Jack Monroe #37 Don't f*** with cats.

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For the love of god, woman.

Use

Paragraphs.
Believe me, paragraphs don't make it any better.

She has absolutely no fucking idea.

Jack, in case you are not aware, chemo can totally fuck with your tastebuds. So food you previously thought was yummy has all the appeal of wall paper paste. And of course there is the nausea and the constipation or diarrhoea. It's not just going 'ooh ouchy mouth' like you're a fucking five year old.

You twat.
 
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Going through her cancer cookbooks because her ouchy mouth of 10 days, which looked fine when she was grinning on her Hellman’s thing, is so relatable to someone going through chemo and what they eat. Seriously. I can’t even be fucked to say anything else.
 
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Omg Tommy perfume! As you said that, I could smell it and was instantly transported to a time of kookai corduroy skirts and crop top vests.
And Southern Comfort
 
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Honestly! I'd kind of gone off Jamie for a while there, for a variety of reasons, but his show over lockdown was just such a breath of fresh air, it really felt like he'd invited us into his home / family, and his recipes were actually so, so useful and inspiring, despite (or because of?) being really simple. He also got me really into the frozen aisle (esp frozen spinach, which I don't think I even knew existed before??? But which is so, so, useful and economical. Frozen raspberries too!). My mum's got a huge soft spot for him also, and was nice to talk about nice things / shared enthusiasms on the phone while I couldn't see her.
 
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I remember body shop henna, you had to spend about five hours sat with this concoction on your head that smelt like horse manure. And the mess!!
I used to use henna, My hair grew progressively redder and redder until it was virtually luminous. I used to like the smell.
 
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She isn't aware as she has never had chemo. It's fucking shit Jack, trust. Why are you so desperate to be ill?

(I do not have cancer BTW it's for my arthritis, and it's a low dose in the grand scheme of things to supplement another immunosuppressant. I am lucky to receive both)
 
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When I was at uni, Thursday nights at the outback bar was £1.50 a pint for snakebite and black. Used to wake up with dried rivers of red down my boobs when i had clearly missed my mouth and dribbled. Glamorous!

I was on a training course with a few Scots, and someone had bought some buckfast for us who were not well versed in it. I was chatting to a lad from glasgow I think it was and the buckfast made it's way over to us. He just held out his half empty pint and just asked for it to be filled to the top. Buckfast and beer!!
 
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Oh, another keystone of my teenage years - my friends and I piercing each others ears with a highly sterilised (i.e. waved over a gas hob flame) needle and a bit of cork.
 
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And on top of all that, you really can’t be fucked cooking when even walking from your bed to the sofa is a Herculean effort. It took all my strength to even got myself a glass of water and I didn’t even have hardcore chemotherapy

this is so so so infuriating. She really rinses my beans
 
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Husband plays bass in various local bands. It’s one of the reasons he’s my husband. And the bass amps cluttering up living room also double up as cat beds.
 
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Jamie is rich and cares about poverty.

Jack is rich and still peddles the I am poor line.

No she’s not. I’m very well qualified and I have a lot of work experience but if not for my mum I would have gone under financially several times.

I live in an area where unemployment is high and it’s hard to find secure work.

I honestly can’t be bothered with the I’m so poor.

My flat is going to be sold within the next two months (not my choice) and I’ll have money in the bank for the first time in ten years.

Even when I was earning half decent money back in the day (I’m an addiction worker turned personal trainer) I worked for charities and got paid poorly compared to my qualifications

Honestly. Shut up about how you were poor for a year ten years ago. It’s tiresome.
 
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I once drank about 7 bottles of Blackcurrant Hooch (remember that?) and threw up purple foam all night. Ahhh the 90’s.
 
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Agreed and honestly feel for anyone feeling triggered by this, I find it uncomfortable too and I was lucky that mine was surgically removed but am going through a bit of a repeat scare now so don't really want to constantly be thinking about it.

It's unsurprising though if you think about it, like someone that can pretend to have done a job like serve in the fire brigade for clout & someone that thinks aggregating the work of black women and publishing it under her name is progressive, someone that calls herself "white as mayonnaise" in a BLM vid whilst coincidentally under contract with a Unilever mayo brand, someone that cosplays as working class, someone that cosplays living in poverty whilst having a house full of premium furniture, that poor kitten being deprived of visiting a vet for weeks, like ALL of these things indicate utter gutter trash morality so dropping little nuggets of chemo talk here and there so people think she's seriously unwell isn't beyond her, sadly.
 
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