Jack Monroe #429 Jack, please stop pretending to have friends. It's embarrassing for all of us.

[Sideboard Bob]

Did it always say, “bylines is everywhere”?

 

[FrumpyCat]

Hahaha seriously what kind of fanfiction is this? I need to read the trashy romance novel she lifted it from .

let's 're-write it.

Jack is introduced to someone. Learned owns a 'little shop' . Clocks his sartorial preferences, scampers off to get an undercut. After a bit of light cyberstalking, goes to stand outside his shop. 'Oh, he says it's Jack isn't it,? Oh wow, says Jack What a coincidence, I didn't know this was your shop!'

Scene two. After a bit more cyberstalking, Jack arranges to bump into decor-boy. Yes, another coincidence, but how lucky her can give her decorating advice. Jack follows him along discussing by her favourite subject. Decor-boy makes increasingly desperate non committal noises. Reaches his shop, runs inside. Jack leaves thinking Result!

Jack also plays this out on Twitter in case he is reading.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

I've got a couple of house warming gifts for Jack.

I've also managed to triangulate her new home. It is a house right enough and perfect for smol pixies.

 

[Captainmouse]

View attachment 1742961
Looks dire x

Don’t understand top left, looks like bin contents

 

[FlirtyThirty]

Squig philosophy lol

 

[Ooointitot]

Another deliciously ordinary new friend with a little shop….Decor Boy

I so look forward to giggly, guffawy, cringeworthy, over-sharey Friday night posts about special deliveries of, um, wallpaper paste

She lies about things that it’s so easy to disprove. Does she not realise that the things she has put on the internet in the past are still there?

Her superpower is her FORCEFIELD OF IGNORANCE - TO STUPIDITY AND BEYOND!

 

[Livia Fantasy]

If she's got a mortgage (or big d has - which is unlikely due to his age) then she has to have buildings insurance

SHAN’T

 

[Everytown]

I still have my copy of the Usborne First Cookbook. The brownie recipe in it is unbeatable IMHO.

It was the Hamlyn My Fun-to-Cook Book for me. The original copy went a long time ago, but I managed to get a replacement fairly recently. When I have time I'm going to do the juggling-with-lava butterscotch recipe, which was always my favourite.

 

[People-huv-tae-know]

I wish we could see her finances, what a messy telling tale they would tell.

 

[Lazarus]

I’m 4 pages behind and no desire to catch up as I assume an accurate summary of what I’m missing out on is basically Jack being an insufferable bleep.

 

[Cucumberthunder]

SHAN’T

That would be an amusing episode if the bank took the house back because she couldn't be arsed to get insurance. Or something structural happens when she's due to remortgage and they send someone for a revalue and it gets a £0 valuation (why yes I did read a lot of horror stories during my subsidence experience).

 

[Everytown]

She really is thick.

Guess haven't stolen the original Banksy painting, they have reproduced it. Made a copy.

Nobody is stopping anyone from making an outfit that is the same as a Guess outfit, to reproduce it, or make a copy.

There's countless copies of Banksy paintings absolutely everywhere. It is disingenuous to suggest that Guess are the only ones to copy his work.

I think that, as Jack clearly doesn't understand libel, we can safely assume that she will have zero clue about copyright law, as well.

 

[Satisfying Click]

What inspired the colour scheme, Jack?
Oh... just the world around me

 

[Everytown]

View attachment 1742910

Whereas a lot of long-term renters (us included) be like, "this is fine - we don't have to worry/spend money on decorating."

 

[Usagi]

As a RENTing Frau (a normal person earning a bit over the average UK salary, who doesn't wear tracksuits, though may have dabbled in watching Jeremy Kyle), her attitude really, really confuses and fucks me off. Why does she think that renting is pitiable? Is that what people with wealthy, property-owning families think about us plebs? No way can I think about affording to buy a flat until someone DIES/deigns to marry me, and I'm only a couple of years younger than her.

 

[Justacatindisguise]

Oh no, someone in Greece is Googling her

 

[Sideboard Bob]

 

[Megansnarkle]

I don't follow her but is she buying a house? Last time I heard she was selling all her possessions including things she bought to celebrate her early books. Why is everything so shady?

 

[Mr Krabs]

Dupes. Sure sure. Oh and a friend who owns a paint shop? I believe you Jack. I’m sure you won’t be spunking your money on £130 pots of paint.

At least she chose colours that already look grimy and dirty though, since they’d quickly look like that anyway.

 

[Jelly Bean]

It was the Hamlyn My Fun-to-Cook Book for me. The original copy went a long time ago, but I managed to get a replacement fairly recently. When I have time I'm going to do the juggling-with-lava butterscotch recipe, which was always my favourite.

Omg that was my first cook book! Just you mentioning it has caused a Proustian rush.

So all these marvellous suddenly handy builders and decorators emerging will explain why cash strapped Jack had an amazingly decorated new home. They all did it for free! They supplied everything for free!
Her ridiculous romcom moments are now so silly I'm fully expecting Decor shop boy to remove Jack's specs and say 'why Jack - without your glasses you are strangely beautiful'.