Jack Monroe #412 Chiz on Tiz

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Afternoon Cable,
I have a question for @SweetTransvestite. Sweetie T, what is the purpose of that burger related object? Would it be for (clears throat) stimulation or is it a novelty container for bubble bath?
 
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YOGHURT IN A CARBONARA? WHAT IN THE EVER-LIVING FUCK?
I guess all dairy is interchangeable. Why not just slop some UHT Milk in there for a delicious creamy taste?
 
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Tesco has a Creamfields brie, though it has bugger all taste and is really firm. Some budget hard Italian cheese, freshly grated, would add more flavour, and there would plenty left to use for other meals.
 
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Big Dave’s humiliating trousers will never not make me laugh.
How long is she going to be LEFT for? I’m on maternity leave, I need chaoses to distract me from looking after my child while I wait for my next one to turn up.
 
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This made me snort out loud. It’s in response to the sock account that no longer exists.
The hoop-rinsing bit is funny, but the dead-naming is unpleasant.
A number of people have dead-named her in the comments recently; one of them asked her if her name was Melissa. Her name is Jack, Squig. Don’t be a dick, because then you’re as bad as the FMs with their childish name-calling.
 
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Big Dave’s humiliating trousers will never not make me laugh.
How long is she going to be LEFT for? I’m on maternity leave, I need chaoses to distract me from looking after my child while I wait for my next one to turn up.
Obviously Teemill, Patreon and all the other grifting stuff is important but I really want to see some press attention devoted to the sheer psychedelic oddness of Jack's stories. Surely it's not too much trouble for a journalist to sit Jack down and ask why Dave's trousers were so humiliating.

I'm also getting a bit frustrated with the lack of chaos to the point that I am prepared to use cashos to bribe Jack to make a prick of herself today.
 
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My grandad (DEAD) had a moustache all of his adult life. This is why I now refuse to immac mine. I’m channeling YOU, grandad! Be proud of me
My Grandad used to send my brother and I to the shop on a Saturday to buy a box of Jelly Babies, he would open the box, take out all the black ones for himself then let us share the rest. In memory of him I buy jelly babies, take out a black one, give it a little willy then eat it, that sounds inappropriate now it’s written down
 
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It all reads like some GCSE writing project. Actually I remember describing a Formica table in an English piece when I was in year 6 (my parents kept all my schoolwork, I’ve seen it. Evidently I was a child prodigy just like Jack!)

And why was she watching him intently while he rolled a fag? I loved my grandad so much, but I never sat and stared at him, it would’ve been creepy

Also, resentful of the parents much for cutting down the tree! Maybe it all started there
 
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Edit to spoiler so OG fraus and others can skip past 2012-2013 mither if they want
Yeah, I’ve been reading about her volunteering during The Poverty, and found it interesting that despite what she says to the national media in 2013 about quitting the fire service because it’s “inherently wrong to foist your child on someone else” while you work, seems she actually had no such compunction. Or at least none while “volunteering as a PA” to “contribute something back to the community” How is being her dad’s solicitor mate Geoff’s PA (or whoever’s PA it was) “contributing something back to the community”?

Another interesting trip down memory lane. Once again, she’s fine with “foisting” her child so she can work (that must have been a uniquely specific fire service thing), but does anything else sound familiar?!

So not her first downsize to one bedroom, then. FFS, does she say anything whatsoever original these days, or is it just regurgitated overly egged melodramatic trauma filled versions of things that were perfectly perfunctory back then?
 
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Has he deleted this now?
Yes, see previous comments in thread.

 
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He does that - he also changes his Twitter handle fairly regularly... and often will just delete every single tweet. And doesn't think twice about admitting when he'd got things wrong.

And talking of Manchester eateries - Mana - one of the single best places I've ever eaten in my life. Sublime.
 
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I bet you a plate of my mother's (dire) roast potatoes that this account will be gone by tomorrow
Yup. I just went to check out the full conversation and the account is deleted. They always are by the time I get around to looking for them. I'm very grateful for all the screenshots people post here so I can enjoy the ridiculousness and not miss out.
 
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"Give it a little willy then eat it" please elaborate on how/why you give a jelly baby a willy?
 
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