Jack Monroe #34 Medicine won't lift her gloom. Lady doc says Facetune!

[Veronicaaa]

Anyone who says le grand sigh is a wanker.

un grand wankeur.

 

[GrunkaLunka]

Looks like we have another grunka guys! @Switchstreetz liked my post from thread 26. Come on switch, you can do it!!

@Switchstreetz has been on an epic journey and should be hailed as a hero. They have been working their way through these threads for ages now.
I looked back at the original Grunka journey and it was threads #14 to #23 for me. I fell off during thread #14 and managed to catch up to real time on #24. @Switchstreetz has gone way past this into the realms of legendary Grunking, I salute their good work.

 

[TheDragonWithAFlagon]

Of course it was a fire incident!

Oh, I dealt with a fire incident once.


A senior member of staff put two slices of bread into the toaster and walked away. I smelled burning as I walked out of the ladies, went into the staffroom to find three equally senior members of staff staring at the toaster as smoke poured out of it.

I muttered 'fuck's sake', walked over, unplugged it and carried it out of reception before the alarms were set off.


Saved an massive amount of disruption and the cost of the fire brigade visit.


Go me. I'm a firefighter.

 

[SoulRebel]

So sorry for mentioning it xx Hope baby Joe is doing well xx

Please don't worry, I felt quite safe posting this here and if some weirdy odd-bod from Southend wishes to track, trace or triangulate me she is free to pass on her good wishes too. Mum and baby are doing really well x

 

[blurstoftimes]

I screenshotted a few of my favourite food insta accounts - look at all those lovely grids filled with amazing food and then look at Jack's lol. Me me me me me meeeeeee.

 

[Gentlemensrelish]

I'm Grunka-ing very slowly through the last thread (backwards too, not sure why) but had to skip into the future to say this:

Pages 52-45 are filled with so many people doing a quick little share of what's going on in their lives caveated with 'but it's not that bad really, it's fine'. Bless all your beautiful, resilient hearts - you're all doing so well.

It makes me happy that those posts are covered in reactions. What a wonderful bunch of Hausfrauen.

(Fucking miracle to have bruised, cracked, swollen lips with no visible bruising or cracking, eh. She really is a wonder)

 

[Silver Linings]

Let me translate that into Jack. ‘It was honestly when people took all the bait i’d given them after weeks of hinting and literally one person made a comment in the early hours of the morning that I could have ignored.’

 

[Alansbigplate]

Okay so big fan of this thread & its receipts so will try and contribute some. Disclaimer: am by no means an accountant, but am linking sources for each stage.

Being generous here and giving her the London living salary of £10.75 per hour (as per the living wage foundation), she has told us herself on thread 31 that she only claims for 40 hours a week, not the 90+ she 'actually works'. I'm using this salary calculator. She doesn't have a student loan, I'm also not putting pension in there as she's a ltd company director she'll be investing profits from that into a pension (as they all do / that isn't illegal).

Has her yearly take home as: £18,844.80 or monthly at £1,570.40

I am assuming that Patreon feeds into this salary, and isn't additional to it, as she has claimed previously.

Now thinking about:

• Smeg at £2,800, that's 178.3% of her monthly salary, or 14.9% of her total annual salary.
• Prescription at £135 per month, that's 8.6% of her monthly salary.
• Cotswold Sideboard at £900 (in the sale), that's 57.3% of her monthly salary.

There are other purchases you guys can probably think of too - I'm not saying that people on the living wage can't have nice things by any means, like a lot of us I'm just shocked at just how many nice things she manages to cram into such a small budget. This isn't accounting for rent, council tax, transport, childcare, etc which for most people would account for at least 50% of their salary, sadly for people on low incomes it's significantly more so likely to be 70%+. Maybe she has a cryptocurrency mining operation going on in the background to help facilitate such a lifestyle on the LW!

If low income people ate rinsed beans and grated corned beef they could afford more sideboards

 

[Harrybosch]

View attachment 166163whatevs.

Jack really needs a course on gender stereotypes. ‘Not manly’ vegan food, and now implying women understand red lipstick or whatever. I’ve never worn lipstick in my life.

I'm most certainly a woman. Last time I checked "understanding the importance of lipstick" was not something I was born with. I also haven't magically acquired it by virtue of having tits and a fanny.

 

[Silver Linings]

oh do be quiet. You were being twee and flowery as usual. And you thought ‘Viv’ Westwood was dead.

 

[Aquamarina]

Good morning my fellow hausfrauen! I woke up, made myself a cuppa and Grunka’d my way through this thread. It’s only taken me just over an hour! I remember the Guardian article on Jack coming out as non-binary, but re-read it and thought, not much about JM has changed, based on what the fabulous Carole Cadwalladr said in the 2016 article:

“And later that night, I watch her as she returns to Twitter and Instagram and her blog. Raging at the world. Lashing out at it. Then running away from it. And, then, putting herself out there all over again.”

Sounds familiar doesn’t it?

 

[Marie Clare]

I come here from thread 31 just to say
Been grunka lunking since thread 7. Thought I’d have a little break from tattle as I managed about 13 threads since Monday (I’m furloughed ) But recent developments have insured I won’t be putting my phone down anytime soon! Hopefully will catch up in a couple of days!

 

[ChickenPorridge]

Been reading these threads from the start, had to register as there's no point in calling out the bs on Twitter/Insta as anyone who doesn't simply swoon over her gets blocked. I learned of JM's existence maybe 2? years ago due to being retweeted on my tl a few times, followed and thought her tweets were pretty witty/entertaining/that she was a good person doing good things...even bought TCC. It takes even the most analytical eye some time to notice a behaviour pattern so here I am. What..the..fuck though. Incredibly irresponsible and damaging lately but nobody is allowed to mention that as she has MH/every general health issue under the sun. The "drastic weight loss" that was once put down to no longer drinking excessively, then stress and online bullying, meds, and now the mouth sores. I just have to say...I once had a hefty mouth ulcer on the inside of my lower lip and the absolute LAST thing in the world I could/would have done is plaster a load of red lippy on. SMH. Just take a selfie and upload it hon, there's no shame in wanting a few compliments to perk yourself up. There is just too much to say, but all of your posts here are usually spot on. She's cringeworthy at best and downright dangerous at worst.

 

[Marmalade Atkins]

 

[Silver Linings]

Do you know what, fraus? You’re a proper good sort, you lot. I am ok, thank you all. I’ve done all the things i’m supposed to and it’s all ok. Luckily i’ve had 25 years of this so I know how to look after myself but a lot of young impressionable people follow her.

So anyway, back to being terribly british about things!

Speaking of, she uses ‘asshole’. Another anericanism and probably the pettiest annoyance I have with her.

 

[Pocahontas]

Some good news today, hausfraus (which I don't feel like sharing on twitter yet because it is indeed a cesspit of jealousy) - I've been offered a book contract!

Taking inspiration from our BESTSELLING POET, going to think long and hard about how I can exploit the labour of black people and make it all about myself

Massive congratulations!!
Don’t let Jack know, you are so in her lane!
You could see if she was available to write the foreword - perhaps through the medium of poetry.

This is a book
That takes up a space
On the shelf. In the shop
That should only be filled by
My book.

 

[Silver Linings]

Please can Jack be allowed back on so we can clarify what she understands by the word wise.

Bacon, are we the friend? We are, aren’t we.

 

[Eurgh]

My God, all the damaging thinspo bollocks, angles to make her arms look tiny, hollowed our cheeks, ‘my mum says I look too thin’, exact numbers for lb lost and now she’s turning round and kicking off. Fuck off. Fuck off. Fuck off.

 

[blurstoftimes]

But wasn’t she claiming she’s in the best shape of her life recently because of her stupid ‘exercise whenever you read negative comments’ routine? I hate her. I actually hate her. And I don’t care if people disagree with me, but to grow up with a mother this self obsessed and narcissistic must be absolutely miserable - her poor son.

 

[Alansbigplate]

View attachment 166501

shame she can’t keep 100 people entertained for 45 minutes