Jack Monroe #34 Medicine won't lift her gloom. Lady doc says Facetune!

[Saint_clemmie]

Massive congratulations!!
Don’t let Jack know, you are so in her lane!
You could see if she was available to write the foreword - perhaps through the medium of poetry.

This is a book
That takes up a space
On the shelf. In the shop
That should only be filled by
My book.

All up in her niche

- still can’t get over her saying that, I mean she actually sad that!

 

[Melmoo]

[

Dear God that was embarrassing to watch. Her verbal diarrhoea is quite something. Just a barrage of meaningless drivel.

By the way, it's at 38mins in.

I switched off at metamorphisising...

Trigger warning re medication below..



I was having a nose at her twitter earlier as I don/t follow her. With regard to the boxes full of tablets in her bathroom, is that actually safe with a young child in the house , they just seemed like those flip clip storage tubs for tupperware?!? It doesn't seem safe to me ??

 

[crystaleyesd]

All up in her niche

- still can’t get over her saying that, I mean she actually sad that!

Maybe that's why she wears three pairs of undies - too many folk getting all up in her niche?

 

[MrsOgre]

Am so far behind, I've even done me a Jack and fired up my laptop to try and catch up a bit quicker. I was not prepared for lockdown to finish in the ogre household. Hopefully I'll catch up soon.

 

[Spanner]

Some good news today, hausfraus (which I don't feel like sharing on twitter yet because it is indeed a cesspit of jealousy) - I've been offered a book contract!

Taking inspiration from our BESTSELLING POET, going to think long and hard about how I can exploit the labour of black people and make it all about myself

Amazing news! Congratulations!

(If you end up getting nominated for a book award one day, I know someone you can borrow some Viv Westwood from)

 

[kirkvanhouten]

Just popping my head in to say i've been at work all day, thought id be returning to like 3 new threads, but it was only 15 pages.

Thanks for half respecting the rules of only posting whilst i am about guys! Appreciation! I suspect some upcoming days will not be as quiet!

 

[MancBee]

OMG her speech! The CRINGE!!

The publisher "runs her fingertips over the cracks in the human condition" "trembling faultlines of our day to day pace of life" "she gives us kindling and courage" WTF ????????

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

Some good news today, hausfraus (which I don't feel like sharing on twitter yet because it is indeed a cesspit of jealousy) - I've been offered a book contract!

Taking inspiration from our BESTSELLING POET, going to think long and hard about how I can exploit the labour of black people and make it all about myself

Crystaleyesd?
Have they lied
About publishing a book?

Jack Monroe can't wait
To triangulate
In case they're up her nook

She'll search through notes
And mentions of boats
And plan to be a prick

But in the end
Will say 'MY DARLING HEART FRIEND'
Why?

- there's a pretty, blue, tick.

 

[crystaleyesd]

(If you end up getting nominated for a book award one day, I know someone you can borrow some Viv Westwood from)

If only it were possible to still buy from the lady herself, bless her soul

 

[BackRolls?]

Some good news today, hausfraus (which I don't feel like sharing on twitter yet because it is indeed a cesspit of jealousy) - I've been offered a book contract!

Taking inspiration from our BESTSELLING POET, going to think long and hard about how I can exploit the labour of black people and make it all about myself

Congratulations! That's so exciting

 

[crystaleyesd]

Crystaleyesd?
Have they lied
About publishing a book?

Jack Monroe can't wait
To triangulate
In case they're up her nook

She'll search through notes
And mentions of boats
And plan to be a prick

But in the end
Will say 'MY DARLING HEART FRIEND'
Why?

- there's a pretty blue tick.

I am HOOTING AND SQUEAKING here!

 

[Bobtheknob]

Some good news today, hausfraus (which I don't feel like sharing on twitter yet because it is indeed a cesspit of jealousy) - I've been offered a book contract!

Taking inspiration from our BESTSELLING POET, going to think long and hard about how I can exploit the labour of black people and make it all about myself

Is it an exposè on a certain poor person we know?

 

[Gentlemensrelish]

Erm. Really not a natural presenter, is she?

She's really not. Is it not pre-recorded? How do you get that nervous alone in your own house?

Also, we all get the voice we get and that's just life, nothing to be done about it. But I always assumed a prerequisite for presenting was having a voice that was pleasant to listen to. Melodious. Mellifluous. When she says Carol Tompkins, she verges into Janet Street Porter levels of nasal. It's not a pleasant sound.

 

[colouredlines]

Jack is even more awkward when working from a script (that she's clearly written herself). The same thing happened in Mayo Cake: The Gritty Reboot...she's not a great writer anyway, but she has NO IDEA about how to time her words for effect. It's painful.

 

[crystaleyesd]

Is it an exposè on a certain poor person we know?

Our honest little ragamuffin? Surely there could be nothing to expose that hasn't already been done so...

 

[spirals]

She's really not. Is it not pre-recorded? How do you get that nervous alone in your own house?

Also, we all get the voice we get and that's just life, nothing to be done about it. But I always assumed a prerequisite for presenting was having a voice that was pleasant to listen to. Melodious. Mellifluous. When she says Carol Tompkins, she verges into Janet Street Porter levels of nasal. It's not a pleasant sound.

Her editor who won sounded much less nervous and so much more at ease speaking. And she's an editor, not a "presenter".

 

[Veronicaaa]

she has NO IDEA about how to time her words for effect. It's painful.

I think it's when she deliberately slows down, clearly for maximum impact of her beautiful words , that makes me cringe the most. Like, she's acting all serious and emotional to the point of seeming on the verge of tears, so moved is she by the words she wrote (and clearly thinking her audience will be too), it's just so embarrassing!

 

[Debarkle]

It’s the sounding like she’s about to cry that does it for me. It was the same a few weeks ago telling a story about her dad (and the chicken curry?) - I thought something bad had happened to him they way her voice was wobbling.

 

[Veronicaaa]

Oh no! (NB it's "peace" not "piece", Jack)

 

[HarderFaster]

She's really not. Is it not pre-recorded? How do you get that nervous alone in your own house?

Also, we all get the voice we get and that's just life, nothing to be done about it. But I always assumed a prerequisite for presenting was having a voice that was pleasant to listen to. Melodious. Mellifluous. When she says Carol Tompkins, she verges into Janet Street Porter levels of nasal. It's not a pleasant sound.

In fairness (and good lord, I cannot believe I'm defending Jack) I have had to record numerous conference presentations since lockdown and I'm even worse at presenting to my own image on a screen in an empty room than I am in a room of academics ready to tear my research apart with "not a question, more of a statement". I think it's not being able to make contact with an encouraging pair of eyes or be buoyed by laughter or nodding.

Mind you, I'm not actively courting my own telly series by trying to bully, say, Mary Beard off our screens. Unlike... someone we all know.