Jack Monroe #483 The plans are going well, it’s the execution that seems to be lacking

[Walkdengirl]

I'm really sorry, and I have looked for it, but what on earth is this cheese nonsense about?

 

[Django]

Here it is, the really makes you think origin story. Never not funny.
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Hi Jack, you have the same initials as Miranda Hart, no Suspicious Goings On here

 

[MoistenedGussets]

How do you hit a screwdriver through a can without bending the hell out of it? I'm not a crafty type, I'd use a power drill, or a nail and a hammer...

What an idiotic thing to be doing with your time. She should get a job instead of.

 

[Walkdengirl]

How do you hit a screwdriver through a can without bending the hell out of it? I'm not a crafty type, I'd use a power drill, or a nail and a hammer...

What an idiotic thing to be doing with your time. She should get a job instead of.

You fill them full of water, freeze them and then you can do this without bending the tin (I know someone that made loads for a wedding), you then let the water melt and voilà!

 

[LadyGarden]

She's batshit crazy, and still the dreary brain-dead Comments Club will be kissing her arse.

She promised 4 blogs a week and hasn't even done 1, she has CCJs piling up due to not providing her Patreon rewards. What does Jack do? Boil up some shards of wax, punch holes into tin cans and try to set the bungahouse on fire.

Jack is a lazy bleeping arsewipe.

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

Up for an award sponsored by a specialist foodstuff, so she proceeds to tweet about how cheap asda leavings-cheese is just the same.
What a prat.

That award was in 2020, tender one

 

[BurgerLaBill]

Beanz Meanz Firez.

 

[MoistenedGussets]

You fill them full of water, freeze them and then you can do this without bending the tin (I know someone that made loads for a wedding), you then let the water melt and voilà!

That's way too clever for Jack..

 

[MrsFawlty]

At the risk of doing a Jack and elevenerifing that……I managed to call my (German) boss a nazi in a email because the changed “nos”

So instead of the email reading: These nos (numbers) will kill us, it changed it to These nazis will kill us

Send coffinos, that's fabulously inappropriate! Jack and her ridiculous use of the wrong word can't be blamed on . Peripatetic

Spoiler: OT email disasters

Once upon a time a colleague sent an email to the whole department and signed off with...

R e t a r d s instead of regards.

(it wouldn't let me type it! I'm not insulting anyone mods, honest!)

Took a while for them to live that down. The replies were priceless.

 

[shugabug23]

If she wants to reuse the tins surely a tea light in the bottom of an empty tin works better and doesn’t take eleventy billion hours to make? Why am I even suggesting this? No lunatic worth their salt would want tin cans round their gaff!

Spoiler: Air fryer Me-Rail

And I’ve been fuuuuuuming all day about her air fryer tweet from last night! I am an OG ninja owner, bought with discount from Our Martin. It’s paid itself back x 4 and then some. My sister was 30 this wknd and guess what I bought her? An air fryer! Because she lives alone and pays elec pre pay and it’ll save her a bloody fortune. God you’re one thick, stubborn bleep Jack Monroe!!!

ETA and yes I ran out of wrapping paper!

 

[Foxvint]

I think Jack Hacks are meant to be evidence of an enthusiastic Polyanna brain brimming over with creativity when what they actually are is a sad sack Old Maid trying to fill her lonely days.

 

[Knit one Pearl one]

OFF TOPIC: It’s still too early to be awake here but I was woken by some inclement weather so I’m going to go back to sleep and try to dream a dream (even though I love you all ~and~ cheese very much) that when I wake up the Jack Monroe threads will no longer be dominated by cheese chat.

Spoiler

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ON TOPIC:

Spoiler

twit
View attachment 2010556ETA PS Jack, is that jacket one of the “investment pieces” you bought to sell in “hard times” too, you grifting charlatan? View attachment 2010547View attachment 2010548

Nervous face... Why does she buy jackets that are too small.

 

[HotesTilaire]

I wonder how long her ‘buying things ban’ is going to last. I bet she’s already ordered another six Cotswold sideboards since she sent that tweet.
Also those tin candles look dire, impractical, and a waste of everyone’s time. This is the type of thing she considers as part of her 100 hour work week, whereas to anyone in the real world it’s just pointless fannying around. Nobody wants to decorate their house with literal trash, Jack. Just like nobody wants to sand down an old tuna can to make an egg ring.
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When was “no-spend year”? 21 or 22?.

 

[Notaninstamumeither]

When was “no-spend year”? 21 or 22?.

It went to another school.

 

[jenny2603]

Nervous face... Why does she buy jackets that are too small.

No jacket is large enough to contain her vast ZZ rack.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Why does she insist on abusing perfectly good items by putting them to a use for which they were not intended? Don't use your screwdrivers as awls, you'll damage them and if it slips, you could damage yourself. She is so thoughtless and irresponsible.

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Why didn’t she make it into a sieve, then?

 

[lilykestrel]

The more I think about it, I'm surprised she made the wick out of string and didn't handspin tumbledryer fluff into cord.

Also, I'm now thinking what the bloody hell does dregs of candles various melted together smell like? The olfactory equivalent of when one mashed all the primary school poster paints together, with no knowledge of colour theory, and created that lovely murky brown colour?

 

[Knit one Pearl one]

I eat cheese but also have a fear of cheese mites. I don't like them, I want them to stop eating all the cheese. I'm not prepared to make friends with them. I hope they get swallowed by a brambly mouse. I bet Jack's bungalow contains an entire nation of cheese mites.

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What a hairy little bum.

 

[Foxvint]

I wonder if we'll get birthday Jack held aloft by close fam and friends who insisted- you don't have to cook today, no really, please don't cook for us today or Saucy Sex Jack wink wink gosh my muffin has been buttered for 8 hours by the yummiest lover they kneaded me til indeed my yeast did rise. Place bets now.

 

[Elsie Ben Felyn]

‘fanatical’ about melted old wax.

Jack the fundameltalist.

I’ll get me coat.