Jack Monroe #429 Jack, please stop pretending to have friends. It's embarrassing for all of us.

[Sideboard Bob]

Yaaay new thread! Just in time for Jack’s new hairdo 🥱

Congratulations to @jenny2603 and @Geetbo for the thread title! You both win a haircut from a Turkish silver fox

Would anyone like to recap please?


Newcomers, check out the wiki, it’s the pink button, somewhere up there up there

 

[ChactFecker]

Momma mode activated.....

Right thumb licked ready to swipe right on that sh!t.

 

[HotesTilaire]

in our last thread…
Jack was still being quiet and we were still mithering and then it HAPPENED the Daily Heil exposed the grift, in a badly written online article about the Awfully Molly blog.
Jack casually sauntered back on to twitter today hahaha to let us know she’s great, she’s full of joy and forging friendships and thirsting over a Turkish barber who gave her a discount undercut (and it shows) she’s so happy and breezy life is good, she’s safe, she’s tweeting contradictions of what she just said, she loves Turkish people, her best friend is Turkish you know, she’s just so great atm and chatty til one in the morning hahaha
she posted another inexplicable face, but blurred the Tiffany earrings

the place she was moving to fell through, so it’s back to the drawing board to find somewhere quick. Also she’s moving somewhere with 4 rooms and a huge garden which will be ideal for Content. She gave away furniture to “friends” aka people from gumtree she’s never seen before, but is convinced they are now BFFs foreva

 

[ChactFecker]

Turks and Cypriots. the bestest of friends forever, honest Guv'nor, never a crossed word, ever!

OH, Wait....

 

[That Forensic Man]

Moving boxes in the background

 

[ChactFecker]

Moving boxes in the background

View attachment 1742218

Nah, I've been staring for ages they haven't moved even slightly. I'm a bit tipsy but will keep an eye on them and report any changes.

 

[FrumpyCat]

It's the return of one of my least favourite distraction Jacks (but one of the funniest). Folksy Jack with her budget haircuts, family values and implausible encounters with characters from a self-published rom com.

I promise to honour my patron obligations Jack appears to be on permanent hiatus. But I am sure triumphing over the odds Jack is waiting in the wings

 

[Serafina Pekkala]

It has been mentioned, but just to be absolutely clear, and because it is still the 1st page;

She blurred out her Tiffany earrings!

Yes, that's right Dearhearts, so nobody knows how wealthy she is....

Hahaaha

 

[Sideboard Bob]

in our last thread…
Jack was still being quiet and we were still mithering and then it HAPPENED the Daily Heil exposed the grift, in a badly written online article about the Awfully Molly blog.
Jack casually sauntered back on to twitter today hahaha to let us know she’s great, she’s full of joy and forging friendships and thirsting over a Turkish barber who gave her a discount undercut (and it shows) she’s so happy and breezy life is good, she’s safe, she’s tweeting contradictions of what she just said, she loves Turkish people, her best friend is Turkish you know, she’s just so great atm and chatty til one in the morning hahaha
she posted another inexplicable face, but blurred the Tiffany earrings

the place she was moving to fell through, so it’s back to the drawing board to find somewhere quick. Also she’s moving somewhere with 4 rooms and a huge garden which will be ideal for Content. She gave away furniture to “friends” aka people from gumtree she’s never seen before, but is convinced they are now BFFs foreva

You are a diamond Hotes, thank you for the recap.


I still can’t get over her recommending her books to a kid. We know from the Slopalong that her books aren’t suitable for any age, but please tell me none of these ones contain “come to bed … whatever it was”, and/or any other other bs stories?

 

[ChactFecker]

Recommended cookery for 10 year old kids:

Pasta bake.
Cheese on Toast.
Beans on toast
Other stuff on toast
Beige breadcrumbed stuff in the freezer for when momma can't be arsed.
at a push, some "One pan" stuff.


ETA: All with a watchful side-eye glaring at them whilst still letting them believe they are doing it all by themselves,
Maybe that's just me.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Recommended for kids- kids on tik tok who cook. Honestly, get with the times!

 

[Griftymcgriftface]

Tell the 10 year old to check out Buddy Oliver on YouTube

 

[I'm not actually here]

Recommended cookery for 10 year old kids:

Pasta bake.
Cheese on Toast.
Beans on toast
Other stuff on toast
Beige breadcrumbed stuff in the freezer for when momma can't be arsed.
at a push, some "One pan" stuff.


ETA: All with a watchful side-eye glaring at them whilst still letting them believe they are doing it all by themselves,
Maybe that's just me.

Grunking so prob been said, but Buddy, son of THAT man, is 11. Far more appropriate, and healthy, and sane food. As you were.

Eta: so used to being 20 pages behind didn't see above! Snap.

 

[Cucumberthunder]

Am off to the opticians later. Will be sure to transcribe our small talk

 

[hoopdedoo]

OMG that Twitter quote from the previous thread (about JM looking skinny and should take care of herself) is from one of my favourite musicians ever. And even more ironically, that musician is on Patreon and faithfully produces the promised deliverables every single month.

re Jack's exciting trip to the barber. Wow, racist stereotypes about "foreign" tradespeople much? I'm surprised she didn't go in there and yell "HAIR! TOO LONG!" at the man while making snipping motions with her fingers.

 

[ChactFecker]

you lot trust y'all 10 year olds more than I do.

MF's can barely be trusted to put dirty clothes in the basket never mind be let loose on the smoker / BBQ. allowed anywhere near a pressure cooker, deep fryer, teppanyaki grill etc. just nah.

if mine get invited to a water balloon fight and I turned my back they would put the kettle on to do maximum damage. #ferral #myfault

 

[skyehigh]

Cannot get over three blurred earrings -just take them out if you don't want people to see them?! What is wrong with her?

 

[Clarends]

You are a diamond Hotes, thank you for the recap.


I still can’t get over her recommending her books to a kid. We know from the Slopalong that her books aren’t suitable for any age, but please tell me none of these ones contain “come to bed … whatever it was”, and/or any other other bs stories?

View attachment 1742229

Full Time Meals. Not a book AFAIK but spend the money on something else

 

[Day3TShirt]

Cannot get over three blurred earrings -just take them out if you don't want people to see them?! What is wrong with her?

Prob crusted over and stuck in, especially in view of her current ear infection. (Why does she share so many intimate details of her bodily functions and conditions btw? It’s so weird and off-putting. Does she think it’s endearing? Like, I’m trying to pull the bloke in the barbers and act all horny so I’ll just highlight the fact I’ve had a tit few days, I’m so vulnerable and smol and I have a crusty lughole. I don’t get it.)

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Cannot get over three blurred earrings -just take them out if you don't want people to see them?! What is wrong with her?

Anything but admit they're legit Tiffany earrings she bought shortly before pleading poverty and taking donations once more. She actually wants people to believe she's going about wearing crappy knock-off earrings an ex who brutally dumped her arse months ago gifted to her. I'm not sure which is more pathetic