Jack Monroe #388 Even @3ssex Police are laughing at her

[jf99]

So if she did his room as a surprise after he’d gone to bed and she’s now making back to school breakfast, where did he sleep last night? In a cupboard?

After not being at home all day yesterday because she was in Bristol!

 

[jenny2603]

Doesn’t SB go to school quite a distance from her house? My daughter goes to school a ten minute walk away and she leaves at 8.15am, considering Jack doesn’t drive shouldn’t he have left by now?

It's Ok Sergeant Showbiz at Celebrity Squad has agreed a late start with the school after receiving some intel that a vile troll planned to insinuate that SB would launch his Jack prepared packed lunch over a hedge in an act of hatred so foul and grotesque several officers at CS Essex have had to go on long term sick leave due to trauma.

 

[Witchfinder Sargeant]

But if you don’t bring anything new in……….

I'm decluttering from alcohol-induced chaos. Every time I leave my flat, I take at least two things with me and throw them away. But I don't then go out and buy one more new thing to bring in (unless I'm going to the supermarket or something).

 

[Sketchy]

You can buy enough shampoo, conditioner and shower gel to last a month for £4 or less, obviously if you don’t have that £4 that’s different, but choosing not to buy toiletries when you can afford them isn’t thrift. My grandparents were young during WW2 and thrift was a way of life for them even though they were comfortably off. They grew their own vegetables, they fixed things rather than buy a new item and they used things until they wore out. They would never have dreamed of not buying essentials though, Jack’s definition of thrift is one they wouldn’t have understood.

Yep. And that extra granny-curtain boiler suit she bought (and couldn't be bothered to return for a refund) would've kept her in shampoo & shower gel for quite a long time if she'd used her brain.

She really is penny wise, pound foolish - not exactly the right sort of person to be advising others genuinely struggling on a pittance.

 

[Captainmouse]

I was sure I'd seen a tweet about being allowed to decorate and bingo

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So if the cooker was new when she moved in, why does it not work?

 

[Rekyavikgirl]

So if the cooker was new when she moved in, why does it not work?

Because she wrecks everything she touches.

 

[jenny2603]

So if the cooker was new when she moved in, why does it not work?

That cooker has had to prepare slops that it just wasn't designed for. It's friends say it died of a broken heart.

 

[Smeghead]

Well, I for one think this is an incredibly healthy mindset to be flaunting to a Glastonbury sized audience

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Say you live your life through Tattle, without saying you live your life through Tattle. Boo, I guess? Is there a doctor in the house, sounds like a collective aneurism is around the corner lads.

 

[br2491]

I’m absolutely convinced the no shampoo line is to grab attention from companies and get herself on PR lists. I’m very doubtful that companies would do so though because she’s not great for PR

 

[Smeghead]

Morning!

Bit late for all this isn’t it? Won’t he have needed to leave already?

 

[MavisBeacon]

Another reason it’s bullshit - she has younger siblings and a son. The absolute go to gift for these people is Boots/Superdrug/TKMaxx gift sets with toiletries. I remember a few years ago saying to people “do not buy me toiletries in any form for gifts!” Because I had a cupboard full. I also buy pretty (or manly!) toiletries sets for gifts - usually for people I am not super close to but don’t want to not buy a thing for!

I think I have only bought shower gel a couple of times in the last year or so. And I stocked up on the massive tresemme about two or even three years ago, come to think of it, when they were at a very good promotional price. Oh - and I haven’t had a paid gig with Superdrug either!

TLR - if she is telling the truth about her toiletries spend (ha ha ha), it could be believable if she said she has a glut already - it certainly isn’t because she is frugal or can’t afford it.

This. She's a hoarder who loves a bargain so somewhere there's a sideboard full of 3 for 2/gifted shampoos that she's working her way through (I do the same, no judgement here for that). But it's disingenuous to imply you can't *afford* toiletries when you *haven't needed to buy them*. She can argue "where did I say I couldn't afford them, I just said I haven't bought it" but everything is designed to make her sound poor. "I've nearly run out of my massive stockpile of hoarded hair products" doesn't sound quite so compelling as a fundraising ask.

 

[Smeghead]

Jack really needs to do proper therapy, not whatever this ridiculous prize bingo is. That's a hoop and and a teddy bear she's won at therapy, now. Where is she finding these bizarre and apparently inadequate therapy courses?

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"I got the seal for having the biggest smile in Therapy and the gorilla was for not ripping a radiator off a wall even though I was very cross"

Are we sure she was actually at therapy and not just at a funfair for a few weeks? If we see a bag of goldfish in the corner we’ve got her!

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Some of her replies. She‘s so melodramatic.

Spoiler: Alcohol and substance mentions

 

[YenE]

Morning!

My bad I thought it was Monday.

 

[steverc]

"Who has the energy to be this angry before 9am?"

I think it's fair to say this morning sees her fairly well-sauced on something, probably a major export of Colombia.

 

[OkTinkerbell]

I’m so glad J is obviously at his dads, probably having a lovely calm morning before his first day back at school, as every child should.

Imagine if he’d spent the night with Jack, maniacally rearranging his bedroom and tweeting about putting up blackout curtains at 11pm, and then spending this morning rage tweeting while whipping up a batch of spite filled pancakes, with him anxiously looking at the clock thinking they should have left the house 10 minutes ago.

 

[Tittykitty]

Another gift from someone at the therapy place? What kind of cockamamie, professional-boundary-breaking organisation was she going to? She ought to report them to the regulator.

I did a therapy course, admittedly during covid so it was via teams, at the end all I got was an email saying if I required further help to contact them by email. I also got a follow up email after 6 month. Where is my teddy?!!!

 

[jenny2603]

Are we sure she was actually at therapy and not just at a funfair for a few weeks? If we see a bag of goldfish in the corner we’ve got her!

Spoiler: Jacks Therapist

 

[Sketchy]

I’m absolutely convinced the no shampoo line is to grab attention from companies and get herself on PR lists. I’m very doubtful that companies would do so though because she’s not great for PR

Maybe the broken cooker too? Oooh look! The saviour of the poors Jack Monroe has no cooker, let's donate one!

I also think the latest poor me/downsizing posts are all to tug at FM heartstrings so they'll crowdfund her a house.

 

[Jemadah]

Smuggery personified


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Obviously she means she found the Star Wars figures in a puddle.