Jack Monroe #44 Spoiler

[antisocialmedia]

What the duck have I just watched?

Why does she sound like she's constantly on the verge of tears? Why so much talking? Why would ANYONE want to watch (put themselves through) this?

I feel sullied.

She always sounds like she's going to cry

 

[Silver Linings]

@Silver Linings I know we're getting close to the end of this thread but the #spoiler in the title makes me laugh so much each time I spot it

Aw. I feel kind of bad because of why the spoilers are being used but they have become rather prevalent! I haven’t got any ideas for the next thread, how to articulate the dread of her promised updates.....

 

[Brian Butterfield]

She always sounds like she's going to cry

I know. It's so strange. It was one of the reasons I couldn't watch her Instagram Lives as I find her so uncomfortable to watch.

Excruciating.

 

[blurstoftimes]

nonononono my own anxiety couldn’t take the preamble on the other one and now I’m too nosey not to try this one too

edit to add - no one else introduces themselves like this!? Hi it’s me Alansbigplate; tattler, depressive, mum, partridge fan

'I'm Garth Marenghi - author, dream weaver, visionary, plus actor.'

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace (2004) Documentary clip with quote 'I'm Garth Marenghi - author, dream weaver, visionary, plus actor.' Yarn is the best search for video clips by quote. Find the exact moment in a TV show, movie, or music video you want to share. Easily move forward or...

getyarn.io

 

[Petelgeuse]

I think it's great how everyone comes together on this thread much more than any other. To see some of the issues we all discuss/read is fantastic and gives me a little more insight into you all. ( Not a stalker btw ) .

Anyway.. I'm sure there will be some kind of donation drive for the kitten. Why fool ourselves otherwise.

 

[MancBee]

Next thread suggestion #45 I'll put it on the to do list.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

I'm not really an animal person (although I care enough to have chosen not to eat them, but I would never have one in the house) so the cat content hasn't been upsetting me like others. It has been irking me and your comment has put it so beautifully into words why!

I'm the same. I love animals, usually from a distance. Would never see them mistreated but her followers and cat-twitter are absolutely blinded by Jack playing the hero and saviour card once again. I swear she throws a 'recipe' together and chucks a food pic up once in a while to keep up the charade that she's a chef. And where's the bloody pistachio milk we were all on pins waiting for?!

 

[colouredlines]

Calling it "tortilla" doesn't make your weird nasty traybake any better, Jack. FFS, learn something about the cuisines you are constantly bastardising. FYI, for health & safety reasons I have eaten many a tortilla made with powdered egg...none was as dry as that thing.

BTW, the Guardian has a recipe up for banana peel chutney this weekend. It repeatedly stresses the importance of soaking the peel first. You'll all be shocked to learn that our favourite maverick doesn't bother with this step in her version...

 

[Pocahontas]

I just... no. WHY post the whole preamble thing??

I have performed in my time (more triangulation info) and the more you look/TELL the audience you’re nervous the more terrible the performance - no matter how good you are.

Surely the first rule of any kind of performance be it musical, presenting on TV, cooking etc should be to make the audience feel at ease, no? I suppose then she would lose her USP

Anyway. Just feels manic.

I’ve done lots of public performances in my time Ah, miss those days .. and it is hard to stave off the nerves before getting out there. But, duck. Four-minute monologues about yourself and nerves, etc.? No, darling.

 

[Jelly Bean]

The kitten content is gonna be constant until she gets everyone's purses and wallets lubed up. Still waiting on the crowdfunding plan she was "fleshing out". I'm thinking she's gonna offer people a photo of the kitten or something like when you adopt a koala from Aus. Then we'll have a few months of people asking where their photo is, and the cycle will go on forever until we all pass away!

Yes I agree. I think people will be invited to 'sponsor' the kitten in return for personalised photos, updates (vet's bills) etc. I think she is starting this with the tactic of 'everybody loves Pretz', so she sort of belongs to everyone so everyone can pay for her.
Thank duck she has stopped with the Sophie Ellis Pretzel hashtag nonsense.
I don't look at her Twitter now, is she still doing that pisspoor imitation of Nigel Slater using people's names in a pass agg fashion?

 

[Tabitha D]

"a quick use up dinner". Ah yes, to use up all the aubergines and jarred artichokes I have knocking around. Wasn't it capers she was mocking JO for using as they were too FANCY for people to have in their cupboards?

Bellend

View attachment 179563

Why is her food either dry as a bone (like this effort) or wet and sloppy? Nothing in between.

 

[Alansbigplate]

I’ve bloody made it! Finally!

I found you all when googling to see if she and Mrs J has split up (I guess I missed the “she left” comments). Quite stunned to see my own views being mirrored by so many others, from Twitter I thought I was the only one who was sceptical about her..

I came along at about thread 30 so just in time for Jack’s entrance on tattle. Mind boggling to say the least.

Thank you for your kindness and being welcoming to all us newbies. It took a while to get the injokes etc, but it has never felt cliquey. And you’ve literally made me laugh out loud with FANCY etc. It’s too good! Thanks for all the laughs I look forward to many more

welcome to the canal. Just out of interest what shape is your face?

Welcome, what a lovely first post! You need to buy one of those ice lolly molds and make your own ala @Pocahontas I’m absolutely obsessed with them, also there’s no risk of ever running out!

Despite managing the gateway to furry porn I can’t do poetry performances it’s all too much - does she burst into song too?! I might have to psych myself up to watch this. Might get an ice lolly out to help me through?

It’s not poetry it’s singing. You have to watch it though please please I want your feedback

 

[MellowD]

As Jack would say ‘I’m on it’

ok I’ve noped out I can’t hack the cringe

Yep, that is as far as I got too.
She obviously believes she can sing, I am sure I read that she had once tried to get on X Factor.

That was as bad as the awful "poetry " video
where she is trying too sound all rough and tough and the "yeah alright love, of course you are" laughter when she professes to be shy and retiring made me grin.
If it is true about X Factor , it will be even more obvious that she is just another fame bleep.

I have also just seen the black and white stylised photo of her holding that poor kitten up in the air .
Who the actual duck does something like that? Not only that who the duck "likes" that tit?

 

[Alansbigplate]

'I'm Garth Marenghi - author, dream weaver, visionary, plus actor.'

Garth Marenghi's Darkplace (2004) Documentary clip with quote 'I'm Garth Marenghi - author, dream weaver, visionary, plus actor.' Yarn is the best search for video clips by quote. Find the exact moment in a TV show, movie, or music video you want to share. Easily move forward or...

getyarn.io

Yessss!!! Bloody loved dark place

 

[Pocahontas]

Why is her food either dry as a bone (like this effort) or wet and sloppy? Nothing in between.

I beg to differ!
The dry, dry, dry, dry lasagne sheets and a whisper of white sauce
With some slop in between:

actually, I take that back. This looks pretty dry as well.

 

[GrunkaLunka]

I beg to differ!
The dry, dry, dry, dry lasagne sheets and a whisper of white sauce
With some slop in between: View attachment 179647
actually, I take that back. This looks pretty dry as well.

This plate of food makes me cower in absolute terror. What the duck was she playing at? It looks like she forgot to set a timer and ended up cooking it for 8 hours.

 

[Pocahontas]

This plate of food makes me cower in absolute terror. What the duck was she playing at? It looks like she forgot to set a timer and ended up cooking it for 8 hours.

‘This is one I made earlier‘ translated to: ‘This is one I made last Tuesday.’

 

[Tabitha D]

I beg to differ!
The dry, dry, dry, dry lasagne sheets and a whisper of white sauce
With some slop in between: View attachment 179647
actually, I take that back. This looks pretty dry as well.

Yes, just look at it. There can’t be a single person who looks at that and thinks “ooh I’ll give that a try”. Her cooking on DKR was beyond embarrassing.

 

[Anonymous One]

Welcome, what a lovely first post! You need to buy one of those ice lolly molds and make your own ala @Pocahontas I’m absolutely obsessed with them, also there’s no risk of ever running out!

Despite managing the gateway to furry porn I can’t do poetry performances it’s all too much - does she burst into song too?! I might have to psych myself up to watch this. Might get an ice lolly out to help me through?

Thank you for the time warm welcome. Think the evil coven of haus fraus will have to chip in to patent @Pocahontas ice lolly recipe before Jackie uses it in her next book.

 

[Alansbigplate]

‘This is one I made earlier‘ translated to: ‘This is one I made last Tuesday.’

This is one that should be in the bin