Jack Monroe #431 Close your begs, woman!

[Ablemabel]

My mother would laugh about such things. Hilarious little anecdotes about 'I said I'd wash his mouth out with soap and water - and I did!' she bleeping waterboarded him with fairy liquid and sink water until he nearly suffocated/drowned in foam and water. 'I told him not to steal food and just - oh, so funny - I went to tap his hand but forgot I was holding the carving knife at the time!'he needed stitches 'I told her that if she was a bully and pushed him, I'd let her know what being pushed around was really like!' down the bleeping stairs 'Oh, it was so funny to see her smug face after I'd said my piece!' she hissed at the right year old next door that she was going to burn her Mummy's house down because she'd complained to the council about the state of the rubbish piled up against their fence.

She laughed all the way to my brother being put on the At Risk Register and her being threatened with eviction. And then, obviously, became the pawr ickle victim of domestic violence and defenceless ickle old lady who couldn't cope with keeping the garden tidy. A way of life for decades - decades that left a trail of abused children behind her. But oh, those stories were so funny - as though her laughing meant they couldn't possibly be admissions of violent abuse or veiled threats of further violence towards you because hey, she's got away with all those other things, what makes you think that anybody would ever believe you when she'll just give a tinkly little laugh and tell them that it's actually a really funny story?


bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep.

Oh I'm so sorry

 

[Snotbuster]

Crossover time!

View attachment 1750971

Two of the Four Horsepeople of the Mediocrapalypse.

 

[Amanda Lin]

Here it is! Most of her “food” is back in 2014ish, but she was happy to argue about everything she’d written, so it’s a “painstakingly marauding cacophony” of comments that makes her look a right nob/completely vile actually.

EDIT: some are deeply offensive and potentially triggering including on first page, so just WARNED before clicking

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Still Grunking but what an excellent find @Valiofthedolls mucho good material to be mined from all her sad, snippy, mendacious comments.

A few faves thus far;

Also you are an idiot, you cannot make risotto with long grain rice.

I know I am, but what are you Jack?

Also some bonuThrowing Mammy under the bus

An early suitcase in the hall drama. Told her readers indeed.

Hmmm not sure if this has proved to be entirely truthful (speculation m’lud)

Curious

Trying to defend herself from an accusation of racism with a whole lot of stereotypes and micro-aggressions.

A great Jack back catalogue with remixes of old favourites and some deep cuts.

 

[frankychester]

Oh duck off jack. There's nothing wrong with her self confidence. She genuinely thinks she is as brilliant at singing...again...as she is at everything else.

And billy Bragg?! He was a hypocritical has been two decades ago. I'm 48 and he was a good few years before my time.

I will never forget an anecdote told by nicky wire from the manics about the first time they did Reading Festival and Billy Bragg had his own luxury portaloos that nobody else was allowed to use. So from the stage, NW called him a 'big nosed bleep'

Pretty sure it was the other way round and it was the Manics who had the luxury toilets.

 

[AnnRKey]

Oh duck off jack. There's nothing wrong with her self confidence. She genuinely thinks she is as brilliant at singing...again...as she is at everything else.

And billy Bragg?! He was a hypocritical has been two decades ago. I'm 48 and he was a good few years before my time.

I will never forget an anecdote told by nicky wire from the manics about the first time they did Reading Festival and Billy Bragg had his own luxury portaloos that nobody else was allowed to use. So from the stage, NW called him a 'big nosed bleep'

Was this what you are on about?

It was the Manics who had their own toilet. Billy took the piss out of them (no pun intended) - someone else has commented to that effect on the YT clip too, apparently it was called "crappergate"

 

[Amanda Lin]

Also, back on the subject of the fire service, here’s didn’t happen of the year eleventybillion+1
View attachment 1751821And didn’t happen of the year eleventybillion+2. Yeah, Of course they did.
View attachment 1751822
She’s SO full of utter bleeping nonsense that it’s almost laughable.

Wow. Even if that first encounter over the mother’s pride slices was true (ofc it wasn’t), the sheer arrogance of believing 15 years later they remembered that conversation or who she was.

Marching about displaying up by her fictional epaulettes of self importance.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

This looked so much better in my head.

 

[Shimmering]

I’ve never really managed to listen to Jack’s singing voice but Christ her TALKING voice on these vids. Not so much vocal fry as deep pan vocal fry-up. It sounds like a robot running down and scraping its lower register, like HAL singing “daisy” as it dies. And in contrast to this zero effort drone is her constant shaking and deep nervous breathing. She looks like she’s guilty as hell under police interrogation when she’s just on a mummy and baby podcast.

Like HAL singing daisy as it dies.

Send coffin-os.

 

[SweetTransvestite]

See now - this is something that truly makes me livid. *I* am military round the edges, with bells on. Forces brat, grand brat and great grand brat. I see no -ing evidence of being honorable, truthful, decent, shying from public recognition, having a cast iron work ethic that never lets on, always thinking of others first. I have no words to describe how much this particular cosplay offends me.
Sorry, ninnies.

I am ex-military and there is no way on earth Jack would have been tolerated within any service be-it armed or civilian. There has to be an understanding of trust, comradeship and unity so, ego needs to foxtrot oscar. You think and act as one, the training is there for that purpose. If people like her pass even the most basic entry requirements they are soon forced out due to their inability to comply and for good reason.
I won't pop my medals on for the Kings speech this year and I don't have a piece of heavy artillery in my garage but I can spy a fucktrumpet from across the parade square.

She's as military as the weird bloke in your local who insists he was on the balcony back in 1984 but can't talk about it for "reasons".

 

[hoopdedoo]

Still Grunking but what an excellent find @Valiofthedolls mucho good material to be mined from all her sad, snippy, mendacious comments.

A few faves thus far;

View attachment 1752182
Also you are an idiot, you cannot make risotto with long grain rice.

View attachment 1752190
I know I am, but what are you Jack?

Also some bonuThrowing Mammy under the bus

View attachment 1752192

An early suitcase in the hall drama. Told her readers indeed.View attachment 1752194

Hmmm not sure if this has proved to be entirely truthful (speculation m’lud)


View attachment 1752198

Curious

View attachment 1752219
Trying to defend herself from an accusation of racism with a whole lot of stereotypes and micro-aggressions.

A great Jack back catalogue with remixes of old favourites and some deep cuts.

If "go outside and touch some grass" was a thing back then, she would have said that too.

And at someone who puts tape labeled "do not cross this line" in her kitchen, to keep her own child away, lecturing others about "hysteria and drawing fat black lines around the country like a child".

 

[hooplifehero]

I will never forget an anecdote told by nicky wire from the manics about the first time they did Reading Festival and Billy Bragg had his own luxury portaloos that nobody else was allowed to use. So from the stage, NW called him a 'big nosed bleep'

I read this first time as “luxury potatoes” and it was at least as funny

I used to really like Bragg. Our views have since…diverged

 

[TheCat'sMother]

View attachment 1752275

This looked so much better in my head.

Absolute genius!

 

[frankychester]

Was this what you are on about?

It was the Manics who had their own toilet. Billy took the piss out of them (no pun intended) - someone else has commented to that effect on the YT clip too, apparently it was called "crappergate"

That clip should be played alongside Jack's greatest hits as a cautionary tale on the deleterious effects of cocaine.

 

[Amanda Lin]

'She has launched her own price index'

Launched it where? Into the sun?

It’s one of her behind the scenes projects

 

[Nonah]

I am ex-military and there is no way on earth Jack would have been tolerated within any service be-it armed or civilian. There has to be an understanding of trust, comradeship and unity so, ego needs to foxtrot oscar. You think and act as one, the training is there for that purpose. If people like her pass even the most basic entry requirements they are soon forced out due to their inability to comply and for good reason.
I won't pop my medals on for the Kings speech this year and I don't have a piece of heavy artillery in my garage but I can spy a fucktrumpet from across the parade square.

She's as military as the weird bloke in your local who insists he was on the balcony back in 1984 but can't talk about it for "reasons".

Also, people who have witnessed the kind of trauma she claims to have witnessed in the fire service would never talk about it in the way she does. “What’s the worst thing you’ve ever seen” never gets an honest response from anyone who has seen/heard anything truly horrifying. You tuck that tit away tight.

 

[colouredlines]

View attachment 1752275

This looked so much better in my head.

Love the leggings. Beautiful memories from a simpler time...

PS Jack, please come back to social media so we don't have to keep going over your old Guardian comments/blog entries for the 100th time. If Tattle's weird Twitter splinter cell is keeping you off the bird app, there's always Instagram (or even Facebook, the ultimate echo chamber). You know you want to...

 

[BurgerLaBill]

Haha bleeping hell I've been watching those videos on here posted further up the thread. What's up with the voice? Mick Jagger Blagger...

 

[hooplifehero]

Jack’s reputation thriving in her absence from Twitter

 

[BurgerLaBill]

I reckon that Old Harold bloke she was seeing was married. All the crowing about it on social media sent him running.

 

[NellieBoo]

Sitting waiting at the GP surgery so have been looking at one of jack’s many Facebook profiles. Hooting at this View attachment 1751701View attachment 1751702

Oh no. Not Baba Vanga Jack. Not keen. Fireman Jack and Military Jack aren't great either.

Spoiler: Fire Service mithering

In case Jack has put the fear of god into anyone - part of the reason home fire fatalities are rare is due to the amazing work of the fire service. TV Safety Campaigns, vast amounts of community work, including installing free smoke detectors, giving home safety advice, visits and home checks to vulnerable people, working with hoarders to reduce risk and working on flagging systems, visiting nurseries and schools, cross agency working, working closely with local authorities to make blocks of flats safe, winter time electric blanket safety checks. The list goes on. They also have AMAZING response times when there is a fire. Seriously. They are FAST. Plus, obviously homes are much safer with fire retardant materials used in furniture and that sort of thing.