyard]

Just to clarify, I knew Monroe briefly, she used to be a malingerer in a group of people I knew (know) that often drank in the Railway hotel. She was insufferable even then. Most people that knew her tolerated her. She had few friends and fell away quite quickly

Lots of people of that era that knew her know she's a charlatan, she's a false and manipulative person, nothing was ever about anyone else, it was always about her.

I could easily water melon myself but later knew big D and Ev much better. Monroe is like them in many ways. They are completely money and status orientated (especially big D, status is important to him, evidenced by his insistence of including his honour letters after his name).....note the similarity with Dr Dr Monroe

Ev has even more ailments than Monroe herself, and loves to tell the world about all of them, again note the similarity with Monroe

Big D and Ev are embarrassed about Monroe's antics but only in so much as they think it reflects badly on their status as saints and all round good eggs. They are neither, Monroe learned much from them. In many respects she is a chip off the old block

There are quite alot of people who would love to spill some beans, but were scared of the flying monkeys response and legal threats. Monroe weaponised both to good effect. As the potency of these threats has diminished I expect more stories to emerge, and there are a few. She always used to use people for her own ends. This was obvious from the start, and no matter what facade she adopts I doubt she has the capacity to change

Her demise will be a slow one of a thousand cuts though, she's too much of a little and ever diminishing fish for a big take down. She'll just fade into obscurity and she'll keep on collecting the dregs of her I'll gained income from the gullible

Talking of her Patreon pay pigs, she'll be laughing at them. She has contempt for people she considers beneath her, which is almost everybody. She really is toxic

Thank space you for this - BIB especially confirms my suspicions. Hopefully word can get out around Southend that the old threats & intimidation tricks are now toothless, and they're safe to share their stories.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Sorry if this has already been covered (I am grunking as I am in ITALY for what is my more than third time, that makes me a bona fide Italian chef, si?) but has @heretoreaditall2019 given us the Patreon update yet? I see that she lost almost 200 followers yesterday, so wondered if there was any connection?
View attachment 2420645

Not as of yet - am home alone with my toddler this weekend so it’ll be after bedtime unfortunately

A quick look at it though and it looks as if she’s lost around 5% which is more than previous months iirc. We’re back in line with when records began in Feb 2021 too. But will do it properly later

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

Jimmy who?!!!

Aging myself here but Jimmy Hill was the original and greatest chinny reckon

 

[Dr.CM]

Surely would be far more than £20 - £30 fare to hijack a taxi for several hours and numerous stops and starts. Clearly not written by anyone who is really a cab driver! And on christmas eve (like double / triple rate) too LOL what a clown.

 

[Livia Fantasy]

I’m pretty sure the first time “everyone thought 11-12 year old Jack was going to get 15 GCSEs and be a doctor” was when 34 year old Jack made it up and told that to Shattenstone in late December of 2022.

If that was true (and especially as it’s something she could show off about), we’d definitely have heard about it before now. It also completely contradicts that AWFUL highly detailed story about her former teacher where she “crashed” (as she puts it) long before she ever got to 11 years old/grammar school.

Ditto all the other fictional contradictory bullshit she came out with for the very first time in that Shattenstone interview, like this:

View attachment 2427527

Which isn’t what she told the Guardian in Jan 2019 when she cured her alcoholism after a week
View attachment 2427530
And in 2019 she claims she “drunk recklessly” far earlier than her late teens

Spoiler

View attachment 2427532

She’s a complete fucking fantasist, attention seeker, bandwagon jumper, almost everything she says contradicts something she’s claimed before, and there is literally nothing about which she will not lie, especially if/when she’s trying to clap back or (as here) save her own skin.

Even her talking about recreational drug use is like my Nan. All these kids these days with their Nintendo computers, wacky-baccy, iTunes, and doing the opiums

 

[Jelly Bean]

Some suck up is white knighting for Guest on Twitter and posted this. First, blatantly hasn’t followed the recipe: those are clearly not the anaemic tinned potatoes Jack specifies. Second, is that a sundried tomato I see? Get you: also not on the recipe. And lastly, how is this shit even a recipe? It’s a basic fucking salad, with a shit dressing (dried herbs, fishy oil and honey, yum) which anyone reading Twitter can use their device to find about a million similar (& better) recipes for free online.
Ffs. Also, nobody worries that their tuna didn’t come in oil Jack, and nobody is stupid enough not to know that they can use an alternative oil (cooking oil to boot-anyone fancy crisp n dry on their salad?)
Honestly, the patronising from Jack’s fans who’d never eat this shit exactly as written coupled with the fact Jack puts this lame nonsense out as a ‘recipe’ is ridiculous. As is the idea that anyone having ‘bad days’ (it’s from good food for bad days) can be arsed draining fish oil, dodging spitting tinned potatoes or reheating something that has salad leaves in it the next day
Eta-beaten to it by @BeardyBap Great minds

It's embarrassing isn't how people seem to clutch at straws with guest's recipes - 'look! they aren't that bad'
They are either dreadful or merely adequate, or need to be massively adapted to make edible. That is it. She is not a cookery writer. She has no interest in food. She never mentions seasonality or quality of food or other cookery writers. She is a food fraud. She's done very well to scrape by until now (enabled by those who should know better) and thankfully thank fuck it all seems to have caught up with her now.

 

[KebabGirl]

Hi everyone, please see below for September 2023's Patreon update! Behind a cut as always xo

Spoiler: ✂✂✂✂

As of September 2023 Jack Monroe had 360 paying Patreon subscribers. Jack has actively chosen to hide her revenue so we're not able to accurately report on this, but using Olia Hercules' average per subscriber revenue of £14.12 sans worst case scenario 12% platform fees, this means Jack Monroe took home £4.5k in revenue this month from just her Patreon page alone.

She was down 5% MoM - whilst this is excitingly her 12th consecutive month of losses, she is still up 50% on pre-Nigella's promotion. And she's still up from our 'when-records-began' subscriber count of 346 (apols earlier had said I think she's now in line with that, that'll be next month!). In terms of movements nothing out of the ordinary - gained 4 subscribers in month, lost 23, so netted out as down 19 subs month on month. Someone made a really interesting comment (sorry I can't remember ur @ but thank you bb) of what's the monetary value of those 19: it'd be an estimated £237 down the drain.

Finally before I drop the monster table: as you can tell by the first 12 rows of this table, it's a LONG slog to see any real impact upon her lifestyle/grift. From Feb 21 to Jan 22 (just before dumb dumb Nigella got involved) Jack went from 346 paying subscribers down to 244, that's -29.5% which sounds promising, but really when you look at the estimated revenue that's still from £4.3k to £3.0k, it's still a decent grift and a very nice passive income! This shit is gonna take years to go away unless/until Patreon de-platform her, and this monthly report is gonna get (even more?) seriously dull. Like the next vaguely exciting one will be the annual round up and then Feb 2023 in case we see another mega annual churn event. God help us.

View attachment 2422233

Amazing as ever! Thank you.

Just did a quick phone Excel sheet, and at a loss rate of 4% we are still 6 years off zero Patreons with a linear loss. I agree it'll drop again next Feb with annual subs, and we should start to see more natural wastage as cards expire. My other quick calc suggested just under 4 years to zero (which I don't think will happen as people are stupid).

If the touted relaunch is true then I think it's because the passive income has dropped to the point Jack needs more monthly incomings. That number could be rent plus bills plus £20 shops, but likely closer to her real expenditure. I think she reckoned £3300 for the bunga (rent & bills) so the £4k average would seem to be the trigger for action. Assume she gets a bit for royalties and random appearances

Elmo lad, get ready for chaos.

 

[Valiofthedolls]

So I'm confused. The minute she didn't pass more than 4.5 O Levels... she was immediately plunged into poverty and homelessness?

I assume at that age she would have been exactly 16 yrs old and living at home in her usual cozy bedroom with her parents? At what point did they put her on the street? The day after her exam results? What she came home and found they'd changed the locks?

She decided not to do resits, decided not to go to a local community college, decided not to work part time and study part time or what?

Where did her single mother hood and grinding poverty all commence?

Ah I think I can help you there. She was THRUST into (nepo) minimum wage employment at 16 in one of her slumlord grandad’s many businesses, cycled through a shit ton of other minimum wage jobs cos nobody could stick her for long, until Daddy got her the nepo firephone job at 19.

When she was CAST flounced out of that a mere two months after returning from her 18+ month maternity leave, she was PLUNGED into poverty and destitution AND hunger, poverty and endless aching cold

(As Jack would say). I hope that clarifies the matter.

ETA: there is no clarification on the exact point at which her parents cast her out upon the mean streets of Shoebury. At various times she’s claimed she left home at 16, 17 and at 18. As always with Jack, <insert Kach’s who the fuck knows here>

 

[Nottonightbabe]

Speaking of Matt, was looking last night to see where he even lives and came across a rather tasty photo of him in whites, be rude not to share...

Spoiler: Forearms ahoy

 

[Valiofthedolls]

We probably all remember guest's "ready meal challenge" in the Guardian where she fingered a lasagne but had you seen the accompanying video:



I know which one I'd rather eat too - the one that guest didn't make!

LJC her voice is absolutely fucking HORRENDOUS. It’s like fingernails nails dragging down a blackboard. There’s no modulation or inflection at all. She always sounds so bored out of her mind with what she’s saying and like she’s about to burst into tears. It’s absolutely DIRE to listen to her.

Of all the Jackslops I wouldn’t eat, her multiple efforts at lasagne are a particular horror. The horse spunk isn’t even herein. These are her other culinary felonies.

Spoiler: Slops. WARNED.

Fingerbanged one on the left, her oily slop on the right.

I’m double spoilering this one as you need to take a deep breath and brace yourself first before clicking.

Spoiler

How @Veronicaaa had the fortitude to ss this absolute fucking abomination I do not know. Chapeau, tenderstem

ETA: interesting question, the internet.

As long as it’s not talking, being remotely visible or slinging vile slop around does anyone even give a fuck?