Jack Monroe #54 Thank you so Matt much, Matt

[Tabitha D]

Please can we add to the intro thread that her record for staying off Twitter since these threads started is 114 hours and 47 minutes.

I think I’ve calculated that correctly. Here’s the start and end of her hiatus.

Like in AA Jackie, your Twitter clock is back at zero days not tweeting.

Why does she say she’s “very busy all of a sudden” when she said before that she was working 20-hour days, 7 days a week and hadn’t had a holiday in 7 years?
See this is the problem when you tell so many lies - you keep catching yourself out.
SO WHICH IS IT, JACK??

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

God bless our Chief Librarians @Marmalade Atkins & @Silver Linings God knows how many outbursts like this went under the radar pre Tattle. We will never know the full extent of her whoppers but I reckon it's pretty colossal.

Agreed, thank you guys you are angels!!

You know how in Narcos they break up the dramatised footage with real archival footage? How are they gonna photoshop out the 5 bed house with extension and navy blue landrover and omega sea master in her archival footage?

 

[PoorPatrol]

Isn’t the piano bar at The Ivy in the private members area upstairs? (I’m fancy). She’s such a common people cock! Also, remember how poverty took away her voice, like Ursula/Ariel, she couldn’t sing after 2012 because she’d been skint and so... whatever way she reasoned it. That was the spiel before the horror YouTube nasal-ing. Now she’s belting out ‘Common People’ whilst being a POVERTY CAMPAIGNER at the private members area of one of the most exclusive eateries in central London?? Is she... is she actually trolling herself??

 

[J4n0Z]

FFS I had a time where I left a great flat because we kept finding wraps of coke on the communal stairs and a very elderly man with some abuse history was grooming my SB. We lived in a tiny flat and had no oven, we had a combi microwave which eventually blew up, a Breville Country Kitchen cast iron frying pan which you could bake a cake in and roast a chicken (it's wicked!) and a mini George Forman grill. We ate well, I couldn't look any of these appliances in the eye after 10 months of this and googled ovens galore to buy a 10 year old dual fuel delight which is humming away in the background right now. I have never owned a new sofa, sideboard or car of any age. I am very happy in my life, I don't get how angry she is about everyone and thing.

This is just it. I've had tough times too and so have a lot of other folk on here. And yet there is all this warmth, humour, wit, kindness etc. I laugh at least once a day reading this thread and not at my own jokes

For all Jack's supposed success she seems to be a miserable, aggressive and generally unhappy human being. It's always about what she's hasn't got and not what she has, isn't it?

 

[Silver Linings]

I’d be game for that unfortunately it will never get through the lawyers the amount of bobbins she talks. It’ll never get published. If people thought they had a long wait for the kickstarter.

Jack Monroe - A Load Of Bobbins.

 

[Emmapism]

If they let her finish the song and said it’s best she didn’t return that’s not exactly kicking her out.

To be fair Jack your entire book would be comprised of a multitude of people telling you it's best you don't return.

DKL, Hellman's, The Guardian.....all of your former partners. bleeping dull if you ask me.

 

[colouredlines]

Frauen, if it’s a memoir we’ll have to queue up outside Waterstones dressed up like different era Jacks, like the HP fans back in the day. I will come as a giant 50% cat.

I'll be Ouchy Mouth Jack. Lady Doctor-approved red lipstick and a chunky necklace covered in my own saliva.

 

[Lanie]

I imagine the celebs in the ivy treat her like your mates annoying little sister ( that has been forced upon you or you cannot go to the party.) You have to be nice them despite wanting to ditch or lock them in the nearest cupboard

 

[Silver Linings]

What a load of old shite. I have the brown envelope fear too, but she only uses FANCY envelopes because her old tit ones got ruined by the nasty postmen/postboxes/weather with her kickstarter book.

 

[J4n0Z]

View attachment 195920
Oh please don’t reply, Sue. Also, i’m sure her lawyer would have gone through stuff first, as if you’re just plonked down.

Christ, watch your back Sue or you could get caught in her creepy web of duck me food.

 

[MooBelle]

And only she knows and nobody can forget that
View attachment 195765

Sorry Fraus, manic day at work so am now 20 pages behind, attempting my second Grunka of the day so apologies if any of my posts are repeats or already answered!!

I just wanted to say, yet again...


WHY IS SHE SO bleeping RUDE?!!!!

on a plus though I am completely in love with Barbara. C'mon Babs, the Cabal is waiting with open arms!! (after you inevitably get blocked....)

 

[Bobtheknob]

Congratulations to the eminent @Brian Butterfield on the thread title! Winner with 46 reactions at last count


Thread recap for #53:

Jack Monroe is still on her self-imposed social media break. She has been silent, but it appears that when her eye is caught by something on Twitter, she ‘likes’ it. Nigella got noticed.

Her name was associated with Jamie Oliver again on Twitter (briefly), which she must have appreciated.

Some of the fraus found some absolute corkers in old videos and shared them on the the thread. The cabal reminisced fondly about the highs of Daily Kitchen Live, and some listed their favourite moments of those wonderful two weeks.

@JoyceDivision went on the ride of her life and experienced thread #31 for herself (the rest of us are still recovering).

Some screenshot / photoshop fun ensued. Lungs were laughed up and husbands were woken. It’s what Viv would have wanted.

Ok, I’ve been out for the day and come back to 28 pages. I’ll level with you; I’m scared!

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Jack at the Ivy

 

[Walkdengirl]

tit.View attachment 195978

Lord save us

 

[Silver Linings]

 

[Pocahontas]

All I’m going to say is I’m glad I made the new thread when it was quiet. Do I now fully believe in the power of a full moon? Yes, absolutely.

Like a lot of others on here, I’m just super glad she used those 114 hours and 47 minutes wisely, and really thought about what shitting her mouth out on Twitter does for a person. Actually - for her, it has the required result seeing as she’s had some love from the Call the Midwives doctor AND a Parker Bowles

I’ll queue up for the memoir in that Cowardly Lion wig and a dress made out of garlic skins, aflame like Katniss Everdeen’s dress in the Hunger Games.

 

[Imainlylurk]

No self-awareness, self-aggrandising, completely superficial understanding of key issues whilst positioning herself as an expert on them, gleeful pile-ons and snarkiness against ordinary followers, & simultaneously kissing the asses of the twitter beloved & blue-tickers. She's back with a vengeance

 

[Pigman]

tit.View attachment 195978

 

[MooBelle]

How can she not understand how bleeping offensive this is? Jesus Christ. They want her to move in and take over the cooking?? What a piece of tit. So, from what I can understand here she's saying that people in poverty are incapable of cooking properly and that's why they're in trouble? The benefit would be her help in the kitchen??? I feel quite sick.

Because her whole schtick is that poor people know nothing so St Jack of Monroe has to come and save all of the poor people

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Isn’t the piano bar at The Ivy in the private members area upstairs? (I’m fancy). She’s such a common people cock! Also, remember how poverty took away her voice, like Ursula/Ariel, she couldn’t sing after 2012 because she’d been skint and so... whatever way she reasoned it. That was the spiel before the horror YouTube nasal-ing. Now she’s belting out ‘Common People’ whilst being a POVERTY CAMPAIGNER at the private members area of one of the most exclusive eateries in central London?? Is she... is she actually trolling herself??

Also all of this just perfectly illustrates her privilege? She has a load of wanky media mates guffawing around her, encouraging her & trying to get her booked and busy. IMAGINE the fall out if Marcus Rashford so much as dared to mention the Ivy? Much less all of this Common people carry on? He'd have the alt right Twitter death squad on his back in seconds & absolutely assassinated by the press. Funnily, the carry on JM pretends she's facing...

Also sorry to be nit picky but why does she talk like some cringe posh old woman “you rotters!”, it’s what I imagine those weird Americans who love Britain and Benedict Cumberwhatever would say with their handlebar moustaches do you know what I mean?