Jack Monroe #444 Jack's constant inner conflict over wanting to be simultaneously envied and pitied

[mince]

View attachment 1835464I wonder how Jack knows so much about this type of behaviour. Any ideas?

Bless. Jack, some of your mutual twitter follows had so much of your cuntishness they followed your very own dense loaf-sized (I’ve seen your dreadful efforts at bread making) breadcrumbs to tattle, found this quality canal, and blocked you on the hellbirdsite to quiet your pathetic timeline squawking, choosing instead to experience you solely through this sanity filter. Your very own comments club moved here, sweetheart, and is still moving, because even *taps username* people are not stupid forever. You really are just a dull cunt, but the company here is excellent, and it’s a good place to look at grifter/griftee dynamics.

Oh, p.s: you’re a bleep. Did I mention it?

ETA: Pps: Merry Christmas.

 

[Deeznutslol]

To be honest, I don’t really even understand her explanation of how to open a can, does she mean you should stick the knife into the top of the can and bash the end of it with a hammer? If you somehow actually end up opening the can without injuring yourself, you’re 100% going to have destroyed the knife which is arguably going to be more expensive to replace than if you just bought a 50p can opener?!
I mean maybe her suggestion is better than nothing if you’re in an emergency and don’t have a tin opener, but she cannot seriously be suggesting that as a long term method of opening cans.
Sorry I’m rambling here but I’m just baffled by this.

 

[Livia Fantasy]

Could you put it in the Food and Drink thread, pretty please?

Done!

Food and Drink #36

Big hugs to any Frau that needs a squeeze. (Squeeze me back please, this festive season needs to go away. Roll on 2023.) xxx Big hugs ❤️❤️❤️ Sister has, sigh, gone to meet toxic ex. Hopefully it goes well but I’m braced for the call.

tattle.life

 

[Potatoes O’Houlihan]

WTF I cannot believe what I just read.
Just...WTF
Shame shame shame on the publisher for producing this utter 'me, me meeeeee' bullshit and as for the absolutely dangerous 'tips' FFS

Words fail me, I mean we knew it'd be utter shite but....wow

Thank(space)you for posting @shugabug23 must have been painful discovering that lot

 

[Nurseali]

I imagine a lot of her readers are the types who come in A&E with jelly moulds and hoover attachments inserted in them.
Accidentally fell whilst reading Jack Monroe tweets doc

 

[Mogmog]

Haven't seen anyone mention cutting and filing a tin can to make an egg ring?!

 

[ContentCrunch]

Can someone please, please, please get a doctor, nurse or paramedic who cover A&E to review this book because frankly based on what we've seen so so far Jack is trying to kill and injure people.

Innit tho?! Haha it’s worse than I ever imagined

 

[Whaa?]

What site have the screen shots been taken from?

 

[jenny2603]

Apparently on kindle you can ask for a refund if it’s substandard? Don’t use it myself but for any fraus and ninnies who do could save a few £.

Funny story about that.

 

[SendReceive]

It's a bit Take-A-Break tip where you're told how to save some tiny amount of money by using something more expensive as a "hack." Where am I getting this fairly large clean square of cotton from? Am I supposed to use my clothes for this? And the tin opener thing is even worse. I've never not owned a tin-opener, but a hammer is for many people one of those "ask if your neighbour has one" things. Also someone's getting that knife in their eye, aren't they? Just buy a bleeping tin opener!

Also, I suspect that opening a tin can with that method potentially leaves slivers of metal in the food inside the can, which Jack hasn’t provided any warning against. What an absurd and dangerous “hack”.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

If you're stupid enough considering buying a pack of carabinas to suspend your sweat stained old t-shirt and scald yourself on steam and wet material, wouldn't you be better off just paying 79p for a plastic sieve or colander from the shop round the corner? Or wouldn't you just do what everybody who has ever cooked a vegetable or pasta in their life has done and take the food out with your slotted spoon or hold the lid against the side of the pan to let water come out?

 

[Livia Fantasy]

"You just need all these things... If you don't have these things go on a three-day quest to Upper Mordor to claim the Axe of Bashing+5 and the Elven Cloth of Drainor to returning rid your foul items of their lids and juices go to poundland, I've costed these items for you. 60p sieve, Asda. Robert Dyas multi-tool tin opener and Spud peeler £1.80... etc"

WHYYYY DOESNT SHE DO THIS.

 

[Deeznutslol]

Haven't seen anyone mention cutting and filing a tin can to make an egg ring?!

Again, it’s like, cut how? File it with what? I wouldn’t even know where to start with that either. Why not suggest idk a cookie cutter?!

 

[Valiofthedolls]

So, not to be a right wing troll, but she knew she lived 30 miles from work when she got pregnant.

That's 9 months. Add 19 months before her resignation. That's 28 months, well over 2 years to consider a change to employment or where she lived.

Now I can see the excuses:
- can't drive due to autism (just...no... especially when she was claiming to be in training to become a firefighter...)
- can't get a new job when pregnant/on mat leave (could be tricky, but definitely not impossible - I changed jobs on mat leave when the reality of having a baby/sleep deprivation meant I decided my old job was too stressful)
- don't want to be so far away from my support network (I'd rather that than being 30 miles from my son with no way of getting to him for most hours of the week).

I know we’ve moved on to Jack’s top tips on how to end up with a ruling of Death/serious maiming by Misadventure, but as a reminder, unless Brentwood and Southend used to be further away from one another, despite her many many claims that it was, Jack’s fire service job was NEVER, EVER 30 miles away from where she lived.

 

[ContentCrunch]

Ere Jack you can have mine. It’s rusty af because I always forget it’s in the dishwasher but does the trick. None of us died using it yet either.
(adds new can opener to shopping list) (which quarter does it go under?)

 

[SpritneyBeers]

That’s all folks! (I hope I’ve not pissed anyone off with my inability to spoiler!).

i realize there is a lot more to unpack here, but the courgette bread is described as (among other things) "a chunky homage to a grilled cheese."
A CHUNKY HOMAGE
what

*cries in proofreader*

 

[GoLando]

As a frau with certain aural sensitivities…I’m almost spewing in my mouth at the idea of opening a can by hammering a knife into it

 

[jenny2603]

To be honest, I don’t really even understand her explanation of how to open a can, does she mean you should stick the knife into the top of the can and bash the end of it with a hammer? If you somehow actually end up opening the can without injuring yourself, you’re 100% going to have destroyed the knife which is arguably going to be more expensive to replace than if you just bought a 50p can opener?!
I mean maybe her suggestion is better than nothing if you’re in an emergency and don’t have a tin opener, but she cannot seriously be suggesting that as a long term method of opening cans.
Sorry I’m rambling here but I’m just baffled by this.

I think instead of people sending this book to foodbanks where it could fall into the hands of vulnerable service users, people should just buy £20 worth of 50p tin openers and send them instead. Oh and try to avoid donating cans without a ring pull where possible. As Jack helpfully informs us dead people can't riot and I should think that includes people who've severed an important vein trying to open a tin with a bleeping knife.

 

[blurstoftimes]

Make sure you do this with a really sharp knife. What could possibly go wrong?

View attachment 1835640

of course no mention of the fact that when cooking pasta, you can just lift it straight out of the pan into whatever sauce you're making instead of draining and saving the pasta water. jack would much prefer her idiot readers risk giving themselves severe burns.

 

[Bwidge]

I don't actually know if I own a tin opener and I don't have a mallet or a knife I don't care about.