Jack Monroe # 45 I’ll put it on the to do list

[Flumps]

She will be the first living person to be canonized by the catholic church. Her new title will be St. Jackie, Patr(e)on Saint of helpless creatures.

She will be the first living person to be canonized by the catholic church. Her new title will be St. Jackie, Patr(e)on Saint of helpless creatures.

So good you named her twice.

(B'doom, tish. I'm here all week. Try the veal. Don't forget to tip your waitress)

 

[Toffee finger]

I’m trying to think of funny things to say about what’s next for Jack but honestly even the most unlikely wrong answers are possible in Jack world!

 

[NP]

She'll learn how to make a bechamel sauce.
I was just searching 'Jack Monroe' on twitter as I notice some of my mutuals have unfollowed her and I was trying to work out who, and whether they were talking about her. Anyway, this tweet came up and obviously I clicked the link. HOW THE duck IS THIS ANYTHING OTHER THAN MILKY PASTA?? The 'sauce' won't thicken without flour. Such a waste of a tin of crab. All those hideous vegetables too. Raw onions 'cooked' in milk?? LOOK AT THE STATE OF IT!! https://www.cannedfood.co.uk/recipe/crab-chowder-mac-cheese-jack-monroe/

I think Jack gets confused between thickens and evaporates. Like her dried out DKL lasagne that she assured Matt would “thicken in the oven” but actually turned out looking like a cremated book. Probably one of David Walliams editions.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Lol I feel really cringe posting this like when you have to present to the class at school, honestly this did genuinely take me a few mins as I already had a script, I just had to rename the file & point it to her Twitter. Lil sample of it below & some initial interesting bits in yellow:

Data on the LHS, you can pull a lot more back from Twitter but the script I've repurposed for this only pulls back these bits. This is ugly as duck too but just scrappy, anyway:

• Really interestingly a sample of 3k tweets covered the last 85 days, I imagine because so much content gets deleted?! 3k tweets feels like a manic weekend on Tattle to me!
• Nearly 75% of her tweets are replying to people (assuming that a tweet starting with @ is a response) - this feels really high! I'd imagine for someone who has goods to flog / something to say there'd be a lot more broadcasting a lot less interacting? We can benchmark against other chefs or social media nutters if anyone wants to compare & contrast, just give me Twitter handles x
• Linked to the above, fav count is a wild range from 0 favourites on a tweet all the way up to 29.3k, and a median of 9. This is because so many of her tweets are replying to people so super low visibility. Brands & ad agencies do look at this stuff so my inner Kris Jenner is dying for her

I'll take a look at time now, problem will be patchiness of the sample where so much gets deleted we'll be missing days so it might be a bit tit. I've just realised I should have pulled back reply count as well duck! Will be back fraus xo

 

[Brian Butterfield]

I’m right here BB, never fear!
View attachment 181666

Oh Jimmy D, thanks for never letting us down xxxxx

 

[AmTellinYa]

Lol I feel really cringe posting this like when you have to present to the class at school, honestly this did genuinely take me a few mins as I already had a script, I just had to rename the file & point it to her Twitter. Lil sample of it below & some initial interesting bits in yellow:

View attachment 181710

Data on the LHS, you can pull a lot more back from Twitter but the script I've repurposed for this only pulls back these bits. This is ugly as duck too but just scrappy, anyway:

• Really interestingly a sample of 3k tweets covered the last 85 days, I imagine because so much content gets deleted?! 3k tweets feels like a manic weekend on Tattle to me!
• Nearly 75% of her tweets are replying to people (assuming that a tweet starting with @ is a response) - this feels really high! I'd imagine for someone who has goods to flog / something to say there'd be a lot more broadcasting a lot less interacting? We can benchmark against other chefs or social media nutters if anyone wants to compare & contrast, just give me Twitter handles x
• Linked to the above, fav count is a wild range from 0 favourites on a tweet all the way up to 29.3k, and a median of 9. This is because so many of her tweets are replying to people so super low visibility. Brands & ad agencies do look at this stuff so my inner Kris Jenner is dying for her

I'll take a look at time now, problem will be patchiness of the sample where so much gets deleted we'll be missing days so it might be a bit tit. I've just realised I should have pulled back reply count as well duck! Will be back fraus xo

She really isn't very good at this is she? This is exactly why (as many Fraus have suggested) that she have someone manage her business/food account and have a separate private one. She's using it way too much to air her dirty laundry currently. So unprofessional.

ETA thanks so much for taking the time to do this! x

 

[Flumps]

Lol I feel really cringe posting this like when you have to present to the class at school, honestly this did genuinely take me a few mins as I already had a script, I just had to rename the file & point it to her Twitter. Lil sample of it below & some initial interesting bits in yellow:

View attachment 181710

Data on the LHS, you can pull a lot more back from Twitter but the script I've repurposed for this only pulls back these bits. This is ugly as duck too but just scrappy, anyway:

• Really interestingly a sample of 3k tweets covered the last 85 days, I imagine because so much content gets deleted?! 3k tweets feels like a manic weekend on Tattle to me!
• Nearly 75% of her tweets are replying to people (assuming that a tweet starting with @ is a response) - this feels really high! I'd imagine for someone who has goods to flog / something to say there'd be a lot more broadcasting a lot less interacting? We can benchmark against other chefs or social media nutters if anyone wants to compare & contrast, just give me Twitter handles x
• Linked to the above, fav count is a wild range from 0 favourites on a tweet all the way up to 29.3k, and a median of 9. This is because so many of her tweets are replying to people so super low visibility. Brands & ad agencies do look at this stuff so my inner Kris Jenner is dying for her

I'll take a look at time now, problem will be patchiness of the sample where so much gets deleted we'll be missing days so it might be a bit tit. I've just realised I should have pulled back reply count as well duck! Will be back fraus xo

God I love stuff like this. Not particularly JM related, I just like data. I'm fascinated with both data and analysis. Thank you! (JM please note: two words. Thank. You. Not thankyou. No no no)

 

[PennyLoafer]

She'll be a candidate in the next Strictly, gets voted out in the first round (tripped over her own huge ego) and will bemoan the loss it for a good few weeks.

I for one would LOVE to see her on Strictly. She'd take the cheesy VTs to another level with all her sob stories. She'd be paired with Kevin from Grimsby, who she'd grow to love, within nanoseconds, with the heat of a thousand soft wool suns. Naughty Little Duo 2.0! We'd have 24/7 policing of the show's hashtags and fist-bitingly unsubtle flirting with Clauds.

Plus the Saturday night Tattle party would be immense. Take a drink every time Jack lies! We'd all be like Oliver Reed at the scrag-end of a 9-day bender within the first half hour...

 

[Kikini Bamalam]

Has she been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder?

Why? Because she's a bleep? Being a bleep doesn't mean someone is mentally ill or has a personality disorder, it just means they are a bleep.
I wish people would stop associating metal illness with cuntishness, we have a hard enough time with stigma as it is without every bleep being armchair diagnosed with a personality disorder.
Apologies I know the thread has moved on but I am so bleeping sick and tired of having to fight this bleeping stigma every day of my life. It is exhausting, upsetting and just so bleeping wrong!

 

[help i need some help!]

Lol I feel really cringe posting this like when you have to present to the class at school, honestly this did genuinely take me a few mins as I already had a script, I just had to rename the file & point it to her Twitter. Lil sample of it below & some initial interesting bits in yellow:

View attachment 181710

Data on the LHS, you can pull a lot more back from Twitter but the script I've repurposed for this only pulls back these bits. This is ugly as duck too but just scrappy, anyway:

• Really interestingly a sample of 3k tweets covered the last 85 days, I imagine because so much content gets deleted?! 3k tweets feels like a manic weekend on Tattle to me!
• Nearly 75% of her tweets are replying to people (assuming that a tweet starting with @ is a response) - this feels really high! I'd imagine for someone who has goods to flog / something to say there'd be a lot more broadcasting a lot less interacting? We can benchmark against other chefs or social media nutters if anyone wants to compare & contrast, just give me Twitter handles x
• Linked to the above, fav count is a wild range from 0 favourites on a tweet all the way up to 29.3k, and a median of 9. This is because so many of her tweets are replying to people so super low visibility. Brands & ad agencies do look at this stuff so my inner Kris Jenner is dying for her

I'll take a look at time now, problem will be patchiness of the sample where so much gets deleted we'll be missing days so it might be a bit tit. I've just realised I should have pulled back reply count as well duck! Will be back fraus xo

What is 'LHS'?

 

[DustyRose]

Happy Monday all and @Flumps so pleased for you x

I've spent the weekend grunka-ing through some of the old threads and trying to figure out why JM triggers me so. I think it's because she reminds me of 2 narcs I had relationships with in my life before I wised up and grey rocked / noped it out of there - it's the constant gaslighting, twisting of the truth, erasing of past events and attention seeking that is so, so exhausting. And the fact that it appears to all intents and purposes that everyone else loves her - that's the impression given by her twitter feed. So you think you're the only one who sees through her, and then you think maybe you must be wrong if everyone else loves her - more gaslighting!

That's why thiese threads are so important. Sites like Tattle are actually, imo, integral to the healthy functioning of a democratic society. No really, hear me out. It's vital in a democratic, free speech society that ordinary folks like us have the space and ability to moan, gossip and sound off about those in power. It's like a vital pressure valve and it also reminds the famous and privileged that we put them there and that they're really no better than anyone else. The ancient Athenians understood this fact so well that shortly after inventing democracy they actually instituted an entire annual festival dedicated to allowing ordinary citizens to rip the piss out of famous people and politicians, onstage, in public, with no reprisals (in fact the famous people and politicians being made fun of had to foot the bill for the festival). They understood that the ability to take the piss out of the powerful is what marks a free and democratic society.

the UK used to have a really healthy satire / piss-ripping culture but over the last 30 or so years this has become eroded because of increasingly heavy libel laws etc. In the last few years it's become eroded again by celebs being able to get injunctions, curate their own social media bubbles and use hypocritical hashtags like #bekind (which sounds virtuous but what it really means is, don't criticise me you minions!). So places like Tattle and others are vital for a healthy society and also to remind ourselves that we aren't going beserk!

Plus, celebs like JM are so self-aggrandising and ridiculous that they just beg to have the piss ripped out of them (see also: Jameela Jamil, Megan Markle).

Other thoughts: I watched some of her old old interviews on youtube this weekend and am shocked by how much she's changed in 5 years, in appearance, demeanour and general presentation. She used to appear much happier and steadier, in my opinion. I also couldn't help noticing that her accent seems to get more or less 'Essex' depending on who she's tlaking to and the platform she's appearing on...

“Noped it out of there” you don’t listen to a certain true crime podcast do you? Ignore me if not!

 

[Pocahontas]

What is 'LHS'?

I think Left Hand Side

 

[Oofadoofa]

Has she been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder?

This seems like a fair question. Or to pose it as I imagined posting, is narcissism, a victim-hood complex and the tendency towards fantasy a sign of mental illness? Is it what you suggest, Borderline personality disorder?

 

[acca00]

Nearly 75% of her tweets are replying to people (assuming that a tweet starting with @ is a response)

So does this mean that Jackie is basically just using her Twitter to interact with people? She isn't using it in a business/professional way - it's a personal Twitter and she is always on it. Basically, Twitter is her social life. And because she exists solely online, it's the only way she communicates with other human beings?

 

[JuliaGulia]

Hi everyone! As @LF519 mentioned I have indeed been doing a partial GrunkaLunka, catching up with this year’s Jack lore that I have heard so much about (after only really paying attention to her from a week or two ago).

I watched the This Morning lingreenie, the puttanesca funebra and the episode of DKL where she committed crimes against lasagne.

On DKL, she literally comes across a child, like a giggling anxious schoolgirl who’s very nervous but not taking it seriously. You would never think she was a mum in her 30’s if you didn’t know.

Her smiling, giggling and bounciness, which ought not to be bad things, came across so awkwardly as they were coming from a place of nerves. I think her anxiety was even effecting her voice, I saw several comments about what an unpleasant voice she had but she doesn’t normally sound bad.

She seemed so unprofessional. From the jittery fidgeting to the babbled inane comments to the manky trainers (hint: viewers don’t want to be reminded of stinky shoes when thinking about food) she just looked like she shouldn’t be there. She looked like she hadn’t prepared or rehearsed at all. With the help of a whole team this is the best they could get from her. This makes me think with the best will in the world she can never be a TV chef.

To be honest though, Matt and that Jane Baxter weren’t much better. I can understand Matt being anxious, as he must have seen from rehearsals what a disaster it was going to be. Jane had no such excuse though. She also came across as ignorant about veganism when talking about her son’s choice, which annoyed me given her speciality.

Back to Jack, she should have watched Matt’s show to see what he and his programmes are all about, and otherwise prepared herself by watching other cookery shows on TV and on YouTube. She is obviously not a natural at interacting with people, so doing this could have given her pointers on how to behave and what to say. It would also show her what works for viewers and what doesn’t. But since she doesn’t even like cookery shows, she probably doesn’t empathise with the viewers.

Regarding her lingreenie, as a smoothie veteran I cannot tell you how disgusting that would be. Blended raw kale is sulphurous and bitter as hell, even with much smaller amounts than she used. Decent amounts of fruit juice are necessary to counter the bitterness. The greens of spring onions end up tasting soapy if they are not very fresh. The lemon juice she put in didn’t have anything sweet to balance it. So she was advocating eating something unbearably bitter, sour and potentially soapy and farty, poured over pasta. This isn’t just “meh” and untested, this is actually inedible.

She said spinach or kale as though they are both the same, but spinach is much more gentle tasting and easy to use in this way. It doesn’t take so much to hide the rawness.

If she wanted to get a lot of raw greens in, she should have simply made a nice pesto-style sauce out of spinach with basil or parsley.

She has really shown herself to have no cooking knowledge at all.

Crying at crimes against lasagne!

 

[Kikini Bamalam]

This seems like a fair question. Or to pose it as I imagined posting, is narcissism, a victim-hood complex and the tendency towards fantasy a sign of mental illness? Is it what you suggest, Borderline personality disorder?

No it isn't.

 

[Lanie]

I honestly don't know why she doesn't grab her kid some crisps and contacts one of her mates and hits the beach. The weather has been good this week. They could play.. what is it kicky ball? Or skim Stones or just chill. They could socially distance from the friend and still get out for fresh air and a bit of company that's not the manic ramblings of twitter-lites

 

[FeelingGroovy]

Crying at crimes against lasagne!

GBH

grievous bodily homecooking

 

[Veronicaaa]

Yeeeeaaaah, I don't want to get into an argument amongst ourselves or anything, but I have to say, I'm not a fan of the armchair diagnoses in general. It's probably a given that she's a narcissist but in my experience of other mental health conditions - some people with x/y/z are cunts, others are not. Much like the rest of the population. IYSWIM.

 

[BeingMyrtle]

saw this and did a double - take: thought for a moment she'd set up a memorial account for the kitten..... then I read it