Jack Monroe #458 This addled lie factory is on another level

[NellieBoo]

As we have a slight break from the constant chaos I take you back to the summer, with Jack tenderly musing on the future success of Grifty Kitchen,…happier times for Jack

I may have taken a slight bit of artistic licence with her words…..

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The lazy look in her eyes in this photo gives me the heebie jeebies. Is she supposed to look sultry? I didn't like it at the time and I still don't. WARNED!

Our Jackie should have said she used Evri/Hermes to deliver the patreon crap. I suggested this threads ago Jack! I don't know about other areas in the UK but they were in our local news yesterday as they have appeared to have 'lost' entire areas worth of deliveries going back even before Christmas!

 

[keyser666]

@keyser666 Chapeau and thank(space)you for that brilliant analysis.

Let me add as an overseas frau that even with the Royal Mail strikes and the extra amount of post during the holidays, I did not receive a single piece of mail from the UK that was later than usual. (I have more problems with the Royal Mail losing things during regular times, but that's another rant.)
So I too find it very difficult to believe that Jacksie's Patreon rewards which she claims to have posted are not arriving because of problems with the mail.

Your Chapeau is most graciously received, it was a very challenging post to write in all honesty but that is down to being a skin full deep in Belgian beer of the Stella Artois variety since I left work at 6pm several hours ago and trying with all my might to come across with the salient points and facts and to not come across as a pissed up fool repeating themselves as drunk people tend to do #onedayatatime

 

[BurgerLaBill]

Coops is a survivor IMO and if he's not with Jack he'll have found several other forever homes to keep him warm and fed. He's probably much happier if he's managed to escape the bungalow of doom, let's face it.

Imagine if Coops wrote a memoir? The tit that cat has seen.

 

[NeoCortex]

Imagine if Coops wrote a memoir? The tit that cat has seen.

'Today I fear I have stared into the abyss. My owner brought back an odd fellow. Dressed solely in tweed and a "kiss the chef" apron he proceeded to gaze lovingly, adoringly while she proceeded to scoff what she called a "mcplant" while clearly being a double cheeseburger. Three more "mcplants" followed, though i knew they could not be so due to them costing damn near £5 a burger.

They then proceeded to do the unthinkable, the improbable, the hideously unlikely. For six whole hours, I surmised by the end her sexual organs must have resembled a smashed crab. She then snorted a line of cocaine off of his man parts before falling asleep. And by six hours I meant six minutes, that included the time to find a local dealer on speed dial'

Cooper. A cat. Aged 3 and a half

 

[BurgerLaBill]

Random night shift thought - financial/tax Frauen und Herren? Aside from tip offs and irregularities on a tax return...what else can trigger an HMRC investigation? Do they have eyes on social media? Surely, JM is on their radar? Even if it's suspicion.

I'd like to say allegedly here x 500.

 

[Jelly Bean]

'Today I fear I have stared into the abyss. My owner brought back an odd fellow. Dressed solely in tweed and a "kiss the chef" apron he proceeded to gaze lovingly, adoringly while she proceeded to scoff what she called a "mcplant" while clearly being a double cheeseburger. Three more "mcplants" followed, though i knew they could not be so due to them costing damn near £5 a burger.

They then proceeded to do the unthinkable, the improbable, the hideously unlikely. For six whole hours, I surmised by the end her sexual organs must have resembled a smashed crab. She then snorted a line of cocaine off of his man parts before falling asleep. And by six hours I meant six minutes, that included the time to find a local dealer on speed dial'

Cooper. A cat. Aged 3 and a half

I'd love the Cooper view on more Jack scenarios.
He seems to have the voice of Stephen Fry.

 

[Cookiecookie]

Just been looking at RecipeTinEats as I’m a huge fan of Nagi (I think I may have been introduced to her by Tattle) and she has a book out (which is, alas, not yet available to order in the UK ) but I was so struck by this section of the page where she’s talking about the book and the recipe testing process:
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Like this is exactly the kind of tit Jack is claiming she does but very clearly doesn’t, else Andy Lynes would have much less to be absolutely scathing about.

All over Nagi’s socials she was talking about writing and testing for months, years even, and then when people complained about a staggered release in the US and something about not getting a bonus recipe blah blah, she ended up releasing an additional free ebook.

And obv I can’t comment on the book because it’s not available here but I’ve used like 20 of her recipes [FREE! thank you for all you do etc] and nothing has ever gone wrong with them? So I absolutely trust her. Oh, and all profits from the book fund the foodbank and kitchen Nagi runs.

This is what Jack’s mental middle class FBPE fans think she’s doing while she’s off her tits on trammies and sideboards.

I can't recommend this book enough (I hope it comes out in the UK soon) It's a big format book, clearly explained, the ingredients are readily available, and mostly quite affordable - obviously if you're going with the beef Wellington or something, it won't be - but there's a lot that are very much 'everyday' type meals. And, most importantly, they work!

 

[BurgerLaBill]

Random night shift thought - financial/tax Frauen und Herren? Aside from tip offs and irregularities on a tax return...what else can trigger an HMRC investigation? Do they have eyes on social media? Surely, JM is on their radar? Even if it's suspicion.

I'd like to say allegedly here x 500.

Apologies for quoting myself but I found this from the FT (2017 though):

Ten ways HMRC can tell if you’re a tax cheat

The authority’s latest battlefronts in the war on evasion

www.ft.com

Apologies for quoting myself but I found this from the FT (2017 though):

Ten ways HMRC can tell if you’re a tax cheat

The authority’s latest battlefronts in the war on evasion

www.ft.com

I wonder if Monroe has any offshore accounts or physical assets like property? Makes you think.

 

[Captainmouse]

Surely those pretend emails should be going to Adrian? Also, Jack should marry a neck beard and have done with it.

She’s still checking the size of their wallets

 

[That Forensic Man]

That dessert fork is from the Arthur Price 'Olde English' collection, currently £322 for a 6 person set on John Lewis but previously £180 from Ocado in September 2018 (source: my shopping receipts. I also have the same Sophie Conran crockery as her, which is from Ocado at roughly the same time. I feel like burning my kitchen down).

Paging @That Forensic Man

Thankyou forensic one x

£322 Arthur Price Old English Cutlery Set, 44 Piece/6 Place Settings

ETA running total has gone from £148,003 to £156,579

 

[PunkyMonkey]

[


"I don't use salt in my cooking" explains A LOT. Also there's a nonsense recipe in Tin Can't Cook where she bangs on about being a "salt fiend" and then has a recipe that's clearly stolen Inspired by another chef that's got loads of salt, yet no salt in virtually all her other recipes including the breads. She's a tit cook, has been tit for years, very little knowledge or technical skill and really REALLY needs calling out for it. It's appalling that her books are being given to people with little food or money to waste on nonsense slop confections that don't work or require significant cooking know-how to make palatable. I'm genuinely angry about this, she is a disgrace to the field.

All this salt chat has reminded me of her salt phase where she was GIFTED lots of fancy salts by friends, there are probably photos floating about somewhere, I was quite envious of her lemon salt and have yet to be gifted any myself.

Also good to be disappointed all over again by salt pigs. I'd erased that memory. I thought they were like tea pets, but they're just pots:

"This fun name for a salt container supposedly comes from the old Scottish word for pot, which is "pig." So a "salt pig" is really just a "salt pot" with a Scottish accent."

That's the exact opposite of fun. Sounds funky, is incredibly basic. Not happy.

 

[hoopdedoo]

Does Jack make her spa salts with table salt in her salt pig? #salttalk

 

[definitelynotvlad]

All Jack's imaginary therapists should be struck off, especially that one that gave her a hoop.

I read this as “especially the one who gave her hope” and thought oh that’s a bit bleak Jenny NumNums. Send glasses & sleep

 

[TreeTrunksApplePie]

All this salt chat has reminded me of her salt phase where she was GIFTED lots of fancy salts by friends, there are probably photos floating about somewhere, I was quite envious of her lemon salt and have yet to be gifted any myself.

Also good to be disappointed all over again by salt pigs. I'd erased that memory. I thought they were like tea pets, but they're just pots:

"This fun name for a salt container supposedly comes from the old Scottish word for pot, which is "pig." So a "salt pig" is really just a "salt pot" with a Scottish accent."

That's the exact opposite of fun. Sounds funky, is incredibly basic. Not happy.

Spoiler: Lemon salt tip

You can get good lemon salt (limon tuz) cheaply in most Turkish corner shops btw

 

[Cookiecookie]

Wasn't her excuse for not using salt that she was cooking for SB? I know she's said that about her other lack of flavours.

We did BLW with the not SG, and added minimal salt until she was about 2, and then just went back to adding it as usual. I'm not too heavy handed with the stuff, so figured it would be alright. I never stopped using it altogether though.

 

[Fruitjack]

Spoiler: Salt pig mithering

sorry to ruin a Frau theory but I am very much straight and I have owned a salt pig for about 20 years. I left my cheaper little one with my ex when I LEFT and bought a FANCY Le Creuset one in TK Maxx that matched my new kitchen

 

[Country Bumpkin]

Really interested in what fraus have had to say on this subject, especially @Lucy Aeroplane posts recently. I'm no academic so this may be a daft question, but I'll ask it anyway and hope you know what I'm trying to say..is there a particular demographic which is susceptible to the influence of "influencers"? Are people over a certain age, for example, completely unable to be influenced or even interested in "influencers", even if they are users of SM? I.e can you be aware of the influencer culture but not in the least bit influenced by them?
My head's in a spin trying to think it through

Not a stupid question at all and one that could be looked at in the PhD as a way to get closer to what's going on with Jack. Because people still believe in her despite the evidence of her own contradicting tweets. What makes people still believe? Then there's Jack herself... The work would be a weighty tome

 

[veronica71]

The number of comments on this is incredibly low I’m sure there were more on her Toot Toot post last year. The tide is turning.

 

[Bellaboos]

@keyser666 Chapeau and thank(space)you for that brilliant analysis.

Let me add as an overseas frau that even with the Royal Mail strikes and the extra amount of post during the holidays, I did not receive a single piece of mail from the UK that was later than usual. (I have more problems with the Royal Mail losing things during regular times, but that's another rant.)
So I too find it very difficult to believe that Jacksie's Patreon rewards which she claims to have posted are not arriving because of problems with the mail.

You are very lucky. I had a birthday the end of November and received cards from all over the country on the 28th dec. on Saturday I got an Xmas card dated 14th dec that was posted 2 miles away. Had no post since but I know there is stuff I’m still waiting for.
So others could be in the same boat

I should add my post has always been a bit crap. It feels like they hold things back and nothing is ever actually 1st class

 

[TankGirl]

If you don’t have salt in your diet I think you end up being deceased