Jack Monroe #483 The plans are going well, it’s the execution that seems to be lacking

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Valiofthedolls

NOOOOOOO!!!! THIS background candle from today


Is the EXACT same style make model and colour as THIS candle which Jack pretended last summer she’d MADE out of “lots of different bits of (coincidentally the exact same colour as one another) leftover candles” the last time she “made candles”.

And that she was so pleased with this “made” candle she then wanted to go to the Yankee Candle website “cut the next and top bit off a load of hoarded glass bottles” to “make” more.
After coming up with another lie to cover it not being in a Gu pot even though she was making candles in Gu pots.

Daft lying twat.
 
Reactions: 65

HotesTilaire

The original Grifty Kitchen Heckin Hunk of Manuscript was actually Cack Jonroe’s Big Book of Household Management.
It was originally going to contain all the thrifty tips as a large section, think how many amendment stickers would have been needed!
She showed us the shit tips pages, paginated with a horrid orange font. After wanging on about tumble dryer firefighters, painted tin can candle holders and drying her hair with a pair of leggings, it was sent for rewrites for about 2 years until Grifty Shitchen was born.
 
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HotesTilaire

I mean she recycles LIES often enough
 
Reactions: 31

hoopdedoo

Chapeau for spotting that @Valiofthedolls , you'll be getting your own Netflix detective series soon


ETA: The thought of Jack trying to figure out how to cut the necks off glass bottles (although it would likely be fodder for "my trip to A&E" "permanently damaged tendons and scarring" tip-jar-rattling)
 
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Mr Krabs

A while ago there was a life hack going round where you could cut a bottle in half using a piece of string soaked in lighter fluid. I’m really really hoping she never picks up that one. Don’t try this one in your bungahome, kids.
 
Reactions: 33

Ablemabel

Yer_wha?! said:
I pronounced superfluous as super-flew-us and my mum didn't let me live it down for years
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To be fair to you all, when I read cacophony and superfluous, I hear it in my head like you used to say it and there's a fair chance that if caught unawares, I might pronounce it that way too!

Send pronunciationos
 
Reactions: 35

HotesTilaire

Mr Krabs said:
A while ago there was a life hack going round where you could cut a bottle in half using a piece of string soaked in lighter fluid. I’m really really hoping she never picks up that one. Don’t try this one in your bungahome, kids.
Click to expand...
Was that the one the girlfriend of some influencer tried and it exploded in her face? She’s got terrible burns scars.
 
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C

Claret

Who gets the dregs of candles, melts them down and then put them in a tin can?....who. Stupid cow
 
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Valiofthedolls

hoopdedoo said:
Chapeau for spotting that @Valiofthedolls , you'll be getting your own Netflix detective series soon
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Detective mither.
I think I’ve already said that when I first came here I feel I was like young fresh faced “Wait, WTF?” Rust on the left.

And now I feel like I’m grizzled absolutely fucked cynical as fuck Rust on the right.

Luckily I still have my Big Hug Mug, because Jack Monroe is EXHAUSTING.
 
Reactions: 49

BubbleDuck

HotesTilaire said:
Was that the one the girlfriend of some influencer tried and it exploded in her face? She’s got terrible burns scars.
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Yeah, Abbie , former girlfriend of top Hollyoaks star AJ Pritchard

Accident left AJ Pritchard's girlfriend Abbie with horrifying burns

Abbie Quinnen suffered third-degree burns after being injured while filming a stunt for TikTok. Girlfriend of AJ Pritchard, 24, reveals how her life changed as she returns to work in panto in Essex.
www.dailymail.co.uk
 
Reactions: 41

HotesTilaire

Claret said:
Who gets the dregs of candles, melts them down and then put them in a tin can?....who. Stupid cow
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A person who owns 3 expensive hand soap dispensers but never cleans their nails…
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Oh yeah he got his girlfriend to do the stunt in a crop top. He’s fine.
 
Reactions: 35
S

Suffolkmum

What would fry/cook with tinned fish oil and how many cans of fish would you need to eat to get a decent amount of oil. I think the answer is fuck knows. Imagining the smell it would make is making me queasy. Ahh, that’s what the tinned candles are for.
 
Reactions: 35

bracrumbs

Wait… curious minds are wondering how you’re meant to pronounce cacophony or superfluous then… not me, of course, other fewer-than-9.5gcse-minds….
 
Reactions: 34

Onestorytoomany

Imagine being a teen about to enter into a year where you make choices for your GCSEs your mum keeps banging on about being a number campaigner and writer etc, yet after a hard days slog at school you come home to find her drilling holes in the recycling and brandishing homemade candles that will not only be hotter to handle than the kettle but emitting sooty smoke.... before settling down to something that is called dinner but resembles the swamp creature you doodled during the french verbs lesson( was that only me?)
 
Reactions: 50

Cookiecookie

Mr Krabs said:
A while ago there was a life hack going round where you could cut a bottle in half using a piece of string soaked in lighter fluid. I’m really really hoping she never picks up that one. Don’t try this one in your bungahome, kids.
Click to expand...
Why the buggery would you ever need to do that?

bracrumbs said:
Wait… curious minds are wondering how you’re meant to pronounce cacophony or superfluous then… not me, of course, other fewer-than-9.5gcse-minds….
Click to expand...
Same. But I live somewhere cross-sont is accepted as being correct, so it's not like anyone here would give a hoot if I said things wrong anyway!
 
Reactions: 27
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