Jack Monroe #34 Medicine won't lift her gloom. Lady doc says Facetune!

[elepal]

Thanks to @colouredlines for the title (massively bastardised to fit!).

(I note the title seems to involve a bit of duplication. Soz guys! Hopefully a modmin can sort it )

 

[Grizzlybear]

 

[PoorPatrol]

Is she really going to spend an entire weekend going on about her lip? Even for Jack, that’s quite the commitment to a fake ailment. All we can hope for is that her lip is so excruciating/agonising/howlingly ouchy or whatever, that she doesn’t get that cat.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

So, what will be today's selfie?

 

[I steal names]

Tried to add this to the old thread, but it's probably better here. If you can stand the cringe, buckle up for JM performing poetry

 

[HockyRorror]

That “poem” from the last thread...I was laughing at first because I thought whoever posted it had written it themselves in a Jack styled spoof! Imagine my surprise (or lack of) when I saw this wasn’t the case.

Also, hello everyone I grunka’d the last thread but didn’t get a chance to comment on it.

Was the cat picture that was posted in the last thread the adopted cat or a different one?

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

Was the cat picture that was posted in the last thread the adopted cat or a different one?

It's her current cat. The new kitten should arrive today or tomorrow, if we go by her "turns up here in a couple of days" tweet.

 

[HockyRorror]

Tried to add this to the old thread, but it's probably better here. If you can stand the cringe, buckle up for JM performing poetry

Oh jeez. Got 30 seconds in. “I don’t normally do this because I’m shy and retiring. OH NO, duck OFF!! (With a huge, pleased grin on her face) I really am shy but not retiring”

Couldn’t hack anymore but I’ll take your word for it that it was a bag of shite

 

[blurstoftimes]

Tried to add this to the old thread, but it's probably better here. If you can stand the cringe, buckle up for JM performing poetry

I lasted 1 minute - SOOOOO ALAN

 

[chocolate choux]

I lasted 1 minute - SOOOOO ALAN

 

[spirals]

Tried to add this to the old thread, but it's probably better here. If you can stand the cringe, buckle up for JM performing poetry

Gawd! The intro was actually less cringy than hellmans instalive to me, but the bar is low. But had to stop when she got to actual "poetry"....

 

[elepal]

Tried to add this to the old thread, but it's probably better here. If you can stand the cringe, buckle up for JM performing poetry

"Welcome to a whistle-stop tour of bleeping up everything" - well there's a JM Twitter bio if ever I saw one.

 

[GrunkaLunka]

Tried to add this to the old thread, but it's probably better here. If you can stand the cringe, buckle up for JM performing poetry

Can't even bring myself to click it. I already know it's *Matt Tebbutt face to the side camera* "terrible"

 

[crystaleyesd]

Tried to add this to the old thread, but it's probably better here. If you can stand the cringe, buckle up for JM performing poetry

I actually made it all the way through (clearly a masochist). It's dreadful, vapid stuff and all about her of course, but I do think she seems more at ease with herself 'on the fringe', if you like. And dare I say she *almost* learnt an entire poem?? All the desperate clawing into the inner circle of celebrity is so obviously out of her comfort zone, and the more she tries it, the more criticised she'll get and the more she'll throw her toys out of the pram.

 

[GothPrincess]

SHE wrote that poem?! I honestly thought it was someone taking the piss, writing “Jack style” Oh my god

And I’m not watching that video. I’ve just had my breakfast for gods sake.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

I'm not clicking on it.

We went to an outdoor festival a couple of years ago and the Local Poet's Group demanded that the Open Mic was cut short so that they could have their slot exactly on time.

Within the first few seconds of 'a piece inspired by our natural environment' -

Some trees are


big
Some trees are

small
Some are only saplings and






(dramatic pause for effect)

some




(wait for it)


(wait for it)


(STOP muttering at the back there)


SOME TREES are -





Well, actually, I can't tell you with absolute certainty what the next line was, as the entire crowd stampeded away as though Patient Zero of the Zombie Apocalypse had just shown up in an anorak and jaunty sunhat during a heatwave.


I just can't.

 

[Harrybosch]

This documents her face over the course of 4 weeks. #nofilters

 

[BeingMyrtle]

Tried to add this to the old thread, but it's probably better here. If you can stand the cringe, buckle up for JM performing poetry

that second one wasn't too bad tbf, but I get the feeling that it was 'written in the style of '. It was so far removed from the tacky, crappy first effort.

Imagine if she wrote for Hallmark!
"Deepest sympathies.......... but cheer up. At least you don't have my problems"

 

[Harrybosch]

Tried to add this to the old thread, but it's probably better here. If you can stand the cringe, buckle up for JM performing poetry

Here, La Monroe manages to show us how she's is simultaneously terrible at writing poetry and performing said poetry.

 

[Bingie]

This is like something from a Nationwide ad!