Jack Monroe #44 Spoiler

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heretoreaditall2019

Alansbigplate said:
welcome to the canal. Just out of interest what shape is your face?



It’s not poetry it’s singing. You have to watch it though please please I want your feedback
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Hahaha “I want your feedback” reminded me of a work email, I took it as a duty to watch. Not gonna lie skipped the chit chat, I’m a busy frau today

A long winded comparison to draw but hear me out: the tone of it is very Church choir isn’t it? Like the tone of her voice reminds me of the weird old mum from the Phelps family Louis Theroux profiled in America’s most hated fam singing her hymns?

this is 100% a cat food sachet no one can tell me otherwise. Mine would lick the jelly off and leave the rest.
 
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HalcyonDays

I don't believe for one moment that Jackie tests her recipes. Not even once. I think she comes up with shit ideas and bungs them down on paper, which then becomes a shitty, good for nothing book. She's a person who is so used to lying, because she's done it for so long, that she expects others to suck it up as truth. Sickening.
 
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Effie22

I’ve succumbed and watched a couple of the ill fated Hellman’s IGTV today. They were beyond appalling to me. Shockingly bad. But a couple of comments piqued my interest (not verbatim)
1. Father is watching and will ask why I ‘did this, didn’t do that etc’.....
2. There never was any love shown in our house when I was a child.
But she had to co-parent the foster children? So in her head she was overlooked by her parents?
Her parents were lazy and she had to do more than her fair share of household/childcare duties?
The parents fostered purely for financial gain?
I appreciate you may have dissected these already so I apologise. I’m trying to work my way through all the previous threads.
 
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Nottonightbabe

LF519 said:
Was the story behind that basically not some huge waffle about her dads magic recipe followed by 'it came from a jar'??
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Yes, much like the huge waffle about Dad telling her to always have a sandwich when joining the fire service.
 
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TheDragonWithAFlagon

Fuck's sake.

I had to click on the singing video.

For context, I coached 15/16 year olds in studio and performance skills in preparation for their GCSE performance recordings. You know, kids - anxious, in strange environments, something at stake, completely unfamiliar with recording studios, needing a grown up to help them be relaxed and confident enough to do themselves justice when it mattered.

On the brief bits I clicked on (as I couldn't stand anymore), her breathing is non existent. She's only using the top of her lungs, rather than supporting the sound with her body. This means there is no resonance or depth to her tone. There's vocal fry in places and strangulated sounds in others, caused by singing in the incorrect register. She isn't opening her mouth wide enough to let the sound out or enunciating the vowels or consonants. Her voice is thready and weak and she's breathing too much in some parts, but nowhere near enough in others. For a tenner, she could have a music stand with the lyrics on (as there's no way she's sight singing) and that would stop the daft positions, fidgeting and squishing down the few bits where she could have potentially got a decent sound out. Even better, stick the track on the phone, have an earbud in and actually sing it in time.

With a fifteen year old on their first session in the studio, you'd expect that. And you'd spend three months, working on posture, technique and familiarity so that they knew what they were doing without having to mark them down so much, bearing in mind at 15, their voice hasn't developed or matured. But not a woman in her thirties who claims to have been good enough at it to try and get on the utter clusterfuck of derision that those shows are. She wouldn't have got anywhere near the judges.

It is the very, very 'I don't want to stand out in church because I'm just here going through the motions and don't actually want to be here' voice. Without any of the joy and emotion a child can express whether they believe the words or not.

If her ensemble piece were of similar quality, assuming her compositions and listening exam were reasonable, she'd scrape in a C/5.
 
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crystaleyesd

Her voice is fine. Nice, even. But so are lots of people's. Mine is pretty, and I've been in multiple choirs - one a cathedral (girls allowed!) - but I'm under no illusions that it's anything special. But this is JACK. Of COURSE she should have been on X Factor if not for her debilitating insecurity

Same with her cooking too; I've no doubt that she makes some nice stuff sometimes (those mussels the other day looked good), but most of her stuff looks bang average, or even gross - genuinely wtf is that finished DKL lasagne?? Some of the delicious food you fraus have made could easily be in a cookbook. But Jack is so in awe of herself that she just had to make her average ass food into something ~special~. Unfortunately, a lot of folks are gullible and that's why she is where she is.
 
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BeautifulTrauma

I clicked on the video.

I then watched the first two minutes and you can tell she’s playing a part, I don’t believe she feels anything. It’s almost as if she’s forcing herself to get upset, to make her voice shake, and saying the things she says for dramatic effect.

Its that narcissist in her, she can’t help herself but be in the middle of everything, trying to gain sympathy. It’s all an act with Jackie, please don’t anyone get sucked in.
 
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acca00

Jack seems to have found the kindest "landlords" in England. He gives her a piano - then another lets her decorate and do what she wants. What's the betting the "landlords" are family relatives or her father, and the piano is the one she had as a child. I don't believe anything she says!!!!
 
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Effie22

I’m also really surprised that, as far as I know, there has never been anyone from her ‘real life’ to confirm or deny her weirdness or public persona?
Old school friends/ex partners from her teen years. Anyone?
Seems a bit odd.
 
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Bellybutton lint

For the life of me I cannot understand why so many people do not see thru her and the crap she spouts. My old boy says the last 10 years of her life has been an absolute farce, with 2020 being her complete downfall.

Going after JO, then DW I imagine has put her off any chance she had of a TV slot, or even now, any more books. After the disgrace of her kickstarter I imagine that is a no go area for her now.

Wish I could say I feel sorry for her, but nope, not a shred of sympathy.
 
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heretoreaditall2019

Effie22 said:
I’m also really surprised that, as far as I know, there has never been anyone from her ‘real life’ to confirm or deny her weirdness or public persona?
Old school friends/ex partners from her teen years. Anyone?
Seems a bit odd.
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Also find this weird but she went to a really good grammar so I imagine they’re all too busy with their fab successful lives to take to the tabloids? Although maybe that’s why she seems to think the gutter press will be interested in her, because she’s scared of that happening?
 
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SoulRebel

AmberSpyglass said:
I used to like Jay Rayner until his ‘dear heart’ comment to JM but I absolutely love Grayson , he’s wonderful! I hope he’s not a Twitter pal of the world’s worst poverty wannabe.
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I would absolutely love Jay Rayner to review one of our maverick's 'meals'.
 
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Ac789

THANK YOU! That tortilla is an abomination. Does she even know what a tortilla is? That was more like a frittata and it looked bloody awful. I just don't understand how serious foodies keep letting her get away with this crap? Like Nigella - seriously?

I came across her years ago and believed the whole backstory for a while. I tried the bean burgers she is famous for and they were just bland but they needed to be cheap so I thought fair enough. The only other dish of hers I tried was an awful pasta dish which went down in family history as literally the only dish that both my gannet children flat-out refused to eat. Then she kept claiming to have invented things like vegan bacon etc when that has been around for years.

In my opinion she is an utter fake and was exposed as such on DKL. I just have no idea how she keeps getting book deals and appearances - it is just bizarre. A case of the emporer's new clothes. Please someone explain to me why serious cooks let her get away with it?
 
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AmberSpyglass

She wants to be a celebrity , preferably on TV but because she’s so shockingly shite at the face to camera stuff she’s stuck to dreaming up appallingly bad recipes and living the other 23.5 hours on Twitter.
 
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MooBelle

no, i give up. What is this please?

oh i loved that song (Marc Almond version) wasn't it late 80s? It came on the radio when i was at my grandparents' house once and my Grandad thought it was outrageous that is was being played because of the lyric 'cute in a stupid ass way'


There is footage from a This Morning appearance from at least 5 years ago. She was WAY more polished and professional than her recent car crash appearances. This 'I'm new be nice' bollocks is boring (and a lie)
 
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