Jack Monroe #389 She's like Boris but with worse hair

[Bugger13]

Catching up after a day of paid work but chicken liver and black pudding lasagne?

Dear lord. Did she feed it to the two mates now in ICU?

(Apologies. But does anyone here honestly believe they exist or are any more than friends of friends - she’s a classic narc inserting herself in every tragedy!)

I genuinely wouldn’t be surprised if the ‘friends’ were her parents’ postman and Borbara

 

[Mr Krabs]

That horrid blue nail varnish isn’t going to get her a better score on Wikifeet.

 

[Hollaaa]

Her IDEAS NOT RECIPES list has confirmed, more than ever, that she hates food.

It's a handwritten list of Very Bad Ideas.

 

[ChickenPorridge]

I wondered how long it'd be before there was a selfie from the sofa. Jack - get some kind of protective cover or that sofa will absorb your lingering honk, hon.

 

[Knit one Pearl one]

Why the actual F would you (pretend to) sleep on a sofa when you don’t need to?

Too short.

 

[FrankReagan]

I saw she was being nice to people and I had to have a lie down.

Spoiler: 🔺 Merail

actually true as this afternoon I had my flu & Covid vaccines (the Sept > booster, I’m in early on that cos asthma) plus I’ve started antibiotics for other reasons, not sexy ones. Unsurprisingly for me, raging headache since and feel ick. Mind you, could be list-related. Now duck off x

 

[Day3TShirt]

I don’t want to zoom in too close for fear of getting a close-up eyeful of her manky feet but are we to believe she’s sleeping on the sofa with no undersheet and a dog for a blanket? She’s a right grubby mare. Hers is the sort of house where you’d go for a shower and come out feeling dirtier than when you went in. You’d think seeing as she so does duck all work and spends all day puttering around her bungalow making
pointless lists and rearranging her possessions that she could at least clean the place. She’s got no idea about how to run a home. That’s why she thought it was ok to put her feet all over that chair at the festival. Take domestic advice from you, Jack? No ta, pal.

 

[auntylil]

Chilli con carne with chocolate (it is actually a thing that works) served on lettuce rolls.
Now get me on Lorraine

Completed it, mate!
Actually tried CcC with chocolate once, wasn't too fussed personally, although I do like chocolate in some savoury dishes! You've inspired me to get my recipe file out tomorrow!

Spoiler: Side note

Replace the lettuce with shredded cabbage and you've got my usual chilli accompaniment, if I'm not having good old cauliflower rice, because grains really do make my symptoms worse. Give me veggies over gluten-free products anyday.

On topic, I'm seconding @jenny2603 for next thread title with Jack just behaves strangely in a bungalow. (Seconding as in second in line, not actually requiring Jenny to come and work for me for nothing or anything like that...!)
Genius, dear heart Jenny numbers, genius.

 

[GrannyOgg]

When I was 12, it would have bothered me to no end if my mother had moved me into her bedroom and started sleeping on the sofa. It would have creeped me out and made me feel guilty. My mother struggled with her mental health, and I was always protecting her by pretending everything was okay---even when it wasn't. My parents divorced when I was 16, and I took on the role of parent to my mother at that point. I pray SB never has to do that, but Jack seems all too willing to turn the household inside out rather than consider maintaining a stable environment.

She has a huge effing shed where she can "declutter." There was no reason to do this save one: play the victim.

She can get all the SM engagement she needs pretending to sleep on the sofa. if there’s nothing in it for her actually sleeping on the sofa then she’s not.
Jack Monroe is no more sleeping on her sofa than I am sleeping on mine. It’s all content

 

[ChickenPorridge]

So how long are we giving it before sleeping in the sofa plays havoc with her poor arthritic bones, reducing her to a vacant husk? I give it a month or two, it'll definitely be before the "big move". Maybe she'll do a Christmas song - I saw Santa while I was sleepin' on the sofa, but he had nothing in his sack for me, or something like that. All donations to her PayPal acc

 

[sleepingsatellite]

Too short.

FFS, does Jack ever take the day off of having an answer to everything?! I’m not into that list at all, some of those names read like colon cleansers and goodness knows over how long she has accumulated such stock of things that don’t feature in the £20 shop. Hello, freezer burn?!

 

[BlendedSlop]

Loooool I'm sure she used the "the label fell off/the writing's worn away" excuse the other day when someone asked her about another item of clothing. Jack, just tell her they were £250 from John Lewis*, the squigs would excuse you if you were wiping your arse with £50 notes anyway.

*Exaggerated for effect, before she threatens to sue.

 

[houseofhoop]

She's deleted this attempt to smear someone who seems genuinely baffled by her hostility.

View attachment 1558853

Here's the tweet in question. Never, ever underestimate just how thick she is.

View attachment 1558852

Christ, she really is thick!

 

[Captainmouse]

has anything been herd from the publishers that were recently subjected to the ancient pickled radishes?

I think you’ve them

 

[ChactFecker]

*Exaggerated for effect,

Thread title nomination. no other context required.

 

[ChocolateMuffin]

mother of god, don't give her ideas!

Mmmm taramasalata made with chardonnay vinegar

 

[FlirtyThirty]

They look like Boden jammies to me…!

 

[Phillipa78]

It’s definitely do-able, there’s recipes using candle heat - I just badly want to see her try to recreate them

Coming from the past, so I'm sure a cheesy Frau has already thought of this but is the winter of 2022 going to be a fondue resurgence? 🫕

PS omg a fondue emoji and I didn't even know. Today is the best. Toot toot!

 

[Walkdengirl]

Even the trolls have blocked her.

Thread title?

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Loooool I'm sure she used the "the label fell off/the writing's worn away" excuse the other day when someone asked her about another item of clothing. Jack, just tell her they were £250 from John Lewis*, the squigs would excuse you if you were wiping your arse with £50 notes anyway.

*Exaggerated for effect, before she threatens to sue.

And it's really quite nuts that she can remember the price of a packet of custard powder in 2012 because autistic with a forensic memory for detail, but not precisely where she got quite memorably patterned, brightly coloured bottoms like that (or any other item the Squigs ask about). Just incredible the way her genius mind works, really.